" Maker! What was that? I had to dodge demons and darkspawn , find a purpose to my life and now Flemeth. No magic, world changed around me like it is nothing and now I have to do something with myself. Yes, Valeria ! Laugh from where you are; you were right my friend."

A deep regret clung into her heart. How could she forget about the one she first loved? It was long time ago when she finally understood that what she had with Alistair was a surrogate love. She projected all her crushed dreams on him, never thinking that what she saw in him, were only projections of Cullen.

"Where are you, my long lost, sweet Templar? What happened to you? Damn Flemeth or what was that, in my dream for putting such thoughts in my mind."

Azzura walked to the window and watched the outside world who was laughing at her. Flemeth asking about Cullen? Her mind going crazy, that's it. The old witch was dead and buried.

" Morrigan? Your mother is haunting me." – she spoke loud to herself.

A smile formed on her lips. Nate assumed that not having magic, she couldn't defend herself but he forgot a small thing from Amaranthine.

With a new purpose, she walked out in search for her unlikely twin. That coincidence was funny. She never thought that two people could look so alike in the smallest details.

She found Sarina where she knew it was likely to be found; training her soldiers. Nate was nowhere to be seen.

Sarina saw her and hurried to greet her guest.

" Are you feeling better? You will have to excuse Teagan and Eamon for now. They went to rest after the trip. We will see them later tonight at dinner. They were thrilled to know you are here." – she grinned – " Can't wait to see their faces."

Laughing, Amell asked her something and Sarina's jaw dropped .

"It can't be! Really? Nate never mentioned it."

" Maybe because he always thought of me as The Mage Amell. Shall we? Don't hold back. I need practice."

"Oh! I just remembered! Your staff is in the closet in your room and it is beautiful! Never seen such a masterpiece. Not even in Wonders of Thedas."

" It was a friend's. She gave it to me when I left." – Azzura turned slightly so she could hide a tear.

"Let's start then. Now you made me curious."

The dinner came and so the Guerrins. Teagan was always the perfect gentleman and Eamon looked older than before but he had that sharp look, still piercing through her, ready to catch all the secrets hidden behind her mask.

"I never thought I will see you again My Lady ." – Teagan broke the silence, setting down his glass. " You are more beautiful with the passing of years." – always the charming one too.

"Even if I look so old with my new hair color, My Lord?" – Azzura liked to flirt with him, the man had his ways to make a woman loving him instantly.

"This snow white adds even more to your beauty, if I dare say."

" But doesn't add to her wisdom." – replied Nate with a smirk. Sarina threw her handkerchief to him.

"My, you are a witty one today. Tell me my friend, what I have done to deserve your praising words?" – Azzura smiled at him, pouring more wine in her glass.

"Our Warden –Commander wants to get back in business and now she wants to meddle with the Inquisition. Instead of going to visit her own possessions, that's it."

"What possessions? I don't have anything like that. I am a poor mage in search for fortune in these dire times." – she mocked him from behind her lashes. "And stop calling me Commander, you know well that it's your turn to handle the babies out there in Amaranthine."

Suddenly, Eamon found very interesting the food in his plate and Teagan gave Nate a knowing look and a wink.

Azzura squinted her eyes in Nathaniel's direction. Leaning on her chair and putting her hands on the table, she waited.

" Erm… I might have forgot to send that resignation letter to Weisshaupt. From what they know, you are in a secret mission somewhere, were I can't reach you."

Azzura's mouth formed a perfect O.

Laughing, Eamon dived into the fray. He was having the time of his life between these youngsters. It made him forget a little bit that he had only a short time to live and he enjoyed each moment with people he liked, like it was the last.

"And of course, your title as Arlessa is still standing. Though it was rather dull without you at the Landsmeets over the years."

The incredulous look on her face gave in to a smirk and she looked to Nate.

"How you wanna die? Quickly and painless? That's not going to happen."

Sarina bended over with laughing. Kissing her husband's hair she said." I might need him for a bit. Care to wait a couple of years with your revenge?"

Fergus turned his eyes to Teagan." So, you are back in your own Castle, then? There must be a bit messy after all what happened."

"Let me tell you it's not an easy task being thrown out from your own house by the guests to whom your offered shelter." – replied Teagan with a frown.

