Don't forget to check out the disclaimer on the Prologue or previous Part (Part Two: Extreme). I find it important that you know what is mine and what isn't before you go and tattle.
Now then, it's time for you to finally see through the perspective of Jude Irons once more!
-Part Three: Alone and Surrounded-
It's been a week now since classes started at Abigail Adams High, so I have become familiar with most of the building's surroundings. My four friends showed me the hallway, the stairs, and the bottom floor with the vending machines. Riley was most excited about the giant gaping basement; every dollar she put in that vending machine gave her a box of grape juice… Yay for her. Farkle paid close attention to my schedule, and he concluded that I wouldn't be in any class without him or the others by my side. That was good to know. However, some periods were awkward.
I'm not talking about the one where I got slapped in the face by Farkle's girlfriend, Isadora; she's a nice person once you understand her alerts regarding other men. I was just introducing myself to her when she was saying hi to him. That happened earlier in the day during geometry. The real trouble came during study hall. Evidently, the teacher liked to separate the guys and girls unless they were working on a project. Lucas and I were the only guys, and the rest of us included twenty women.
Needless to say, separation never worked.
The giggles that surrounded me came from the ladies. They were supposed to be working on algebra, but our school hasn't made fun of mathematics before. After giving a puzzled look to Lucas, he scribbled on a sticky note and passed it to me:
Just keep working… They only want our attention.
I penciled in a sarcastic reply, palming my face whilst doing so, "I should've known. Have fun in the middle of them all…" I then folded it and handed it back to him. A couple seconds later, I heard him chuckle, but we both knew our laughter would be cut short.
"Look at that hair this hunk has!", one bright-eyed blonde exclaimed "Why does he have to have a girlfriend?"
"Shush up Jaquelin! Now is not the time to gawk, and he's too good for you." a darker girl commanded. The obsession over Lucas continued for what felt like hours. My pencil led became dull with each passing comment over the same guy. They just couldn't seem to remember that there was more than one male in the classroom. Oh how it irked me!
Most of the chatter died down until someone had to mention me. She said that a new student showed up a while ago and he was "available."
Some black haired woman removed her glasses; most of us in the classroom thought it'd be best if it stayed on her face, "Naw, no one wants a kid with a thug's jacket, Tiff."
My pencil snapped. Could someone have at least told me how "kid" and "thug" come together? For every time a random somebody called me a kid, I wanted to punch a wall or banter about it!
Lucas, being the gentleman he was, would talk to them and smile, fan his flannel shirt, and do all of those cowboy things. On the other hand, I stayed up front, scribbling what dignity I had left into notebook paper. He would explain my reason for joining the school whenever the gang would forget my existence. "Same reason I'm here; but it don't matter. Home just doesn't have what he wants."
"Oh, Lucas, you have what you want?" the blonde over-enunciated as she twirled her hair into curls.
"Yeah yeah, I do and it's not you." he shook his head. The entire wide-eyed group then settled down in dismay.
Whenever someone failed to recognize my presence, I acted like every other teenager; I had become very self-conscious.I found it hard to shut out the ignorant cries from the people. My heart screamed from one class to the next - to the next - for conversation or acknowledgement.
My mind spoke differently though, This is how it is, Jude. Some people want to know you, and most want to consider you a useless tool bag. Quit sulking and accept this fate.
"Mr. Irons," Cory - Ahem, Mr. Matthews - said to me after my last period in his classroom.
"Yes, sir?" I answered, strolling backwards and rolling my eyes. I was just about to escape from the History room when he called me back to my desk. I dropped my bookbag on the floor for I thought I'd be talking for a while.
"You were paying attention, today, right?"
"Yeeeeeee-no." I sulked as I put my head on my desk.
"Farkle told me that something is off about you, and the more I try to observe, the more I understand what he means," he accused, jumping to conclusions. "The two of us saw that you seemed to be zoning out or something.
I stood up in response, "Possibly, but it doesn't have anything to do with school so I'm going home."
"Hold on, let me explain." he demanded, marching to the door and shutting it. I don't understand. What does "Farkle Time" have anything to do with my mental being, even school?!
"This is serious, Jude. Farkle has asked me about the way you perceive a normal day We want to know what makes you think differently." he continued, pointing at me.
