I wasn't sure if anyone was interested in me continuing this, but I had part 4 mostly written already...
His footsteps pounded the hard-packed earth, twigs snapping underneath each stride. The branches swatted at his face, stinging, but when he raised his hand up to his cheek, it did not come back sticky with blood as expected. His breaths came in quick, rhythmic pants as his eyes searched for the path that would lead him away from his pursuer.
A final swing of a branch, and he burst into a clearing. He paused to listen, hearing nothing but his own raspy respirations. He swung his head back and forth rapidly, taking a glance over his shoulder. The feeling of being hunted wasn't entirely gone, but for the moment he was safe - until he turned around.
"Oh God, no," he whispered hoarsely. The rocks jutted unmercifully out of the ground, the entrance to the cave worn by the elements. Voices streamed out of the opening. He wanted to run the other way, but he was powerless to stop his body from crossing the threshold.
He stood dumbstruck at a scene that had played out over two years before. He watched his brother pull the trigger, shooting him pointblank in the gut. The Jonathan of before slid down the wall as Ryan knelt beside him, pleading with him not to let go, begging him not to depress the button on the detonator.
"No! Make it stop!" Jonathan scrunched his eyes shut willing the scene to disappear. He steeled himself for the explosion, but it never came. He opened one eye slowly, and then the other. The cave was dark and empty. Only the smell of cordite lingered.
Macabre laughter echoed off the walls. Jonathan's heart jack-hammered in his chest as a shadow approached. Jonathan shook his head against the recognition, denying what he knew he could not be true. He inched backwards until he was into a deep crevice of the cave.
"Now, is that any way to greet your brother?" Braden's corpse emerged from the shadows.
"You're not real. This isn't real. You're dead." Jonathan held up a hand to ward him off, his eyes widening in terror.
"I'm dead because of you, you little sonofabitch." Braden lurched forward, closing the gap between him and his younger brother. The stench of decay grew overwhelming. Jonathan shrunk further into the corner, trapped. Hands encircled his throat cutting off his scream and his airway simultaneously.
Braden's rage radiated down his arms as Jonathan felt his head being slammed into the rocks over and over and over. Loose stones fell in a shower around him. The shower became a downpour, mercifully freeing the hands from his throat.
The relief was short-lived as a large rock weighted his chest down with a muted thump. He tried to move his arms but they were pinned down by the onslaught of cascading stones. He gulped for air, his lungs filling with the dusty debris as the rocks continued to pile on him...
"Del! For God's sake get off of him! You're going to hurt him! Let him go," Amanda yelled at him, trying to get him to release Jonathan's arms.
Jonathan continued thrashing around in the bed, not back to full consciousness. "If I let him go, he'll hurt himself, " Del gritted through clinched teeth. Del struggled to keep Jonathan's arms from flailing, his muscles straining against his nightshirt. Even in sleep, Jonathan demonstrated tremendous strength.
Lights flipped on in the hallway announcing the awakening of the other tenants of Wildwind. Di, Aidan, and Jamie poured into the room, closely followed by Julia. "What the hell is going on here?"
"Get off of him!" Amanda wrapped both her arms around Del's and tugged fruitlessly. Del softened his grip, but did not let go. "Help me, dammit." Amanda directed this at Aidan and Jamie. Jamie stood wide eyed as Aidan took a step forward. Only then did Jamie break his paralysis.
Del let out an involuntary screech as his arms were wrestled behind his back. In that split second, Jonathan's eyes shot open, wide and frightened. All three men witnessed the raw fear that stared not back at them, but through them at the same time. It was a sight that would haunt them for many days to come.
The spell was broken when Jonathan half scrambled, half flew off the bed. He bounced off the wall and landed in a heap on the floor. The six roommates stared in disbelief at their friend cowering in the corner, an arm raised protectively to ward off the last vestiges of the nightmare. A sheen of perspiration covered his face and arms, and caused his blue t-shirt to cling to him.
