"I AM Omega!"

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A/N: There's "some" swearing in this one, you've been warned... :)

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"Shepard, maybe this wasn't the best idea... Erm, maybe we should come here another night... We could just leave and... watch that new Blasto movie at home..."

Miranda had grabbed Shepard's arm and tried to pull her back towards the nightclub's entrance where they'd just come from. Shepard's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You told me you'd rather eat our varren's food than watch that movie. What's going on? Is something wrong?"

They see you, Shepard! Miranda forced a smile and waved her hand dismissively. "No, nothing's wrong, I just..."

"Well fuck me running... Shepard, over here!"

Great, she's seen us...

"So, what have you been up to lately, Jack?"

The tattooed woman took her eyes off the cheering students at a nearby table and turned her head towards Shepard, the amused smile on her face immediately being repressed.

"Ah, you know... After that Reaper-shit, I grabbed who was left from my students and we're having the time of our lives ever since. Heh, they wanted to put them into some new school..."

"The Alliance?" Miranda chimed in.

"Yeah, yeah... Told them where to shove it! They've done their deed, they don't owe them shit! Had to go through hell... I thought they deserve a good time for now. Besides, I can teach them how to use their biotics anywhere in this goddamn galaxy..."

Miranda's eyebrow rose. "Don't you think it's important for your students to have a stable enviroment? They might need psychological care after what they've been through..."

"Shit Shepard, no idea how you held out this long with her... Must be a good lay..." Miranda rolled her eyes at Jack's lecherous gaze, which didn't seem to impress the convict in the slightest. "Anyway, no one's gonna hold your hand in the real world. Better to learn that while you're still young and that's what I'm doing... Well, that and teaching them how to hold their liquor and shit..." she continued.

"Enjoying yourselves?" All heads turned as Aria sat down on a free seat at their table.

"Hell yeah, just keep the free drinks coming and we're having a blast!" Jack exclaimed but was silenced by Aria's look a second later.

"Actually, I was talking to my guest of honor..." Aria stated, her hand lightly brushing over Shepard's arm. "You know, the offer still stands..." she whispered.

Shepard shot a quick glance at Miranda sitting next to her, whose eyes were (as expected) fixed on Aria. "Erm, thanks again, but I think... we'll take you up on your promise as soon as we've discussed the matter some more..." And noticing Miranda clenching her teeth, Shepard hastily added, "And, of course, if we're still interested then... But thank you... for now..."

Aria shrugged. "Well, you know where to find me... Just keep in mind: you'd never know who the father was. Could make things a lot easier..."

She gracefully raised from the chair and made her way over to her private booth overlooking the dancefloor underneath.

"We are NOT gonna have a bloody threesome with AriaT'Loak!" Miranda hissed in Shepard's ear.

"Damn it, why do I always end up dragging your bloody wasted ass back home?" Miranda groaned as she pulled Shepard out of the patiently waiting skycar-taxi in front of their apartment building.

As soon as Shepard's liveless body had completely left the taxi, the driver quickly closed its door and sped away.

"Oh sure, don't mind me... I'm just carrying my bloody wasted girlfriend home, no need to get your bloody ass out of your bloody skycar and help me carry her! You bloody bastard!" she yelled after the taxi, startling a turian couple passing her by that moment. She shot an angry glare at the couple while securing Shepard's arm over her shoulders and dragging her towards the entrance of the building, not noticing the smile playing around Shepard's lips in her rage.

"Bloody useless fool!" she hissed through clenched teeth while smashing her omni-tool into the door controls.

"Sure, let's play some bloody drinking games like we did back in high school, I don't know how many bloody years ago, with Jack's bloody students who I'm sure are still mostly underage... But who cares? They've just been to hell and back but, thank god, they're still able to drink themselves senseless, so how bad can their trauma be?"

One of Shepard's boots made a squeking sound as Miranda pulled her towards the elevator.

"Oh, sure Jack, I can still drink you under the table just like old times, 'cause you see, nowadays, if I'm too bloody wasted to stay upright later, Miranda here's going to carry my bloody ass home 'cause that's what she's here for, after all..."

After a couple of failed attempts to lean Shepard against the opposite wall of the elevator cab, she gave an annoyed sigh and held onto the heavy body until the elevator had reached their floor.

"And I have no problem whatsoever to embarass my girlfriend in public by considering Aria's offer to have a bloody threesome with her just to get a baby, which I, Commander Shepard, definitely won't take care of since I'm not even able to take care of my-bloody-self!" she went on in her rant while dragging Shepard with her to their apartment door.

"God, I had to talk to Jack just to have at least some kind of distraction since you were paying me absolutely NO attention at all! Jack, of all people!"

"Identification affirmative. Welcome, resident," an artificial voice greeted after Miranda had placed her hand on the lock of their door (which turned out to be quite the challenge, considering that she still had to hold Shepard upright with her other arm).

"Ugh, finally." She exhaled and dragged Shepard into their apartment, shooting a quick angry glare at the happily approaching varren. "Not now!"

She sighed. "I don't even know how I was able to last that long alongside you bloody fool..."

