[Elissa]

"Bloody bastard," I murmured under my breath. I'd held it together long enough to make it to the staircase leading to Leliana's little base of operations, but now we were alone and I had been fuming silently long enough. I needed to let it out. Leliana was ahead of me on the staircase. My clomping was in stark contrast to her careful light movements. You could barely hear her steps creaking on the wood. She stopped and turned when my grumbling bounced off the walls and echoed through the chamber.

"What was that?" Leliana said furrowing her brows at me.

I blew out a large bit of air, trying to ease my frustration. "What Trevelyan did back there. I feel like an idiot for trusting him."

She nodded her head motioning me to her desk where she took a seat. Every move she made was so careful, she calculates each step, each flick of a finger and even sits a certain way. Every breath she took was planned.

"He spoke out of turn when he mentioned the Calling, didn't he?" she said sympathetically, keeping her voice low. She was one of the few who knew of the Calling and what it was, but I never told her I was hearing it. I didn't want the look I was getting from her, the look you give a poor wounded animal just before you put them out of their misery. Eyes reserved for a dying pup. I guess it fit, my father used to call me pup. I just hoped I wasn't really dying.

I walked past her, having no desire to meet her gaze. Instead I looked out of a small window that sat behind her, only the mountain peaks visible from this height. "I didn't want to worry you," I felt a lump form as I tried to swallow my guilt for keeping her in the dark. The pity in her eyes only served to anger me further. "Right foul git!" I said through clenched teeth, my head shaking back and forth weakly.

"I'm not sure he realized his mistake," she offered.

I turned away from the window and leaned close over the table, directly across from her. I wanted no mistaking the seriousness of my tone. "He knew exactly what he was doing. He thought if he caught me off guard I would spill all my secrets." I pushed away from the table, taking my gaze back to the window. "Instead he just embarrassed me."

I felt the heat rising to my cheeks the moment he addressed me. I knew more questioning was coming. Why else did he need me at the council. Perhaps he thought in front of an audience I would be willed into revealing more. But I couldn't. He didn't understand the oaths I was held under. I had already broken enough promises to the Wardens, I was trying to hold on to as many vows as I could at this point. I disobeyed enough orders and told enough of our secrets. It put the Wardens in danger, made us more vulnerable. At least that's what the order would have us believe. The Wardens did love their secrets. I wasn't ready to let any more slip, not until I knew more. Not until I knew for sure what Clarel was up to. Until I knew the order was completely lost to Corypheus. When the Inquisitor's questioning came, I didn't know it would take the turn it did. I couldn't guess he would start accusing us of being controlled. And he revealed my secret about the Calling. I think I was the most upset about that.

He didn't understand how our connection worked, who would really? Outside the order they didn't know what we did to ourselves. We were luckier than the darkspawn, we have never been able to be controlled by the blight. Our taint only gives us a glimpse into their world, at least until the end. Until the Calling. I had been trying to hide the fact that we were all hearing it from as many people as possible. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. Clarel thought it would make us look weak if anyone knew, and more than that, I didn't want anyone to know I was suffering. And people tended to look at you a certain way when you said you were hearing things. I told the Inquisitor and I told Hawke. I thought it would help them understand, but it didn't. The way Hawke looked at me, I knew what he was thinking. He gave me the same Maker damned look Leliana had right now. And then I knew his thoughts went to his brother. The Inquisitor knew this was a secret, but he opened his bloody mouth anyway. And the way he revealed it to the others made my blood boil, the way he said it was condescending and had just a hint of sarcasm like he thought I had made the whole thing up. Now everyone either pitied me or they'd think I'd gone mad because I was hearing things. Neither one was a feeling I particularly enjoyed.

"Don't take it personally," she shrugged. "Things are different inside the circles, most mages have learned to be a bit underhanded and they're not the least bit tactful."

"Isn't his father a Bann or something?" I snapped. "He should know how to be more diplomatic with his insults. Haven't you taught him that game of yours yet."

"My darling Elissa," she chuckled. "It's called THE Game, and I'm afraid not everyone can play it well. Despite his nobility, he spent most of his life being raised inside a tower. They say his magic manifested itself quite early."