Julia and Amanda slowly knelt down next to him. "Jonathan," Amanda called softly as not to startle him further. At first he seemed not to hear and Amanda parted her lips to call his name again, but then he gradually lowered his arm. He blinked rapidly several times and looked at her in quiet confusion. Amanda stroked his cheek, feeling the dampness on her fingertips. "It's okay. You're safe," she reassured him.
The fast rise and fall of his chest began to slow as his breaths evened out somewhat. His eyes flew across the room from one object to the next. He began to register his roommates' presence for the first time. He bent both knees to his chest and seemed to draw into himself.
Julia studied Jonathan. He was so pale he was nearly translucent, and his intermittent shivers shook the floor underneath them. She gestured across the room for a blanket. Di obliged. Julia draped it across Jonathan's shoulders. He gripped it tight around himself, but still remained silent.
Julia grew more worried by the minute. Despite the blanket, the shivering became even more violent. His silence unnerved her. "He's in some sort of shock. I think maybe we should take him to the hospital." She spoke to no one in particular.
Jonathan snapped to attention. "No! No hospital," he said sharply. "I'm fine." His wild eyes refused to focus on any one person.
"No offense, mate, but you don't look fine." Aidan stated, concern etched in his voice.
Jonathan nodded fervently. "Really. I'm fine. I'm sorry I scared you. It was just a dream."
"That must've been some dream," Jamie muttered.
Jonathan's cheeks flushed, bringing some color to his pasty complexion. He was awake enough to begin feeling the embarrassment. Julia sensed this. "You know what guys? Maybe he doesn't need an audience right now."
Jamie and Del didn't need to be told twice, but Di had to lead Aidan out of the room. Aidan hesitated, glancing back over his shoulder, but finally allowed Di to guide him out the door.
Jonathan squirmed under the weight of the remaining friends' stares. He still wasn't sure what had exactly happened, the dream evaporating in the light like dew exposed to the early morning sun. He cleared his throat and attempted to put them at ease. "I'm sorry I woke everybody up. I'm fine. Really."
Amanda reached beneath the blanket and rubbed a soothing hand up and down his arm. "Don't worry about it. What was it, Jonathan? What had you so spooked?"
He inhaled sharply. He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, blocking out the fading images. His eyes met hers. He tried a smile. "Whatever it was is gone. I don't remember."
Amanda was wary. She stole a sidelong glance at Julia trying to share her suspicions. Julia caught her gaze, but turned her attention back onto Jonathan. "Why don't we get you off the floor and get you something hot to drink? You're still shaking."
Jonathan allowed himself to be helped up onto a nearby chair. "Thank you. I'm sorry," he called again after her retreating form.
Amanda sat on the ottoman facing Jonathan. "Now that it's just the two of us, will you tell me what's going on? What was it?"
Jonathan twisted the fringe of the blanket around his fingers, unwilling to meet her eyes. Amanda clasped his hands in hers and patiently waited until he made eye contact. "You can talk to me - tell me what it was."
"It was nothing."
"Nothing? Julia was ready to throw you in the car and take you to PVH like ten minutes ago. Whatever it is, you don't have to be afraid to talk to me. Nothing you say can scare me off."
Jonathan's eyes grew distant. Whether he was mulling over her words or slipping back into the past, Amanda couldn't tell. The silence stretched out as she awaited a response. Just as she was about to give up, pain clouded his clear, blue eyes and revealed all she needed to know.
The sadness welled inside her as she struggled to find a way to help him. If only he would let her. Amanda had been there at some of the lowest points in his life. She had shared his grief when Erin died, she had shared his despair when his marriage dissolved, she knew about his dark past, she even shared his bed, but this - this he kept locked away from her.
He looked at her longingly. Part of him ached with the need to rid himself of all the memories and dreams that had poisoned his thoughts for nearly thirty years. But he was skeptical that if he opened that Pandora's box, that it could ever be closed again. So he chose to remain silent.
