So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable. – Christopher Reeve

Teyla's laugh spread throughout the room as Ronon picked her up off her feet and swung her around. A couple of other thieves hid their smiles in their cups.

John chuckled along with Teyla, pleased to see his friend looking so happy on her birthday.

Ronon set Teyla down, an almost feral grin on his face, and went to grab some food. John leaned back against the wall, watching as Teyla began to make rounds to all of her friends.

Soon, though, she was approaching him and he straightened. "Happy birthday, Teyla," he said even though he'd already mentioned it several times that day.

"Thank you John," Teyla smiled. "And for your gift as well. It was most thoughtful."

"I'm glad you liked it," John said honestly. His gaze dropped to the floor briefly. "You're a good friend and I don't… I don't have many of those left."

"John," Teyla murmured. She leaned forward to rest their foreheads together in her version of a hug. "You mean a lot to me, and to Ronon. More than you may know."

John cleared his throat, checking quickly to make sure no one was close enough to overhear them speaking. "I haven't been keeping my distance, Teyla," he confessed. "Rodn- my mark is too much, too perfect." Too beautiful, he added silently. Too enrapturing.

"Perfect?" Teyla's lips twitched. "Ronon and I realized that you are not maintaining a distance as we'd told you to, back in the beginning."

"I know," John hung his head. "It's just-"

"John," Teyla cut him off before he could start to make excuses. "You have been in this Guild for nearly a year. You are unique and you have a gift. You are valuable to them, but there are always other ways."

"What do you mean?" John asked, stunned.

"Why did you leave the Force, John?" Teyla asked in return.

John hesitated, and then answered. "Because they asked to… they made me do something, hurt someone I didn't want to hurt. And because I knew they'd make me do it again."

Teyla's smile was wide and proud. "Is this not the same?"

John's eyes widened and he fell back against the wall in surprise as she kissed him softly on the cheek and turned to go rejoin the rest of her party.

...

John let himself into Rodney's flat. The man's front door passcode had been in the file he'd been given, but he hadn't had a reason to use it before now.

Now, though, now he had to talk to Rodney.

The kitchen and living room were empty. John frowned, cocking his head to the side as he heard voices coming from a back room. Curious, he walked quietly down the hallway, passing what looked like Rodney's bedroom on his right and a bathroom to his left.

The door at the end of the hall was open and John could make out Rodney's back. In front of him, a large video screen showed a man John very vaguely recognized, but he couldn't place from where.

"-the combustion of it," Rodney was saying. "If we can find a way to calm down the filtration system then it should work fine."

"Fine is not good enough here, Rodney, you know that," the man said, adjusting his glasses. "We need to design a better cooling unit. With the corrosion the outer shell is going to undergo, we need to at least be confident that it will not burst into flame."

"If it did, it'd be apt," Rodney's hands stilled. John wondered if he was rolling his eyes. "I have to wonder if one machine will be enough, Radek."

Now John recognized him as Dr. Radek Zelenka, one of the other contributors to the ZPM model and one of the few people Rodney willingly worked with. Zelenka snorted. "It will not," he said. "The Phoenix Device will be powerful, yes, but to cover the whole planet…"

The scientist trailed off, looking past Rodney's shoulder. At him, John realized. Caught, he gave a little wave.

Rodney turned, frowning. "What are you doing here?" he asked abruptly.

"I can't come visit?" John put on a fake-hurt look.

Rodney opened his mouth as if to argue, but Zelenka spoke first. "I will return to the lab and try those tests, Rodney," he said. "Call me back when you have finished with your… visit."

John raised an eyebrow Zelenka, but the scientist just signed off and the screen went black.

Rodney stood and walked towards John. John backed up slightly, letting the man out of the door. Rodney headed towards the living room and John followed.

"What's the Phoenix Device?" John asked as they stopped by the couch.

Rodney spun to face him, something infinitely sad in his eyes. It had John's chest contracting painfully and he swallowed.

