Suggested listening:
"How To Save A Life"- The Fray
Almost a month had passed since Meredith had found out she was pregnant, and more than two weeks since the argument with Derek outside the hospital. The two had not spoken since, and Meredith didn't think that that would change even if she suddenly decided she couldn't live without him. Derek bypassed her in the halls, and Meredith was constantly swapping surgeries to avoid him. They acted cordial in front of Dr. Bailey and the Chief, but one of them was always taking the stairs to avoid the elevator. Twice Derek had seen her run into the nearest bathroom to be sick, and each time she emerged he was still there; pretending to be busy at the nurses' station or glancing up from talking to an intern, quickly averting his eyes to hide his concern.
"Today's the day I'm going to tell him." Meredith said resolutely, lacing up her shoes and glancing at Cristina.
"Today?" Cristina seemed impressed.
"Why, what's wrong with today?" Meredith asked, turning to face her friend.
"Oh nothing…" Cristina shrugged her shoulders, "Today's a good day. Today's a Wednesday, I like Wednesdays."
"Good-" Meredith began.
"But today, for telling Derek…" Cristina interrupted, "I dunno, Meredith."
"Why? What don't you know?"
"I just think…well, yesterday was a good day to tell him, or the day before, or the day before that. I think everyday that you've decided to tell Derek has been a good day, and it hasn't happened yet." Cristina said, trying not to smile. "So I think I'll wait to see what happens before I pass judgment on today."
Meredith threw a scrub cap at Cristina.
"What?" Cristina laughed, ducking to avoid the poor throw, "Tomorrow could be a good day too, you know."
"It's going to be today," Meredith repeated. "My first doctor's appointment is in a week, he should have the chance to go. If he wants." she added.
"You know, you still have options," Cristina reminded half-heartedly. As soon as Meredith had told Cristina that she was pregnant, their argument from the locker room had been forgotten. They had been on good terms since, and Cristina wanted to keep it that way.
"He should know." Meredith repeated, not wanting to think about options.
"You're right." Cristina agreed.
"Yeah, he should know." Izzie said, leaning around the row of lockers, toothbrush in her mouth.
"You don't even know what we're talking about." Cristina said, narrowing her eyes at Izzie.
"You're still upset with her?" Meredith asked Cristina.
"She slept with George."
"I did too, once." Meredith pointed out.
"Thank you, Meredith." Izzie said gratefully, around her mouthful of toothpaste.
"George wasn't married then. Besides, she has no clue what we're talking about."
"Yes I do." Izzie said flatly, rinsing out her mouth in the sink.
"Oh really," Cristina scoffed, "what then?"
"You're talking about this." Izzie glanced around to make sure no one was near, and then rubbed her stomach.
"You told Izzie?" Cristina asked incredulously.
"She lives with me." Meredith shrugged. "I told George, too."
"It's Izzie that can't keep a secret." Cristina said.
"Nope, you don't get to say that!" Izzie said triumphantly, "Look around…" she lowered her voice and whispered: "no one knows."
"What's the point of scheduling your appointments with an obstetrician at Mercy West if the whole hospital is going to find out now, anyways?" Cristina grumbled.
"She's known for a week, Cristina." Meredith explained. "She hasn't told anyone."
"That you know of."
"Listen," Izzie shut her locker particularly hard and turned to face Cristina. "No one knows, okay? I haven't told anyone."
"Oh right," Cristina said, standing to face her, "I guess you've got your own problems to deal with; committing adultery and all."
"So I slept with George-"
"Yes you did-" Cristina interjected loudly.
"-but I didn't sleep with Burke." Izzie continued, "So why are you so angry?"
"Because it was wrong." Cristina justified.
"I'm about to show you 'wrong!'" Izzie said, moving towards her.
"Okay, okay, stop!" Meredith squeezed in between them. "Are you joking? Everyone will know if I have to explain why you killed each other in the locker room!"
"Tell her to get out of my face, then!" Cristina said loudly.
"I will when you let this go!" Izzie said. "George and I slept together, it was a mistake, and I'm sorry it happened; but I don't need to explain myself to you!"
"You don't have to, I've already got my opinions."