I didn't want to hear about the circle and the excuses mages made for their behavior because of it. I'd had enough bad dealings with mages to last a lifetime. They were more trouble than they were worth. They were either damaged from being in a circle or damaged because they'd been on the run all their lives. Morrigan, Anders, Clarel. All of them were a huge pain in my arse. Maxwell Trevelyan was turning out to be just another to add to the list. He was nothing but a presumptuous... asinine...fire shitting mage! Leliana continued her defense. "I doubt he had much opportunity to learn proper manners."

"Well that much is obvious," I said shaking my head. I couldn't stand to look at her anymore with those eyes, still full of sympathy. I crossed the room and leaned on the wall next to small shrine that was no doubt constructed by Leliana. Her devotion to the Maker was so strong. I might admire it if I gave a rat's ass about that sort of thing. "Never mind the circle, he acts more like he was raised in the stables."

"Or by a pack of wild dogs, as our old friend was fond of saying, yes?" she giggled.

I spun around rolling my eyes at her. "Well, thanks for that. I'd almost made it a whole day without being reminded of my dead lover." I grumbled crossing my arms at my chest. "I think even Morrigan has better manners than the Inquisitor does."

"Come now, he's not that bad." She sighed, coming behind me to squeeze my shoulder. An attempt at comfort, but I wasn't really one for it, not anymore. "And as for Alistair. It's been a decade since you lost him, Elissa. It was practically another lifetime, we should be able to talk about him without you getting upset. We all had so many happy times together. And I hope you would have... moved on by now, yes?" The way she said moved on was entirely suggestive and just in case I didn't get it she added a nudge with her elbow.

"And we're back at this again, are we? I've moved on Leliana," I spat. "I've moved on quite a few times actually, but..."

"But you never forget your first love," she mused "I understand. You know my story, everything that happened with Marjolaine. I don't let it stop me from enjoying myself," she said with a devious giggle. "If you're over it, why haven't you found anyone more...permanent yet?"

"You haven't let it stop you? Leliana, you pour yourself into your work. I've been here nearly a week and this is one of the first times I've even been able to speak with you. I had to catch you on the way to the council to talk to you about Blackwall."

"We're not talking about me, we're talking about you," she insisted. "I just wish you could find someone who makes you as happy as Alistair did."

"Have you forgotten what I am? What's going to happen to me? What am I supposed to do, introduce myself and say 'by the way, I'll be dead in 20 years so I hope you're not in this for long haul.' I don't think that makes for a very good conversation starter."

"It could be another Warden, wouldn't that make things easier...Wait, there was someone once," she said thoughtfully. "What happened with...?"

I threw my head back, I knew exactly where she was going. Toward an awful mistake. "Please don't mention Carver Hawke again. That was scratching an itch and we were just unfortunate enough to be caught by his brother who, by the way, does not have a discrete bone in his body. I have never heard the end of it. Carver is handsome, but also a whiny little shit. He's jealous of anyone that has an inkling of something he doesn't. He couldn't stand that I had something over him with this stupid title. And he always had to be on top. The man-child has issues."

"That was something I certainly did not need to know," she laughed covering her mouth.

"Maker's Breath, Leliana, can we please talk about something else?" I begged. "Didn't you drag me up here to continue our discussion about Blackwall."

Yesterday it dawned on me why I felt so uneasy about Warden Blackwall, what was so off about him. For most of the day I considered keeping it to myself. It was, after all, not my secret to tell. But the longer I thought about it, the more it bothered me. I had sacrificed so much as a Warden, and if this man had not, I needed know. We all needed to know. I was not about to let some prick claim glory for a burden he does not bear. Just before the war council, I decided to take it to Leliana. Not only was she the Inquisition's spymaster, but she was also my friend. I could trust her with this information, and she'd know how to dig around and find the truth. But she was surprisingly unreceptive.

"Fine," she groaned. "So much for girl talk. Tell me about this suspicion of yours, why do you think Blackwall is not trustworthy?"

