Chapter 4. Read it, review it, and tell me what you people think. This is just here for people to enjoy. Enjoy! :)

NOTE: I don't own Rise of the Guardians or Frozen! Both movies go to their respective company creators.

WARNING: Rated M for violence, gore, language, and sexual smut. If you find this insulting or disgusting please leave NOW! You have been warned.

Chapter 4: Out Old and In New

After that mental scarring moment Jack decided to take his brother's advise and go to church just ease his mind. But Jack is an atheist so he doesn't really go to church unless it's for a big announcement. Well today they had a big announcement.

"And make no mistake, my children. There shall be swift and righteous justice on all free grazers. No more shall they nibble wantonly at the teat of our coffers." Gobber quoted from the bible to the people. "And that's just exactly like that part in the Bible that applies to that situation. I would also like to offer a heartfelt prayer to the family of Philip Rose, who was killed this morning while unloading the ice shipment. Philip, we will think of you lovingly this July as we sip the cold summer beverages for which you gave your life."

"They're still gonna use the fucking ice." Jack whispered with annoyance.

"Oh that's just great. Use the ice that killed a man." Kristoff said with the same attitude.

"And another unfortunate accident happened during the same time Philip was crushed to death. His With Aurora Briar Rose died." Gobber informed. "May they reunite up in heaven in God's warming embrace."

"I couldn't save her." North sniffled with tears.

"She had a slinter in her foot, doc. What the hell were you suppose to do?" Jack criticized. I don't know but we NOW know HOW she died. Good job doc, good fucking job. Twat!

Now, before we end this morning's service, I would like to welcome two new members to our community. Elsa and her sister, Anna." Gobber said pointing to the two sisters in the seats. . The two sisters in question was a platinum blonde and a strawberry blonde. "They've just moved here to Safe Haven City and they plan to build a life here. They already have the vacant apartment room which the married couple once had and are putting to good use once again. And we wish them all the luck. Well, that concludes today's service. So, may God bless you for another week and there is a mountain lion warning in effect."

There is a small shop that, despite it's small stature, was a huge success around America. Or at least what's left of it ever since the apocalypse. The Goatee Industry, known as Goat-T. Yeah I know, I hate the name too. Run by Eugene Flynn Rider Fitzroy. Of fuck it! We're calling him Flynn!

Anyway Rapunzel comes to lovingly greet her boyfriend.

"Hi." Rapunzel smiled warmingly.

"Hey, you." Flynn smirked. The two lovebirds hold each other close like a trope couple. Gross.

"So, the fair's coming up... and I was thinking that we could go dress shopping later." Rapunzel suggested.

"I was thinking you need a new dress." Flynn said.

"Something expensive?" Rapunzel gasped in delight.

"Stupidly expensive!"

"Okay." Rapunzel giggled. And the two love birds kissed. Oh get a room you tow fuck birds! Unfortunately Jack walked in on them. Fortunately Jack just pretended to ignore them and just started to browse around the shop.

"Oh, Jesus. Wow." Rapunzel sighed in annoyance at the sight of her ex-boyfriend.

"Hi, Jack." Flynn said smug and cocky.

"Hm?" Jack pretended to react. "Oh, hello."

"What's up, kiddo? Never seen you in here before."

"Just browsing." Jack shrugged.

"Yeah. You don't have a goatee, though." Flynn pointed out.

"No, I know. I was thinking about growing one."

"I'm sorry, I can't..." Flynn pretended like he didn't hear.

"I said I was thinking about growing one." Jack indulged.

"Oh."

"Excuse me, I have to use the powder room." Rapunzel said glaring at Jack, not wanting to see him in her sites.

"And just what kind of goatee are you looking to grow?" Flynn asked Jack.

"Um, a sharp one. Literally a sharp one." Jack said.

"Yeah. Um... You should know that kind of moustache is a very costly facial accessory." Flynn informed.

"Yeah, I know that."

"Well, you're a dog trainer."

"Let me ask you something. You feel good about what you're doing?" Jack asked.

"What exactly am I doing?" Flynn asked.

"Stealing a guy's girlfriend. That's what you're doing. You feel good about that?" Jack hissed.

