Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to JE. This story takes place 9 weeks after TS ends. It was my thought for Lean Mean Thirteen. I took the Lean and Mean to heart. I'm sure most people have read this, but if you haven't, I hope you enjoy it. This was my very first fan fiction. I've since went back and did a lot of work on it. Same plot, but I've added and deleted and just all around cleaned it up.
Rating: R
Warnings: Violence, foul language, and sex
Thanks to Stayce my fabulous editor.
***Completely and seriously reedited***
Learning Thirteen
Chapter Three
I woke up just before my alarm rang, reached over and turned it off, and then slowly stretched my body. It was a rare occurrence for me to wake up before my alarm, and even stranger for me to be happy about getting up before my alarm. It was the sheets. It was like sleeping on soft fluffy clouds. I sprang out of bed already smiling. I loved my bed. I loved my bedroom. I loved my bathroom. I loved my apartment.
I walked into the bathroom, did my thing, and skipped back into my bedroom. I slipped out of my boxers and shirt and into yoga pants and a sports bra when I heard the front door open. Please let that be Ranger. I quickly grabbed my Glock 29 and hid behind my open bedroom door. I listened to somebody trying not to make any noise. It had to be Ranger, who else could be so quiet. The quiet person walked into my room, and I kicked the door shut after he passed. My gun was leveled with his head.
"I should shoot you just for scarring me you ass," I said, flicking the safety back on and lowering my gun.
"Glad to see you're more aware of your surroundings, Babe," Ranger said, laughing. I rolled my eyes as his eyes wandered down my body. "Are you running in that?"
I looked down at myself and smiled sheepishly. "I got distracted and haven't finished getting dressed," I said while walking over to my bed. I laid my 10mm down, picked up my shirt, slipped it over my head, and followed it with my pullover hoodie. My eyes connected with Ranger's once my hoodie was in place. Damn this man could fill out a pair of sweats. I roamed his body and ended on his eyes again. They were black.
"Babe," he groaned out.
Shoes! I needed shoes. I grabbed my socks and promptly turned and went through the door leading to my closets. I grabbed my sneakers and walked out quickly passing Ranger and headed to the living room.
"You're trouble you know that," Ranger said from behind me.
I turned my head around to look at him. He was leaned against my bedroom door-frame, arms crossed over his chest. His eyes were still black, but I didn't dare explore his body to see what else was affected by my eye wandering.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. You are too much deliciousness wrapped up into one package. I am a woman after all, and I only have so much control. I'll try to keep my eye wandering to a minimum," I said, flashing him a dazzling smile and returned to putting on my shoes.
"Stephanie, what have told you about admitting your control level to me? How much control do you think I have? I'm only a man, not a superhero," he said.
I turned around and looked at him again. I guess I never thought about his control level. "Sorry. I'm just about ready. Give me a minute?"
He nodded, and I walked to the walk-in-closet in the entrance hall, grabbing my black equipment bag. I took it back to my bedroom and got my ankle band out. Once it was in place I tucked my Glock 29 in the band and headed into the kitchen. Ranger was watching me move about getting everything I needed. I grabbed a couple bottles of water and tucked them in my bag and out the door we went.
"Where am I going?" Ranger asked once we were in the car.
"Cadwalader Park. Park on North Lenape Avenue," I said. "Do you know where that is?" I asked as an after thought and got a nod.
"So what's the routine?" he asked while driving.
"We do a warm-up, we stretch, we run, we cool down, and we stretch," I explained.
"Good routine. What's the warm-up?" he asked.
"We slow jog for a few minutes. Just enough to get our blood pumping. Then we stop and stretch. We run an eight-minute mile. It's not extremely fast, but it's a good pace for both of us," I said.
"Eight minutes is good. You're not running a marathon. It's a good comfortable pace. I usually run between seven and eight depending on how I'm feeling."
We pulled up to the curb and got out of the car. Lula and Tank parked behind us just as Ranger walked around the front of the car to join me. They got out and joined us a moment later.
Lula was sporting bright ass yellow this morning. Damn she was colorful. I liked color, but Lula took it a step beyond my comfort level. I loved her anyway, and it suited her. She was assessing me, almost like she was looking for signs of Ranger loving me all night. If that was the case she wouldn't have to look cause it would be spelled out all over my face for the world to see. Once she figured out it hadn't happened she shook her head in disappointment. I rolled my eyes.
"Lu, Tank," I greeted them with a smile.
"Girl," Tank said in return. He got that from Lula. He shortened skinny ass white girl, and if I'm being honest I liked his version much better. "Lead the way. We'll fall in behind you two ladies," Tank said.
"You just want to watch our asses," Lula stated firmly earning her two grins.
I rolled my eyes and took off with Lula, stepping into pace beside me and the guys following right behind us. The running path was empty this morning. The only sounds were four sets of feet hitting dirt and breathing. It was peaceful and made the five miles go quick.
"This is a nice park," Ranger said, fifty-five minutes later when we were finishing our stretching. I nodded just as my phone rang.
"Stephanie Plum," I said, when I didn't recognize the number.