"Oh… You both," I instantly collapsed into my desk again, "But what could he have to know when he is the brainiac of this class?"
Cory paced around his desk, picking up his dry erase marker with brilliance, only to set it down with a stumped face. "I- I don't know. It's something though."
"Psht, you don't know?" my voice shuddered in angst . The tension in my throat rose moment by moment, as if my life was hanging in the balance of escaping this world of dread within walls.
"Like, I don't know how to explain it. I see you in the halls now and then and people just seem to glare at you, but you act like it's nothing. And I only see acting. You act different than the typical k-"
"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" he yelled with every kick. "I told you not to ruin my day but you BLEW IT! Why can't you be more like Grant and shut up? He was a good kid and well trained to speak only when he needs, but you are just a kid!"
It was my trigger. It has been my trigger. I begged God that it would go away.
"PLEASE don't say it! Just stop, stop, stop!"
I wished my outburst of words wouldn't have foreshadowed any personal problems as much as Cory wished he didn't say anything too harsh . I reacted poorly and wanted to take it all back. In reflexive defense, I slouched as much as I could until my eyes only saw the desk and not the face of indictment. It felt like I wasn't going anywhere for a long time. Why couldn't I just go- I didn't want to go home- but where else coul- Shut up shut up shut up and quit shaking-
The door opened back up. My instincts told me to not pick up my drooped body but I did. Cory had a nervous glint in his eye, and his hands squeezed the plush of his chair. I may have worried him to death. One look at the face who entered the room made me want to leave more than I longed for after the school bell rang.
"Hey, dad, I just wanted to let you know Maya and I are…" Riley cut herself off once she saw my reddened face and puffy eyes. She focused upon my whimpering mouth, my hoodie now loosened over my head. Soon after she quit talking, her best friend followed in.
Maya's progressively inaudible voice was no match for the speed I had when running out of the school building, "Cory, what the heck happened?!"
I ran and ran like a child having a temper tantrum. I wanted no more of this trigger word.I would do anything to change the mindset of these high-lives who thought I was underdeveloped.
My first choice after busting out of Abigail Adams was to run a slight direction from my apartment, and hide in a window well. From sitting there, I figured that bypassers would just see someone observing traffic. I didn't want to go too far from home; if someone got worried and dialed his phone, cops would then be forced to prowl all over Greensville. Even in my clouded mind, I didn't want that.
"Just got to be publically invisible. I do it all the time," I panted to myself while jogging. Never in my life have I wanted to conceal myself, but it had certain perks. I took a detour through one of the district's busier streets, glancing at all of the stores as they passed me by. One that caught my eye looked like a stuffed animal shop; bunnies were plastered on the windows and hung on strings from the ceiling. For a moment, I wanted to step inside and hug all of my present insecurities into a giant teddy bear.
Across the street was an ideal location to set up camp. I looked both ways across the street and pretended to be a casual jaywalker. After making it through, I hopped in the window well.
It took less than a second for me to coil up. My loose sweater caught on the brick walls until it glossed over glass.. It didn't matter if I was in the presence of a few older people or surrounded by "blind" students; I was alone, and I thought I'd always be. My friends didn't matter if they had to think so hard about letting me stand in their presence. They just accepted me. That's it.
My head was in my knees...
… Footsteps. The occasional routine of paces I heard involved walking, stopping, and walking again. No questions were asked. No commands were given. The repetitive bustle of city hipnotized my brain until I fell asleep
…
"Hey," a warm voice rang in my ear. It was like a whisper with pitch. "Hey, goofball. You're blocking my way in."
You're way in? No, my way out. My mind was still wrapped around the distortion of sleep and its effects of thought process.
"Don't let make me carry you in. You look light but I'm not that strong." she said. I couldn't imagine how one person could carry another through a window well, but I wasn't planning on budging. I just needed a couple more minutes of peace.
"Take it away." My voice mumbled, objecting my inner notion.
Jude! What are you doing?! You can't just let some random chick pick you uh- Woah!
An arm grazed the top of my head and another held onto my back, then I heard a click and creak of a falling window. I probably would've fallen in had she not hold me steady..The arms then shifted positions and proceeded to heave me.