"Hey, Rapunzel dumped you, my friend. It's not my fault she wanted someone with more to offer. I can give her a lavish home. Warm blankets, wrapped candies. Can you say the same, Albert? Can you give Rapunzel wrapped candies?" Flynn asked daringly with a smug look.

"You know what? Fuck you, man." Jack hissed and glared.

"Yeah, that's what she's doing." Flynn smirked. Jack growled and violently left the shop.

Meanwhile at BTB, Elsa and Anna the Arendelle sisters, both walked into the bar to get some dinner. They both saw some seats and walked over. Merida and Astrid both came out of the bedroom they usually have their lesbian sex session.

"Oh, hey, girls." Hiccup said smiling

"Hi!" Merida said running up to him and kissing him.

"Hey, tough guy." Astrid said walking over and kissing him too. "Wow! What a long day!"

"Oh, what happened?" Hiccup said all curious.

"Oh, gosh! Well, like, this one time Astrid smoked a cigar and then ash on her vagina while she's fingering me, and I'm like, "What? Can we do all that?"" Merida explained. All three laughed at the story.

"Hey girls, I've been thinking." Hiccup said blushing red.

"About what?" Astrid asked.

"Well, I love you. Both of you."

"And we, I love you, too." Merida said smiling.

"And we've been together for a long time. Wh-What do you think about us spending the night together?" Hiccup said stuttering blushing redder than before. Both Merida and Astrid reacted in wide-eyed awe.

"You mean having sex?" Merida asked blushing bright red too.

"Maybe not right away, you know? We could maybe lie together for the first couple of times and see how it feels, and then go from there." Hiccup explained.

"But, Hiccup, we're Christians." Astrid reminded.

"I know we're Christians and I want to do the correct thing in the eyes of the Lord." Hiccup assured. "But if we really do love each other, don't you think God would be okay with it?"

"I don't know. I mean, you're talking about pre-marital relations." Merida reminded. Just then Jack walked in looking defeated.

"That's it, I'm out." Jack announced to his friends.

"What?" Hiccup said looking worried.

"I'm done. I'm leaving." Jack said. "I'm going to San Francisco. I heard they have another safe haven city over there so I'm taking my siblings with me."

"What, are you serious? Is it because of Rapunzel?" Hiccup asked in shock.

"Yes, I'm serious. And, yes, it is because of Rapunzel." Jack answered. "I don't know how I lasted this long. I hate this city, I hate everything in it."

"But you can't go!" Astrid said.

"I'm sorry, guys." Kristoff said. "I tried talking to him."

"Well, what am I gonna do? I'm your best friend." Hiccup said.

"I know. That's... That's why I want you to have this." Jack said giving Hiccup a stick.

"Jack, this is your favorite stick." Hiccup said.

"Yeah."

"Then I want you to have this." Hiccup said humbly giving Jack his handkerchief.

"Hiccup, this is your lucky handkerchief." Jack said.

"Yeah."

Over at the bar side of the place, some guys were talking to each other.

"So he said, "Why don't you go blow your own horse?"" Said the tall guy as he laughed. This causes him to accidentally knock against a small guy. "Oh, sorry, man."

"Hey, watch it, pal." The small guys hissed. "I think you owe me a drink, fella."

"The hell I do." The tall guy said glaring back. "You best watch where you stand."

"I don't think you heard me. I'm thirsty."

"Then why don't you go on down the river and take a dunk?"

"Last chance, kid." THAT was the last and biggest mistake the small guy would ever make again. Because the tall guy shot him with his gun and killed him. This started a bar fight.

"Oh, shit!" Jack and Kristoff said in unison.

"Jack, Kristoff, hurry! Get in position!" Hiccup shouted, as the whole bar was in chaos. Everyone was throwing punches and each other, using chairs and bottles to hit, slam and bludgeon each other to death. Merida and Astrid ran back up stares to be safe, while Jack, Kristoff, and Hiccup were pretending to fight just for their safety.

"We got our own thing going on over here." Hiccup said to no one in particular.

"Yeah, nobody needs to get in on this." Jack said too.

"We're both getting hurt pretty badly." Kristoff joined in. The chaos escalated as guns were fired, knives and broken bottles stabbed, and pretty much everything else was killing a lot of people in the bar. The whores, sluts, and prostitutes also got involved with cat fights of slapping and nail digging. Hurting the guys, the guys slapping the girls.