"Hey there, sweetie, I've got a surprise for you," the man said into my ear. I smiled recognizing Lester's voice instantly.
"Oh yeah, what kind of surprise would you have for me, Les?" I smiled even more when Ranger's eyebrows almost hit his hairline.
"I just happen to be at breakfast with Bobby and Hal, when one of your skips walked in. I'll tell you where we're at if you guess which one it is," he said with amusement.
"How do you even know it's my skip?"
"Easy! I looked at your files last night."
I laughed. Of course he did. "Les there are only two of the five skips we have out right now that I would even hurry over to where you are to get. I would kiss you if you told me the skip you're having breakfast with is Yingler."
"You bruise me. I would never have breakfast with this guy."
I smiled picturing him clutching his heart. "You just narrowed my choices down by two. Please tell me it's Yingler. That asshole has been evading us for over a week. We want him bad, Les," I said all joking aside.
"So what you're saying is that we are to keep this sick fuck here until you ladies arrive," Lester said.
"Yeah that's what I'm saying. Where are you?" I asked, waving Lula to step closer.
"Crystal Diner on US Highway 1. He just got here with two friends. The waitress hasn't even got to their table yet. He'll be here for a while. How far away are you?"
"Eleven minutes. I don't know the diner, Les. How many public entrances? How many windows? Will he see us pull up? Tell me about this place," I said, while putting the phone between Lula and me on loudspeaker.
"One entrance in the front. The parking lot is on the side. He's sitting in a corner booth with a view. You have to walk in front of his window to get to the door. You can either walk around the backside of the diner to avoid his window or park next door. This guy is huge, sweetie, and his friends aren't small potatoes either. We're here if you need help, just say the word," Lester said.
"Thanks for the offer, Les. We'll let you know after we get a feel for the situation. See you in a bit," I said, hanging up and replacing the phone on my hip.
Lula counted off once I was ready and my paper covered her rock. "I'll take lead," I said and looked up when I heard Tank laughing.
"Did you two just play paper rock scissors to decide who leads and who's back-up?" Ranger asked with a grin.
"Yeah," I said as we walked back to our cars with the guys chuckling behind us.
We were parked in the parking lot next to the diner ten minutes later. Lula and I leaned against Ranger's car and checked out the diner. We could see the window our skip was sitting next to, but couldn't see inside the window from our distance. Ranger and Tank were busy reading over the skip's information just in case they needed to help out.
"This guy is watching his surroundings closely, so when he hears the diner door open and never saw anybody walk past his window he's going to look," I said to Lula.
"Uh huh. We don't know if he knows us or not, but I'm sure we'll know as soon as he sees us walk in," Lula said, getting a nod from me.
She was right we didn't know if he knew who was after him, but I wasn't willing to guess. Not with this guy. Tony Yingler was a 6'6" 265 pound black man. Granted he was forty-one, but I didn't think that slowed him down any. Since he was arrested for employing minors for pornography, he wasn't known to be violent, but with his size it shouldn't be hard for him to over power either of us.
"I don't want to take this guy down inside. We need to get him outside and his boys out of the way," I said, still watching the dinner.
"I can handle his boys," Lula said, smiling. I had no doubt about that, but how was I going to get Yingler out that door.
"Distraction," we said at the same time.
"Okay this is what I want to do. You're going to have to carry everything Lula. I have my gun, so I'm good. You go in with the guys. I want him to see you, and I want him to know what you are. Take the file for Uterway in and ask a few of the waitresses if they've seen him. We want to make him uncomfortable enough to want to leave, but he won't want to get up and walk past you to get out. That's where I come in. I'm going to give him the out he's looking for," I explained, smiling. "Once all the waitresses have said no, take a seat away from the door and order something. I'm going to wait two minutes before coming in, so I can prep for my show." Lula nodded with a smile and walked back over to Tank's SUV to get herself ready.
We all walked to the corner of the diner together and I stayed behind while Lula and the guys went in. I looked at my watch and as a last minute thought I took off around the backside of the building. I jogged so I would appear flushed when he saw me. When I got to the front side of the building again, I took my phone off the waistband of my pants and loosened all the parts. I needed it to fall completely apart when I dropped it. I looked at my watch and noticed my time was up. Here we go.
I walked past the window going with my agitated look. I could feel eyes on me, but I kept my eyes forward. I entered the diner and immediately saw Lula, Tank, and Ranger talking to a waitress. I did a quick scan of the interior making it look as if I was hunting for a place to sit. I saw the guys at the table directly to my left nearest to the door. They didn't acknowledge me thankfully. They must have figured out what we were up to. There were thirteen innocents in the room that I would like to remain innocent. I was fast at assessing a room when I entered. That was one thing I picked up the fastest with my training.
There was a long counter in front of me with two waitresses working behind it and the kitchen appeared to be directly behind the ladies. There were two booths and three tables to my left and three booths and four tables to my right. My skip was in the farthest booth from me, in the corner. The table next to his booth was empty. Excellent!