Jonathan gazed into her eyes and saw her hurt and concern reflected back at him. "I can't. I just can't," he muttered in way of an apology.So Amanda offered him the only solace he would allow her to give. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held on.
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"Amanda, you don't look so hot," Babe observed.
"Good morning to you, too," Amanda snapped.
"Whoa. I didn't mean to offend you. Forget I said anything." Babe draped her coat over her chair and shut her purse tightly in her desk drawer. She made her way over to the coffee pot and poured herself a generous cup. "Coffee," she offered Amanda.
Amanda scrunched up her nose in disgust. "Ugh. No. I don't think my stomach can take it this morning."
"Are you sick?"
"I don't think so. I think it's because I haven't been sleeping very well lately."
"Any reason in particular?"
Amanda paused. The reason became glaringly clear to everyone she lived with, but she didn't feel comfortable divulging it to Babe. Somehow she felt she would be violating Jonathan. "No," she simply said.
Babe looked at her hard and long, but decided to let the matter drop for the time being. "We should probably get to work."
"Where is everybody?"
As if on cue the elevator doors slid open and Di, Annie, and Kendall spilled out. Annie and Kendall busied themselves putting away their coats, but Di lagged behind and sidled up beside Amanda. "How's Jonathan this morning?" She talked low so as not to be overheard.
"I'm not sure," she answered as honestly as she could. She had seen him this morning, but his mood swung back and worth like a pendulum. It was hard to pinpoint at any given time. She blamed his worsening mood swings on the upcoming Christmas holiday and the nearness of the anniversary of his sister's death. Her emotions were all over the map too, but unlike Jonathan, she had no explanation.
Di snapped her out of her thoughts. "If either of you need anything, we're all here for you." She gave her shoulder a supportive squeeze.
Amanda wanted to voice her thanks but a wave of nausea overtook her. She ran to the bathroom with only seconds to spare. She leaned back against the door of the stall. She prayed she was sick because the alternative was too scary to think about.
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The knock was so soft at first that Ryan thought he had imagined it. Not until the rapping repeated itself did Ryan move towards the front door. "Jonathan..."
Jonathan muttered a half-hearted greeting, leaning against the doorway and seeming vaguely uncomfortable. He twisted the papers in his hand until his knuckles whitened. Ryan guided him inside.
"Not that I'm not glad to see you, but what brings you here?"
Jonathan glanced down at the papers, consciously acknowledging their presence for the first time. "I was just looking over these reports -"
"It's Friday night."
"Yeah. So?"
"Sooo...relax. Enjoy the weekend. Technically I'm your boss, and as your boss I'm telling you to stop working and have fun. Do you want a beer or something?"
"No. No, thank you. I just had some ideas-"
Ryan leaned against the sofa. "And I'm sure they're brilliant ideas, but it can keep until Monday." He took in his brother's crestfallen demeanor and reconsidered his immediate dismissive response as he came around to sit on the sofa. He edged forward, elbows balanced on his knees. "Okay, what are your ideas?"
Coming from someone else it might have sounded patronizing, but Jonathan knew that wasn't the case with Ryan. Placating maybe, patronizing...never. The reports were only a thin-veiled excuse to come see his brother anyhow. "You know what? You're right. It can wait until Monday."
"You're sure?" Jonathan gave him a half smile to show there were no hurt feelings. "Okay. Hey listen...Annie and Emma and I were going to put up the tree, have some hot cocoa, the whole thing. You interested?"
Jonathan misinterpreted Ryan's abrupt change of subject as obliviousness. In fact, it was just the opposite. Ryan had intuited the unspoken need that emanated from his brother quite clearly. In his mind, that was exactly what Jonathan needed - a normal family ritual that had been lacking in their lives for so long.
