I finally managed to get this chapter to co-operate with me and I think it's okay but what matters most is what you guys think so make sure you tell me by reviewing! I think I promised a happy chapter at the end of the last one but as I was writing the story changed a lot and I think it's going to be better this way. Hope you like it! This one is for Badass Hathaway not just because I love the name but for the lovely review she (I'm asuming you're a girl!) sent me earlier today ;)

The drive home was camping free and all I had to out up with was Dimitri's bad music choice. But he was unusually quiet the whole way back. I tried to get him to talk but he wouldn't. He just stayed stonily silent like he did after I kissed him in the gym before the ski trip. Then he told me I needed to drive.

"What?" I asked. Yeah I could drive but not legally. "What if we get caught?"

"Damn it, Rose, I can barely move my hand!"

I sat there stunned. He'd never lost control like that before. His eyes burned into me with anger. But not at me. He was angry with himself. Angry that he couldn't do something simple like drive a car. But he was also scared I could see that much. Regret washed through his eyes and he was on the verge of apologising when I said:

"What did the doctor say?"

"That if I went a few hours earlier I would have been fine. The skin probably won't heal properly and that I could lose some movement in it."

"You can't be a guardian anymore." I whispered.

"I'm sorry."

I almost asked him what for but I quickly realised what he meant. He wouldn't be able to mentor me anymore and I'd lose him. I didn't want to think what my life would be like without him. Colourless came to mind. Everything would be less golden…

"Lissa can heal you!" I said getting excited. "She'll heal you and you can still be a guardian – "

"No."

"What?" I whispered lost for words. "What do you mean 'no?" I was incredulous this time.

"I've thought about it believe me, Rose, I have. She's on the pills."

"They'll only take a few days to – "

"No, Rose. I won't let you sacrifice her for me."

I went to argue again but one look from him had me choking back tears. He'd made his decision and was going to stick to it no matter the solutions I came up with. It was breaking my heart but I had respect his decision.

"What are you going to do?"

"Spend some time with my family then get a desk job at court."

"A desk job! You belong in the field! Protecting people!" I exploded.

"It's all I can do."

"What are you going to tell Lissa? She'll want to heal you."

"I'll tell her what I've told you. The sooner we get home the better."

Without looking at him I opened my door, stepped out and went round the back of the car when he made his way to the front. I knew that if we brushed arms as we passed each other I would cry and wouldn't stop. I slammed the car door closed and revved the engine too hard earning a wince from Dimitri.

The only time he spoke was when giving me directions I stayed silent the whole way back.

As I drove I began to wallow in sorrow. To begin with I'd hated Dimitri for bringing me and Lissa back to St. Vladimir's but then very quickly fell in love with him. The night of the lust charm had been the best life of my life so far even though we hadn't been acting entirely of our own accord. To have him touch me, kiss me and love me had been exhilarating and I'd never wanted it to end. Even now all these moths later I still craved his touch. To lose that…

I don't know why I didn't talk to him, maybe I was still in shock and hurt or maybe it was because I knew he'd made his mind up and I wanted him to be able to make his own decisions about his life. I was angry with him I knew he could see that. I wanted him to do something to comfort me like tell me it was all going to be okay or hold me, or, well something. What I wanted most was for him to change his mind but it didn't look like that was going to happen.

Somehow I was able to be happy for him. He was going to see his family again and I knew how much he adored them from the way he spoke about them in our training sessions. He'd be able to tell them he wasn't going to die anytime soon. He'd be safe.

My mind drifted through various similar musings as I drove home and I somehow managed to convince myself that he was doing what was right for him. But that didn't mean I wouldn't give it one last try when we got back.

"Is there no way I can change your mind?" I still didn't look at him in the small confines of the car.

"Roza…"

That one word was enough for me and I got out the car and closed the door, not quite a slam but louder than normal. I skipped the administrative building and went straight to my dorm room. I fell asleep pretty quickly my emotions catching up with me. I slept for longer than I thought I would and the setting sun of Monday greeted me through the window. I looked at my alarm clock and saw that if I hurried I could still make it to practice on time. I doubted Dimitri had left yet and I wanted to say good bye. Still in the clothes I was wearing yesterday I ran all the way there. Only to find Alberta waiting for me.

"He's gone isn't he." I felt tears in my eyes. I stubbornly blinked them back.

"He thought you'd find it easier this way. He left you this." She passed me a letter. I took it and then remembered the letter Simona had given me. It was in my back pocket and I gave it to her.

I stared at my letter for a while before doing anything with it. Alberta read hers and then looked up at me. I was still staring at the envelope.

"Rose, why don't you take the day off? I know you two were close, especially after Spokane and you've been through a lot recently."

"Thanks." I said thickly and left the gym.

I didn't dare open the letter until I was in the solitary confinement of my bedroom.

Rose,

Do your best. I still believe in you. I always have. Don't give Alberta a hard time – she's dong you a favour.

I know you're angry and must hate me right now but please, listen. I did what I thought was best and I didn't make the decision lightly. It's not just Vasilisa I'm protecting. It's you too. I'll distract you from being the best guardian you possibly can be if I stay. Without me you'll protect Vasilisa better.