I turned to my right and walked back to the table. As I got closer to the booth I grabbed for my phone. I let it fumble out of my hands, watching it fall to the ground, praying it would crumble into pieces. It hit the ground, and I let out an exaggerated Oh My God as it broke apart, sending pieces flying in every which direction. I smiled internally.
"Oh freaking great. What the hell! I can not believe that stupid piece of shit phone just completely broke," I said as I crawled around on my hands and knees gathering all my parts together.
I looked under my skip's table and saw a piece at the far side against the wall. Oh how lucky was that. I looked up at the men sitting in the booth and saw they were all looking at me with grins. I gave them a slight smile and bit my bottom lip. "It seems a piece of my phone is under your table. Would you gentlemen mind if I crawled under there and got it?"
"You go ahead and do that, beautiful," Yingler said to me.
Uhg make my skin crawl. I couldn't believe this guy hired kids to film porn. I smiled again and crawled under the table. On my way back out I made sure my left breast rubbed Yingler's leg. He tensed instantly. Score to me. I popped back out from under the table and looked right at him.
"I'm sorry I think I touched your leg," I said, giving him an apologetic smile. His eyes flashed and he gave me an eager grin. Yeah, so not going to happen buster!
"Yes you did, beautiful. Don't be sorry, I certainly wasn't," he said, giving me a wink, and I tried not to cringe.
"Well, shit, it appears my phone is fucked for the moment. You wouldn't by chance know anything about cars would you?" I asked, while keeping my eyes locked with Yingler's. "I came in here to grab a cup of coffee and call my mechanic. My car just stopped running. I don't know what happened." His eyes left mine and found Lula, Ranger, and Tank. He was assessing his options. Good, you do that.
"I could look at your car while you use my cell to call your mechanic," he said, while getting up and offering me his hand.
I let him help me up, and uttered thanks. I shoved all my phone parts in my pocket and led him out. Just as we were getting to the door the waitress started shouting about them running out on their check. That's when I noticed his friends were following. Shit! He was going to freak. I tried to smooth things over, but it was too late. He grabbed my wrist and told Lula and the guys to stay where they were. Jesus, what the hell did he think holding my wrist was going to do? I looked at Ranger and Tank, locking eyes with Ranger. I gave him a slight head-shake to tell him to stay out of it. Lula got up very slowly and walked toward us. His friends came up on his side acting all big and bad.
Lula looked at his friends. "You two need to go have a seat and stay out of this." Her voice was calm, but left no room for an argument. But naturally their brains didn't match their body size and they didn't move. She stepped one step closer and her calm voice evaporated. "Your friend will be leaving for the police station momentarily. Unless you both want to be hog tied and join him, you need to sit your asses down."
When they still didn't move, she pulled her gun and aimed it at them. "Sit your asses down like I told you," she said, with more heat this time. "This is your last warning before the two gentlemen behind me drag your asses out in cuffs."
I smiled when those big bad men literally ran back to their booth and sat their asses down. She dealt with his boys. Now she will stay at my back and keep me safe while I deal with the supporter of kiddy porn.
"Look this," I said, pointing at his hand wrapped around my wrist, "isn't going to do you any good. What you need to do is let go of my wrist and surrender yourself to us. You're not getting away from us this time. Do us both a favor and give up."
His eyes widened when he realized I was with Lula. "You bitch. You were setting me up to follow you outside. I'm leaving and you're going to let me," Yingler said.
I shook my head no. So not going to happen. Not only was the guy a sick fuck but he was also worth $2,500 just for me.
"I'm going to explain it to you simply. My partner has her gun drawn. She doesn't draw her gun unless she's willing to use it, and I would really hate for you to leave here with any extra holes. Also I'm telling you now that you have three seconds to release my wrist. If by the time I reach three you haven't released me, I'll make you. I do feel I should warn you, though, if I have to make you, I will hurt you," I said, my voice calm and low.
He started laughing and my wrist started throbbing. He had a pretty tight hold on me, but he didn't have my hand in the hold, so he couldn't manipulate my joint. I looked around assessing how much room I had to move. There wasn't a lot of moving room, but enough for what I needed to do to get him to go down. Step one, relax Stephanie, I told myself. Instantly the pain in my wrist and arm decreased.
"Fuck you bitch," he said, narrowing his eyes at me.
Now why did I think this was going to be easy? "One," I said, leading him into a new round of laughter. I saw Lula move to get ready in case she needed to back me up. "Two. I'm warning you now, you will go down. Let's do it without injuries," I told him, shifting my body closer to him.
I got another fuck you and that pissed me off. I warned him right? Quickly, I slapped my free hand over Yingler's hand, keeping his hold on my wrist while I raised my arm, bending my elbow and rotated my trapped wrist in a downward clockwise motion until my palm pressed down on Yingler's lower forearm in a wrist-lock. I was just looking to get him to let go, but I'd go as far as I needed to if he was reluctant. And that meant breaking his wrist if I needed to. I dropped my knee two inches and felt him release my wrist as he yelped in pain. With my hand still over his, I grabbed his fingers and finished rotating his wrist and arm, until he spun away from me, hollering I let him go.
"Get down on your belly now," I said.
