I'm sorry I didn't update this for ages. I'd already written the ending and I wasn't sure how to get from the end of Chapter 3 to the end. I'm not really happy with it, but I really don't know what else I can do with it and it obviously wasn't what the requester wanted so I just wanted to get it finished really. This is the final chapter.
Bonnie Sveen Fan, I'm quite disappointed we haven't seen Ethan and David together - Ethan is so good with patients who struggle to communicate so I can imagine him being kind to David too. And vice-versa, as happens here! Thank you for your review.
EDSidekick, thank you for your review. I love how good David is at reading his patients and I'd love to see him developing bonds with his colleagues through this side of his character. I have the feeling Elle hasn't made much effort to get to know the others - she's new and fighting to stay above water and there's so much she's completely failed to take in. I think she showed with Charlie that she's more aware of what's wrong than what's right.
X-Sammii-X, thank you for your review. It is difficult for Cal. He's quite seriously hurt and won't be able to work (or date!) for a while and that's going to be upsetting even if he is 100% sure it's an accident. But if Ethan can forgive him Cal for deliberately taking his money, perhaps Cal can forgive Ethan for an accident.
ETWentHome, you've summed everything up perfectly - Ethan's lost everything, including the only person who might be able to change his mind and it would take a miracle. I've completely written myself into a corner, but you've reminded me why I enjoyed getting this far!Thank you for your review.
westlife4ever80, I'm afraid you might be right about Ethan doing something silly - I'm sure whatever he does will seem logical to him, but if you can't think straight, then logic doesn't really work! Thank you for your review.
20BlueRoses, thank you for your review. I'm not sure it is strange to feel more sorry for Ethan - Cal has some bad injuries, but they're all injuries he can recover from and he, unlike Ethan, has a lot of support. I think it can be harder to recover from something you did than something that was done to you.
CBloom2, it will be difficult for Ethan to make amends. If Cal won't see him, Ethan can't apologise and Cal won't see how sorry he is. I think Charlie knows, but probably no-one else. I have no idea if anyone apart from Cal knows in the series, though Charlie might know as he knows everything! Thank you for your review.
Tanith Panic, my impression is that Elle doesn't know very much about any of her colleagues - it doesn't seem to be her priority. To an extent she's right as it's more important to save lives than make friends, but it's a disadvantage having no friends at work. What was your theory? I wish I had one! Thank you for your review.
Thank you to xEmmaPevensiePendragonx and el spirito for the follows.
"No!" It was Ethan's turn to scream the word now. He could hear himself sobbing. His trainers pounded on the hard floor as he ran, but everything seemed disconnected from him including his feelings and that was wrong.
He wanted to feel pain. He had to feel pain because he'd hurt Cal.
Ethan reached the top of the stairs. For a horrible moment, the stairs seemed to swing up to meet him. He closed his eyes and felt someone grab him by the arms and pull him back to safety.
Ethan collapsed. He pressed his hands against his ears and rocked from side to side, moaning. He knew someone was holding him; trying to comfort him, but it wouldn't work.
Ethan was the bad brother. He was the violent brother: he always had been. He'd punched Cal when he'd hurt Lily. He'd been the first to attack when they'd fought after Taylor's arrest and, more recently, in the staff room. Ethan was the one who got drunk and did stupid things too – or perhaps they both did, but Cal sought warmth and love and human comfort. Ethan just wanted to prove to himself and everyone else that he was happy.
But he hadn't been happy.
He also hadn't been Ethan.
Cal was right. Cal was the intelligent brother too. He'd seen how things really were.
Ethan felt David's arms around him. They were strong and reassuring, but David wasn't his brother.
"Ethan." That was Charlie's voice. "You need to go home."
Home.
He would have to move out. He couldn't expect Cal to live with him again and Cal needed to be close to the hospital. He would work there once he was better, but Ethan would never work there again.
Ethan felt David lifting him. His knees straightened and somehow, Ethan was on his feet.
He took a step forward, but the world didn't look right. It was moving from side to side and it was darker than it should be. Ethan decided he must be feeling faint and he tried to breathe deeply, but he could only take in small amounts of air. After that, his lungs seemed to stop and all Ethan could do was to release the little air that was inside him and try another breath, but that also got stuck and the world was still spinning.
"Ethan?" Charlie sounded worried. "David, he needs to sit down."
Ethan took a step forward, but there was nothing there. Just empty air and that felt right. That was all he deserved.
He lifted his other foot and waited for the fall.
Ethan awoke in bed.
It wasn't his bed. It was much smaller than his bedroom and there was something sticking into his arm that hurt. It felt almost as though he was being poked with something sharp. He tried to see what it was, but someone had taken his glasses off.
"Ethan, do you remember what happened?" asked a voice from beside his bed.
Ethan started to say no; that he couldn't remember falling asleep, but then it came back to him.
Cal had fallen. Ethan had pushed him.
Tears burned his eyes. "Cal…"
A hand touched his arm and a voice spoke. A gentle, measured voice that sounded familiar and yet alien. "Cal's going to be all right, Ethan."
Ethan put his hand over his mouth but couldn't stifle a sob.
"You shouldn't have done it, Ethan, and I'm afraid I will have to suspend you – but I think you really need the time off."
Ethan squinted and tried to see who was speaking. It was a woman. It wasn't either of his mothers. It wasn't Honey. Who was it?"
She spoke again. "But if I said I'd never wanted to push Dr Knight down the stairs, I'd be lying."