I'll write to you if you want. Roza, you have no idea how hard this is for me. If I could stay by your side for ever and a day I would. There's nothing I'd like more. I'd like to write to you but if you don't want to hear form me again I will respect that.

All my love,

Dimitri.

A few tears had fallen onto the page as he was writing; occasionally slipping into his native language as he did so. Now my tears joined his. I was upset and angry and about a million other things. I read the letter over and over again until I had it almost memorised. If I could stay by your side for ever and a day I would. But he didn't. He'd said he'd be there for me and would support me if I needed it. And then he'd left. He left when I had a solution to his problem, he didn't even consider it. I didn't notice time pass until I heard Eddie knock on my door. I put the letter away in a draw of my desk and let him come in.

"You and Belikov bunking off at the same time, people are getting suspicious, Rose." he said cheerfully. Then he saw my face and quickly shut up all traces of joking gone. He sat opposite me on the other bed in my room and waited for me to talk.

"He left. He injured his hand whilst we were away and can't move it properly anymore. He'd gone home to Russia then he'll get a desk job at court."

"Oh, man. I never thought he'd go this early."

"No, one did." I whispered trying not to cry again.

"I never figured you were so close."

I laughed. "He's my mentor, Eddie. He made me as awesome as I am today."

Someone else knocked at the door and the bond told me it was Lissa. She was worried that she'd not seen me all day and wondered if I needed healing or something. Not that she could do anything with the pills still in her system. If only she could heal emotional scars, I mused as she opened the door. Eddie left and I told Lissa about Dimitri leaving.

I didn't cry even though I wanted to. It was stupid how much I could cry over one man. I didn't show her the letter but talking about it and just being with her was enough to calm me down and make me feel better. She told me she already knew this but let me tell her anyway. It was good it get it off my chest and it felt like old times with me and Lissa, like before Christian was in the picture. I was about to tell her that I loved him but she noticed it was curfew and quickly left so she didn't get into too much trouble.

Training with Alberta was more tortuous than I thought it would be. She did things differently to Dimitri and I didn't like it and found it frustrating that I had to change the way I worked to match her different teaching style. She was less patient than he was earning me a death glare when I was late or when I paused caught up in a memory of him. I didn't have to run as many laps which I found annoying and she didn't advocate them as much which seemed stupid to me after months of him emphasising how important they were.

Days passed in a hazy blur for a while. The only thing that really woke me up was Lissa saying:

"I haven't been taking my meds for the last three days."

I snapped back to reality aware of how careless I'd been. Three weeks had passed since Dimitri left and I'd been the quietest person on campus. Everyone thought that the shock of Dimitri leaving had made everything else that had happed catch up with me and had left me to it. An alarmed search through the bond revealed that nothing was wrong with her, she was just excited.

"Adrian and I are going to experiment with spirit but I've got to see a councillor twice a week."

"Are you crazy?" I asked, "You know what happened last time!"

"But Viktor isn't here anymore. I'll be fine, Rose."

Feeling how happy she was stopped me arguing. "Okay, just be careful. If you start feeling like cutting yourself again tell me."

"I will." She laughed. "It's good to have you back, Rose."

Training picked up the next day with more strenuous exercise and a sudden adage of laps. Grateful, I fell into the familiar routine with ease.

After training and getting some more food I found myself walking to Alberta's office. The door was open and she was on the phone smiling at whoever was on the other end of the line. She didn't notice me straight away.

"She's doing well but she misses you. She still needs your support. I don't know what it is but you seen to be the best person to get through to her. Are you sure you won't come back, Dimitri?"

My heart stopped at the mention of his name. I dropped the packet of crisps I'd been holding getting Alberta's attention.

"Here she is." She smiled and held the phone out to me.

Ignoring the crisps I dropped I slowly walked towards her outstretched hand and took the receiver. She smiled and left the room deciding to give me some privacy.

"Dimitri." I said cordially not sure how to feel about this.

"Hello, Rose."

"You here to check up on Alberta to see if I've killed her yet?"

"I was asking about you actually. You haven't written."

"I haven't wanted to." I said truthfully.

I could imagine him the other end of the phone looking hurt, maybe running a hand through his hair. There was a heavy silence for a few moments. Then I couldn't bare it any longer. He might hang up any minute and this was my one chance at getting him to come back.

"Lissa's off her meds. She could heal you."

"No, Rose. Every time she uses her magic she hurts you. I can't do that."

"You already did." I slammed the phone down not caring if I broke it.

I stormed out of Alberta's office and slammed the door behind me. She was waiting not far down the corridor and I had to pass her to get back to the dorms. She rightly looked alarmed and stopped me in my path.

"Rose, you look like you're about to punch someone." She said.

"He's not coming back. He won't let Lissa heal him and he's not coming back." I ground out not wanting to admit it to myself. "He's being stupid! He's, like, the best guardian out there and he won't help himself just because Lissa's magic hurts me a little bit. He's being stupid, Alberta."

"It's his choice at the end of the day, Rose. You have to respect that."

I did. After the hell we'd both been through with our illicit romance and having to deny our feelings because of our duty I couldn't help respecting that he was finally able to make a decision of his own. I just wished it was something different.

"I do, but I still don't like it."

Oooh, Rose sounds completly pissed off!

Come on you know you want to review! Perlease!