Voices

Chapter Four

Exposure

Elsa had never seen her sister more excited than at the reception that evening. Anna was a bundle of energy, moving from table to table, introducing herself to guests right and left, sampling food from every single item on the menu and, most importantly, laughing—really laughing. For her part, Elsa was ever the picture of poise and grace, graciously socializing with them as if she had done this every day of her life, impressing them by remembering every single person's name and country of origin, promising to open negotiations between Arendelle and other nations in the pursuit of mutually-beneficial alliances.

The voices had been oddly silent ever since the ceremony and Elsa was too busy to contemplate what that might mean. All she knew was that she finally was letting herself experience what she had been missing for all these years, and she was actually enjoying it; all the pressure of concealing and hiding seemed a distant memory.

She even had laughed—she had forgotten she even could laugh—when, turning down the opportunity to dance with a rather disturbing-looking trade minister, she had volunteered Anna. The look on her sister's face as she was thrust about the ballroom floor in movements that could be called "dancing" only in the loosest possible sense of the term brought tears of laughter to Elsa's usually sorrowful eyes.

The "dance" concluded, Anna stumbled towards her older sister, a look on her face that screamed I'm going to get you for this! The two royals, queen and princess, stood in awkward silence for a moment, unsure of how to even talk to each other, it had been so long.

Elsa was the one to break the silence. "Hi."

Anna looked at her, somewhat startled. "Um, hi, Elsa. I mean, 'Hi, Your Majesty!' I mean, um—"

Elsa laughed. Wait, Elsa's laughing? thought Anna. She still does that?

"Anna, it's okay. It's just me, your sister."

"Right. Sorry. It's just that . . . we haven't exactly done this in a long time and . . . I'm not quite sure how to do it."

"I know," Elsa said. Another moment of awkward silence fell between the two of them. One of us has to say something, Elsa thought. She looked at Anna—really looked at her—for the first time in years and marveled at how much she had grown. "You look beautiful."

"Who? Me?" Anna replied. "Oh, well, you look beautifuller. I mean, you don't look 'fuller,' you look, um, more beautiful, and, um, oh boy—"

"Relax, Anna. It's okay."

Another moment of awkward silence. This time it was Anna who broke the ice.

"So, um, it's nice to finally talk again, don't you think?

"Yes," Elsa said. "Yes, it is." She paused, gathering a breath. "Listen, Anna, I am so sorry about how I have acted for the last thirteen years."

"What? Oh, no, Elsa, don't apologize. It's okay."

"No, it's not. I want you to know that it wasn't . . . it wasn't . . ." You can do this, Elsa. Concentrate! "It wasn't your fault."

"What?" Anna asked. "What are you talking about?"

"I just wanted you to know that . . . it wasn't your fault that I hid myself away. And . . . And I . . ."

"Yes, Elsa?" Anna leaned in toward her sister, careful not to make physical contact with her despite her strong desire to reach out and hold her, not wanting to upset her on the verge of a delicate moment between the two of them.

Before Elsa could finish her sentence, they were interrupted by one of the servants. "My apologies, Your Majesty, but more guests have arrived, and you are needed at the entrance."

"Oh, yes . . . of course. I'll be right there."

The servant bowed before her and took his leave. The two royals stood once again in awkward silence.

"So, um, I guess I'll see you later tonight?" Anna asked.

"Yes, I guess you will," Elsa said.

"Okay, then. See you later!" Anna turned and ran off, returning to the exuberance of the party, leaving Elsa alone with her thoughts once again. Sighing, the queen turned and moved to the ballroom entrance, her enjoyment of the reception evaporating like overheated snow vanishing into vapor, silently pleading with time to move faster and bring this evening to its conclusion.

Not long after, Elsa found herself embroiled in a heated discussion with one of her ministers of state.

"No, you are mistaken, Minister," Elsa protested. "I'm only seeing people publicly for today. Effective tomorrow, any information that needs to be presented to me can be done in my chambers, quietly and discretely."

"Your Majesty, forgive me, but you must be joking. You realize that all matters of state must be conducted in the throne room in the presence of your royal court."