"Nobody needs to come over here." Jack said.

"This fight is way more violent than yours..." Kristoff next.

"All those other guys' fights." Hiccup too. Limbs were being torn up and broken. Blood was gushing everywhere. Tooth and Bunny were firing guns and throwing punches at the chaos.

"You fuckers take this outside!" Tooth shouted, while firing her guns.

"You know you're hot when you get angry." Bunny smirked punching some guys.

"Getting turned on are we?" Tooth smirked back.

"Are you?"

"Very!"

"How about tonight?"

"Rock my world!"

"I'm going to fuck your brains out." The two kissed each other while firing their guns at the chaos. Elsa and Anna just stood by and watched unimpressed, while also drinking beer. Hiccup then accidentally hit Jack.

"Ow!" Jack reacted.

"Oh my gosh!" Hiccup gawked in shock.

"Oh shit!" Kristoff too.

"You actually hit me!" Jack said staring in shock.

"I'm so sorry."

"You fucker!" Jack growled.

"Hiccup, what the hell is wrong with you!?" Kristoff criticized.

"I put a new move in there." Hiccup explained.

"You don't just put a new move in. That's why we have the meetings." Jack said. The chaos was still going. "That's where it hurts. Like, right there. Like, right underneath my eye." Jack pointed.

"Yeah, there's a little red spot." Hiccup noticed.

"Ow! Careful, it's tender." Jack reacted. The fighting continued and the boys still pretended to fight. That is until Jack and Kristoff noticed noticed Elsa and Anna were about to meet trouble. Without thinking or with any slight of hesitation, both Jack and Kristoff ran to rescue them. Just in time, both boys grabbed the girls out of the way, before the top floor came crumbling down on them.

"Whoa! That was close!" Anna said.

"Sure was." Kristoff said.

"Thank you." Elsa said in awe.

"Sure." Jack said. Just then gunshots could be heard it was sheriff Woody and Buzz to the rescue. "Shit. Come on." Both boys quickly pulled the girls away from the BTB and out onto the sidewalks.

"Sorry about that. It's kind of a regular occurrence around here." Kristoof said.

"Really?" Anna asked in shock.

"Yeah."

"Hey, pretty fast hands back there." Anna complimented.

"Uh, thanks." Jack said.

"I guess you're real heroes." Elsa complimented.

"Us? No, We're not the heroes." Jack said modestly. "We're the guys in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirt."

"That's who we are." Kristoff agreed.

"Oh." Elsa said.

"Hey, look who's here." Anna smiled with glee at Olaf the Dalmatian dog.

"Who's this?" Kristoff asked.

"This is Olaf." Elsa said.

"Hey, Olaf." Jack smiled and pat Olaf's head. Olaf wagged his tail in response. "I'm Jack, by the way. This my brother, Kristoff."

"Hi!" Kristoff greeted. "Well I'm his adoptive brother."

"I'm Elsa. This my little sister." Elsa introduced.

"Hi!" Anna greeted.

"You guys just got into town?" Jack asked.

"Yeah." Elsa answered.

"Welcome to our awesome town." Kristoff said sarcastically.

"Thanks." Anna said. "We just came out from Sweden."

"Oh, Germany." Jack asked.

"No, it's in Norway." Elsa corrected

"Oh, right. That's annoying and weird."

"Our family wanting a change, so we came out to America looking to build a home."

"Before the apocolypes happened and pretty much fuvked up our lives." Anna added.

"I know what you mean. We live in a small neighborhood about2 miles from here." Kristoff said.

"Really?" Elsa asked.

"Yeah. Training dogs." Jack said.

"Oh."

"Yep."

"Well, that's got to be fulfilling work, though, right?"

"Ah, yeah, it's great. It's like being a babysitter for 150 really psychopathic babies." Jack said. They all share a friendly laugh. Just then Olaf came walking with a foot. "Oh, shit, Olaf!"

"Oh, my God!" Anna gasped in shock.

"Olaf, give it to me." Jack said taking the foot.

"Oh fuck!" Kristoff gawked.

"Jesus, what is that?" Elsa said in shock.