After a moment, Rodney leaned over to pet Tauri, who was napping on the couch. "I didn't buy Tauri in an adoption agency," he began. "I don't even know if he was born in one, but maybe. It's likely."

"What?" John asked, confused.

"I was doing some work for Weir's company," Rodney said. "Six months ago now. We were outside the biosphere, in hazmat suits of course, and there was a break in the smog." He wasn't looking at John at all, continuing to pet Tauri who'd now woken up and was purring. "I saw him on the side of an old highway. He was coated in grime and sludge, but he was alive."

"You rescued him from outside," John gaped. "But, without a suit, the pollution kills any living thing in mere hours!"

"He'd been out there at least overnight," Rodney said. "I took him to a specialist, a friend of mine actually, and she, Jennifer, began to care for him. I thought he would die, but I was curious so I had a tracker help me find where he'd been. We followed his tracks all the way to a small enclave."

"What did you find?" John asked, because now Rodney was looking at him, but with faraway eyes.

"Fresh water," he whispered. "In the back of a cave. There was a small pool, a spring actually, and around it… algae."

"Fuck," John had to sit down at that. He couldn't… he couldn't even imagine. As often as he'd been in Rodney's dreams of a world of fresh water and green life, he couldn't imagine that such things could still exist in this world.

"Yeah," Rodney rubbed the back of his neck, his other hand still stroking Tauri. "I went back to Jennifer, expecting bad news, but she said Tauri would survive. They had to amputate one of his legs, it was too far gone from some acidic mud he'd fallen into, and he was so thin then from lack of food." He swallowed visibly. "But he survived."

"And you gave him a home," John said.

"And a name," Rodney nodded. "Tauri. It means 'mankind' in an old language… I can't even remember anymore where it came from but I have a book-" he shook his head. "He's my hope for humans, Tauri. My hope that we haven't destroyed the Earth so completely that it can't be recovered."

"So the Phoenix Device," John's throat was tight. "Phoenixes are reborn from their own ashes."

Rodney slowly sat down next to John, his hands coming to rest in his lap. "Exactly. It's… the device is complicated. I have several biologists and botanists working on it with me in secret, and of course I have a degree in bioengineering so that helps, but… it's been six months and we're not there yet."

"That's doesn't-" John cut himself off before he could say it doesn't matter. Because it did. It mattered so much. "I can't believe it, Rodney."

Rodney looked at him with those sky-blue eyes and John couldn't hold himself back anymore. He reached a hand out to clasp the back of Rodney's neck and pulled him closer.

Their lips touched like a burst of sunlight and Rodney let out a surprised gasp against his tongue. John swallowed it, continuing the kiss easily and needier than he'd ever kissed anyone before.

Rodney's hands came up to clasp at his shirt, pulling himself even closer to John's body. John shifted, spreading his legs to accommodate, and they fell against the back of the couch.

"Fuck," Rodney muttered, breaking the kiss.

John didn't say anything, just moved his mouth to Rodney's chin. He pressed a hard kiss there and then moved down to where Rodney's jawline met his neck and bit down. Rodney arched into the bite, hands tightening on John's shirt.

John sucked at the bite mark, pulling at Rodney's skin as if he had nothing else.

He didn't, though, did he?

Rodney's thighs clamped down and then he was rocking, almost awkwardly dragging their bodies together. The friction rubbed against John's cock behind his pants and he groaned against Rodney's skin. His hands slipped under Rodney's shirt, spreading across slightly cool skin.

"You're warm," Rodney murmured against him, happily.

John smirked just a bit and kissed Rodney briefly. He bucked up suddenly, making them both moan as their hips clashed. "Bed?" he asked softly.

Rodney hesitated briefly, pulling back enough so they could look each other in the eye. "Yeah," he agreed after a heartbeat.

John kissed him again, and then stood with Rodney still clinging to him. He nearly fell and Rodney huffed, untangling himself. John clasped the back of Rodney's neck, an anchor for both of them as he was led into the bedroom.

"I can't believe you haven't been modified," Rodney groaned, pouting a bit as John stripped himself of a shirt and then helped Rodney with his.