Elsa swallowed nervously, hoping against hope that she didn't look as worried as she felt. "I understand that is the tradition, Minister. However, nowhere in Arendelle's laws does it specifically state that business must be conducted in this manner. I would prefer to conduct any royal business privately."

"Your Majesty, if I may be so bold," the minister protested. "I understand that you have led a somewhat . . . sheltered existence to this time. I never questioned why your father chose to raise you that way, but surely he must have told you that the queen cannot hide herself away from her subjects. The people will begin to wonder what is wrong with you that—"

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? What exactly are you implying, Minister?" Elsa asked, balling her hands into fists, her voice growing louder and angrier than she had intended.

"N-n-nothing, Your Majesty. I was simply expressing the fact that—"

Elsa didn't hear the rest of his stammering as the whispers suddenly began to swirl in her mind. We told you! We told you! You can't hide, you can't hide, you can't hide, snow queen! They'll find out! They'll find out your secret! You can't control it forever! How long do you think you can keep up this charade? They'll find out you're unnatural! Unholy! Monster!

"Shut up!" Elsa blurted out loud, silencing the voices and the stammering minister. Regaining her composure, she turned to the minister. "I will keep my appointments in my chambers. Privately. Is that clear?"

The minister paused, clearly uncomfortable with the entire situation. "Yes, Your Majesty. As you wish."

"Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me." Elsa turned and walked away, trying to find an unobtrusive corner where she could calm herself down..

Well done, snow queen! It's your first day and you've already broken one of the kingdom's major traditions and offended one of your top ministers! Can this day get any better?

"I hate you," Elsa whispered, unsure if she was speaking to the voice or to herself. She barely had time to recover from the latest onslaught on her mind—she rubbed her temples to try to soothe the forming headache—when she saw an elated Anna rushing toward her, dragging a well-dressed young man along behind her. Now what? Elsa thought.

Giggling, Anna stepped forward. "Elsa! I mean, excuse me, Your Majesty. May I present Prince Hans of the Southern Isles."

"Your Majesty," the prince bowed low before her. "It is truly an honor to meet you."

Elsa forced a smile onto her face, her headache getting progressively worse by the moment. Just get through this! It's almost over! she told herself. "Likewise, Prince Hans."

Anna and Hans looked at each other, giddy smiles on their faces. Elsa raised an eyebrow. "Is there something I should know?"

"Well, Your Majesty," Hans said. "I—we—humbly ask for your permission, er, your blessing to . . ." Anna giggled, "to . . ."

Simultaneously, they said "To get married!"

Elsa was speechless. "I . . . I . . . what, exactly?"

Anna suddenly launched into a rambling, excited monologue about how the two of them were meant for each other, and that they had set a date already, and they needed to begin working on the guest list, and hiring a caterer, and could they have the wedding in Arendelle next month because Arendelle was lovely that time of year, and—

"Whoa, whoa. Slow down. Slow down!" Elsa said to Anna, finally getting her younger sister to calm down long enough to listen to her. "Can I please speak with you, privately?"

"No, Elsa," said Anna. "Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of Hans as well."

"Fine," Elsa said. "You can't marry a man you just met. I'm sorry, but I cannot give you my blessing."

Turning on her heal, Elsa began to walk away. Anna was stunned for a moment, but quickly regained her composure and followed after her sister.

"Elsa! Elsa! Your Majesty! Don't walk away from me!"

Elsa's head was throbbing. The pressure of concealing herself, silencing the voices, making sure everything was perfect, dealing with ministers who wanted her to begin holding public meetings during executive sessions, was finally beginning to catch up with her. "Not now, Anna. I'll talk to you when everyone is gone."

Anna had run fast enough to get in front of Elsa and cut her off. "No, Elsa. We're going to talk about this now."

Elsa really didn't want to do this now. "Look, Anna, I understand how you feel. You're excited, you're seeing new people for the first time, you're overly emotional—"

"I am not overly emotional!" retorted Anna. "Hans and I are meant for each other. It's true love!"

