Gil's life was back to where it had been before Sara. It was all about the cases. He knew he was getting too old to keep working so many doubles, but he wouldn't let up. Catherine nagged at him sometimes. "This is how you got so sick, Gil. You can't keep doing this." That had been earlier in the shift. He had finally promised that he would go home after only one shift…tonight at least.

So he had gone home and was comfortably settled on his couch when there was a knock at the door. He was surprised to see Catherine on the other side. "You told me to go home and get some rest…now you are here?"

"Yeah…just checking up on you. Did you eat anything?"

"I did. I had some left over lasagna in the fridge. And I walked Hank and I even went to the potty all by myself, Mommy," he said sarcastically.

Catherine tilted her head and glared. Uh oh…I went too far, he thought. Now I'm going to get it….

"Gil, I'm sorry. It's just that I am so worried about you. You aren't taking care of yourself and…and you are withdrawing from us. It's been ages since you went to breakfast with us and you hardly talk to us anymore…except about the cases, of course."

"Catherine, I…" he looked down, defeated.

"Look Gil, I've dumped my problems on you for years, including a very embarrassing whine about not having had sex for months. You've always been there, ready to listen when I need it…even to the point of offering to help when I whined about no sex. Let me be here to listen for you this time…not as nosy Catherine, the lab busy body, but your friend Catherine who can keep secrets."

Gil looked up at her, his eyebrows raised slightly. "You offering to have sex with me Catherine?" He managed to keep a straight face.

Catherine's eyes grew huge and she started to say something but quickly shut her mouth. Gil saw her mind at work but was unprepared for what came next.

She stepped closer to him, her hand reaching up to entangle itself in the curls just behind his ear and she leaned in very close to his lips, a 'take me now' expression on her face. In a low sultry voice she replied, "anytime, big boy. Just tell me when and…" her eyes travelled down his torso and then back to his eyes, "how," she drawled.

Gil felt his body's physical response deep in his groin. His moth was agape he knew and he had to tell himself to close it; never, in all their years had she teased with him like this…not this blatantly. Oh, there had been sexual innuendo from time to time but there had always been a line they didn't cross. This time she was in his face with it and touching him, sending fire through his veins, reawakening feelings he thought had died long ago.

"Finally he spoke…or rather croaked, "Catherine?"

"Ah come on Gil…you know you want it. You're just horny, that's all. Got used to gettin' some on a regular basis and now you've had to go months without…" she was smiling at him now, teasing him with a different tone. What's wrong, Little Gilly can't find a playmate?"

HIs eyebrows shot up to his hairline. Catherine grinned as his eyes widened in shock. She could see his mind working but wasn't too sure how he was responding, exactly. He didn't seem angry...more like thoughtful...and sad.

She's right, I do want it…I miss the closeness, the feel of someone so close that it feels like we are one. I am alone and it is my own fault…can't seem to change…not enough anyway. If I took what Catherine is jokingly offering, I would just chase her away too…I can't lose her …I just can't. He stepped back and stumbled into the couch, falling heavily into it, collapsing on the cushion.

Catherine was beside him in an instant. "Gil, I'm sorry…I didn't mean to….I just…I thought maybe some teasing might lift your mood. You are so dark these days…."

His expression when he looked at her took her breath away. She had never seen such sadness mixed with longing and despair on him before. He was reaching his emotional limits, she realized. And that scared her. She sat back, insure about what she should do.

Gil saw her reaction, her fear, and her withdrawal. It frightened him, sending panic through his nerves. I am losing her. Why would she want to be my friend anymore? I've hardly paid her any attention for over a year and now I'm just this sad, tired old man.

She watched as he slid down into the couch, trying to disappear. He looked away, his eyes focused on the floor. He was breaking and she had to help him, she just had to. Their relationship had morphed several times over the years until she could no longer quite define it….more than friendship, more than the brother/sister phase….something so much more. He was the most important man in her life and had been for some time, yet they had never explored where that could go. And now she was losing him and she had to keep that from happening.

"Gil…please, talk to me. Let it out…tell me about Sara. Where you two were and where you hoped it would go. Tell me how things are now. Talk about it Gil, please?" Her hand was on his shoulder, gently rubbing, coaxing.