The compliment had a flush spreading over John's skin, easy to see on his hairless chest. Sometimes he resented the fact that he couldn't grow chest hair, but it was nice to see that Rodney didn't have any either. He ran a hand over Rodney's chest, almost a question.

Rodney's cheeks reddened and he shrugged. "I can't even really grow a beard," he admitted. "I just don't have a lot of hair." He ran an uncertain hand over his slightly balding head.

"You're perfect," John said honestly. He'd said as much to Teyla.

But he didn't want to think of Teyla now. Just Rodney, standing shirtless in his room like an offering. John pressed a palm to Rodney's cheek and directed him into another kiss.

Rodney went easily, if still unbelieving. John wasn't good with words, he never had been, but he could speak with his actions at least. He prodded Rodney back until he'd sat on the bed and then reached down to undo the buttons on his pants.

"John," Rodney muttered, overwhelmed. John shushed him with another kiss and pulled down his pants and boxers in one go. They tangled with Rodney's ankles until he kicked them off, but John was already bringing his mouth to Rodney's cock.

It was thicker than his, slightly pinker, and growing harder. John kissed the tip and then licked it, teasingly.

"Fuck, please," Rodney whined.

John huffed, pleased, and put his mouth over the tip, sucking lightly. He let his throat relax. It had been a while, months even before he'd met Rodney, but he had control enough to remember how to do this, give this pleasure.

Rodney's cock slipped past John's swirling tongue and hit the back of his throat. John pushed back the instinctual need to gag and sucked hard. Rodney's hand came to clutch at his hair and he groaned.

John let himself get a little slobbery, wetting Rodney's hard cock. He pulled out to just the tip and then went back down, setting up a steady pace. His own cock was pushing against his pants zipper, but John ignored it best he could. His hands clutched at Rodney's thighs, another anchor.

Rodney gasped suddenly and John could feel his balls beginning to bunch up underneath his cheeks. He sucked harder, wanting, but Rodney pulled at his hair roughly. "No, no," he muttered.

John pulled back, a little hurt. Rodney's cock slipped from his mouth with a little pop, but he barely noticed. Rodney's eyes were wide, hazed with pleasure, and his cheeks flushed. "Rodney?" he whispered, his voice slightly hoarse.

"I want," Rodney took a shuddering breath. "I want to come with you in me. I need you to fuck me, John, please."

John shivered. He hadn't expected that, hadn't dared to hope for that, but already he was realizing he couldn't deny Rodney anything. "Yeah," he agreed.

He stood and unzipped is pants, sighing in relief as his cock bounced free. The pants were quickly thrown aside and he watched with greedy eyes as Rodney put his hand over the bedside dispenser. Lube spread out over his fingers and then his eyes pinned John in place.

John couldn't keep in a groan, watching Rodney prepare himself. After a moment, he shook his head. "Let me."

Rodney leaned back on the bed, fingers still wet. John crawled on top of him, kissing him again as he reached down to Rodney's ass. He rolled the skin underneath his palm and then placed his thumb, testing, to Rodney's hole.

The anus flexed under his touch, already slightly stretched. John stuck his thumb in, pulling back from the kiss to watch as Rodney's eyes fluttered closed. He rubbed with his thumb, and then pulled it out to be replaced with his index and middle finger.

Rodney moaned. "Come on," he said. "More."

John obliged, twisting both fingers around before adding a third. He pushed back, searching, and smiled as Rodney gave a little shout. "Rodney," he murmured, trapped again by this man.

"Do it," Rodney demanded, eyes opening. "I have all my shots, come on."

"Me too," John stated, though it was kind of stupid of either of them to just take each other's words for it.

Then again, nothing about this was really smart. John couldn't care less as he pulled his fingers out and lined his cock up, pressing the tip against Rodney's hole. It opened for him in time with Rodney's ragged breathing.

John pushed in, slowly. He wanted to watch Rodney's face, see that pleasure exploding in the red of his cheeks, but soon it became too much. He pitched forward, burying his head in Rodney's neck like it was a safe haven as he hit home.