"Do I really have to explain it to you again?" She looked at me expectantly, waiting. I sighed. Fine, I would have to explain it to her all over again. "You've heard me speak of the Grey Warden's connection with the darkspawn, how we...feel when they're near. Usually we can sense it in other Warden's too, though more faintly. I don't sense this in Blackwall at all. Either he is not what he says he is, or...he has found a way to cure himself of the blight."

She considered for a moment. "Which is not very likely." It's a question as much as it is a statement.

"No," I shook my head. "I've been researching it for years."

"You have?" she asked me with eyes widened. She seemed shocked, though I don't know why. I'm willing to give my life for the Wardens, but not senselessly. Not just because some damned song says it's time to give in and let the blight take me.

"Believe it or not I would love to delay my imminent death. But I've found nothing. I find it highly unlikely this man has stumbled upon a cure and failed to share it with the rest of his brethren."

"So you think he's lying about who or perhaps what he is. I don't know which would be worse. That he's lying or that he's willing to let the rest of the Grey Wardens die," she said thoughtfully.

"There was a real Blackwall. I do remember Duncan speaking of him."

"If you're sure, I will look into it," she said. "Discretely."

"Thank you," I gave her a warm smile and rested my hand on her shoulder. "I knew I could trust you."

"What are friends for?" she shrugged. I wanted that to be the end of it, but she had a smirk on her face, one I knew I had seen every time she had wrangled me into trouble.

I quickly turned and started down the steps, barely making it down the first two. "If that is all then?" I said waving. I forgot how silent and quick she was. She was already right behind me, gripping my arm and turning me to face her.

"Not so fast," she glared at me, her arms crossed and her foot tapping. "I want something from you in exchange."

"I knew it was too good to be true," I sighed sticking out my chin and preparing myself for the worst. "What sort of trouble are you getting me into then?"

"No trouble. I just need your help with some research of my own. I know you've been looking into this red lyrium for Hawke. The Inquisition has some interest too. I just want you to read all of our reports and see if you have anything else to contribute. Maybe you can help make sense of it all. Some of these documents mention the Warden's too," she explained.

If there was one thing I hated, it was reports. This Inquisition was so damned fond of their reports. They were always being shoved into hands around Skyhold, passed around among advisors and officers. I hadn't written or read a single report in ages and I liked that way. "Sounds dreadfully boring, but for you I suppose I can manage my way through a few."

"Good, here's everything I have," Leliana said smugly handing me a large pile of parchment and ledgers. I nearly fell over at the unexpected weight in my arms. These were not just a few reports, this was nearly a library. I imagine she expected me to pour over every piece of parchment that even hinted at red lyrium. "There's one report in particular that I want you to make sure you read. I don't have a copy though, you'll have to fetch it from Commander Cullen's office."

This was the real task, she needed to get her hands on this report. "What's so important about it?"

"It's the Inquisitor's recollection of his visit to the future. There's one from Dorian attached as well. While they were there, they witnessed further spread of red lyrium, and some of the long term effects of exposure. Commander Cullen has been researching the Red Templar's and this armor their leader Samson wears. He's been obsessed. He's kept the report for himself. I'd like you to take a look at it and maybe you could mix it up with the other reports when you return them to me," she said lifting her shoulders nonchalantly.

I remember where the Red Lyrium had supposedly originated from: Kirkwall. "Commander Cullen was in Kirkwall, his Knight-Commander had taken it hadn't she? It drove her mad. I can see why he'd be quite invested in the subject. And I'm sure some of these Red Templars used to be his friends."

Leliana dismisses it. "Yes, well...He keeps the reports on his desk. If he isn't in his office, you'll have to dig around, he keeps it a bit of a mess. It's probably better if you take it while he's not there. Like I said, he's not very keen to give it up. "

"And I'm supposed to just walk in there without permission?" I exclaimed. She couldn't be serious. I knew how to sneak my way around when I needed, but I didn't have near the stealth she had. She could take it right from under his nose if she wanted and he'd never even see her enter the room. And why couldn't we just ask him for this report?