Despite the track record, Jonathan had remained an endless well of optimism at the holidays. He was crushed at every Christmas tree destroyed or gift not given with each passing year. Ryan had witnessed it firsthand. But finally, even his hope had been stolen from him, leaving him hollow and empty, and that was the most painful thing of all. Ryan wanted nothing more to reinstill that faith in Jonathan.
Jonathan had yet to respond. "Well," Ryan prompted. "It should be fun."
He shook his head slowly. "I'm supposed to meet up with Amanda. In fact," he feigned a glance at his watch, "I'm running behind. But thanks for the offer."
"Uh huh."
"Another time?" Jonathan wanted to mean those words, but deep down he knew he didn't. He couldn't bear another year yearning for happiness, having it dangled in front of him just out of reach, only have it snatched away before it was realized. How many times could a heart be shattered and the pieces picked up before there was nothing left to put back together?
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Amanda turned the stick over in her hand. It was her third attempt, but the results remained the same. "No, no, no. This can't be happening. Not now." She sunk down on the lid of the toilet and buried her head in her hands.
When Di walked through the door, Amanda was unaware of her presence until she spoke. "Are you - I mean, is it... Are you pregnant?"
Amanda made a noise that was a half-sob and part groan. "This can't be happening, "she repeated.
Di sat down on the edge of the tub across from her, and laid a hand on her knee. "Maybe it isn't such a terrible thing."
"How can you say that? There couldn't be a worse time. I'm not particularly the motherly type, and this might just send Jonathan right over the edge." Amanda clamped her mouth shut, but it was too late. The information had slipped out, albeit it was no real secret that they had been together on more than one occasion.
To her credit, Di didn't even try to pretend surprise. She phrased her next words carefully. "Does he have any idea?"
Amanda shook her head. "I couldn't tell him until I was absolutely sure. I still don't know if I can."
"Amanda, you have to! He deserves to know."
"Maybe not. I haven't even decided what I want to do yet. I haven't exactly had a lot of time to think things over"
"How can you say that? It's his baby, too," Di got indignant.
"Don't lecture me, especially after you kept it from Aidan that you might be pregnant," Amanda fired back.
Di bit her tongue. "You're right and our relationship took a hit because of it. So how do you think Jonathan's going to feel if you keep this from him?"
"And how do you think he's going to feel when he finds out he's going to be a father," Amanda countered. "He's going through some serious stuff right now - you saw some of it the other morning. The last thing he needs is something else to deal with."
"Jonathan may not be as fragile as he appears to be. It might turn out to be the best thing for him."
"Or the worst."
Di got up to leave. "Just think about it," were her parting words.
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Ryan poured a cup of coffee as he watched his wife stumble sleepily down the stairs. He grinned inwardly at her early morning clumsiness. "Coffee," he offered.
She wrapped her arms around him. "God, yes. Mmmm, thank God for Jonathan or you'd never have had coffee again."
"Yeah, my brother is a lifesaver." He turned Annie around to face him, inhaling the faint scent of lavender as he buried his face in her hair. The chirruping of the phone interrupted their moment of marital bliss.
"Who the hell would be calling this early," Ryan wondered. He snatched the phone off its stand, glancing at the calling ID. "Hello."
"Ryan, it's Amanda. Is Jonathan still with you?"
Ryan's brow creased with the beginnings of worry. "No. No, he left last evening. He told me he had plans with you." He paced over to the window. "You haven't seen him?"
"Not since yesterday morning. I was hoping you might know where he is." Amanda hesitated. "I don't think he came home last night."
The alarm bells started going off in Ryan's head. "Are you sure?"
"His bed hasn't been slept in. This place is a ghost town."
"Is his car there?"
"Nope." The sigh was audible through the phone line. "I'm getting a little worried."
"Me too. I'll swing by work and see if he's there. He did seem to have work on the brain last night."
"Thanks, Ryan. I'll do some searching, too. Let me know if you find him."
Ryan disconnected the call on the landline, and immediately picked up his cell and dialed as he threw on his jacket.