Rodney bucked up, reminding, and John began to thrust, gaining speed as Rodney's breath came quicker. "There, there," Rodney said. "John."

John bit down on Rodney's shoulder, shuddering. Rodney's hands grasped at John's arms, and John brought one hand down to jerk him off.

"John!" Rodney's neck twisted to the side, an invitation, and John bit again at Rodney's neck.

They twisted together, shaking. John felt the air around him still, as if it were slowing just for them.

Pleasure shot through him, Rodney's dull fingernails scrapping at his back, and John came hard. He pulled, almost too rough on Rodney's cock, and then Rodney was following him down into bright darkness.

...

The sunset over the ocean cast orange and pink shadows over Rodney's face. John smiled, entranced. He brought a hand up and brushed his thumb against Rodney's cheek.

Rodney leaned into him, smiling also. Behind him, a forest of trees formed a protective circle around them, blocking them from the world.

John, almost nervously, wrapped an arm around Rodney's shoulder, dragging them closer together.

The sound of the waves in the background was a serenade, and in the light of the sunset John leaned down and softly kissed Rodney's lips.

The world flickered like a candle.

Light had broken through the smog, John realized as he woke to feel the sunlight warming his skin. He sat up and glanced to the window that stretched across the entire wall. There was a break, small but enough for the light to pierce and magnify.

John smiled, looking down at that patch of light on his bare chest and then over at where Rodney lay still asleep. He remembered vaguely having just enough energy left to wipe them both off with his discarded shirt and throwing Rodney's blanket over their hips.

It had been so long since he'd spent the night in someone else's bed. John felt his chest constrict at the thought. He wanted to be everything Rodney needed so Rodney would never ask him to go.

John rubbed at his face, frightened suddenly of being here like this in bed when Rodney woke up. Scared he would say something he might regret.

Closing his eyes briefly, John slipped out from under the covers and quietly grabbed his pants. He pulled them on, glancing back to make sure he hadn't woken Rodney up.

Rodney was asleep in the same position, on arm over his chest and the other flung over his head. John smiled a bit as he picked up his shirt, though the smile turned into a grimace as he realized how gross the dried cum was.

Frowning, John dropped the shirt again and looked around. Rodney's shirt, a plain grey tee, was lying in a crumple so he grabbed it and slipped it on. It was just a bit big on him, especially in the shoulders, but better than smelling of sex.

Now he smelled of Rodney. John refused to admit how that thought had his heart speeding up.

John walked to the kitchen and started the coffee machine, then opened the cooling machine. There were a couple of frozen bagels and next to them some cream cheese, so John grabbed both.

He was watching the bagels warm up in the refresher when Rodney stumbled into the kitchen. John blinked, not realizing he'd been so out of it that he hadn't heard Rodney wake up.

Rodney blinked back, shock and surprise coming over his face. "You're here," he muttered in a rough voice.

"Um," John felt a sudden flash of fear at the thought Rodney might want him to leave. "I was making some breakfast. There's coffee."

Rodney glanced at the machine and then back at John. He stumbled forward, grabbing John by the arms. John stood, steadying him as Rodney clung to his chest. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"I thought you'd be gone," Rodney admitted softly into John's shoulder. "I don't know who you work for. Stargate or the Genii or… someone else, but you got what you wanted and I thought… I thought-"

"Rodney," John clutched at him. "No, I mean yes, I-" he broke off, embarrassed and shocked and hurting. "Last night, when we… that wasn't because of anyone else."

Rodney leaned back just a bit so that they could look at each other. "I hoped," he said. "That it wasn't, I mean, but when I woke up and you weren't there…"

John winced. "Let's sit down."

Rodney nodded, barely reacting as John put a mug of coffee in front of him and then a bagel. He picked at the cream cheese for a moment.

John sighed. "I was sent to find out about the Phoenix device," he said, because Rodney had already guessed it. "I actually wanted to tell you last night, but," he shrugged sheepishly. "I'm not good with words, Rodney."