She felt him go limp, as if his bones had turned to jelly. She felt his energy drain from is body. Finally he spoke. He was so quiet that she had to strain to hear him. "We were going to get married."

Catherine was stunned. Gil married? That's incredible. "You asked her to marry you?"

"Yeah…and then the bee stung her. But she said yes…and….it just felt …right. I was happy, so happy and I thought she was too. And now…I've never felt so lonely… I miss her…so much." He was still staring at the floor. "She…took a part of me with her…"

"Yeah. Some of your best part, your heart."

Slowly Gil looked up at her. "Not…all of it. Only the part that I gave to her."

Catherine stared at him, trying to decipher his cryptic words. He was trying to tell her something but he wasn't ready to say it. It was so typically Gil that she wanted to smile. "I'm sorry that you are so lonely, Gil. You know, you do have friends that want to help you. I know we are poor substitutes, but maybe we can help you get through each day and then eventually maybe you won't feel so lonely anymore."

"I know…I just …I don't know how to…it's my nature to lock things away. It is who I am. I don't let people get too close."

"You think you're telling me something I don't already know? News flash buddy, I've known you too long to be surprised by that little revelation. But maybe you could open up a little, not so much to let others in, but to let a little of yourself out. Talk to us and let us know some of what you are thinking and feeling. Let us help you."

He studied her face, considering what she said. "I…I miss having someone so close. I …miss her touch. I miss having someone who cares when I get home."

Catherine couldn't believe what she was hearing. Gil Grissom, who didn't like being touched, missed it. But then Catherine thought of something else. He had tolerated, even welcomed her touch for years …even a hug from time to time. Maybe her touch was needed now. "Gil," she said as she settled back into the couch, "come over here."

He looked at her, unsure. "Cath?"

"Trust me, Gil."

He moved closer and as she held her arm opened he leaned into her for a hug. She held him close, stroking his back as she had stroked Lindsey's back when she was little. "It may not be the same, Gil…but you are loved. We love you; I love you. Hold onto that."

He took a deep breath, accepting what she said. He was loved, maybe not in the same way Sara had loved him, but it was still good. She reached for a pillow and put it in her lap and patted it. He slid down, his head on the pillow and her fingers gently played in his hair, relaxing him until he fell asleep. Catherine laid her head back against the couch and closed her eyes, dozing off. They remained that way for hours.

He woke first, disoriented. As the fog cleared from his brain, he realized whose lap his head was in. Her hand was still on his head; he could feel her fingers still in his hair. It was nice to wake up with someone but it also made him nervous. What would Catherine think about it? What do I think about it?

He didn't have to wait long. She woke up a few minutes later. He felt her hand lift from his head as she stretched and yawned. He sat up, not daring to look at her. Catherine watched him trying to understand what he was thinking...what he might be feeling. If he was upset or embarrassed, she didn't want to make it worse. But he just sat there on the end of the couch, not moving, not looking at her...just staring at the floor.

Finally she decided that she should probably leave. Setting the pillow that had held his head aside, she stood up. Gil tilted his head and looked sideways at her, trying to decipher her mood. She seems okay...not upset, he thought. "You want something to drink...or eat?" He asked so quietly that she almost didn't hear. And he still wouldn't look directly at her.

Clearing a place on the coffee table, she sat in front of him. She reached for and held his hands. His hands are limp in my hands but at least he didn't pull away. "Gil, you are my friend; special to me in so many ways. You'll always be my friend, no matter what. I know you are hurting. I don't want to make things worse, I just want to help. Please...let me help?"

"You are helping." Finally he looked at her; his blue eyes meeting hers. "I just don't know what that was earlier...when you teased me ... you know, the sex thing."

"It was just that, Gil. I was just trying to jog you out your mood. Okay?"

"Okay." He got up suddenly and headed down the steps to his kitchen. "I have some fruit, I think."

"No GIl, really...I need to get home to Lindsey. I just need to know you are okay."

He looked up at her. "I'm fine. You helped." She could hear the truth of his words in his tone of voice.

"Okay then...see you later." She grabbed her purse and let herself out.

Gil watched her leave and sighed. He was alone again.

SOFARSOGOOD?SOFARSOGOOD?

Keep those cards and letters coming folks...please.