Both Sarina and Fergus lowered their eyes, for a moment lost in their memories. They were not so fortunate to come back at home and find everything almost all right. When Rendon Howe killed their family, Fergus was already at Ostagar. Sarina escaped due to an unexpected visitor. Duncan the Grey Warden Commander, came to Highever to recruit new members and witnessed the crimes. He helped her escape saying that she will become a Grey Warden but when he realized that she might be the last of her line if they couldn't find Fergus, he told Sarina that he desisted in his intent. He sent her with a group of soldiers in search of her brother. When she found Fergus, he was badly injured and they had to wait for him to recover. By the time they came out from the Korkari Wilds, the battle of Denerim was ended.

Sarina shifted on her chair and looking at Nate she could see his uncomfortable glance and she took his hand.

"Stop, it. I know what you are thinking. It's all right, husband." – she gave him an reassuring look, squeezing his hand.

He smiled to her bashfully.

"You know me too well, I'm afraid. I was just thinking at how my father would turn in his grave seeing his enemies in the same room. His son married the daughter of his enemy, the one who ended his life is one of my friends and the two men who took the throne from his supporter are still alive. Yes, I would say certainly he must not be that happy."

Sarina leaned her head on his shoulder.

"And soon he might become a grandfather too. Oh joy!"

Nate and Fergus both jumped to their feet. Everyone laughed at Nathaniel when he started to check on Sarina's belly with his hands.

Between chokes of laughter, she slapped his hand.

"Maker! I am only three months in. You can't see anything. But I assure you, it is there."

Fergus hugged her trying to keep his noble face without succeeding.

"Congratulations. It was about time that this house had another child in it. I will be the best uncle in the world, that I promise" – he said, eyeing his sister.

Later when the excitement of the good news lowered down, the two happy parents left and Fergus and Eamon went back to their room, Teagan and Azzura decided that a walk would be nice.

She liked him and in the short time they had crossed paths, they became friends. Now Teagan was trying to find out what she had been up to in the past years. She told him and she was happy that he never judged her about her own choices.

"I see." – he gave her a thoughtful look when she finished her story –" I know nothing about magic, but maybe you will find that not having it maybe it would be a good thing. Like settling down?" – he grinned to her.

"Interesting. Are you proposing something, My Lord? I might like the idea , you know?" – said Azzura half serious.

"Alas, as far I find the idea very inviting, my dear; I'm afraid that I am spoken for."

"Finally? Please do tell who is the lucky lady who won the heart of the most wanted man in Ferelden these times?"

Teagan rolled his eyes. " Most wanted. You making it sound like I am the most wanted criminal."

"Oh! You are a criminal letting all these years a lot of noblewomen dreaming over your portrait. No, seriously. Who is the lucky one?"

"Bann Alfstanna of Waking Sea. Me and Eamon are going there to make the last preparations."

" Is her brother I have saved from Howe's dungeons, right? How is he?"

"He recovered well and he will take over when she will move to Redcliffe."

" I don't understand why you waited for so many years to propose her? You were good friends before, am I wrong?"

" Well, it took us all these years to understand that we were more." – replied Teagan with a smile."

Azzura raised her hands to the sky, exasperated.

" Maker! When the men will become smart? It seems never."

Tugging her close and putting her hand under his arm, he looked at her knowingly.

"So, you won't go to Denerim to see Alistair?"

"And have Anora rip my head off? No thank you. Well, at least not now, I suppose."

"Then you still have feelings for him? You two didn't parted in good terms after all."

" I think not, to be honest. But I won't know for sure until I will see him and this is why I am afraid to go to Denerim right now. And he is married, Teagan. I wouldn't make a fool of myself. "

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed the knuckles.

"I admire your resolve. My offer still stands, you know?"

She laughed heartedly.

"Always the same flatterer, you haven't changed at all. Triangles are not my type. I want an invite to your wedding though."

"You shall have it, My lady." – said Teagan bowing to her.

One day, Eamon called her in Fergus' office and looking over some reports, he gave her a knowing look.

" You are still decided to go to Skyhold then?'

"I have to go. Since the Inquisitor decided to ask the mages for help to close the Breach, all the remaining enchanters went there. Maybe they will have some answers I am looking for, about the disappearance of my magic."