"Anna, what could you possibly know about true love?" She hadn't meant for it to sound as harsh as it had, but she had said it, and nothing could take it back. She turned away, moving toward the exit.

"More than you!" Anna yelled back, stopping Elsa in her tracks. "At least I don't shut people out!"

"Go away, Anna," Elsa said quietly, silently praying for this night to be over immediately.

Anna cut her off again. "No, Elsa! I can't live like this anymore! I've been living alone for most of my life and so have you and I can't take it anymore! I can't be kept locked in this palace all the time!"

"Then leave." Elsa covered her mouth as soon as the words left her lips. That was so . . . cold! What is wrong with me?

Anna shook her head. "You don't mean that! You can't mean that!"

The buzzing sound was back, and with it came the whispers. Elsa was running out of energy to suppress them, and she knew it. "Guard!" she commanded. "Send everybody home and close the gates. The party is over."

Anna was nearly hysterical. "Elsa, please! Don't shut me out! Not again! Please, let me help you!"

"No, Anna." Elsa tried to escape, but Anna had grabbed hold of her hands.

"You say it wasn't my fault, but you keep acting like it is. I don't know what I ever did to you, but I can't take it anymore! Any of it!"

Elsa pulled her arms out of her sister's grasp. One of her gloves—her gloves!—remained in Anna's hands.

"Give me my glove, Anna," she said, composure beginning to slip away, her head starting to spin. Conceal! Conceal!

"Not until you tell me why, Elsa," Anna cried. "Please, just talk to me!"

Ungrateful little wretch! How dare she question you, snow queen? She has no idea how much you've sacrificed for her! Make an example of her! Cut off a limb! Throw her in the dungeon! That's what you want, isn't it? For her to go away and never bother you again!

She was losing control. This couldn't be happening. No. Not now. Not now. Please! Please! Conceal, don't feel! Conceal, don't feel Conceal don't feel concealdon'tfeeelconcealdon'tfeelconcealconcealconcealconceal—

That trick isn't going to work on us now, dearie, came the voices, harsh, cruel, gleeful. Did you really think you could rule a kingdom in secret? That you could just put yourself in a little room, never seeing anyone, and that no one would find out? That your sister would just let you be? Did you? Did you? Did you? Did youdidyoudidyoudidyou—

NOT NOW! Elsa roared in her mind, throwing up all the walls she could to suppress the voices, but still they raged on, louder and louder.

Anna was still crying, but Elsa didn't hear. She turned away and tried to get to the exit.

But people were still trying to greet her.

And Anna was still yelling at her, trying to get her to answer, to explain herself, to justify her solitary existence, why, why, why, why?

And the room was getting smaller by the moment—this ballroom used to be much bigger, didn't it?!—and people were too close to her and no matter how quickly she walked the door seemed to be farther and farther away and people were still trying to greet her and Anna was still beggingandwhywasitsoloudandthevoicescackledandhowled—Snowqueensnowqueenwhowantsasnowqueenlockedupinherroomnevertobeseen—andAnnawasstillwaitingforanansweranditwasimpossibletoconcentrateoverthebuzzingandthenoiseandthepeopleanditwastoomuchtoomuchtoomuchtoomuchtoomuchtoomuchtoomuchtoo—

"ENOUGH!" Elsa cried, sweeping her arm across her body, trying to push the whole world, Anna, the guests, everybody away from her so she could be what she was used to being—alone, so alone, the way it should be, it was better this way—except it was the wrong arm—Oh my God! No! No! NO!—the one whose glove Anna clutched in her startled grasp and was freely exposed to the world, the arm that, now free and unfettered had responded by doing what Elsa had always wanted to do but had always tried to suppress.

With a force that drove anyone near back several feet, a six-foot wall of jagged ice crystals had appeared in front of Elsa, shielding her, protecting her, exposing her. Horrified silence fell over the ballroom as guests stared at her first in astonishment, then in fear, then in revulsion, their shocked expressions boring into Elsa's soul.

They know, dearie! They know! THEY KNOW!

AN: More to come.