AN: Hello All! This will be the final installment of Regrets. Thank you all for the support! It means so much to me. I want to thank evgrrl09, for being so incredibly awesome. If it weren't for her, this would have been an one-shot, ending where she said yes to Sam. This is defiantly angst filled, but eh, you should already know this about me already.
Please enjoy!
Morgan groaned as he opened his eyes, the light instantly causing pain to shoot to his head. Shit, how much did I actually drink last night? he asked himself as he kept his eyes closed, hoping the pain would subside. He slowly opened his eyes again and let the room come into focus. Once he realized he wasn't in his room he shot up, looking at his surroundings.
He could try and deny it all he wanted, but there was no use, the knick-knacks that decorated the shelves told him exactly where he was… damnit!
Maybe he could sneak out, before her and Sam woke up? There was no way in hell he could deal with the happy couple being this hung-over.
He looked at the blanket that was laid across him, his heart instantly clenched. This was their go to blanket on movie nights. They would curl up under it, cuddled close together as they watched their movie marathons. He shook his head, getting out of his ravine. This was too much, being this hung-over. He couldn't be in the house of his one true love, as she slept next to Sam.
Morgan went to stand up, but the rush of movement caused him to fall back down. It's never been this bad before. Normally, he would be able to function and no one would have been the wiser, but after finding out they were trying to have a baby yesterday, he drank more than he ever had. Oh God, he was going to be sick.
He had no idea where the bathroom was so he hoped he would be able to make it home or at least outside. He shot up, off the couch taking a few steps. Thankfully when he looked up he saw the light coming from what looked like the bathroom. He sprinted over there before expelling the contents of his stomach.
Penelope woke up to the sounds of her houseguest praying to the porcelain Gods. Of all the years she had known him, he'd only gotten sick a few times and never after drinking, so she knew this one was bad.
She put her robe on, after taking a quick look at her phone and paddled to the kitchen to get him a glass of water. When she made it back to the bathroom she leaned against the doorframe and waited for him to be done.
When he finally looked up at her, his eyes held a pain she had never seen before. She moved into the bathroom, placing the water on the counter. "I'll be in the kitchen making you something to eat. When you're ready, meet me there."
She turned on her heel leaving him, still draped over the toilet.
About ten minutes later, Morgan made his way, in his disheveled appearance, into the kitchen to see Penelope placing some toast with butter on the table. He wasn't quite sure what he should say - if anything. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to ask, but he didn't even know where to start.
She turned to face him, holding out her hand. "Take these."
When he reached for the pills, his fingers brushed against the palm of her hand, causing his body to hum. Just a simple touch from her and his whole body was on fire. He missed her, missed her touch. He could still remember the feel of her lips against his, the taste of her, as their tongues danced.
"Thank you." He swallowed the pills, hoping to calm his own nerves. "I… uh… I should probably go. Sam will be up soon."
Penelope stopped what she was doing to look at him, pain flashing across her face. "That's right. Run away like you always do. If you can't face me when you're sober, than that's right. Get out." She walked over to the toast she had made for him, picking it up to throw it away. If he couldn't talk to her now, when he wasn't hiding behind alcohol, she didn't want him anywhere near her.
"I'm sorry for showing up here last night," he said apologetically. "I don't even know how I got here."
"You drove! Like a idiot." She turned to face him, "I knew you were a coward, but I never thought you'd be stupid enough to put yourself and others in danger. You've changed, Morgan. You are not the man I once fell in love with."
"You left me. You left me the deal with my demons on my own. You are the only one that can take them away. No one else," he said trying to defend his actions.
"I never left you, Derek. I moved on. What did you want me to do? Wait for you?" she huffed, turning to her dishes.
"I loved you," he said forcefully.
She turned from her task to look at him. "You said that last night."
He stared at the fury in her eyes as she said those words. He had no idea of the things he said to her last night. He couldn't remember them even if he tried, but the floodgates were open now. There was no holding back. He had come here last night, during his drunken state to ask her a question. The question that had been gnawing at him for months. He didn't know if she answered him last night or not but as he stood here, with her blaring daggers at him, he had to know.
"How could you say yes to marrying Sam, right in front of me? How could you even consider trying to make a baby with him, when you know damn well, you should be trying to have a baby with me." He was taken back with his own venom, in his declaration of having children with him.
She opened her mouth to answer him, only to close it again. Was she really hearing this? Was he really saying these things to her, when he was the one who told her it would never work out between them? How could she even contemplate having children with him, when he dismissed her that night? Was he crazy?