"What are you going to do?" Rodney asked softly, his eyes fixed on his coffee.

"I'm not going to tell them anything," John told him. "Look at me, Rodney, please."

Rodney looked up and his blue eyes were shining with unshed emotion. "Is your name really John?"

"Yeah," John said. "And I'm a thief. The Force modified me so I could enter dreams, but ever since that first dream of yours…Rodney."

Rodney flushed. "I wanted you from the first moment I saw you. In person, I mean. I knew I shouldn't, I knew you were doing something, but I couldn't help myself." He jerked suddenly. "Is that a byproduct of-"

"No," John denied immediately. "I mean, I don't know. But it's never happened before and it goes both ways." He felt his cheeks redden. "But even if it didn't, the Phoenix Device and what you're trying to do with it. That's too important just to be sold to the highest bidder. I would never do that."

"I'm glad," Rodney said. "Thank you."

"Don't," John shook his head. "Don't thank me for that." He stood and circled the table, before kneeling down besides Rodney's hair. "Just let me have this. I mean, if you want to, now that you know-"

Rodney cut him off with a kiss that had them both panting. "I do," he said.

John let out a small, relieved laugh. "Good. Me too."

...

"You have been called to debrief on your current progress with your mark," the voice stated.

John maintained a carefully cool expression as he stood on the platform in the central meeting room. "As well as is expected," he stated. "But I need more time."

"What have you uncovered?" the voice asked.

John searched quickly for a good lie. "Dr. McKay has been attending several conference calls with Weir Industries," he said, though he knew it was on an unrelated project. "He otherwise spends most of his time working on mathematic proofs. It is a hobby, many of his dreams contain those numbers."

"You have not been able to manipulate them?" the voice inquired.

"He has a very complex mind," John said truthfully, though it was also the truth that John enjoyed sharing dreams with Rodney and very rarely did he alter them in anyway. Except the occasional nightmare, he steered away from messing with Rodney's imaginings of an Earth full of life.

Of course, he didn't always share dreams with Rodney. Sometimes he had his own, even in Rodney's bed, dreams that woke him with a scream in his throat that he swallowed back down. Rodney never woke up with him.

It was better that way.

"You have one week until McKay leaves," the voice stated. "Do not fail us, John Sheppard."

John started, shocked, as the voice went silent. All of the sudden he had a horrifying thought.

They know.

John left the meeting room quickly and found Teyla and Ronon where he expected them to be, sparring in Ronon's room.

They stopped as soon as they saw him, and John knew he must look awful. Teyla set down her knife, walking to him. John closed the door and then turned to meet her, accepting her forehead-touching, half-hug as the comfort it was meant to be.

"Tell us," she said. "Everything."

John did, starting with the very first dream. He left out the specifics of the Phoenix Device, because though Ronon often checked his room for bugs and cams, they were still in the Guild complex and one could never be too careful.

Still, what he did say was enough to shock both Ronon and Teyla. They exchanged a glance as John took a deep breath.

"He's worth it?" Ronon asked suddenly. "This?"

John felt his throat close. He tried to answer, but he didn't know what to say to that.

Teyla coughed pointedly. "We'll do what we can to help, John," she murmured.

"No," John said. "I can't get you two in trouble with them. This is your life."

"It is a life," Teyla agreed. "It does not have to be ours."

John looked at her, confused, but Ronon shook his head before he could ask. "You're our brother," he said. "We won't leave you alone in this."

"But he's not alone," Teyla said with a small smile. "He has Dr. McK- Rodney now."

"Rodney," John agreed. "I can't get him caught in this."

"He already is," Ronon said. He clapped John on the shoulder. "We'll help."

John felt his throat clear. "Thank you. Both of you."

Teyla gave him another half-hug and Ronon shook his arm. John felt gratitude fill him. To keep Rodney safe, he would need his friends' help, and he couldn't be more thankful that they would give it.

It would be hard; they all knew that. He could only hope he was overreacting.

The sinking feeling in his stomach told him that he wasn't.