A/N: I'm not sure what you guys will think of this one but hopefully you'll like it. Thanks go to SAndyLeePotts, Mijo54 and Crystal2222 for reviewing! Anyway, read on.
Facing a Fear
Jessica Parker was scared of many things. She always had been. As a child, her father had been quick to label her a hypochondriac due to her incessant worrying. But whilst she didn't think she would die from a broken arm, she was wary of how fatal insect bites could be. One of her first fears had been insects, and from there the list grew.
Throughout the years, she'd managed to forget about some of them. Working at the ARC helped with that. Being afraid of spoons wasn't really a sensible phobia when people around you stared death in the face on a daily basis. The herbivorous creatures at the ARC like Rex, or Sid and Nancy didn't bother her, but she was still deathly afraid of insects and bats. And like any sane person she knew just from watching the CCTV feeds, she would never be able to stand in front of a t-rex or raptor without getting frozen with fear.
Being stuck in front of the ADD was kind of a relief, even if it meant she had to watch people sacrifice their lives, like the girl in the school. She still had nightmares about that.
As a knowledgeable person, she knew the methods behind conquering a fear: flooding or systematic desensitisation. Although she would never hold a beetle in her hand, she was able to calmly get rid of one if the need arose. But she never would understand how she could shoot one of the futuristic bugs with an EMD pulse when she was half-delirious and in dire need of her epipen. Her parents had referred her to a therapist for some of her more ridiculous phobias, curing her fear of heights and enclosed spaces. But there was no way Jess could go to a therapist about her biggest fear.
She couldn't talk about her fear of losing a close friend because she wasn't at liberty to talk about the ARC, the creatures, the anomalies or a thousand other things. The Official Secrets Act was beginning to become a royal pain in the arse.
Watching team members die on a weekly basis, whilst she was coordinating them, had given her a phobia. She called it Thanatophobia, though she wasn't afraid of her own death or what would happen to the others if she died – she was sure they would be able to carry on without her. No, after becoming so close to the core team, in particular, she knew she wouldn't be able to bear it if one of them was killed in an incursion. Abby and Connor had become brother and sister to her since living in her flat. On nights out, or even on the job, Matt and Emily spent so much time telling she, Abby and Connor off and being responsible that they'd somehow become parents of the group. And Becker, well, Hilary Becker was the handsome prince who rescued them all, Jess thought.
After bearing a crush on him for so long, imagining all the ways they might get together and what they would do if he ever did profess profound feelings for her, Jess knew losing him especially would be like somehow lopping off one of her limbs. It would kill her.
Every day, her heart would stop and her fingers would tremble as they typed instructions into the ADD all while Becker and the team were risking their lives. Sometimes, she thought it impaired her judgement, but Abby or Emily always reassured her that when things went wrong, it wasn't her fault. Even if she was often their eyes and ears, she hadn't made Philips or Carter face a giganotosaurus alone. Nor had she sent Rogers and the squad's car off a cliff – the allosaurus had done that. Nobody held anything against her for being unable to save members of personnel. It was usually Matt who pointed out that without her, and her canny ability to hack into CCTV feeds, there would probably be even more deaths amongst the ARC staff.
Unable to physically talk to anyone about her fear – because, of course, Emily or Abby would tell her she was being ridiculous and that they could all look after themselves – Jess couldn't overcome the fear until it had almost happened.
She was on her day off when she got the call, from Lester of all people. She thought at first that he was ringing to ask her why she wasn't at work or if she could come in. She was shocked when he revealed what had happened, and encouraged her to get down to St James' hospital.
Her heart was racing all through the journey in her little, pink VW Beetle.
By the time she was parked, she was in a state of constant panic, jumping at the slightest noise as she waited for the doctor in the waiting room. She'd given the receptionist her name and her security clearance information, but they insisted that she wouldn't be allowed to see him because she wasn't family. She could only talk to the doctor. She was saved by Lester turning up and demanding she be let through with numerous references to the government, the Minister and hundreds of other influential people, as well as some government credentials, Jess was sure.
Her breathing seemed too loud as she made her way down the silent corridor to his room, her heels clacking against the floor tiles.
Through the window, she saw him. His chest was covered in bandages, criss-crossing over him, though you could still see the faint outlines of dried blood on some of his skin. His leg was still strapped in a brace and covered in more bandaging. His face bore a number of scratch marks, and he even had teeth indentations on his arms, though how they hadn't punctured his skin, Jess didn't know. It was safe to say that, hooked onto a drip and a ventilator that was doing his breathing, Becker was on the brink of death. The team sat around him, each of them bearing some kind of injury. Emily had an arm in plaster cast and a sling, Connor was holding an icepack over his leg, Matt's hands and arms were a mess of cuts from where he'd been showered in glass and Abby had a bandage wrapped around her head.
The car had rolled six times, the windshield had broken and the roof had caved in. All that had happened before the terror birds had even gotten close to them. Injured and dazed, they'd been in no condition to fight off the birds. Becker was the first to be dragged off, with them almost tearing his leg off. Abby had been unconscious from the roof hitting her, and since he'd been driving, Matt had been showered with all the glass from the windscreen and side-window. Emily was trapped by the grip she'd maintained around the door handle, though she gritted her teeth and pulled her arm out, though it meant she dislocated her wrist as well as broke her radius. She and Connor were the only ones who were able to help Becker, but they were too late and only hurt themselves further.
It was back-up who retrieved Becker's body and carried it on a makeshift stretcher back to the others, where ARC medics had arrived and were treating them. Becker's injuries were too severe though for him to not go to hospital.
Lying in a coma, Jess thought there wasn't any way he could be closer to death. He looked like he would just stop breathing any minute. You could see the effort it was taking to keep his body held together. When she was at his bedside, she could count the stitches when the nurses changed his bandages. For three weeks, she visited every day and waited for him to wake up, before accepting that perhaps he never would. The decisions regarding whether or not to turn off the life support rested with Lester and Becker's family.
She'd given up hope when she got the call that he'd woken up. After that, after feeling deep inside for months that he was dead, she couldn't say she feared it happening to the others because she understood the feeling. She'd been surprised when she was able to carry on with work. Lester had offered all the core team a week off, but after a day, Jess had returned to work. She needed to be busy, she'd decided.
When he returned to work, yet more months later, Jess still worried about his safety, but it wasn't such a debilitating anxiety. She didn't fear it the same way. She wasn't sure she was quite fearless, but there was certainly an improvement. And it was an achievement, a move in the right direction, that she'd managed to overcome her fear.
A/N: Incidentally, I was looking at the list of Phobias and do you know what Didaskaleinophobia means? Fear of school or going to school, so now people now have an excuse not to go to school :P Somehow, I don't think the teachers would approve though. Also the fear of spoons thing - I read a celebrity has it but I can't remember who it was. :P Anyway, let me know what you think!