Contrary to the particular fairy tales with knights in shining armor and damsels in distress, everything was flipped around. I was now held in a bridal position, and carefully being inserted into a window of a room I didn't know of. It didn't matter though. The ear which rested onto the warmness of Maya Hart's chest heard a monologue which woke me up slowly and steadily.
"Why did you run, Jude?" she paused, plopping herself on a cushion of sorts.. "You were fine during class, and thirty seconds out of it, you weren't. You looked upset, and scared, and it scared me. You don't have to tell me, but I don't want the child of my group to be afraid of nonsense."
Aren't you gonna wake up? Tell her you don't want to hear that word ever? Because it hurts?!
It did hurt. Everything in the past hurt, whether it'd be five years ago or a single hour. It caused pain and it still did. Even in those circumstances, Maya called me a child. More than a week ago, she approved my presence in her group of friends. She followed through the Matthew's choice to provide for my room. In present time, she found me on her own way home and did not stop to send me away.
I opened my eyes to a white ceiling, and her face looking across the room. Not a second after I did, I asked, "Why am I here? Like this?"
For a second I thought she caught on to my position; my back was on her legs, my head rested on a chair's armrest, and my legs dangled over the opposite one. Nonetheless, my question was too generalized.
She answered in a deep manner, "Don't you remember? I explained that to everyone the night you arrived. The Universe*; it saw my - no, our - want for more."
"More what? Another distraction?" I retorted, rolling off the chair to sprawl on a colorful rug. "Y'all were probably doing just fine until I stumbled into the bay window and then I could see the tension."
"Don't talk like Ranger Rick. And you didn't see any tension. That was how our gang makes big decisions." she rose her voice.
"And why did you call me a child? Did you talk to Cory?" I pointed my finger at her. "He told you everything, didn't he?"
I received silence for a reply. Maya just looked at me, her blue and sparkling eyes portraying sorrow or a sympathy or sorts. I didn't want to tell a thing. All I needed is to know what she learned from him, then I can leave.
"All he said is that you seemed lost. And when I saw you running like a wreck, you looked like me. You have tension, not we. And you still look lost. I don't care if you're twenty-three or six years old. Everyone - like a child - is in a process of becoming. I want to know what we all become around each other."
She didn't learn anything from him. Instead, she interpreted my expression as a part of her story. I didn't want to say anything to Maya directly. Her concern for my status was appreciative, but did she really want to hear me out?
I stood up a little quickly and became dizzy, so I stumbled over to her bed. For someone who makes a room her own, she shouldn't've put suitcases under the bed because I clumsily tripped over them. All of this was done without spoken word.
"Are you waiting for me to say something?" I sighed, taking one of her throw pillows and squeezing the fluff out of it.
Her expression didn't change as she ambled to where I could see her tower over me. "If you don't want to be called that fine, whatever, and I'm in no position to play the role of Riley here. But... Look at me."
I had averted my eyes from her piercing gaze because it hurt to see someone wasting their time on longer I obeyed her direction the more I wanted to sob.
"I don't care how long it's gonna take. Will you let me know what's going on? Or at least change something?" She quietly pleaded.
And so I did. I smashed my face into that pillow and muffled the agonistic joyfulness into the fluff until she ripped it out of my shaking hands. I looked through tears to find open arms and a barely visible smile, so I stood and let her wrap me. On my knees I was, bawling my face off, and she followed me down, barely containing herself.
I didn't tell Maya of my flashback. I didn't mellow over my childish reaction at school. The only words that repetitively spilled like water were "I'm broken," and "So we'll fix you." We were on the floor like this for the next five minutes, and it was slow. It was okay.
Then she sent me home, not without my promise to refrain from acting like a fool in front of Cory. I laughed so hard I only made it halfway through her window before falling back onto her floor; then we laughed some more.
Thanks for your guys' patience! I truly appreciate it! Now, as a student in college, I've had a crazy time with essays. I am about to enter Fall Break, but that doesn't mean I'll have time to write; I got family and friends too! My encouragement for you this month in October is to prepare for November: Thanksgiving is on the way, so figure ways to be thankful for your family and friends!
You guys must be stoked about this story. I have over 400 total views on this story, and it is cool to see such an achievement! Some of you keep coming back, so it means even more to me!
I want to hear what you have to say because I wrote enough words myself: Which GMW character do you want to be your best friend, and what makes him or her special? Let me know in a review, and I'll see you soon!