"What's wrong," Annie frowned.
"Jonathan's gone missing," he explained simply before rushing out the door. "C'mon, pick up... Tad, it's Ryan. I may need your help."
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Tad sauntered into Ryan's office wearing his trademark look of bemusement. "What's up, Ryan?"
"Jonathan's MIA."
"When's the last time you saw or heard from him?"
"Last night, but he's nowhere to be found today."
Tad chuckled. "A nearly thirty year old man doesn't come home? Maybe he had a little...you know." Tad made a suggestive face.
"My brother wouldn't do that."
"Jonathan's not a monk, alright? Maybe he had a little fun. More fun than we're having that's for sure," he muttered under his breath.
"That's not what I meant. He's...with Amanda, and she said he didn't come home last night. She hasn't seen him, either."
"So he's not at home and not here? Where else do you think he might go?"
Ryan drummed his fingers on the desk nervously. "I'm not sure. Jonathan's been all over the map lately. He's going through a rough time," Ryan admitted.
"Great. The last time your brother went through a 'rough time', people got hurt," Tad said sarcastically. Ryan shot him a dirty look. "Sorry. Cheap shot. But you got to give me a little something to work with here."
"The last time I found him at Erin's grave. I was going to swing by there if he wasn't at work."
"Great. That's a good place to start. Let's go."
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Amanda clicked the phone shut. Ryan and Tad were coming up as empty as she was. At first, she wanted to find Jonathan to talk to him. She had decided Di was right, and although dreading it, she knew it was a conversation she had to have. Now her focus had shifted. She just wanted to find Jonathan and make sure he was alright.
Jonathan wasn't at The Comeback, and the offices at ConFusion proved just as deserted. As long as she was here, she figured she might as well search Fusion. She waited impatiently for the elevator, letting out a sigh when it finally came to rest on the ground floor.
The ding signaling her arrival was nearly drowned out by Kendall's cries. "What the hell is this? What am I supposed to do with these?"
"Kendall, calm do-"
"And you," she turned her wrath on Amanda. "We're having a major crisis here. Nice of you to join us."
"Don't mind her. She's been on the warpath all morning." Annie lowered her voice. "Any sign of Jonathan?"
"No." Amanda tried not to let the worry show through, but it emanated from her like heat off a stove.
"Ryan and Tad are looking, too. I'm sure he'll turn up." Annie was trying to be reassuring, but her words sounded empty, even to her.
"Why is it so frigging cold in here?" Kendall sought the source of the draft and found it. "The door to the roof's open."
Alarm bells rang as Annie tangibly tightened against her. Amanda pushed past her and Kendall frantically. She stumbled a few times, but caught herself as she scrambled up the stairs. She burst through the door. Snowflakes swirled in tornadic patterns as the wind whipped her hair around her face obscuring her vision.
The wind died down allowing Jonathan to come into view. Amanda's breath hitched in her throat, stolen in part by the frigid wind and partly by her friend's location. Jonathan perched on the ledge, one leg dangling precariously over the edge.
He either hadn't heard her or was pretending not to. His eyes remained downcast to the street below, an odd longing simmering in them. At last his attention was diverted and his eyes met Amanda's. He held her gaze for a moment, one that seemed to stretch out like filaments of taffy. Amanda stood rooted in her spot as if her feet were weighed down by the same substance. The wind remained the only lonely sound as it caused his thin jacket to billow around him and pushed his hair forward in haphazard tufts.
Jonathan broke eye contact and bent his other knee up, gripping the edge as his gaze shifted downward. His knuckles whitened as his fingers tightened around the cold stone. He rocked back and forth, his arms the only thing steadying him. He drew in a deep breath as if on the verge of saying something, but he bit it back. All that came out was a strangled sigh as he leaned too far forward. It was then that Amanda broke free of the paralyzing fear that gripped her. She let out a piercing scream.