"It's the president." Jack threw Donald Trump's leg and it flew straight into a window, causing a woman to scream. "Oh, shit!" And the four ran for their lives.

The two groups then decided to split just for safety in case they were being chased. Kristoff walked Anna back to the apparent they were living in.

"Wait! You had a boyfriend?" Kristoff asked.

"Yeah. I was young and it was love at first site only in my eyes." Anna said her life's story. "We've dated for awhile. But then I discovered that he was a playboy ladies man. So I dumped him."

"Wow. I maybe a love expert, but the story you told me was unbelievable."

"I know, right?" Anna giggled. "Here we are."

"This the apartment?" Kristoff asked.

"Yep." Anna said. Thanks for walking me home."

"No problem. Chivalry isn't completely dead, right?"

"Thank whatever God is out there jerking off." Anna agreed. Both laughed together.

"Oh by the way, the fair is coming tomorrow and I was thining me and Jack could give you a tour." Kristoff offered.

"That's sounds fun. Sure." Anna agreed.

"Oaky then, see you tomorrow." Kristoff said.

"Good night." Anna said.

As for Jack and Elsa they went to the grassy plain. Jack was just finishing telling about his life's story and the events about his break up with Rapunzel that happened up to now.

"So, how did you guys meet?" Elsa asked Jack about Rapunzel.

"Uh, she moved to town a couple years ago to take over the schoolmarm job." Jack answered. "Our old schoolmarm got her throat slit by a fast-moving car."

"Oh, my God!" Elsa reacted.

"Yeah."

"In front of the kids?"

"Oh, yeah. Yeah. All of them." Jack said trying to make a cigarette.

"Let me help you." Elsa offered, taking the cigarette.

"That is just painful to watch. And, you know, it's like the whole time we were together I just remember thinking, "How can I possibly be this happy? She likes me now, but one day, she is gonna figure out that she is too good for me." And then one day, she did. I feel like I finally tricked one girl into falling in love with me and then I lost her." Jack explained.

"I think you have this whole thing upside down." Elsa said. "I mean, it sounds like you've bent over backwards for this girl, but what has she given you back?"

"I told you, she allowed me to be happy in a part of the world that is otherwise a living hell." Jack answered.

""Allowed"? Wow." Elsa scoffed and giggled. "That's kind of fucked up that you would use that word. You know that, right?"

"All I know is that there is nothing for me out here if I don't have her." Jack said hopelessly.

"Well, if this Flynn guy is that much of a douche, she'll figure it out if she's smart. Sometimes a girl has to get a few assholes out of her system before she realizes what a good guy looks like." Elsa explained, giving Jack the cigarette

"Maybe." Jack said, lighting up the cigarette and taking a whiff. He coughs instantly. "Ah!"

"You okay?" Elsa asked.

"This is actually my first cigarette ever." Jack confessed.

"Oh, my God." Elsa giggled. "Well, that's one step in the right direction." But just then a Diamondback rattle snake slithers passed them, hissing at them.

"Oh, shit." Jack gasped.

"Diamondback." Elsa gasped too.

"It's a diamondback, yeah." Jack confirmed.

"Fuck."

"It's okay, just hold perfectly still, and it'll go away." Jack advised while holding his breath.

"Okay, okay." The Diamondback started to continue to slither slowly along it's path. "I don't think you should leave tomorrow. At least stay through the weekend. Isn't the fair on Saturday?"

"Oh, fuck that. I'm not going to the stupid fair. Rapunzel is gonna be there, and she's gonna be with Flynn. I don't want to put myself through that kind of fucking aggravation." Jack complained.

"Yeah, well, I'll go with you. No better way to make your ex-girlfriend want you back more than to let her see you with another girl." Elsa suggested.

"I don't know."

"Especially a smoking-hot girl. When she sees me, she'll be intimidated as fuck."

"Oh, you're very modest, I see."

"I'm a little cocky. But I got great tits." Elsa said, which made both of them laugh together, which made the Diamondback hissed in anger. "Oh!"

"Sorry. Sorry, sir. Sorry, sir. Sorry, sir."

Chapter 4 complete! So the four finally meet each other as I promised. Read it, review it, and tell me what you people think. This is just here for people to enjoy. Enjoy! :)