Chapter Four
The Machine
Authors note: I wrote this chapter because I felt as though I needed to address a problem that occurred in these institutions. Often the doctors would think that their patients were too "dumb" or "stupid" to rat them out when they were sexually abused. Dr. Langdon becomes a close ally of Ruth DeWitt after this, and in a future story/chapter, he will be the adoptive father of Emily, Rose's twin.
By now it was late evening, and I was still confused as to what this "machine" was. I can't remember the time, but it was dark out when they finally came to get me. "All right Ruth, let's go." I heard a nurse say as I was put on top of a gurney. I noticed that they strapped me down. "Why are you strapping me down?" I asked. A nurse jokingly said "So that you don't fall off." If I wasn't scared before, then I sure as hell was now. As I was wheeled down what seemed like an endless hallway, my heartbeat quickened; beads of sweat appeared on my forehead. And I was trembling. The next thing I remember was that we entered a bright room lined with tiles. A massive surgery lamp provided lighting. There was a large machine against the wall. That's when I saw him. "Hello Ruth" he said. I wanted to leave and quickly at that. "Do you know why you're here?" he asked me as he started to unbuckle the straps holding me down.
What he did to me next I will never forget. After he had unbelted me, I noticed he was going for my dress, beginning to unbutton several of the buttons. It was also at this time that he held me down so that I couldn't fight back. "Hold still." He said as he finally got my dress off, leaving my camisole and pantelettes exposed for the staff to see. "Okay, belt her down again." He said, and the nurses did just that. I heard the sound of electricity, and turned to see the machine, which had been quiet before, was now humming to life. "Okay Ruth, I'll just slip these on and that temper will go away." Dr. Ilivicki said, trying to imitate a comforting voice, but it failed, miserably. The machine grew louder, and the headphone like device was slipped over my ears. "Ready nurse?" Ilivicki said. "Yes, doctor." The stern nurse said. It was six seconds of pure pain. I convulsed and cried out for the one person who could make this all go away: mama.
I thought it to be over, but then I heard "Okay, let's give it another go around." No! I began to cry. The machine hummed like it was about to work double time. What happened next, I don't know if it were divine intervention or not, but that young doctor who I saw earlier that day came in and yelled "Stop! You've given her too much. Take her back now." Dr. Ilivicki looked at him and said "Langdon, this patient was very misbehaved, she needs another go around." The young doctor looked at me and then at Ilivicki. "You've broken the law, you know how much should be used on a child, and how many times you can do this without causing permanent damage." He looked at me again, then back at Ilivicki; "Take her back to her room, and do change her underclothes, she's had an accident." An accident? That's why I felt wet. I ruined a pair of my undergarments. I know that my mother wouldn't punish me under these circumstances. After being wheeled back to room, the nurse changed my pantelettes. At least I wasn't wearing a diaper, oh the shame if I was.
I went to sleep afterwards, but my head still reeled from the ordeal. I dreamt that night of my mother, possibly coming to her senses and wanting to get me out of there. My baby brother and sister would constantly nag her, so would Lizzie. Eventually in my dream she collapsed into tears, and it seems that I was there to lay a comforting hand on her back and tell her that it would be okay. "You look like an angel Ruth, are you dead?" she asked. I said "No, I'm coming to tell you I'm miserable and that I'm sorry for striking you." I then told her that I had to go, but I would see her soon. She did something next that I never thought would be a reality: she kissed my cheek. Mama wouldn't do that, she couldn't possibly love me. This was a strange dream. I then realized things could only get better.