"Fuck you, Bitch. Let me go now, and I won't hurt you," he threatened.
I jerk up on his arm and pushed his fingers further toward his elbow. He hollered again and his torso dropped lower to the ground. He continued to fight me, though, refusing to drop his knees. I didn't want to stun him because he was too heavy for Lula and I to transport. Why couldn't he just lie down and be a good fugitive? I gave a sigh and thrust my knee into his thigh and stomped down into the back of his knee. He dropped to his knees, but not to his stomach.
"Stop being stupid and get down," I said, irritated.
He was spitting mad and his voice harsh and loud. "Fuck you cunt."
Oh no he didn't. I heard Lula hiss my thought out loud. I could deal with bitch, but nobody called me the 'C' word. I lifted my knee ramming it into his back and followed him down the rest of the way, leaving my knee deep in his back. He started to struggle again, so I lifted his arm a little higher and dug my knee in a little deeper.
"Move again, and I fucking break your arm." I'd done lost my patience. I removed my hand from his fingers, keeping his wrist rotated uncomfortably, and held my hand up behind me. Lula placed the cuffs in it. I cuffed his left wrist and brought it around his back to join the other one. Once he was cuffed I positioned my knee over the back of his neck, pushing his face into the ground.
"I'm going to lift my knee up off your neck, and you're going to stay down. When I tell you to get up you will. Then we're going to walk you out the door and take you to the police station. You're going to keep you fucking mouth shut, and you're going to do as you're told," I said, while slowly moving my knee and stood up never taking my eyes off him. Lula stepped up on the other side of Yingler and slipped her gun back in its holster. As one we reached down and each took an elbow. "Get up," I said, while we helped pull him to his feet. He yelped a little when he applied full pressure to his right leg.
"In all fairness she did warn you," Lula said with a smile.
"Can you walk?" I asked. He nodded without uttering a single noise.
I turned and looked at the diners employees. They were all staring wide-eyed. "I apologize for the disturbance. We'll get out of your way. Have a nice day."
We each held an elbow and Yingler limped as we left the diner. We put him in the back of Tank's SUV, seat belting him in and secured him with leg cuffs. I closed the back door and turned around meeting five smiling men. Then they all started clapping. If I could get any redder, I'd be shocked.
"Shit, Sweetie, I didn't realize how much fun I was going to have when I called you," Lester said, grinning. "You kicked the shit out of that guy."
I bit my lip, pleased with myself.
"I need to get everything out of my old apartment today. You guys want to help?" I asked, smiling and batting my eyelashes.
"After the show you just gave us, we'll do anything," Bobby said, grinning. "That was seriously impressive, Cutie."
"Should we take him to the hospital first? His knee and wrist can't be feeling very good right now. I don't think anything is dislocated, but I can't promise I didn't sprain his wrist," I said, looking back over my shoulder. The guys started chuckling.
Lester walked over to the SUV and opened the back door. "You want to go to the ER or are you good?" Lester asked Yingler. He said he was good so Lester shut the door.
"We missed our range time," Lula said just as Lester rejoined us.
I looked down at my watch. Yep we sure did it was nine-o-three. Oh well. We all loaded up and headed on our way. Lula and Tank took Yingler to the station and were dropping the body slip off to Connie, while the rest of us went to my old apartment.
We pulled into the parking lot, and Ranger turned and looked at me instead of getting out of the car. "Babe, you just took down a guy that was three times your weight and almost a foot taller than you without breaking a sweat. Saying I'm proud of you would be an understatement. You've been busy the last eight weeks."
I nodded unable to speak. The amount of encouragement Ranger and his men offered me was just overwhelming.
"Not only was that an incredibly impressive take-down, you two work well together. You devised a good plan, you put it into action, and it would have worked out had the waitress not mucked it up. It still ended beautifully. You kept your skip under control, so no innocent people got hurt, and you both made it through the take down without serious injury. How's your wrist."
"It's a little sore. I'll put some ice on it when I get a chance and keep up my range of motion so it doesn't get stiff. It'll be okay. Thanks for the words of encouragement. It means a lot to me," I told him.
He nodded while tucking a curl behind my ear, and we headed up to my old apartment with the guys in tow. I started cleaning the kitchen while the guys loaded up the truck. I moved onto the dinning and living room after finishing the kitchen, cleaning the walls and vacuuming before moving onto my bedroom. Once the walls were scrubbed and the floor was clean all I had left was the bathroom. The guys were gone taking all my old things to the church for me, and Lula left five minutes after arriving to go get us coffee and donuts. I walked into the bathroom and looked around. I hated this bathroom.
I was half way through with the room when I heard the door. Must be Lula.
"Steph? Hello?"
I ran out of the bathroom and collided with Joe just outside my bedroom. His arms grabbed me before I fell back on my ass. I looked up to see him looking down at me grinning. I smiled back. He hugged me to him. God I missed him.
"You're back," I said, with my face buried in his chest. I pulled out of the hug and looked him over. Yep still sexy as hell. I leaned up and captured his lips with mine. We just held onto each other and kissed for several minutes. There was nothing demanding about it, just a beautiful kiss. I pulled back first and looked in his eyes.
