Listen To My Words

Chapter 4

"Day Two"

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Monday. Another day. Another hour. Another minute. Another second goes by that I question myself. But in the lonely hours of night I talked to myself. I talked to myself about what I can do. To make things better and I've come to the conclusion that I can't do anything. I can only suck it up. Why have I come to this conclusion you ask?

It is due to the fact that I remember.

I remember.

Everything from the room, the guy, the sex.

Edward.

His eyes. His face. His reaction.

And what broke me to tears all throughout the night is the look of disgust on his face whenever he had to look at me. Whenever he had to speak to me. Anything that had to deal with me. And to be honest, I have no clue how or why he would take me home. Why he would still put up with me for that forty minute ride. Out of his love for me? Or just his morals?

It didn't matter though. What mattered is that I am here and he is there. Apart.

I sit up in bed and look onto the floor. I look at the clothes, the pictures, random papers strewn across the floor. I can't help but hold my head in my hands and grimace at my situation. How can I go to work today? How can I show my face at work? Pretend I'm happy when it will all be evident too soon. There is a company party this coming Saturday. I need to somehow make this work. And fast.

I look at the broken clock and see that it's 8:40 AM. I'm only ten minutes late for work. If I leave now I could make it in 40 minutes and only be an hour late. It's worth it. I grab a pair of black pants with a matching blazer and throw on a white tank top. My hair is literally a pig sty. I pour water in my hair and cram it into a bun while spraying hairspray. I have no clue what they are going to think of what I look like. Baggy eyes with a heavy dose of morning-breath but I can't take any more time. I jump downstairs putting on heels, pick my keys up off the floor and I'm out of the house.

As I drive down the street I can't help but feel like someone is watching me. I'm pretty sure all my neighbors heard the commotion two nights ago. I'm sure they heard me throwing things. Screaming. Crying hysterically. I made a fool out of myself, I know. But I am moving on, starting now. While I'm stopped at a stoplight I pull down my mirror and look at my teeth. They look okay but my breath is what I'm most worried about. I sigh and look around at the cars next to me. Teenage boy leaving for school on the left and an old lady gluing her dentures in on the right. Perfect morning. I think getting out of the house has already affected my mood. I feel better. Happier. Joyful even. Who knew human interaction or even exposure could lift your mood?

I pull into a parking spot and take the deepest breath of my life. It's all or nothing.

Walking into the office I feel as if my whole life story was just published front page. Or as if I was back in high school and everyone got a mass text: Isabella Cullen cheated on her husband. What a tramp.

I can't deny it. I remember. I know that I cheated on him. How could I deny it?

Rebecca's eyes have a strange glint in them this morning. I have no clue if it is because I have "Whore" written on my forehead or if I look like a complete wreck. None are positive.

She opens her mouth then closes it. Her eyes dart around the lobby and she opens her mouth. Then closes it again. Damn it. Why can't she just say what's on her mind. I knew that from the start she couldn't be forward or confident about a damn thing on her mind.

Look at you, Bella. Now you're taking your frustrations out on the not-so-new secretary. Get a life.

And now I'm talking to myself. Or at least more often now.

"Rebecca? How much of my meeting did I miss?"

She looks at me for a good ten seconds. Then as if a bell went off in her mind she jumped and fluttered to not only to find the answer to my question but to remember my question.

"Oh my goodness! I am so sorry! Mrs. Cullen. I'm…I'm sorry. I must have dazed and…" She fumbled about the area knocking over cups of pens and papers scattered across. Eleven. "You see…," Twelve. "I think I was in a daze and I couldn't even remember what you asked me but…um." Twenty three.

I simply walk away because she is a waste of time. I get to my desk and the first item I see brings me to tears. Stabs my façade right in the heart. I can no longer act calm, cool and collected when my past life is mocking me.

Edward and I's wedding picture. I quickly slam the picture down to erase any of last weekend's screaming. As it hits the glass table I hear a shatter and I fumble to pick up the broken piece.

Two Becomes One.

The steel words fall of the framing and I crush them into my chest. I hold onto to them for dear life as I try to not cry. As I try not to weep. No. As I try not to scream out in pain. Discomfort. Grief, for the one that I miss so dearly. I can't be here. I know I will not be able to last the entire day.

A sharp knock comes from my door and Elana bursts into my office. I don't turn around to face her.

"Where the hell have you been?" She's furious. I can tell by the knives that try to stab me though the tone of her voice.

I whisper, "I got here as fast as I could and-." She cuts me off.

"Bullshit. I called you three times. Called your house phone seven times but I guess you pulled the plug."

"I disconnected it yesterday. Things happened-."

"Well of course you damn did. Do you know how important this meeting is? I even called Edward."

His name strikes my heart. My head jolts back and nearly causes me to look at Elana.

