Chapter Four:
The atmosphere in the Cullen household had shifted, and it was suddenly as if everyone was tip-toeing around one another. Bella knew that the origin of the tension had been the day of the chess game and that Alice's vision and the long pained look she had given Jasper were somehow the crux of it. Nobody else had been there to see it and she had no idea what anyone else could have been thinking since the topic seemed to be off limits.
When Alice and Jasper had returned from hunting they had gone straight to their room without saying anything to anyone. Jasper had turned to Bella as he went up the stairs and looked deep into her eyes for a long moment, he looked as if he wanted to say something important but had turned and followed Alice without a word.
Bella shifted in her seat on the couch, remembering the moment vividly for a moment. She tried in vain to analyze his expression as he'd looked at her. She couldn't help wondering why she cared so much and why she was so concerned with whether or not Jasper had spoken to her. Somehow she expected him to come to her and talk about what was going on, and yet she knew not everyone was like Edward and felt the need to talk about their feelings. Jasper especially didn't talk about his feelings to anyone.
She had used Jasper as her confidante, but it didn't automatically mean that he needed to tell her everything that was on his mind.
Even though she knew that talking openly about everything wasn't a part of his character and that he had no obligation to tell her of all people, the thought still hurt her.
"Edward," Bella said, pulling his attention away from the book he was reading beside her.
"Yes, love?" he replied, looking up at her, a smile forming on his lips.
"Do you know what Alice's vision was about?" she asked, trying to keep her voice light.
Edward's face darkened immediately, and he frowned. "No."
Bella sighed in exasperation, "You have to know something. You can read minds."
Edward's jaw tightened in frustration, and he ground his teeth together for a moment before answering, "Yes Bella, and if I knew anything I would tell you. Alice and Jasper have kept their minds conveniently aloof. All I got out of them when they first got home was that Alice was concerned about losing Jasper. When she saw me she quickly shut me out."
"Why would she be concerned about that?" Bella asked, her voice coming out surprisingly weak, a sinking feeling in her stomach.
"I have no idea. It has to be serious, otherwise they would have told us something by now," Edward replied, still irritated. "I hate when they block me out. I don't understand why it's so necessary. It's not like this family really has any secrets…especially between Alice and I."
Bella shrugged as if uninterested but her mind was working overtime. Pieces were falling into place slowly, and she felt as if she was on the verge of a realization. Alice's vision, Jasper wanting to stay home, her pained expression, and her concern for losing him. It all seemed to be leading to something, but Bella didn't want to believe that it was the answer.
She remembered Jasper's face as he went up the stairs and his avoidance of her since it happened. Her mind shot back to her library, his face inches from her, his breath on her face. Oh god.
"I'll be right back," Bella said quickly to Edward and was up the stairs before he had a moment to respond. Walking down the hallway she stopped in front of Alice and Jasper's door waiting for Alice to tell her to come in like she usually did. Of course she always saw her coming.
When nobody said anything, she knocked and waited. She could hear someone pacing behind the door, but they didn't acknowledge her at all.
"Jasper?" she said quietly. The person behind the door stopped pacing for a moment and she knew she had guessed right. "Come on Jasper, this is silly. What is going on?"
He opened the door, a reluctant look on his face. He was focused on the ground, almost as if he wanted to look anywhere but at her face. When his eyes finally met hers she couldn't help but note the sadness in them.
Bella stood there awkwardly for a moment, not exactly sure what to say, even though she knew what her intent had been in coming there. She cleared her throat nervously, "Umm…is Alice here?"
Jasper's eyes went dead at the question, "No, she went shopping with Rosalie."
"Oh," Bella responded, not sure of what else to say.
Jasper stood in the doorway staring at her expectantly. He had never seemed as impatient with her as he did at that moment and Bella felt the sting behind her eyes where her tears would have been. When she failed to say anything he finally spoke, his words coming out in a harsher tone than he intended. "Well? Did you need something else?"
"No," she said quietly. She tried to meet his eyes, but he looked past her. She turned to go, but just before he had time to close the door she turned back around to face him, "Jasper…"
He couldn't help but looking at her then, his eyes filled with sadness again, and something more. "Bella…I can't do this right now."
She studied his expression for a moment. "Can't do what? I just want to talk."
Jasper groaned, clenching his fists at his side in frustration. "Don't you get it, Bella? That's the problem. I just can't be around you right now."
Bella looked at him, her expression was confused, but she didn't feel the same emotion internally. Her mind replayed her earlier thought process and reason for coming up the stairs. She felt herself stop breathing. "Jasper I…"
He took a step towards her and hesitated, quickly moving away, clenching his fists by his sides even tighter. "We can't talk about this here. There are too many prying eyes and ears. Let's go out into the forest."