"Whatever. You and Meredith can have your little closed circle! Sorry, Mere," she added, "But you made it perfectly clear how you felt when you let Callie move into your apartment, so just drop it!"
"Okay, okay!" Meredith said again, pushing them apart. "We don't have to be a closed circle. Izzie is not going to tell anyone. And Izzie, I know you're tough-"
"I'm from a trailer park." Izzie added.
"-yes, and that's very intimidating," Meredith agreed, "but-"
"I went to Stanford." Cristina interrupted.
"-and Cristina went to Stanford;" Meredith consented, "but can we just agree to disagree?"
"Fine." Cristina said.
"Fine." Izzie nodded.
"Good." Meredith said, stepping back and closing her locker. "Because I have to tell Derek today."
Once Meredith left, Izzie looked at the floor, and Cristina suddenly became very interested in retying her shoe.
"Is it wrong that I can't bring myself to tell her how much time Derek and Lexie have been spending together?" Izzie asked Cristina quietly, in an attempt at civility. She crossed her arms and leaned up against the lockers.
Cristina looked up at her, then towards the door as it swung and came to rest on its hinges. Finally, she asked:
"Is it wrong that I can't either?"
Meredith should have known that the day would not go well. Not long after she had left the locker room, she was overcome with nausea and spent the majority of the morning throwing up. By lunchtime, she was pale but determined to get this over with. Derek didn't have another surgery scheduled until that late that afternoon, but he was nowhere to be found. Meredith checked the cafeteria, the hospital courtyard, his office, all three of the coffee carts and even rode the elevator up and down a couple of times, hoping to run into him. She never did, and tried to ignore that she had not seen Lexie in any of the places she had looked, either.
Meredith finally found Derek that evening. She had just finished up a coronary bypass with Dr. Burke and two of her interns and had gone to check the OR board for tomorrow. She heard his voice before she rounded the corner and was a little annoyed to see him standing by the board with Lexie. Derek looked up and his eyes met hers for a moment before quickly looking away. He had changed out of his scrubs and into jeans and a sweater, and Lexie looked cute and fresh and not like she had just spent all morning being sick in the bathroom. Meredith took a deep breath and noticed, with a small twinge of jealousy, Derek lean in and touch her arm as he talked, laughing, while Lexie blushed and said:
"See you, Dr. Shepherd," and walked off down the hall as Meredith advanced.
Unable to avoid her, Derek suddenly became very interested in a stack of files at the nurses station.
"Derek?" Meredith felt tired and wrinkled in her surgery scrubs, standing there next to him.
"Do you have a pen?" he asked the nurse behind the counter, glancing at Meredith.
"Derek." Meredith said again, pulling a pen from her scrub pocket and handing it to him first. "We need to talk." Taking the pen, he scrawled something across the bottom of a file chart, and then turned to walk away. "Derek, please-" she said, hurrying to catch up.
"What do you want?" he asked without looking at her.
"To talk."
"Why? You're not interested."
"Derek, that's not true."
"What, then?" he asked, stopping and turning to face her.
"I- wanted to tell you something," she said, glancing down the hall. "Could we talk in your office?"
"Meredith, I really don't have time…"
"Okay, fine," she said quickly, eager to get it over with. She stared at him. "Derek," she took a deep breath. "Derek, I'm..." She couldn't bring herself to say it. What did she want? What was her big plan? She felt ridiculous as he stood there, waiting for her to say something. "Derek, I'm-"
"Dr. Grey!" Meredith whipped around, grateful for the distraction. It was Callie. "I was just about to page you," Callie said.
"Dr. Torres?" Meredith asked.
"We've got multiple cases coming in down in the pit; a deer ran out into the road and now there's a four-lane pileup on the 44," she said, shaking her head. "I need all surgical teams ready. Page your interns…and, are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"You don't look so great."
"I'm fine."
"Alright..." she turned to Derek. "Dr. Shepherd, we've got at least two head traumas, ambulances called ahead, both with blown left pupils. You might want to stick around. Grey, you come with me."
"I-" Meredith looked at Derek and then, unable to think of anything to say, quickly followed after Callie.
Okay, so Derek is going to find out in the next chapter. Please review and tell me what you think!