WHY CAN I NOT WRITE CONSISTENT MISERY?
*cough*
I've kinda given up with the rules altogether now... it's still on shuffle, if that counts? Some OOC-ness, but it's only for the lulz ¬¬
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto ^^
Am I Not Pretty Enough – Kasey Chambers (KakuHida)
I was too broken for him. He wanted someone stable; someone he could handle, and control with some resistance. He didn't want me. I was a wreck. I wasn't always. Not before the accident. But that was what got me into Jashinism – he helped me through it, kind of. Kakuzu was there, obviously. From what I've heard he never left. He didn't act the same when I woke up, he was just so... distant; more so than before if that was possible. At first I thought it was because of the scars but he had proved me wrong. Violently. I think he called me a hypocrite as well, for whatever reason. Ha... hypocrite... one of the only things that didn't change. I've always been one, always will be; it's in my nature. But everything that had made me, me disappeared. My rebelliousness, my hotheadedness, hell I even swore less. I'm almost back to myself now though. To anybody else I'm perfectly fine, but Kakuzu... he can see right through me.
Fairytale of New York – The Pogues (KakuHida)
A figure hunched over a pint in the corner of some old rundown bar he didn't even know the name of. Looking out of place and lost to the merry chatter and jovial drinking going on all around him he glared bitterly at all the young couples no doubt enjoying their first year together. He hated Christmas, just ask his ex wife; the bitch had left him last year for being such a Scrooge. He couldn't be the only one who harboured such a detestation for the season of giving. It all just seemed so pointless and frivolous; which, to him, was not a good thing. To be carefree was to be careless and to be careless was to end up being broke, and living out of puke green rubbish bins for the rest of your miserable existence. A loud bang shot him out of his musings and he glanced idly to the entrance, where a silver haired man had burst in the door and was now loudly demanding a beer. 'Probably American' the grouchy miser muttered darkly to himself as he glared at the assumed Yank, who, upon closer inspection, appeared to have pink eyes and no shirt.
"Who the hell goes around with no shirt on in this weather?" Now this man was definitely not the kind of person to go around starting conversations with people but this young 'un... intrigued him.
"Who the fuck goes around with a mask on at all?" The offensive youths expression turned sour; his eyes narrowed into a harsh glare and his lips turned up in a sneer. He wasn't American, as Kakuzu (for that was the older mans' name) had thought. He was from Liverpool; South End if he wasn't mistaken. He doubted it, he had lived there for a good few years.
"The kind that doesn't want to be seen by some little brat who probably still lives with his mummy," He turned back to his drink, ignoring the sparks of rage flying from the silvettes ears.
"You don't know shit about me, you old heathen fuck!" So he was religious. Wonderful. Why had he started this conversation? They lapsed back into a comfortable silence unbefitting of two complete strangers.
"37,"
"What?"
"I'm 37, I'm not old," This seemed familiar somehow; he hadn't looked up from his drink so he couldn't see the sly grin spreading across the other mans face.
"Dude I'm 27, you're fucking ancient. Though I have to say you are still suitably fuckable... like a MILF, only with a dude. A DILF?" The piercing green eyes widened as he choked on his drink, not expecting the comment in the least.
"Not ten minutes ago you were insulting the mask," He smirked slightly behind aforementioned mask
"Well from what I can see you're damn sexy," He glared back over his glass at him. May I just take a few seconds to say that the miser was covered pretty much head to toe?
"If this is your attempt at flirting then you failed. You at least need to tell me your name," Granted his flirting skills weren't much better.
"Fine you old git, it's Hidan,"
"Kakuzu,"
Song For Whoever – Beautiful South (KakuHida)
Hidan just stared at the sheet, really not knowing what to think.
"Kakuzu... what the fuck is this? I- I really don't even," It truly was baffling. Even more than actually finding out the old miser had written him a song. There really were no words to describe it
"So... remind me why you wrote me a song? It's pretty gay, even for you," The elder of the two didn't even look up from his work as he told the Jashinist
"It's in the chorus," The chorus? The old bastard went as far as a chorus? Jashin... wait.
"You cheap old twatrag! The first time you ever do something remotely romantic and it's for this? I should sacrifice you where you stand you- you- ARGH!" And with that he stormed out; but not before tearing the paper up and throwing it into the air for Kakuzu to clean up (as they both knew he would) The only part with text still visible read: You made me so much money I wrote this song for you.
It was Hidans' first ever bounty.
Still Have My Heart – Caitlin Crosby (ZetTobi)
They all said that Zetsu was no good for Tobi, that they were too different to be happy together. They were wrong of course. Nobody saw Zetsu the way Tobi did; nobody bothered to see Zetsu the way the masked boy did. They didn't know how sweet, loving and gentle the plant man could be. They didn't see the side of him reserved only for Tobi, the side that showed remorse in what he did; the side that held the members of Akatsuki dear, even if they seemed weirded out by him. They had all tried to change his mind about it, especially Deidara. He hated Zetsu; nobody knew why and nobody really cared to know. He hated Tobi as well, though and didn't really care what happened as long as they were both apart and miserable. They had actually managed to split them up at one point, mainly by threatening Tobi. He had gone back to the cannibal though. He always would.
I Know It's Today – Shrek The Musical (KisaIta)
A fair maiden; trapped in a tower guarded by a ferocious fire breathing dragon.