"You need to get your facts straight right now, Derek Morgan. You told me you loved me and not to give up, but in the next goddamn breath you told me we couldn't be together. What, am I a little too curvy for you? A little too eccentric compared to little miss perfect Savannah? Am I too loud for you? You, Derek Morgan, turned me down after I experienced the first real kiss that ever meant anything to me. You crushed my soul. You don't get to be upset I married Sam and was trying to have a baby with him!"
"It never had anything to do with your looks. You're perfect to me. Your cu-" he stopped himself, after letting the lasts words register. "What do you mean was?"
Her eyes narrowed at him. "It doesn't matter, Morgan. It's none of your business."
"What do you mean by was, Penelope?" he then turned to looked behind him towards the open bedroom door. He did think it was strange Sam hadn't come out hearing their argument. "Where is he, Penelope?"
"You need to go," she said, trying to keep her voice steady. She hated this, hated every minute. Here in front of her stood the man that held every bit of her heart; he was the only one that had the control over her to break her. Nothing hurt as bad as him dismissing her that night at the Holiday party, not even last night, after going to bed, when she finally got a hold of Sam, and he told her he was done. He was tired of playing second fiddle in her heart, and that she was foolish to ever get married. All she did was end up hurting three people in the process because she was trying to selfishly prove to herself she was over Morgan.
He stepped closer to her, and felt his heart tighten when she instantly took a step back from him. How could it have gotten this bad? They used to run into each others arms… now…. now it was a mess. "Penelope," he said softly.
"Can you just leave, please, and let me deal with my failings on my own?" she asked, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"I can't. You can't ask me to do that. This is the most I've talked to you in months; I can't leave without getting you back. All of you. Now, please tell me: where is Sam?"
"You got your wish. We won't be trying for a baby anytime soon."
He felt his heartbeat quicken as questions ran through his mind. Was Sam upset he showed up here last night? Did they decide they should stop for a while? He had to know, why Sam was no longer there, and why they were no longer trying? "Why not?"
"You don't care. So stop acting like you do," she snapped, her anger rising again.
"The hell I don't care. I care so damn much I can't function without you in my life. I care about you more than I care about my own goddamn self. I've been reduced to a functioning alcoholic, because I no longer have you to chase away the nightmares. I no longer have you to tell me it's going to be okay." He damn near yelled at her.
"Alcoholic?" she asked, thinking back to last night.
"Yeah, whatever, I'll admit it to you, you know all my other demons, might as well add this one to it. I drink now. I drink when I see you happy with Sam, I drink when I think about you. I drink when I wake up, after calling out to you all night just for you not to be there in the morning. I drin-"
"You call out to me?" she asked in disbelief, recalling what Sam had told her. Sam had even told her, sometimes it sounded like she was answering Derek's cry, when she herself would call out to him.
"Yeah, apparently I call out to you every night. Searching for you, hoping I'll find you, praying you'd come back to me," he said shrugging his shoulders.
She moved around him to sit at the kitchen table, to let his words digest. Could that even be possible, to be connected with the one person that mattered most to her, even after all this time? Before the Holiday party, he always had the ability to sense her moods and know what she was thinking without even saying anything. She looked up at him, tears running down her face. "Why did you pull away from me?"
He walked over to her, crouching down to his knees, placing his hands in her lap, "I was - am a coward. When I kissed you that night everything in the world finally clicked and it felt perfect. I was right where I needed to be-"
"I don't understand," she interrupted. How could he feel that, but than still pull away?
He sighed trying to gain the strength he needed for this. "Towards the end of the kiss, I thought of having a family with you, and then my mother came into my head. I saw the struggles she had to go through when my dad died, and our job is ten times more dangerous than what he did. I couldn't – I wouldn't." he sighed, "It was easier to push you away, so I wouldn't hurt you in the long run. I'd rather be with someone I don't truly care about, so I won't risk hurting the one I really love," he said, ashamed.
"Sam left me last night." She looked down at Morgan's hands in her lap, "And I woke up to a email with the date and time for a divorce lawyer." She gazed into Derek's eyes. "Turns out he wasn't to keen on me calling out to another man in my sleep."
Derek sat back on his knees, watching her intently as he let her words sink in. Call out to another man? He instantly shot up, pulling Penelope out of her chair crushing his lips to hers. The kiss was rough. It poured all the pain and heartbreak they both had endured the last months. He felt her hands roam under his shirt and he instantly reached for the collar, only breaking their kiss to pull the clothing over his head. "I love you," he whispered against her lips as he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom.
"I love you, too."
AN: Another story has come to an end. I had a lot of fun writing this. What can I say I love the angst :) If you have a moment let me know what you all think.