He grinned." Interesting. From what I have seen on the training grounds you are quite able even without magic. I also don't understand why you say you wanted it back. I thought you believed it was a curse, so what makes you to want it back?"

She laughed." You know how they say: one doesn't appreciate things until lost them. I think I need that part of me, It's what I am in the end."

"Well, since you are the Warden- Commander I suppose you could go there with warden business, but… I would have another idea."

"Which I might not like it?" – she smirked.

"Well, depends how you think about being the King's envoy to the Inquisition."

She gulped down her surprise.

"You told Alistair that I am back to Ferelden?"

" Lady Azzura, I think is time to speak openly, don't you think? I know everything about your past relationship with him, I was there remember? I wish things went different with Cailan. Loghain had what he deserved, even if that pains me. He was a great hero, my father fought by his side at River Dane. I wish I could do something more to convince him that Orlais wasn't a threat anymore. But what is done, it's done. So, do you still have feelings for the King?" – Azzura glared at him- " People talk, noble talk more. You caused quite a stir pretending to be Queen. I am sorry for what they made you go through. "

"No… Eamon. I don't have feelings for Alistair anymore. Maybe a deep friendship, who knows." She liked Eamon but not so much to tell him her real feelings.

"Good, I am glad. You need to move on, it's for the better. Now let's get back to what we were talking about. The Inquisition asked for support and permission to set outposts throughout Ferelden but many people fear that this would mean a new Orlesian occupation. People fear that they won't leave once everything is done. Alistair wants to know if he can trust them, that' s why he needs someone to evaluate the situation. Once he will be satisfied with the reports, we will call the Landsmeet and vote. So what do you say? Are you ready to do your duty towards Ferelden, one more time? I know I ask much from you, but politically, the Hero's opinion would count a lot." She had to give it to Eamon, he was a manipulative old man like ten years ago. Some things never changed.

"Yes, I will do it. I don't have anything else to do right now" – she laughed- " Nathaniel is going back to Vigil's keep, so he can keep the fort in one piece like he did all these years. Even if I am the Warden – Commander, that doesn't mean that he won't have to work anymore."

Several days later, Sarina and Azzura were escaping Nate's grab because he wanted her to try shooting with a bow. She didn't wanted to endanger the poor soldiers more than she had, with those pointy arrows.

"So, the bow is not your best option to replace a staff or those other things, it seems"- said Sarina with a laugh.

" Well, he will have to desist in his quest; I don't think I will master a bow anytime soon." – replied Azzura brushing her long hair at the vanity.

"I love your hair, it's so white."- she touched it slowly – " and it's like silk!"

Kinloch Hold, two years before the Blight

Azzura had enough of her roommates' chatter. Petra and Neria could talk all day and still never finish their gossip. For a so closed building, the life in the Circle was never boring for them. She had her hair washed earlier but instead of drying it with her magic, she decided to sneak on the rooftop to let the sun warm her. In the library, she found an old journal belonged to one of the First Enchanters that were there, before Irving. One of the entries lead her to a secret passage hidden behind one of the closets in the laundry room. It was made especially for the First Enchanter so she could get a breath of fresh air on the rooftop, without apprentices bothering her. No one seemed to know about it, its existence forgotten in the shadows of time, until now. She felt a bit guilty for not telling to the girls about a nice spot where to hide with their Templars at night, but she liked to be alone sometimes.

So, unseen she closed the laundry room's door and went up the stairs. The small balcony had a stone bench large enough to fit three people on it, she liked to lay down and read her books in total silence, blessed the Maker.

Settling down, she unfolded her long dark curls in the sun when she heard footsteps coming from the stairs below. A cling of armor accompanied them; she rolled her eyes, now Greagoir will really be furious about this. A couple of nights in dungeon under Ser Lucas' guard would not be bad . She grinned at the thought, only if the Knight –Commander knew. To her surprise she saw Cullen Rutherford, the shy Templar, Lucas' roommate.

"Cullen? What are you doing there?"

"I-I f-followed you. Y-you shouldn't b-be here."

It was endearing hearing him stutter. His self-confidence was a bit low but he was a nice boy. Same age as her, he was one of the Templars assisting at her Harrowing. Lucas and Bryant told their group that the boy was very religious and prayed often but he was a good company when with them. Listening to him right now felt like he was scared of girls more than the Maker itself. Smiling, she patted the bench and motioned for him to join her.