Bella nodded slowly, unable to say anything more in response.
Jasper flew down the stairs and out the door and Bella followed, wanting to know the truth but fearing it just as much.
When he finally stopped running they were miles from the house, out of earshot of any of their curious family members. He had brought her to a small clearing, fallen trees lying around a wide circle of forest, leaving a large portion of forest floor clear in the center. It almost looked as though it was purposely set up in that arrangement. The sky was wide open above them, the only spot in the center of the forest that wasn't covered by a canopy of trees.
"It's beautiful," was all Bella could think to say. She looked around them and up at the sky above as Jasper paced in the clearing.
"Bella…" Jasper began, walking back and forth, his hands behind his back, his posture reminding Bella momentarily of marching.
Bella moved closer to him, reaching out to touch him, but he moved back. "Jasper, what did Alice see? Whatever it is you can tell me."
He laughed derisively at her words, looking up at her with incredulous eyes. "You can pretend you don't know Bella, but you do and I can feel it on you. You don't feel curious or inquisitive, you feel guilty and nervous."
Bella's eyes went wide for a moment, "I don't know anything Jasper. I thought of something, right before I came to your room, but it's crazy. It couldn't be that."
Jasper stood a few feet away, staring deeply into her eyes. She looked back with as much intensity as he had and she felt the same connection she had felt in her library, the same magnetic pull. She moved toward him slowly, but he abruptly turned around and walked a few paces away, almost to the edge of the clearing.
With his back still towards her he said, his voice calculated and emotionless, "Alice has seen my future change, Bella. She saw something I would have never thought possible, but the more I allow myself to consider it, to feel the implications of it, I become ever more aware of the frightening reality of it. If I don't fight it, it could change everything. Not just for me but for the whole family."
Bella waited for him to continue with bated breath, wishing she could see his face and see the emotion in his eyes that was absent from his voice.
He filled his lungs with air and let it out slowly, the action not having the calming effect he was hoping for. When he continued, he turned around and looked directly at her from across the clearing. "You're anxious and afraid and I'm sorry for that. You said you wanted to know, and I am trying to tell you. I don't like to talk about things like this. It is much easier to analyze them and come up with a solution in my head without involving others."
Bella continued to watch him curiously, wanting to prod him further, but knowing that it was best to let him speak if he wanted to. She didn't want to scare him away either, she needed to know what was going on and she knew deep down that it concerned her just as deeply as it did him and Alice.
Jasper looked at her warily, his eyes filling with frustration and the same sadness as before. He growled low in his chest. "There is something about you that is so infuriating and interesting simultaneously. You make me feel the need to tell you what I'm thinking."
Bella smiled slightly at this confession, remembering her musings about him earlier in the day. Perhaps she wasn't the only one who considered him a confidante.
In one quick stride he was standing before her again, his hands gripping her arms tightly, his face inches from hers, the two opposing emotions of desire and duty warring inside of him.
"Every time I talk with you, look at you, exist in the space near you…I…" he stopped abruptly, a breeze blowing through the trees and the strong scent of human blood drifting into his nostrils. By the look in Bella's eyes she had caught the same sent. Both their pupils clouded over to black, and Jasper's grip on her arms tightened.
Bella could tell that he would run in a moment and she feared the repercussions of such a decision. If he ran surely she would as well and they would both be partners in taking another human life. His head turned in the direction of the scent, and he took in a deep breath absorbing it into his nostrils.
"Jasper! Jasper, look at me!" Bella yelled, breaking him from his daze and causing him to stare back at her. "Do not take your eyes off of me, you got that? We can do this together."
He nodded slowly, trying to hold his breath and focus on the woman in front of him. His pupils locked to hers and another emotion invaded him, overshadowing the primal urge of hunger. He could feel a familiar desire creeping into him, starting from his core and working its way outward. He knew then that Alice's vision would have changed again, this time he didn't think it would change back.
Bella stared at him with just as much intensity, her mind focused on him and not the mortal who was unknowingly in such close proximity to vicious predators. She was conscious of his hands gripping her arms tightly, his face less than a foot away, the scent of his breath a tempting invitation. She bit down on her bottom lip, never taking her eyes from his. Suddenly she felt very warm.
Jasper could feel a desire similar to his radiating from Bella's body and it became increasingly harder to avoid his urge, no longer that of killing.
In an instant, his hands moved from her arms to the sides of her face. Gripping her hair tightly in his hands and pulling her head to his with force, he pressed his lips against hers passionately, causing a gasp to escape her lips and her breathing to catch in her chest.
