Hey guys, I'm sorry for the delay. I've been busy lately and I want to share some good news with you all!

Me and my fiancee have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years and almost 4 months. She lives in the United States and I live in the Netherlands. Since September 9th 2013 we've been working on our visa application, we got approved for the first part on November 14th 2013 and February 27th I had my visa interview at the American Consulate in Amsterdam and we got APPROVED!
We're over the moon and super excited to finally put an end to the distance. I'll be moving April 7th and marry her soon after that. So my updates might be a little longer apart but it's because I'm moving AND getting married so I think those a pretty good excuses, hehe. I have another chapter ready so the next one shouldn't take that long but after that you might need to have some more patience!

Enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think!

- B.

Olivia's pov

I know it was unfair of me to snap at Amanda the way I did but I just couldn't shrug off this irritation I was feeling about what happened at the bar. Still not sure why I feel this way and why it even bothers me in the first place. It just got me so mad and annoyed to see that woman's hands on Amanda. The thought of them kissing gives me a gut-wrenching feeling. I've had other gay friends and I was fine with them having girlfriends and the thought of them being sexually intimate didn't bother me at all. So what is it with Amanda that makes me feel this way? I have to get my head straight. After I notified Amanda that they had recovered another body at the same place we found our 7 year old victim, Jamie, we walked back into the precinct to retrieve our badges and weapons. I assumed Amanda would ride with me since we also handled the last case together, I was disappointed but not surprised that she choose to ride with another officer. Once we got there it was obvious that it was related to the case we had just closed.

Standing next to the ME looking at yet another lifeless body of a young boy, "is it possible we got the wrong guy?" I heard Amanda ask. Her voice sounds dead. I can't blame her for dissociating with this case. She took the last one so hard she probably can't handle another one. Who am I kidding? Amanda is one of the strongest woman I've ever known. Yes, she shows emotions and can be vulnerable at times but she'll never let her work get affected by it.

"We got him on DNA, DNA they found on the boys penis I might add." The ME spoke, his voice slightly louder, defending himself and his work.

"It was definitely Joey McComb, no doubt about it. He confessed to everything. He explained into detail what he did to the little boy. No way he got that out of the newspaper, some injuries weren't even released to the press yet." I jump in. Joey McComb was guilty and I knew it the moment we picked him up. I see Amanda bite the inside of her cheek, still pissed off. I bet she can't stand the sound of my voice.

"So, what? He was working with someone? He had a partner in crime and he is now continuing their work?" She crosses her arms as she speaks. "Why wouldn't he have told us?"

"I don't know…" I'm seriously puzzled and can't give her an answer. I turn my focus back to the medical examiner, "what do we know about this boy so far?" he takes a deep breath.

"Estimated age between 8 or 9 years old, male, 5 stab wounds in the chest area, bruising around the neck and cigarette burns-"

"So the same injuries as Jamie?" Amanda, thankfully, interrupted him. Hearing what all was done to the boy was horrible, I didn't blame her for cutting him short.

"Well, that's where it gets interesting," he pauses, "there was no anal tearing so this boy wasn't raped."

"He wasn't raped?" I ask confused. "So we have a boy whose description fits Jamie's, same injuries, same dumping place, but no rape?" The more we find out about this case, the more questions pop up.

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. I'll let you know if I find anything during the autopsy." He looks down towards the white sheets one more time before making his way over to the ME van. I shift my focus back to Amanda but she has already turned around and walked back to the officer who brought her here. I messed up. I messed up big time.

Back at the precinct.

"Fin, did you run that picture yet?" I make my way through the squad room and sit down at my own desk before looking at my computer.

"It's running now, Liv" I smile out of appreciation. I decide to take a look at the tape of Joey McComb's interrogation. Maybe we missed something? It's almost impossible, how would we have missed a confession to working with a partner? I put my earplugs in and press play. I look over my screen and notice Amanda's not there.

"Amaro, where's Amanda at?" I look at him and take my ear buds out.

"Uhm, last time I saw her she went to use the ladies-room but that was a while ago," I slowly nod my head. I'm tempted to ask if he can go check on her since she, understandingly, doesn't want to see my face. But Amaro is a guy and it would just be wrong to send him into the ladies-room.

"I'll go check on her, see if she's okay," I'm saying it out loud but the guys don't seem to acknowledge it, when I look at them they are already buried in their paperwork. I stand up and make my way to the bathrooms.

Amanda's pov

I sat down behind my desk, leaning my elbows on the flat surface and resting my head in the palms of my hands. Another boy was killed today, another life taken. His brutally beaten body cold and motionless laying in the dirt. His clothes ripped from his fragile and broken body. His hair sticky with blood. Cigarette burns all over this tiny shell that once was filled with innocence, joy and laughter. Every time I close my eyes I see Jamie and the new boy we had recently discovered. The images of these boys running through my head like snapshots. It wouldn't stop. I can feel my stomach turn and I'm trying my best to keep the contents of it down. I let out a sigh and close my eyes. There they were. Flashes of beaten boys, molested girls, raped woman and sexually assaulted man. It's time to be honest with myself. It's not just the children that hurt me, it's every single victim that we visit in the hospital, every single victim that walks through these doors and every single victim that sits down with us and tells us their story. But my determination to get these bastards, who do these horrible things to other people, off the streets overpowers all of it. So yes, sometimes I don't sleep for days or sometimes I literally get sick to my stomach. I'll live with it. I do this for the victims.