A handsome prince; riding on a noble steed, destroying anything evil in his path with a cheesy grin and a flirty wink.
A fairytale ending; everyone lives happily ever after except anything evil and dark and nasty.
In other words; total bullshit.
Itachi should know. He's been waiting for this prick with his perfect teeth and his blonde, bouncy hair for thirteen fucking years. He had long since given up on this shiny, perfect, procrastinating asshole of a prince. He didn't even care any more. He'd find his own way out, he'd make his own damn destiny, he'd find his own Prince Charming, he'd answer that bloody door!
"What do you want?" He swung the accursed block of wood open and glared into the eyes of someone he thought he would never see again.
"Oh, er, hi Itachi?"
"Kisame?" The only response he got was a certain weasel latching himself onto him and sobbing at him to never leave him alone again.
"Geez, Itachi, I was only gone for like fifteen minutes,"
Main Theme – Sonic Underground (Akatsuki)
They were rocking out, as they did every Saturday. They would put on the oldest, gayest songs any of them had and rave. Well some of them would rave, others would record and use as blackmail. As it so happens, that week Tobi had brought the entirety of the songs performed in Sonic Underground.
I Hope You Die – Bloodhound Gang (Itachi, Deidara)
They hated each other. That was fact. A fact that was putting the organisation at serious risk if not dealt with. As part of their 'therapy' they were told to write a list of what they most detested about the other.
Deidaras' list was arguably the most amusing, though he seemed to have missed the point;
He's a bellend.
He'd a douche
He's a total jizzrag
I hope when he gets caught he gets stuck in the same cell as a guy who got in for fucking a dog
He keeps stealing my dango!
"Yes, that's all well and good Deidara, but it's more a list of insults and ill wishing than what we were really looking for," Yes Zetsu was chosen to be their therapist. Zetsu. The most insane of the entire Akatsuki was handling their mental state. It's safe to say they were fucked.
Painting Flowers – All Time Low (SasoDei)
Deidara had no idea where he was. All he knew was that he was in the middle of nowhere with Sasori, who for whatever reason was dressed as a rabbit and had completely forgotten who he was, and he was stuck painting bloody flowers.
"Hmm, these are not nearly artistic enough... they look like something Konan would make, un,"
"Who's Konan? Wait, no, no time to explain! Hurry up you imbecile, we're going to be late!" I'm sorry, did I say Sasori? I meant Sasori on speed.
"No, I need to finish this flo-" He was cut off by a huge explosion, courtesy of Tobi in the other room.
The blonde blinked around the room, having no idea what was going on. His eyes settled on the puppet, who was glancing at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Danna... please promise me you'll never turn into a rabbit, un? Or- or go really OCD with the time obsession thing, un? Please?"
The Geeks Get The Girls – American HiFi (Tobi)
"Aaw yeaaah," Was all that ran through Tobis' mind; he had bitches to the left of him, bitches to the right. He was well and truly pimpin'.
"Sir Lord Tobitchesbemine? Someone's here for you," Ooh, Zetsu, his faithful manbitch. Like a dog with less fur; yes, Zetsu was bald dog. Only not quite so creepy looking.
"Send 'em in y'all, na' mea'?" Tobi had not quite grasped the concept of speaking like a pimp and often confused the dialect with that of a pirates' or a Southerner. The newcomer was quite a strange one, in that he was a man. Presumably. No woman would come in to audition for being a hoe with such a flat chest
"Hi! I'm here to apply for a degree in prostitution?" Degree in...? The fuck was this chick on?
"Stupid hoe! Y'all don't get degrees in prostitution! Get the fuck out and take yo' pink hair with you, else ye'll be walking the plank! Arr!" And with that she ran off, sobbing dramatically at her shunning.
Aww, yeaaah; just another day Tobi: Pimp extraordinaire!
I'll Never Be You – Dane Cook
They had all agreed they would never end up like that. But it had picked them off one by one. It had gotten Pein first; with the blue haired flower girl, then Sasori; with the transvestite, then Kakuzu (which shocked all of us); with that zealot with a gob far too big for someone that short, and then finally Zetsu; with the orange ball of hyperactivity we came to know as Tobi. And then there was me. Alone. Lovely, isn't it? Well it doesn't really bother me that much I mean most of them have gotten so soppy and... bleh. Kakuzu hasn't. If anything he's more violent now. They have tried to set me up before; it had been a complete disaster. It was with this little gi- well not little girl, that just sounds creepy, but she was small. Except for her chest. She was a lovely young lady, once she got past her initial fear of me; she even apologised in that tiny, tiny voice. Eventually I broke it off because she was just too innocent and I didn't want to like, taint her. Damn, that sounds weird. Oh... here they are again, rejoice. Wait... ooh, who's this? He's... dayum. And he doesn't seem to be scared!
PRAISE THE LORD, THERE IS HOPE FOR ME YET.
I have no idea what's going on in that last one... I got a bit bored towards the end XD But I don't like leaving music memes to come back to it just seems a bit, like, defeating the purpose xD
I don't know why Fairytale of New York is so long... Or why I made Hidan from Liverpool :S If anything it should be Ireland, shouldn't it? But I do like South Liverpudlian accents :3
OOC and delusional Itachi FTW!
And before any of you bitch to me about Sakura never doing that, may I just remind you that it is Tobi as the pimp? Tobi. Not Madara, who I can actually see as a rather convincing pimp, Tobi.