Bella's hands hung limply at her sides for a moment, her body going weak. As he parted her lips with his tongue, forcing his way in and circling her tongue with his, a wave of passion rocked her body. Without being able to think about anything else but the man in front of her, her arms shot up, wrapping around his back, digging her fingernails into his flesh and kissing him back with incredible force.
He moaned against her lips, the sound coming out almost like a growl. She felt warmth flood the lower half of her body and she pressed herself up against him. When he felt her body move into his, his hands flew from her face down to her thighs, gripping them and picking her up so that her legs wrapped around him securely.
She moaned at the feeling of their bodies molded together so provocatively and the hard length she could feel pressed against her. Their mouths moved more furiously together as Jasper darted towards the edge of the clearing, her legs still wrapped firmly around him. He pushed her up against a tree with passionate strength, a loud cracking of wood resonating into the forest. Neither noticed the sound.
A moment later, the tree came crashing to the ground and both of them shot their eyes open, realization dawning on them. They separated from one another like shrapnel.
They landed on opposite ends of the clearing. Bella's breath was coming out in ragged bursts, her body tingling with heat and a sudden ache at the loss of Jasper's embrace.
Jasper continued to stare at her, a myriad of emotions coming over his face, his eyes still clouded with desire.
Bella watched him with hungry eyes, running her tongue over her bottom lip. His eyes watched her tongues motion and his body shuddered.
"Bella…"Jasper said his tone husky, low and full of warning.
She ignored him, pouncing through the air and knocking him to the earth with a loud thud. She landed on top of him, straddling his waist. She kissed him hard, thrusting her tongue into his mouth without reserve.
He kissed her back eagerly, only allowing her to remain in control for a moment before he flipped her over fiercely, grabbing her wrists and pinning them over her head.
She could feel her desire increase twofold and she was barely aware of the fact that it was not only her own emotions she was feeling but Jasper's as well. He had lost control of his ability in the frenzy.
His mouth left her and he began kissing her neck with the same animalistic passion, sucking and nipping at her skin as he trailed his way down her exposed flesh.
She whimpered at the buzzing of electric current under every inch of her skin.
"Oh, Jasper," she moaned. At the sound of her throaty exclamation he growled loudly and brought his mouth back up to hers, kissing her deeply and then biting down hard on her bottom lip.
His hips began rocking into hers, rubbing his length against her and causing her to moan once more. He shifted her hands so that he held them both down under one of his and moved his other hand down, pushing it up her shirt to cup her breast.
She could feel the yearning bubbling over inside of her. The way he kissed her was astounding. The primal force and erotic violence of it was almost too much for her. It had never felt this way with Edward before, he had never let go like this.
Jasper pulled away reluctantly from kissing her, breathless. "If we keep going we aren't going to stop..."
Bella looked deeply into his dark eyes, black with desire that mirrored her own. As much as she didn't want to stop, she knew it wouldn't be right to continue. She sighed in frustration, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the dirt.
"You're right," she said quietly, and before she could say another word he got up. Instantly, she missed the weight of his body on top of hers.
She got to her feet, pulling a few leaves from her hair and straightening her shirt. They stood in the clearing looking at one another for a moment before Jasper spoke, irony coloring his voice, "Now you know what Alice's vision was about."
She hung her head, studying a spot on the ground. "I had a feeling that was the case. The moment in the library…" She let herself trail off.
Jasper nodded, letting out a deep breath, trying to calm the aching desire in his body. He was glad she had agreed to stop, because if she hadn't there was no way he would have been able to.
"What do we do now?" Bella asked, reaching out to put her hand on his arm, but deciding immediately against the contact and dropping her hand to her side.
"I don't know," he said honestly.
"Alice…and Edward," she swallowed a lump at his name. Edward.
Jasper put his face in his hands for a moment and shook his head slowly. "I know," was all he said.
"Alice already knows, she would have already seen everything that just happened," Bella said, a feeling of shame washing over her.
He clenched his jaw tightly looking off into the distant forest. "She told me that ever since the night we went hunting my future has shifted back and forth. Every time I thought of you—looked at you—it changed. She knew it was inevitable that I would fall to my weakness. I told her I could manage whatever this was, get over it, but she was right."
Bella was silent, regarding his profile with mixed emotion. She could not help but see the sadness and defeat in expression. Without thinking she moved to him, pulling him into an embrace. He hesitated and then hugged her back tightly, enjoying the feeling of comfort and understanding she provided.
"We should get back to the house," he said softly, pulling away from her and moving out into the forest. She stood for a moment watching him go and then reluctantly followed him. She moved slowly, afraid to face whatever awaited them at home.