"You moved?" I nodded. "You changed your numbers?" I nodded again.
"Yesterday. A lot has changed in the last eight weeks."
"Apparently," he said. "I got worried when I couldn't reach you."
"Shit, I'm sorry about that. I guess I didn't think about you calling."
I thought about what I said a second too late. It didn't sound good when I admitted I wasn't thinking about hearing from him. And the look on his face said he felt the way I was thinking he'd feel.
I grabbed his hand and pulled him. "Come in the bathroom with me while I finish cleaning, and I'll tell you all about what I've been up to."
I picked my sponge back up and started scrubbing the sink. "So the day you left I made some major decisions in my life. Moving was one of them. I've been a victim for far too long because of where I live, so I'm fixing that."
"Cupcake, you were a victim in your own apartment because of your job not your address. You didn't have any problems with psychos before you tried your hand at bounty hunting," he said, grinning. "Maybe all you really needed to do was quit your job then your home would be safe again."
Okay so it was true that my job caused my home not to be safe, but I'd pissed off too many people in the last four years. They wouldn't just forget where I lived simply because I stopped chasing FTAs.
"Something tells me that wouldn't quite work, Joe. Besides I love my new apartment." I wasn't getting into a fight with him right when he got home. I knew he was fed up with me being a bounty hunter. Maybe he'd change his mind if he knew I'd been training the entire time he was gone.
Joe leaned against the wall and shoved his hands in his pockets. "What makes you think you aren't going to end up with the same problem with your new apartment? What are you going to do move every few years just to keep the psychos at bay? I think it would be easier to just change jobs. You have a new apartment so start fresh and get the new job, and I don't mean working for Ranger either."
"My new apartment has controlled access. Not very many people know where I live and it's staying that way. Every person that has my address and phone number has promised me they will never tell anybody. Ten people plus the RangeMan crew know. I've only told the people I know I can trust."
I dropped the sponge and sprayed cleaner on the mirror, just as I heard the front door close, so quietly I didn't think Joe noticed.
"Why does the RangeMan crew need to know where you live?" he asked, his voice barely disguising the heat in his words.
I turned and looked at him. What was his problem? I couldn't figure out if he really was completely jealous of Ranger or if the hatred he had stemmed from something else, something deeper than me.
"RangeMan handles the security at my apartment," I told him watching for his reaction. Cop face slid right into place quicker than shit. Damn what the hell.
"So Ranger has 24 hour access to you?" Joe spat, glaring daggers at me.
"He has the gate codes yes, and he also has the key to my apartment. So I guess you could say he has 24 hour access to me yeah, but something tells me he isn't going to base his day around that. Besides how did he not have 24 hour access to me here?" I asked him. I figured it was time we were honest with each other. He needed to understand Ranger was apart of my life.
"How the hell did he get a key to your apartment? Let me guess he said he needs to have it for security reasons."
"I gave it to him, and he doesn't need a key at all. If he wanted in he would just pick the lock. He had a key to this apartment, too. He's a part of my life, Joe. He's my friend. My best friend. I trust him completely. I always have, and I always will. Why are you making a big deal about Ranger? Why is it always about Ranger? I'm so tired of this argument. I don't want to argue about Ranger being in my life. I will not remove him. He's here to stay, so take it or leave it."
I blew out a breath, trying to regain composure. I didn't want to do this. The fighting was so old. I placed my hand on his arm, squeezing lightly. "I want to tell you about the last eight weeks. Do you want to know about it?"
"Sure, Cupcake, tell me. What have you been doing the last eight weeks? I'm dying to know how you can afford this new apartment that has controlled access, when you barely could afford rent for this place and food at the same time."
"I've been training. Lula signed on to partner duty, and we've been training together," I said, ignoring the money crack he tossed at me.
He cringed when I said Lula. That pissed me off. I'd take the jabs at myself, but Lula didn't do anything to him. She didn't deserve his criticism. But I wasn't going to fight with him. I'd be positive.
"You should see Lula, she looks amazing. We do the higher bond skips now, and we're working pretty much seven days a week just trying to keep up with the number of skips coming in on a daily basis. Ranger just got 100% clearance a few days ago, but he's busy running his company, so I don't think he'll want his skips back."
"Wait, you're doing Ranger's skips now? Jesus, Steph do you have a death wish or something?"
What? "Didn't you hear what I said?"
He threw his hands in the air and huffed. "Yeah you've been training. I'm glad you finally decided to do something about that, but eight weeks isn't shit, Steph. Ranger has years of training to chase after the high level skips. He's lethal if he needs to be. It doesn't matter what you've done, it's not enough. It'll take years of training before you could possibly catch a dangerous skip without getting your neck broken."
He shoved off the wall and started pacing. And that's saying something since my bathroom was tiny. "Jesus what are you trying to do to me? I was drinking antacids by the case when you were going after low level scum, but I'll have an ulcer within an hour with you chasing high bonds. You know how many calls I'm going to get now? I'm going to spend my days answering calls about you instead of focusing on my own work."