Once again my stomach turns and I just know I can't keep this in for much longer. I stand up, "I'm using the ladies-room," I notify the rest of the team and walk out of the squad room and into the hallway that leads to the bathrooms. I feel the bile rising in the back of my throat just as I open the door to the stall. My knees hit the floor as my stomach empties itself with force. With one hand I hold the toilet and with the other I try to keep the hairs out of my face. I sit back when I stop gagging. My back against the cold metal of the bathroom stall. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. The bitter taste in my mouth is disgusting but I'm not sure if I'm done being sick yet so I decide to just sit here for a while. I know what would help me get rid of these images, I know what would help me get rid of these sickening and exhausting thoughts running through my head. I also know that it'll only make things worse; what I'd give to be gambling right now. What am I doing? I shouldn't be sitting here thinking about how much I'd love to gamble, I shouldn't be sitting here wasting time when there's a killer on the loose. I try to stand up but once more my stomach turns and once more I'm hanging with my head above the toilet. I hear the bathroom door open and footsteps approaching the stall I'm currently occupying.

"Amanda, are you in there?" Great, once again it's Olivia who just can't seem to leave me the fuck alone. I can feel the anger rising once again and the aching of my heart tells me I'm still hurt. I learned to hide my feelings for others a long time ago, I also learned to hide them from myself in the process so sometimes I can only tell what I'm feeling through reading my own physical reaction.

"What are you doing here, Benson?" Again I use her last name. I can hear her let out a sigh from behind the thin door that's separating us.

"I came to check up on you, you alright in there?" I can hear the worry in her voice and it angers me. Just this morning she responded like she could care less about me and now she's pretending to care.

"Don't pretend you care, detective." I bite out and quickly wipe my mouth with the back of my hand once more.

"But, I do, 'Manda," I stood up and slammed open the door of the stall almost hitting her in the face.

"No. You. Don't." I step close to her, forcing myself into her personal space. "If you actually did you wouldn't have reacted the way you did this morning and now you're in here pretending to care. Just leave me alone, Liv. We're colleagues. Nothing more and we'll never be." I can see her facial expression change from caring to hurtful. I hurt her and I know I did but that's what I do best. When I'm hurt I hurt back. I'm so close to her I can feel her breathing on my face that's when I realize I've forced her against the wall. Our bodies aren't touching but the energy and the warmth radiating off her curvalicious body is enough to make my knees go weak. We stand this close to each other for a little longer than a minute. I finally look into her eyes and see that her hurt has now turned into confusion, I take a step back and wipe my forehead with the back of my hand before starting to pace around the bathroom. She is just standing their motionless. Her mouth agape like she's trying to find her voice. Thinking about what to say next.

"Look, I-I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. Okay? I'm sorry. I'm fine with you being bisexual, Amanda, I really am. It's just last night, I guess it was just a shocker you know. And you were so blunt about it. Plus I never figured you to be the one-night kinda girl," she took a step towards me and stopped me from being able to keep pacing, "I care about you and I think you deserve better than that, okay? It bothered me. I should have just told you instead of being dismissive and short with you." She puts both hands on my shoulders and softly strokes her thumbs over the thin fabric of my shirt. Her smile is loving and sweet. I can see she's genuinely sorry.

"I'm a big girl, Olivia," I can see a hint of relief at the mentioning of her first name, "I don't have time for a relationship. This job, I mean, you know how time consuming it is. I need distractions, I need to get my mind off of things, you know?" I relax under her touch, letting go of the anger I was feeling before.

"I get it," she took a deep breath and retreated her hands before walking away and leaning against the sink a couple of feet away. I turn around to face her. "Is that why," I can see her hesitating, "why you looked like you got hit by a truck that day that we found Jamie?" her eyebrows furrow and she clasps her hands together, probably afraid of my reaction. I was surprised she even remembered to be honest and wasn't expecting her to ever bring it up again.

"Oh, ah, no." It would have been easy to just say yes. But then again I didn't want to seem like some kind of slut who picks up random people every week and sleeps her way around New York. "That was something else, I-uh…" Should I be doing this? Should I tell her what's really going on? That I just went from one bad habit to another? "I have some problems, Liv," I struggle hard to keep my emotions at bay but my voice is shaky and I throw her an apologetic smile.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" She stands up and takes another step towards me.

"Not here, okay? After we finish this case?" I try to by myself some time. I'm not ready to just expose myself completely to her. Plus we should be concentrating on this case and not on personal business. Maybe in a couple of weeks she'll have forgotten all about it.

"You promise me you'll let me be there for you?" I lower my head, feeling already exposed as she read my intensions so easily. I feel her fingers softly pushing my chin up and I meet her dark brown orbs, filled with empathy. "Promise me?" She asks again, her voice low and brittle.

"Yeah, but when this case is over." I push once more my own voice thick with emotion.

"Okay, when this case is over. In the meantime, if you need anyone you know where to find me. Any time, okay?" Gosh this woman just didn't quite, did she?

"Okay," I smile at her to the best of my abilities. My stomach is still upset and I'm already dreading the conversations that we'll be having one day. "Can we get back to work now?"

"Yeah, just drink some ginger ale," she throws me a knowing stare, "It'll help with the nausea."

"'Kay, thanks, Liv," I look at her once more. Staring in those brown eyes and the butterflies flutter in my stomach. I'm a sucker for caring and loving Olivia and I'm a beast for angry and aggravated Olivia but this is whole new level of sucker and beast that's starting to rise to the surface. Her playfulness and her confidence did things to me that I can't even put into words. We're just staring into each other's eyes, no one is moving as the time passes. Is she leaning in?

Suddenly a door opens and we jump apart like a bomb has just been dropped between us. I look at her once more before running my hand through my hair, "I gotta go," I walk out of the bathroom and leave a baffled Olivia behind.

Thanks for reading and don't be afraid to leave a review! Also: you can follow me on Tumblr: illdrownwiththisship or on twitter: Britt_KC

- B.