"That's exactly what I want you to do," she said firmly. "It's fine, he won't mind if it's you. If he didn't want visitors he would lock his office up, but he doesn't. Right now he's probably with the soldiers making one last check before he dismisses them for the day. It's probably a good time to go if you don't want to get caught."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Why do I have the feeling you're making me do your dirty work?"

"Must be those extra senses of yours," she quipped. Very clever.

Reluctantly and against my better judgement I made my way to his office. I got a bit lost at first, but at least it looked like I had just sort of accidentally found myself in someone else's personal space. Just as Leliana had said he would be, the Commander was out at the moment so I decided to go ahead and look for the papers now. She said the report would be just on the top of his desk, which actually was kept rather messy, especially for a military man. I thought they were supposed to be organized or something.

I riffled around a bit looking for this particular report, looking for some mention of time magic anywhere on these parchments. Being in here alone made me nervous. I couldn't help but feel I didn't belong. Not without permission. It was a complete invasion. I looked around cautiously, feeling like I was about to be caught in some devious act, and the catching could come from any direction really. There were 3 entrances to this room, and when I looked up I saw a ladder leading to another room overhead. Hopefully he wasn't up there, watching me go through his things. Why did the man's office have so many doors anyway? It doesn't seem like a very sound military strategy to leave yourself open to attack from all sides. It would make me jittery if I were used to planning defenses to have so many avenues of attack. And how did he get anything done with 3 doors to his office? He's probably got people coming from all directions at once. My office at Vigil's Keep only ever had one door and sometimes I thought even that was too many. I didn't like feeling vulnerable like this.

I kept looking, shuffling a few more papers around. I didn't see the stupid report, but something else does catch my eye. He's got a personal letter out he's just started, at least it looks like he's only started. It's an entire two lines long, but he's already signed his name on the bottom. I'm too damned nosy for my own good, so of course I just have to pick it up and read it. It's addressed to someone named Mia and all it says is I'm fine and I'm alive. What riveting correspondence. I thought he was a man of few words when he spoke in person, but this is ridiculous. He's signed it as 'your loving brother' which would be sweet if he had put any content in the letter at all. His poor sister, I wondered if I could offer to help him out. Fergus and I would be lost without our letters, I've grown quite good at keeping him updated without worrying him. I shook my head at myself because of course I can't offer that. Then he'd know I went through his things and it's not my business anyway.

I bite my cheek, looking around for any place else he could have put these reports. If he's trying to keep them from Leliana, he must have hidden them well. I want to find them, but I also refuse to dig too deep. Then, behind me, I heard someone clearing their throat.

[Cullen]

After staring at the war room's table for close to an hour, I finally left in search of the Inquisitor. I was still thinking about his display during the council, and the look on Lady Cousland's face when he'd tried to out her. I was determined he and I were going to have a word with each other.

"Trevelyan! What was that?" I found him on the battlements, overlooking Skyhold's courtyard. I couldn't hold back any longer. He had gone too far this time with his pestering.

He tried to act shocked, but he knew I was coming. He turned away from the wall and faced me giving me a frown. "What are you on about, Commander?"

"What you did back there during the council," I said stopping in front of him. "Warden Cousland is here to help us, and you're purposely making things difficult for her. I told you yesterday that questioning her over and over again was not a good idea. You're making it seem as though you don't trust her."

"And what if I don't?" he exclaimed. "She knows more than she's telling us. And I mean to get it out of her."

"Insulting her is not the way to go about it," I spat.

I could tell he was gearing up to stand on a soapbox. "And how should I go about it? More like a Templar? Should I interrogate her in the dungeons? Torture her? She's not a mage so making her Tranquil is out. Maybe I should I crawl into her bed and coax it out of her that way?"

"I doubt she'd be interested," I scoffed.

People were looking up from the courtyard, noticing the heated exchange. "How do you know what she'd be interested in? You have someone else in mind? Would you like to be the one loosen her lips with your cock."

"Keep it down and stop being vulgar, Trevelyan," I bellowed. "It doesn't suit you. Besides, wouldn't you need permission from your sweet little ambassador?" I said the words almost with a hiss.

He was taken aback but he wasn't about to admit to anything. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

"I think you do," I challenged.