"Yeah. It's that serious that I would even try to call him. At least he knows how to pick up his fucking phone! He said he said he'd be the last know where you are. Are you playing some kind of hookey? We have big corporate people in there, Isabella. Who do you think you are? Get the fuck in there!"

She called Edward? A small light flickers in a corner of my heart. I wonder what he sounded like. Did he go to work this morning or was he taking the day off? Or if he was taking the day off, was he still sleeping? Or was he eating breakfast the Esme cooked him? Or was he with Emmett working out? So many unanswered questions that I had for him. I wish I knew.

My chair swings around before I even know it. Elana's expression goes from furious to concerned. She is actually concerned. Or well…was. Her emotions harden as she tells me I better straighten the fuck up or my job is toast.

I wipe my eyes and I put the broken pieces onto my desk. I stand up, straighten my blazer and walk out my office doors.

Elana walks closely behind me and nearly shoves me into the conference room. I look around at seven annoyed faces. Three of those faces are looking at the watch or their phone, wishing they were someplace else.

"Hi, I'm sorry for the significant time delay. There were some communication issues. But I definitely want to start off as to why you want to pick our firm." I scan the faces of the CEO's and I come across a face that makes me want to crawl into a hole. It makes me stop right in my tracks. I can't even remember what I was going to say. "Well...um..we have a high standard to start off. Um…to start off with. Why don't I tell you our plan? Yes. I'll do that."

I fumble with pointer as I wait for Elana to pull up the powerpoint. I swallow my astonishment and turn back to the audience.

"We'll help your firm increase their funds or well um…finances by at least 15% or no more than 15%. No! I mean more…more than 15% by decreasing the amount of people working? It all works out by the numbers." I run my hand over my hair and look down at my feet.

"Excuse me but how is our firm going to increase in money when you cut down our workers by over 45%. It says so, on the eighth screen I believe?"

I flashback .

"It's your choice,"

I couldn't stop myself from them from flooding in.

"I want you,"

Was this really happening to me right now?

"Bella open up! It's Edward! Who the fuck is in there with you?"

Why is this happening now? Why is he here?

I need to get out. Now.

"I'm sorry!" I scream out. Not at the audience or at Elana but at Edward. I yell sorry at him somewhere in mind. To wherever he is. I can't look up at them. I run my hands over my hair once more and walk out the office. Elana screams my name but I shut the conference door and bolt. I quickly run to my office and once I'm inside I lock the door. I'm hyperventilating. Everything about the night comes crashing into my head. Almost like a virus eating away at me. I close the blinds and sink down to the floor.

Come on, Bella. Get a hold of yourself. You need this. You need Edward. Come on. You can't do this now.

I'm talking to myself again. I can't go back in there. Not after that.

But if you leave you're going to ruin everything. Literally everything. You're going to lose your house.

Stop.

Your job.

Stop it, I'm serious.

Edward.

I scream out. I can't do this.

You've been saying can't a lot. You should try doing something.

"Shut up!" I scream out loud and I kick my desk. My heart is racing. Nearly pounding out of my chest to escape.

I'm leaving.

I gather my bag and swing open the door. Kyle, the messenger, nearly drops my mail when he sees my condition. I come to a halt.

"Mrs. Cullen!" Why does everyone seem to be so surprised to see me? I'm starting to get rather annoyed at enlarging of the eyes. The opening and closing of mouths. The sheer look of horror that I could look like this on a day so important.

"Yes, Kyle?"

I watch as his Adam's apple bobs up and down while he tries to compose himself. "Mrs. Cullen. Wow. Eh.."

"What, Kyle?" I snap. I'm done with my situation. My life can't get anymore screwed up than it is.

"You look...messed up."

Or can it?

"Well, don't worry I'm not going to focus on the obvious. I just wanted to hand deliver your mail as soon as it came. I remembered this time you know? You said there was an important piece of paper that you've wanted to receive and I think this is it! Well I don't think, I know. I'm sorry! I just had to peek! You're not mad are you?"

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! Damn it. How could I forget? My day, no life, is ruined. I snatch the mail out of Kyle's hands and storm down the hall. As I pass the conference room, his eyes meet mine and he makes his way towards the door. Shit again. I turn down the nearest hallway and pick up my pace. I open the side exit door and walk down a short alley onto the street but I hear the door open again after me.

Why me?

I look over my shoulder and see he is making his way towards me.

And that is when I make the stupidest decision of my life.

I walk into the entrance of the office lobby and I'm face to face with Elana.

"Oh! Mrs. Cullen, it is great to see you! I'm so sorry about your family situation. I was just explaining this to our special guests. About your situation." She was covering my ass. She was actually covering my ass!