"Because you love me," came Shepard's surprisingly sober response, followed by a heavy thump as her body fell to the ground.

"Ow, was that out of surprise or revenge?" Shepard rubbed her arm while glancing up at Miranda.

"You were awake the entire bloody time?" Miranda crossed her arms in front of her chest, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

"Yeah, kinda... You know how fast alcohol wears off..."

Miranda took a deep breath while rubbing her temples. "Then why did I have to drag your bloody ass home?"

Shepard smirked. "I had to save my strength to thank you for it afterwards..."

Miranda threw her arms in the air. "Preposterous!"

"Aw, come on... Why do you think I started acting like I was wasted in the first place? Did it never cross your mind that maybe I just made sure we had a reason to leave?"

"You could have just told me! I have no problems letting your so-called friends down!" came Miranda's voice from the kitchen.

"Jack would have never let me go if she'd thought I was still sober, you know how she is..."

"She was sleeping on your lap, for fuck's sake! And you were... I don't even know how to call it. It's a wonder you didn't dislocate any of your limbs in the position you were lying on that couch... Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to untangle you two? And Aria wasn't much of a help either..." Miranda appeared in the kitchen's door frame, angrily clutching a glass of water in her hand.

"Huh, I thought I felt a hand on my-" As Miranda's eyes widened, Shepard quickly added, "Well, maybe I wasn't sober the entire time on our way home..."

"And when exactly did you decide to sober up? Was it in that sticky, steamy skycar-taxi or afterwards, when I had to drag your bloody ass through the entire entrance area of this building?"

"Would it change anything?" Shepard nervously scratched the nape of her neck.

Miranda's eyes narrowed. "No!"

"I could have made myself a lot heavier if I'd wanted to..." Shepard offered, a cautious smile on her face.

Miranda snorted and turned towards the living room. "Why do I even bother?" she mumbled to herself while sitting down on the couch, facing a large window overlooking the planet's night traffic and city lights.

"Okay, yes, I admit it, I may have drunk a little too much... And maybe, just maybe I did that because I didn't want to lose face in front of those young, agile, fresh-faced, vigorous-"

"-You think you're old?" Miranda interrupted her, a hint of a smile already appearing on her face.

"Kaidan said we are..." Shepard mumbled while approaching the couch's backrest, her face immediately lighting up as she noticed Miranda's smile reflecting in the windowpane. "But I wouldn't call us old... Maybe... more experienced..." she stated while leaning over her former XO, letting her hands slide down to both of her sides until she was supporting her weight by resting her hands on the couch on either side of Miranda's thighs. The deep breath Miranda took that moment widened her smile even more as she leaned in for a deep kiss.

Just as Miranda raised her hands to start tugging at Shepard's shirt, the sound of someone clearing his throat made Shepard jump backwards in surprise.

After a couple of tapping noises, Kasumi's figure appeared on a chair nearby as the tactical cloak was being turned off. "I hope I'm not interrupting..." she said, her smirk betraying her already.

"Erm, we were just..." Shepard nervously started rubbing the nape of her neck while Miranda straightened out her jumpsuit.

"Oh please... Shepard, don't even try..."

"How long have you been sitting there?"

Kasumi's smile widened. "Long enough... But don't worry, I'm here for Miranda..."

Shepard's head shot back to Miranda. And before Miranda could start to come up with an explanation, Shepard accusingly pointed a finger at her.

"You sent Kasumi to spy on your sister, didn't you?"

Huh, and I thought I'd have to spend an hour reassuring her that I wasn't having an affair... She shrugged. "What? I was worried..."

"Ms. Lawson, that cold calculation again... I'm shocked!" Shepard announced mockingly and then turned to Kasumi. "And you helped her? How could you do that? Why would you spy on an innocent girl probably just having fun with her new boyfriend?" she accused.

The master thief simply shrugged her shoulders. "Hey, she offered me the location of a secret abandoned Cerberus lab..."

"You did what?"

"Cerberus doesn't exist any longer, so technically these technologies don't belong to anyone anymore..." Miranda defended her actions.

"Well, they're mine now..." Kasumi announced, while proudly patting her blinking omni-tool. "You should see all the new stuff I can do now..." She winked at Shepard who longingly stared at Kasumi's arm.

The awkward silence that followed was soon interrupted by Miranda clearing her throat. "So... Did you find out anything?"

Kasumi turned her head. "Yep. And Shep's right..."

Miranda's head shot up, looking at Shepard with a shocked expression on her face.

Shepard shrugged her shoulders. "What? Why can't I have the right idea from time to time?" she asked offended.

Miranda shook her head and turned back to Kasumi. "So she's out with that... Danner?"

Kasumi nodded. "Yep. I've got some surveillance footage, followed them the entire day. They seem happy..."

"Yeah, too happy to tell her sister that she's okay..." Miranda grumbled.

A smile appeared under Kasumi's hood while she tapped a few quick commands into her omni-tool. "So, do you want the... entire footage? I've got some interesting vids of them in-"

"-God, no! Wait, they did what?"

"Just kidding..."

A/N: Danner, you're next... :)