"I know Cullen, but Petra and Neria can be a real pain sometimes. I had to get out. It is also because I like to be alone sometimes, you know? Just me and my thoughts."

"T-Then m-maybe I should go? Y-you can't j-jump from here, so I think y-you won't escape."

This time she laughed.

"Oh, no Cullen. I said that for other times, now I would enjoy your company. It's nice to have someone to talk about other things than the Chant and Tower gossip. "

He sat on the bench, straight, careful not to touch her.

"W-what is wrong w-with the Chant?"

"I hear it all the time, that's why." – replied Azzura taking the hairbrush and starting to brush her hair. Cullen seems transfixed with the long curls. He looked away when she caught him starring. She never paid attention to him before and now having him close she noticed the amber eyes with long lashes, his full lips with their line so perfect that made her envy him. Her lips were a bit to tin for her taste, even if Lucas and Bryant told her otherwise. His blond hair was all curls and shininess. She felt an urge to touch it and ruffle it. Cullen was handsome and shy, and she bet all her belongings that he was also sweet and tender. Her heart made a quick jump at that thought. She tried to suppress it. She had boundaries she never crossed. Don't fall for a Templar. She enjoyed Lucas's company but they never let feelings come in their way. It was about satisfying their needs, nothing more. They were friends too, despite Greagoir's wriggling nose.

Suddenly he inhaled deeply and tried to touch a strand of her hair with his armored glove; the lock remained tangled in the scales.

"I-I-I'm s-sorry, I d-didn't…"

She hushed him, slowly untangling the hair from his glove.

"It's all right Cullen, it doesn't hurt. But if you want to touch it, you might want to take of your gloves. You can't feel it anyway, with your gloves on." His eyes lit up like a Satinalia lantern. She smiled, watching him trying to get off his gloves faster he could and working with the buckles which seemed to oppose him. She took his hands and stopped him.

"Let me. Don't be nervous Cullen, I'm not going anywhere."

When he finally had his hands free, he touched again his curiosity's object.

"It's l-like s-s-silk. S-so soft."- he managed to say in the end.

Azzura handed him the hairbrush then turned her back at him.

"Want to brush it? I would like you to do it."

Cullen became red and his breath stopped. This was a dream, had to be. Here he was with the girl he liked and she let him brush her hair. For the first time he forgot about the Maker, Andraste and her followers. He will enjoy this. Thinking she could not feel it, he took a strand of hair to his lips. Azzura was no fool, she could feel it, it was her hair in the end. She closed her eyes, allowing him to worship the dark curls.

Cullen was confused with what he felt; he couldn't give it a name, the Chantry never taught him about what he felt right then. It was like a pain eased by her nearness, a thirst assuaged every time he saw her and yet, he knew there was something more. Something that he understood other Templars, his roommates included, experienced already. Something they were not afraid off but the Chantry prohibited strongly. He could figure the details but he didn't know for sure what that implied. Maybe it had to do with the heat he felt in his body, with his heart beating faster every time she touched him, he didn't knew. And yet he knew there was more than touching a girl's hair. He was so shy and clumsy around her that he hated himself. Lucas and Bryant were always surrounded by giggling mage and Templar girls , but he always had to watch her from far away, never daring to approach her and say more than two strangled words. He was happy that she never laughed at his awkwardness and always had time to let him finish his sentence. That's why he liked her, she was special.

A shadow descended over his happiness, she wasn't available, she was Bryant's mistress and seemed that even Lucas knew about some of her parts that she supposed to show only to Bryant. He heard them talking about her assets and comparing them with those of Petra and Neria. He was mad at them and slammed the door getting out from the room he shared with them.

And then he saw her, one night with Bryant behind Andraste's statue in the Chantry. What they were doing it was blasphemy and he should have reported them, but he couldn't. Because she would be sentenced to death or sent to Aeonar and he would never see her again. His hand strengthened the grip on the hairbrush and by mistake he pulled with all his might, he was mad at Lucas and Bryant.

Startled, Azzura sighed." What's wrong Cullen? Tell me."