He stopped and rubbed his chest. "When I accepted this out-of-town job it was a huge career move. Your job, if that's what you want to call it, is getting in the way of my career. Now it will be even worse with you thinking you're good enough to go after the dangerous felons. I can't spend my day coming to your rescue, and if you think Lula can possibly provide you with sufficient back-up you've gone mental in the last eight weeks. She has even less experience than you do."
He leaned against the wall and pushed a hand through his hair. "Shit I didn't miss this. You know how nice it was to not have one call regarding my girlfriend and some crazy thing she's gotten herself involved in. The last eight weeks has been peaceful and that's saying a lot since I've been on assignment."
I let him go until he was burned out. Normally I would've jumped in every other sentence until we were in each others faces screaming and throwing our hands about. It was strange for me to just stand there and listen without reacting. It gave me time to gather my thoughts. To keep a running total in a way. By the time he was finished ranting, I was very clear headed and knew exactly what I needed to do.
"Yeah I didn't miss this, either," I said, my voice soft, quiet. "I guess that says it all. You need to know the decisions I've made regarding my life because they affect what's left of this relationship, and whatever relationship we may have in the future. I'm going to lay it all out for you. I'm continuing to be a bounty hunter. I'm continuing my training. I'm keeping Lula as my partner. I'm getting closer to the RangeMan guys, they're my friends, and that's not going to change. Ranger is an important part of my life, and that's not going to change, either. I don't want a Burg life in any way. Meaning I don't want to be a house wife, and I don't want to cart kids around. I'm living my life for me now. If you want to be a part of my life it means you accept me for me and you don't try to change me. In fact it means you don't want to change me. Compromise is something different. But the days of you demanding I give up things that are important to me while you reap all the benefits without losing anything important to you, are over. You also need to understand that my job is not something I will compromise on."
Joe didn't look happy, in fact he looked murderous. Tough shit. My life, my rules. I was no longer going to allow people to walk all over me.
"So let me get this straight. Basically if I want to continue a relationship with you, I need to accept that you are a bounty hunter, you're friends with a bunch a muscle head ex-cons, you're best friends with a guy who wants to fuck you, you don't want to marry me, and you don't want to have kids. Anything else, Cupcake? You may as well get it all out on the table since you've been so honest thus far."
Anger was dripping from every word spat from his mouth. I didn't want things to go this way. But I didn't know why I expected anything else. Why couldn't he love me for me? How could he even say he loved me when he wanted me to be somebody else? I wondered what he loved about me. Obviously it wasn't all of me.
"The day you left Joe was a really hard day for me. I didn't know where you were or if I was ever going to see you alive and unhurt again. I came home and cried myself to sleep. I spent the rest of the day in my bed feeling sorry for myself. How pathetic is that? After I had no more tears to cry I got my sorry ass out of bed and took a shower, and then I did some thinking. A lot of thinking. I came to a lot of conclusions and decided it was time I finally started living for me, and me alone. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life waiting for other people to make me happy. I have to be happy with myself before anybody else can even enter the arena. I've been so confused and sickened by my life for awhile now, and I realized that had to change. So I've changed it Joe. I'm not the same person you left eight weeks ago."
"I don't get it, Stephanie? How the hell did you change so much?"
I shrugged. He just didn't get it. Maybe he didn't want to. "I woke up, Joe. I realized my life was shit, and I didn't want that anymore. So I fixed it. I'm still fixing it, but I'm happy."
"Throwing everything we would've had, everything we could be, away makes you happy?"
"I'm not throwing anything away. Everything you're thinking about was what you wanted. What you saw for us. It wasn't my vision. It isn't my vision. We don't want the same things in life. We never have. I put on a good face and tried to please everybody around me, but it was never what I truly wanted."
"So what you're saying is everything's just been one giant lie?"
I squeezed my eyes shut, counted to ten, let out a gust of air, and looked back into the angry Italians eyes. I didn't know how to explain things to him. He was just going to twist everything into what he wanted to hear.
"It hasn't been a lie, Joe. When I said I loved you, I meant it. When I was with you, it's where I wanted to be. I wasn't playing with you. I just know now that we aren't heading down the same paths. One could argue that we've never been heading down the same paths, but I wasn't in any hurry to fix it. I was trudging along in life not really in a hurry to do anything to make my life better. But now I've started to make it better and I can't erase what's been done."
"Guess that means I'm getting erased than instead."
"NO! I don't want to remove you from my life. I'd never want that. Can't you see it's just this messed up relationship that's not going anywhere. You don't believe in me or in us. You don't really want me. I don't think you ever have. I think really you wanted somebody you thought I could be if I would let you change me. We've been going at this attempted relationship for years now, Joe. We don't have a healthy strong relationship. I know this and so do you. We can't be honest with each other without it biting us in the ass later, and we certainly don't bring out the best in each other."
He still looked fairly angry but the cop face lifted. He was showing emotions now, so an improvement was made. He let out a big sigh and rubbed his hands down his face. "I agree with most of that. That's sad, but I do. I hope you're not suggesting that I don't love you because I do." He rubbed his face again. "Let's continue being honest, and tell me if this change has anything to do with me taking this job. Does it have to do with me leaving suddenly and not being able to tell you anything?"