Well if I'm going to get this chance of a lifetime I mind as well play along, "Yes. I hope you guys understand that this is not the way I usually am. My sincere apologies to all of you. "

"Yes, well we seemed to have lost one," Elana laughs with the rest of the corporates, "but I'm sure we'll…oh! There he is, Mr. Dawson!" She looks over my shoulder to man standing in the doorway. "Mr. Dawson, I thought you ran away due to the crazy presentation. Mrs. Cullen was just apologizing to all of us. Weren't you, Mrs. Cullen?"

He's Mr. Dawson? I had sex with Mr. Dawson. The smile on my face fades away as I turn towards him. He catches my eyes and a smirk slowly is plastered onto his face.

I'm on the Shit List for life.

Mr. Dawson straightens his tie and says, "Oh, now Elana that won't be necessary. We were just catching up. We haven't talked in a while, isn't that right Mrs. Cullen?" He turns toward me as I nod at Elana. I can feel his dirty eyes scanning my entire body.

"Anyways, Elana, Mrs. Cullen and I were about to grab some coffee. Her presentation was lacking but I feel your firm may be the one."

Elana's eyes enlarge and a warm smile creeps upon her face. "Wow! That's great. That really is. Well at least we have one business that will be jumping onto the band wagon. I want to thank all of you guys for coming here. If you have any more questions feel free to ask me or Mrs. Cullen. We'll answer all of them. I'll show you guys to the door."

Elana walks off with the big corporates all too soon. I can feel Jared getting closer to me as the seconds tick by. Once the door closes and the lobby is clear, his lips are at my ear.

"Well well well. Mrs. Cullen, correct? Mrs. says that you're married, I assume? You've done a very dirty thing with me Isabella." His arms wrap around my shoulder and I can hear a smile on his lips. "I can't lie to your boss, now. I did say that we're going to get some coffee. Would you like it to be at your place or mine?"

I shrug his arm off my shoulder and brush my bangs behind my ear with my left hand. At that exact moment, he looks at my hand and grins.

"I guess it's your place because Mr. Cullen found out? Or well he didn't like what he saw?" Jared laughs. "Seriously, Isabella, you should give me a call. I like what I saw the other night." He backs away from my ear and kisses me on the cheek. All I could do was stand there. Stand there with my mouth formed in a perfect O and a dazed look. It was probably another two minutes after he left for me to notice I was just standing there. With my mail on the floor. I scooped them up and put them into my purse. As I looked around the lobby, my eyes locked with Rebecca. Rebecca the horrible secretary. Rebecca, who is currently on the phone, motions me towards her.

As I make my way over to her, I hear her conversation.

"Well, no no! There's no need for that really. Well you see, Mr. Cullen she is right here. Yeah she's not talking to him anymore." Crap. It's Edward? He really wants to talk to me. My emotions bubble inside. No Bella. Not now. But what did she mean by she's not talking to him anymore. Damn her. Can't she just say that I'm busy? "Well I can ask her. Oh! How about you talk to her? I mean she's right here." There's a pause while Edward talks and I can hear his voice bellowing through the phone. Rebecca flinches as his voice becomes harsher. "He wants to speak with you." She frowns as she hands me the phone.

I take a deep breath and put the phone up to my ear. I can't get myself to say anything.

I pause and I hear him on the other line. His voice is muffled. "No she fucking wouldn't stop...No, no one is on…I am calm…Damn…what the fuck Jas.." I can't help but smile. It's been too long since I've heard his voice. Too long since I've heard any of his family. It really does suck that he has such a large family and I have, well, me.

"Hello?" I try to get myself to say his name, but my mind acts like it's an impossible thing to say. So I just say hello. The line goes quiet.

"Hi-." He stops as if something is choking his throat. As if it is too painful to say my name. "We need to talk later today. About everything."

Everything?

"What time is best for you?"

Another pause. I hear rustling on the other side of the phone and some whispers. "Well, I'm not working today, so whenever you get off of work."

That soon, huh?

"I'm actually leaving now. Today has been…rough."

I hear a snort on the other line. I guess he isn't a hundred percent calm. I then hear a mumble.

"What?" I ask.

"Oh nothing. I'll be at the house around two thirty."

At the house? The house is a mess. Crap is everywhere. Literally everywhere. Alice sure helped make the bathroom look like shit.

"No!" I say that a little bit too fast. "No…um…the house isn't in the best of shape."

"Isabella, I can go to my own house if I want to." His voice hardens and I can fee his glare through the phone.

"That's not what I mean. I just don't want you to see the house the way it is."

"Really? Now you care about what I see?" His anger increases, "You should've thought of that before you were fucking some…" He stops. His words slash out at me. Slice my neck open and takes my breath away. He takes a deep breath. "I'll be at the house at two thirty." And with that he hung up.