"I-m s-sorry, I never meant to hurt y-you!"

Then abandoning every ounce of will, he pulled her in his arms and delved his face in her dark curls. Azzura's heart started to beat like a caged bird. She felt like she was floating and her lips whispered.

"Sweet Cullen, what's wrong?" – she leaned more in his embrace.

It was like she felt complete for the first time. Other templars' hugs where always made of lust and hurried, Cullen's however felt different, desperate and needy. She forced back a lump growing in her chest. A lonely tear escaped, then another. She was falling in love with Cullen. She felt lost in his arms, a mage and a Templar can't find love, ever. And he was just crushing every wall she build around her heart, to prevent that love never gain entry.

His strangled voice muffled by her hair lost every trace of that stuttering, so common to him.

" Why do you want to be mistress to Lucas and Bryant? They talk about you, not bad things but they always praise your assets and compare you to other women. Why you do that? It makes me sad and angry. I want to crush them both and beat them in the training ground until they can't breathe anymore. It makes my heart hurt every time I see you with them and I don't know why. Why you don't see me? I could be your friend and I would never talk bad things about you. I could protect you and hold your hand and you wouldn't be forced to be with them anymore. Tell me what to do to convince you? When I see you, I feel happy and sad, when you are not near I feel lost and desperate; tell me why? What this means?"- he was sobbing slowly, pouring every bit of his feelings in front of her. In his sweet way of being, he confessed his love. He had no name for his feelings and yet he expressed them. He put his soul in her hands.

Azzura turned to him and touched his face with her fingers. One look in those amber eyes veiled with tears and she lost the battle. No one told her those words before, no one cried for her, Cullen did that and she surrendered her heart to him.

"It's called jealousy, Cullen. Because you love me. These are the feelings you want to find a name for. "- she kissed the tears on his face, then her lips found his mouth. Cullen never felt anything like this in his life, it was bliss and joy and he had no idea what to do. Her lips tasted so sweet and he petrified when she opened his mouth with her tongue. Azzura smiled and caressed his hair." Don't worry love, just follow my lead and do what your heart tells you, don't think."

Tentatively he reached with his tongue to hers and pulled her closer. His head was spinning and he wanted something more, he needed something unknown. All it was new to him, and the happiness he felt at her touch was unbearable. It was his first kiss! The first time when he kept a girl in his arms, and it was her! They stopped after a while but he wanted more, he kissed her again, his confidence growing each time he heard her making those sounds in his mouth.

Their foreheads touching, his arms still tangled around her he spoke, his breath ragged.

" It was wonderful. Is this how you feel with…"- she put a finger on his lips.

"No, Cullen. This is not what I feel all the time, this is special and different, because I think I fell in love with you. This is what I feel for you.'

"Then, if what you say is true… would you stop being with them? I wouldn't be able to see you like that. I would die, I would go crazy."

His jealousy so raw, bit his soul like a rage demon but he didn't care, he wanted her only for him, now and forever.

"Yes, Cullen! I will be only yours, always. I promise this."

She became serious and a tinge of fear sneaked between them.

"Cullen, you are a Templar and I am a mage. You know that we can't love each other. If they find out, we will be tear apart."

"Then I will die." – he said. And he mean it. He couldn't live without her. He loved the Maker and the Chantry, but if they took her from him, then he had no reason to trust them anymore. Because the Maker should be merciful and let his children love each other and love him, not a selfish being who asked blind adoration. He would never accept that.

He kissed her again, more and more. They will live this moments and will hope for a happy ending or at least for a long, peaceful love.

"Maker! You really are gone with the wind, my friend. What are you thinking?"

Azzura jerked, brought back to reality. It was a long buried memory, of her first love. She promised him that she will come back and never did. Guilt and pain crawled like snakes into her inner consciousness.

"It's just that I regret something I did long time ago. Some things that were never said between me and someone I once loved."

"Tell me! I want to know everything!"

Sarina didn't left her alone until she spilled out every deed she made since she was in the Circle. Azzura smiled at her new found friend. This should be like when you have someone to share your thoughts, your secrets. Just like that, like best friends do. She missed her talks with Petra and Neria now. Who knew where they were, how they escaped the rebellion and the conflict between mages and Templars.

She was a bad friend and a bad keeper of promises.