I thought about what he was asking me briefly and realized if Ranger was in my kitchen listening to everything, my answer could work for both of them. I figured most of Ranger's inability to be in a relationship with me had a lot to do with leaving suddenly and not being able to tell me anything.
I locked Joe with a look. "If you hadn't taken that job nothing would be different right now I'm sure. But that's because I wouldn't have been forced to really look at my life. To make a choice that I've been putting off for a long time."
He started to interrupt me, but I held a hand up. "Nothing would be different, but you not being able to tell me where you were going didn't effect my decisions one little bit. I don't need to know everything you do or even everything about you to love you. I don't even have to have you 100% of the time. What I do need, though we don't have. We're stuck in an on again off again relationship that has spiraled into an unhealthy pattern of behavior. We fight about everything but sex. We don't agree on anything but sex. You want me to be somebody I can't be so that you feel better during the day. We're secretive and have zero problems lying right to the others face, and we don't seem to be able to separate our working relationship from our personal relationship. You are a good man, and a great cop Joe, but I need more. You are 30% Joe Morelli and 70% Detective Morelli. I need more than you are willing to give me. Your 30% is your sexual beast. When you tell me you miss me, what you miss is me naked and you deep inside me. You don't miss the cuddling, the talking, the looks, the smiles, and the togetherness. You don't miss any of that because we don't have it. You were right Joe. There's a you and a me, and sometimes we're together but there's no us. We are fuck buddies with an exclusive title, whom happen to have fallen in love with each other, but are unwilling to seriously commit to the other. There's always something between us and we don't seem to be able to get past all the barriers. It's honestly not fair to either of us to keep going. We both deserve to be happy and have what we need and want in a relationship."
"You're right, Cupcake, we both deserve to get what we truly want out of a relationship. Did you plan to say all this when I got back or are you cluing me in that you've already moved on?" He wasn't smiling, but he didn't appear to be mad either.
"This isn't what I wanted. Not exactly anyway. I wanted you to come home and be proud of everything I've accomplished, to ask me about it and want to know about it. But I knew we wouldn't be able to continue our relationship the way it was," I told him honestly. I knew the day I made all the decisions in my life that it was over. As much as Joe claimed he didn't want the Burg life, he did. And he could never deal with possibly never getting married or having children. This talk was merely a formality, the official break up.
"So you never want to get married or have children?"
"I don't know if I ever want to get married again, but frankly having children scares the living hell out of me. I think I would rather get shot and spend a week in the hospital than deal with getting fat, labor, diapers, runny noses, sticky fingers, crying, noise on top of noise, and God knows what other excruciatingly painful experiences. I mean can you see me driving a minivan full of kids or attending the PTA meetings. I'm cleaning my bathroom with a 10mm tucked in at my ankle; not exactly family material."
"Since when do you carry a gun?" Joe asked in amazement.
"I started carrying it or some gun eight weeks ago. I always have at least one gun on me at all times."
He nodded and grimaced slightly. "Please tell me this isn't all about Ranger."
"Ranger didn't even know. In fact he just found out about everything yesterday."
"That's not what I asked. He didn't have to know about it, Cupcake. Were you doing all this to impress him, for him?"
I shook my head no before he could even get himself riled up. "I'm doing this for ME."
"I have to be honest with you, Steph, because you've been honest with me. Want to know what always came between us? Ranger has been between us for a long time, and his presence has gotten worse over the last year."
"Joe, it's not his fault. You can't blame him …"
"I know how he feels about you, and I'm beginning to really see how you feel about him. He's always the first person that you call to your rescue and even when you don't call he's the first to show up. If he doesn't show up you ask about him. You've always claimed to just be friends, but I don't think that's true.
"We are just friends," I interrupted.
"When he was shot I've never seen you like that before. I've seen you in every type of disastrous event and you have never been as hysterical as you were when he was on your apartment floor bleeding."
"Well Jesus Christ, Joe. I was duct taped to a fucking chair, unable to help him. Unable to stop what was happening. I was trying to protect his daughter. I was forced to choose. Do you have any idea what I'd be right now if Ranger would've died? Do you? I'll tell you, I'd be a nut, living in a white padded cell. I'd completely blame myself for killing my best friend."
"Stephanie, I just found you the day before, after being kidnapped and a bomb strapped to you and you were fine. You were fine after almost being killed. I was hysterical, and all you could think about was getting to Ranger's daughter. After getting kidnapped and stuck in a coffin you went back and took the psycho out yourself. Minutes after being hit several times by a gang member and almost gang raped you were smiling and waving. Yet seeing Ranger get shot had you in such a state you still couldn't breathe with an oxygen mask on. I've never seen you cry as hard as you were that day. So maybe what you should be doing is being honest with yourself and me about how you really feel about him. Your reaction was about more than just not being able to do anything. It was more than about choosing to keep his daughter alive. I deserve to know the truth after dealing with him smack in the middle of our relationship for the last three years."