He was quick to change the subject. "You know as well as I do, we need as much information as we can get on Corypheus. If she knows something, she needs to tell us. I can't believe they kept him in that prison for that long and don't know anything about him."

"And she should help us at the expense of her own principles?" I asked. "Perhaps you don't know what it's like to take vows, to make an oath, but I do."

And there was that look again, the one he gave when he was about to talk about how his life wasn't fair. "No I don't. I was never given a chance to make any choices for myself. I was forced into a prison and attacked for my very existence. Besides, didn't you break those vows?"

I sighed heavily, this subject was getting old. "I'm not doing this with you again. We will never agree on these matters."

"Well what else do you expect from an Apostate?" He thought he was being clever as always.

"I expected you to keep your word."

"You two are at it again?" Cassandra's voice rang out, breaking us from the heat of the discussion. She stood glaring at us with her arms crossed. Scowling like an old Chantry priest who'd caught two boys fighting in the Chantry yard.

I gave in, walking away from Trevelyan. "Lady Cassandra, maybe you can teach our illustrious Inquisitor some manners before he takes to offending anymore of our allies."

Cassandra lowered her head. "What have you done this time?"

The Inquisitor was sticking up his nose. "I'm not sure I even know what I did," he claimed.

My blood was boiling again. "He's relentless," I said pointing, my voice coming out as a growl. "He asked Lady Cousland if the Wardens were being controlled by Corypheus, not even considering the fact that she IS a Grey Warden. He betrayed her confidence and he badgers her at every turn."

Trevelyan's response came with a shrug. "It was a legitimate question."

He was wrong and I meant to tell him. "No it was not!" I said firmly. "You still think the Wardens are responsible for this somehow and you're taking it out on her."

Trevelyan raised his voice again, drawing attention to ourselves from below once again. "I think I'm detecting a bit of hostility, Cullen. Why so concerned with this Warden? What are you playing at?"

Cassandra finally stepped in, creating a barrier between us. "That is enough. The Commander is right, we cannot afford to lose her cooperation and hounding her is not the way to keep it."

"Just remember you went to her," I reminded him. "She didn't come begging for our help. We went through great lengths to find her location."

"I'm just trying to keep Thedas from falling into blackness. Pardon me if I don't go about it exactly the way you want," he said.

I'd had enough, this time I walked away, but not before having the last word. "Just remember not to abandon your integrity along the way."

I stormed through a few doors to make my way to my tower. The Inquisitor had successfully coaxed a headache out of me, and I meant to nurse it with some wine. They came so easily these days and I was tired of fighting it. Tonight I planned on drinking my dinner and passing out as quickly as possible. I'll deal with the consequences in the morning.

When I opened my door, my plans changed. I stood in the door frame and cleared my throat. A wide-eyed Lady Cousland turned to look at me, holding several papers in her hands. Immediately she started stammering, shocked to have been caught doing whatever she was doing. "I ah, I was looking for a report. Leliana asked me to fetch it...she said to let myself in."

"Of course she did," I said closing the door behind me.

"I'm sorry," she said biting her lip. Why did she have to keep doing that? "I didn't mean to intrude."

I got lost for a moment watching her teeth scrape across her lip. I had to clear my throat again. "It's fine. I'm not angry with you. What report are you looking for?" I sighed.

Her eyes darted around as she tried to remember why she was here, or perhaps she was attempting to make up an excuse. "The um...ah..oh something about time magic. Red lyrium."

I laughed, Leliana has sent someone else to do her dirty work. "She's been trying to get this one out of my hands for weeks. I'll find it for you."

"Thanks," she smiled and paused, watching me shuffle through a few papers inside the drawer of my desk. I threw a pile on top and motioned towards it to let her go through it. Then I see her frown. "You know, you don't look very happy for someone whose not angry," she laughed weakly, picking up the pile and sorting through it. "Are you sure this is okay?"

"It's fine. It's not you," I sigedh as I pushed a few books from my chair to floor and sunk into the chair's cushion in defeat. I grabbed the already corked bottle of wine off my desk and didn't even bother pouring a glass, I just tilted it back and swallowed. I moaned when the burn hit my stomach. "I've just had an interesting conversation with the Inquisitor. He and I don't agree on very many things."