He was right about everything he just said. I knew how I felt about Ranger, but honestly maybe I didn't know how obvious I was about my feelings.
"What I'm doing is for myself, nobody else. What I've decided is my happiness should be the most important thing to me. I'm not going to settle for anything less than what I truly want anymore. I love my job now. I'm proud of all that I've accomplished and still plan to accomplish in the future. My family is finally proud of me. My mom accepts my life and my choices. They know I'm doing what is necessary for my safety. I'm stronger now, and I don't mean just physically, but mentally. I don't feel like a loser anymore. I'm not incompetent anymore. I'm not a fuck up bounty hunter from hell anymore. I'm good at my job. I have a partner that I trust with my life and she trusts me with hers. I'm building friendships with a group of men that I respect, admire, and trust. Ranger and I are friends. We have a mutual attraction to each other that extends beyond friendship, but I don't really know beyond that. I know how I feel about him, but I haven't really shared those feelings with him yet, so I don't think it would be fair to share them with you first."
I hoped my tone finalized the conversation since I didn't know if Ranger was currently standing in the kitchen. Joe snorted, and I glared at him.
"You love him. Do you think he loves you back? You think he wants a relationship with you? I don't know if I would bet on that if I were you Steph. He doesn't strike me as the type that wants to be tied down. I think he only wants you for one thing. You know how I feel about him, and you know how I feel about his men too. If you were concerned about our ability to lie right to each others faces, don't you think you should be concerned about him. Do you really think he tells you the truth? That he doesn't lie to you? Do you even know anything about him? You know some of the basics in a standard relationship. If I can't be with you, Steph, he's not the kind of man I want you with," Joe said no longer in his calm voice.
"I never said anything about a relationship with Ranger. Whatever is going on between us is between him and me. I hold no delusions on just what Ranger wants to do to me. He wants to do it bad, too. I also hold no delusions on the kind man he is. I know what you think of him and his men and they are not psychos. See I know psychos Joe, and they go after good people not bad people. I don't understand what you have against him or his men. Ranger has never done anything personally to you, that I know of, to cause such dislike if not hatred toward him. Sure he chases me a little, but that's no reason. You have had issues with him and his men for a long time now. In fact even before we were together. I remember you making a comment about Ranger when you were FTA. I don't get it. He thinks you are a good man and a good cop and in my presence has never said one bad thing about you. Ranger operates by a strong moral code that might not always be completely legal, but he believes in what he does and he does it well. He doesn't lie to me, either. He omits things and uses misdirection or he flat out tells me to not go there, but he doesn't out right lie to me. Ranger just happens to be one of the best people I know. He and his men have done more for me than I can ever repay. I respect and trust each and every one of them. They deserve respect. Please don't ever disrespect him or his men in my presence again," I said, my voice calm and even toned. I didn't answer the relationship questions. It was none of his business what I knew about Ranger.
"Sorry, Stephanie, but Manoso isn't my friend so I don't have to like him or respect him. I will keep my comments to myself when I'm around you, though, only because I do respect you. I noticed something while you were defending him. You didn't answer the question on how well you know him," he said with a grin.
"How silly of me. Yes," I said simply catching him off guard.
"Huh? Yes what?" I smiled. He smiled in return. "Friends?"
"Always," I replied. He stepped closer to me and wrapped me in a hug. God I was glad it ended this way. If it had to end I wanted it to end on a good note.
"I just have one more question. If you don't want to answer that's fine, but it's bugged me for a long time." I nodded for him to continue. He pulled out of the hug and looked in my eyes. "Did you ever sleep with him?" I didn't want to know how big my eyes were. Oh shit.
"I never cheated on you." That's it answer, but don't really answer. He frowned at me.
"Don't say that, Steph, because that's not true." I stepped away from him and glared. "Sex isn't the only form of cheating. You didn't cheat with sex, but can you honestly say you never let him touch you or kiss you and that you didn't kiss him back. When you left my house during the slayer mess where did you stay? Where did you sleep? Where did he sleep when he was living here with you a few months ago?"
I swallowed hard. Shit I'm a slut. I'm a no good cheating slut. He was right.
"I never meant to hurt you, Joe. I think I was doing everything I could to convince myself that I wasn't cheating as long as I didn't have sex with him. I figured out yesterday that some things are more intimate than sex. Those are the things I allowed to happen between us. At first it was just because we were both attracted to each other. I think it's grown since then. I'm really sorry. I'm not going to make excuses because there are none. Just know that I do love you, and I want you to be happy. I don't want to lose you from my life, and for the record I slept on his couch when he was home."
"Not going anywhere, Cupcake. So where is Ranger?"
I held my eyes closed and gritted my teeth. "Probably in the kitchen."
He laughed. "I'll be sure to say hi on my way out. So do I get your new numbers or what? Do I have to sign a contract or give a blood oath?" I rolled my eyes, told him my address and numbers, gave him a kiss, and he left shouting a farewell to who knows how many individuals in the kitchen. I silently slid down the wall and buried my face in my arms.
"Babe."