She chuckled through her nose. "I wouldn't expect any less from a mage and a Templar."

"Ex-Templar," I reminded her, then took another drink.

"Right. Ex," she repeated. "What was this disagreement about, if you don't mind my asking?"

"You, actually," I said giving her a smirk.

She doesn't fall for my teasing. "You mean the Wardens. I suspected as much, after the way the council ended," she sighed. "You don't have to jump to my defense. I'm a big girl... I can take care of myself."

"Of that I have no doubt," I laughed.

She smiled at my answer. "Well, I'm glad someone is on my side. I was starting to think I made a bad decision by coming here."

"I hope you don't think that." I let out a long breath. "I understand what it's like to take an oath. I broke my vows, and I struggle with it every day. I would not ask that of anyone else."

She put down the papers and took a seat on the corner of my desk. "Your vows were broken because it was the right thing to do. I may come to that same conclusion on my own, but the Inquisitor has to realize I need time. He's asking me to betray my entire order, to give away all their secrets. It would help if he acted like he trusted me."

"He doesn't distrust you. He just...can be persistent I suppose when he thinks he's right," I offered. "He's not all that bad. He's gotten us this far."

She stood again and started pacing around my desk with her arms crossed. Her voice became softer. I could see from her eyes she was slowly letting go of whatever ill feelings she had towards the Inquisitor. As always I would do the same. "Well, as infuriating as he is, I do understand where he's coming from, the pressure he's under. I was there once. I'm glad I'm no longer in a position to have to make the types of decisions that can affect so many. He's got all of Thedas to worry about. I just had Fereldan. It's easy to forget your own morals sometimes under that kind of scrutiny. I think I would have done anything to stop the archdemon. He's focused on Corypheus right now and nothing else."

I hadn't forgotten. She was there, wasn't she? If anyone understood how the Inquisitor felt it was her. I wish he could see that. He couldn't see past his own agenda at the moment. He needed someone to talk some sense into him, or at ease some of his stress, then I remembered he did have someone.

"I wouldn't say he's interested in nothing else," I chuckled. "I think you were right about the Inquisitor and Lady Montilyet. He got rather flustered when I mentioned it."

Her mouth lifted into an undeniably beautiful smile. "Commander Cullen, please tell me you didn't ask him about the ambassador! I hope I wasn't blamed for pointing it out."

"Of course not. It's his business anyway, I was just trying to get a rise out of him," I admitted. I couldn't believe how bold I was about to be with my next sentence. But bold it was and I made sure I looked her right in her eyes when I said it. I wanted to see her reaction. "Nothing wrong with a bit of fun, especially in times like these."

I stopped her dead in her tracks, she turned and looked at me brazenly and bit her lip again. And then her reply was something that I didn't expect. Something that made my insides leap. And wasn't just what she said, but how she said it and how was directed pointedly at me. "No, there isn't."

I watched a smirk spread across her lips. Her eyes were on me, heavy and lustful. I felt dizzy sitting in my chair. I'd been gulping on wine this whole time, but it wasn't the effect of the alcohol i was feeling, it was her. She was intoxicating. I craved her and I realized now how badly. An altogether different craving than the one I was used to. She waited a moment and then broke our gaze and she turned toward one of the doors. "I should go," she said quietly, her face dropping. She just realized this was a very bad idea. I knew it was too. But I didn't care. I had just enough liquid courage within the last few minutes to make me brave and without shame.

She darted to the door and started to turn the handle, but her hands were empty. She didn't have the reports she came for, they were still sitting right there on my desk. I had an opportunity, the perfect excuse to stop her. I rushed behind her, holding the parchments and I stopped her just as her hand reached for the latch. She had managed to turn it, but I pushed the door back closed, hearing it clank shut before she could move any further. She looked at my hand on the door, and then I brought my mouth close to her ear, making her hair move beneath my breath. When I spoke, it was unintentionally low and guttural, my voice gruffed. "You forgot these."