Ethan began to sob. "I didn't mean to push him. Not down the stairs. I wanted to push him away from me and his ankle gave way."
The woman stroked his arm. "It's all right, Ethan. It was an accident. You'll need to stay down here for a while – you actually fell on the stairs yourself, though David was there to catch you – but when you're a little bit better, we can put you in a wheelchair and take you up to see Cal."
Ethan sniffled. "Cal doesn't want to see me."
"He was asking for you," said Connie.
Ethan swallowed a sob and tried to be glad Cal wanted to talk to him. But that didn't mean Cal was happy. How could he be happy?
"He is upset," said Connie. "I'm not going to lie to you. But he heard some of the commotion you caused – you two brothers cause more trouble than the patients – and he asked if you were all right."
"He was probably hoping I wasn't," sniffed Ethan. "Either that or he wants the pleasure of killing me himself." He began to sob again.
Connie kept her hand on Ethan's arm. "I wouldn't let you see Cal if that was likely to be the case. I have to leave you now because unlike some doctors, I have work to do, but I'm going to send David with you, okay?"
They were here.
Ethan was in his wheelchair. He couldn't see much. His glasses had broken when he'd fallen.
David bent down beside the wheelchair so Ethan could see him. He gave Ethan a hug, which Ethan, rather to his surprise, returned and appreciated.
David wheeled Ethan into the room and right up to the bed. Cal was a blur, but he still looked smaller than Ethan had expected. He had a vague impression of IV lines and bandages.
There was something white on Cal's head. A bandage. It looked as though one of his arms was in a sling. A blurry lump in the end of the bed suggested his ankle was elevated.
Ethan's eyes filled. "Cal, I'm so sorry."
"Ethan." Cal's injured arm moved slightly. He winced and held out his other hand instead.
Ethan reached out a shaky hand to meet it and a small sob escaped his lips. "I really am so sorry."
"It's not your fault," said Cal.
"Yes, it is! I pushed you."
"And then I fell over my feet," said Cal. "It's not your fault I insisted on having a difficult conversation with you right next to the stairs."
Ethan felt tears wetting his cheeks. "I should have listened to you. You were right."
"I shouldn't have got so annoyed with you," said Cal. "However tough it is for me to know my little brother has Huntington's, it's nothing in comparison with what you're feeling."
"It's tough for both of us," sniffed Ethan.
David rubbed his back and put a tissue into his hand.
"Dave, mate, could I have a minute alone with my brother?" said Cal.
"It's David." David paused. "Caleb."
Cal laughed. "Fair enough, David. Do you think you could give us a minute? Thanks for looking after him."
David squeezed Ethan's shoulder and bent close, making eye contact. Ethan nodded through his tears. David nodded too and left the room.
"So, just to check I haven't misheard," said Cal. "Did you say something about me being right?"
"Yes," whispered Ethan.
Cal squeezed his hand. "Don't worry. I'm sure it won't happen often."
Ethan wiped his eyes. "I don't want to be like you, Cal."
"Well, thanks a lot!" said Cal, but he was smiling.
"I'm sorry… I didn't mean…"
"It's okay," said Cal. He kept hold of Ethan's hand. "I know what you mean."
More tears streamed down Ethan's cheeks. "I don't want to get drunk all the time! I don't want to dance the salsa! And I want to give Lily the change!"
"You can do all of that," said Cal. "Or not do it. Whatever you want."
"I'm just so scared," sobbed Ethan. "I don't want to think about it. Any of it. I don't want it to be true, Cal! I want it all to go away. And it does go away when I'm drunk. But the rest of the time, I'm just pretending. I'm just doing things and then I keep doing things until I'm too tired to do anymore because it's when I stop that I start thinking and it hurts and I'm so scared!"
Cal used his good arm to push himself up into a sitting position. He put his arm around his brother. "It's okay to be scared, Ethan. Anyone would be."
Ethan hid his face in Cal's chest. "I didn't want Mum to look down on us and see I was unhappy. Or Mum. I wanted them both to see me enjoying life. I don't want her to blame herself for giving me the gene."
"You can enjoy life," said Cal. "Just decide what you want to do – it can be as nerdy and as geeky as you like – and I'll help you. You're not going to be happy all the time because no-one is, but you can still be happy, Nibbles."
"I didn't mean to hurt you," wept Ethan into Cal's chest. "I didn't mean for you to fall."
Cal stroked his hair. "I know, Nibbles. I know."
"I felt like I was the one falling," sobbed Ethan. "And falling and falling and falling…"
"But now I've caught you," said Cal. "I'll always catch you. Just like you've always caught me." He held Ethan till he'd stopped crying.
"Are you okay?" asked Ethan belatedly, once he'd dried his tears.
Cal smiled and ruffled Ethan's hair. "I'm fine now I've got my little brother back."
"You don't need more pain relief?" said Ethan anxiously. "You don't feel sick or dizzy?"
"I'm fine."
Ethan found he was leaning close to Cal and looking into his eyes to check his doctor hadn't missed anything. "Why don't you hate me?"
Cal smiled. "I was angry at first. Even when I asked to see you, I was still angry. But you're still my brother and once the anger faded, all I could think about was how awful you must feel. Then you walked in and I saw the state of you. I couldn't even be slightly angry then."
"I really am so sorry, Cal. For pushing you. For getting angry when you were trying to help. For not admitting you were right."
"For trying to be more like me?" said Cal teasingly.
"Well, there is only one Cal," said Ethan. "The imitation didn't come close."
Cal nodded. "And there's only one Ethan. And I've missed him."
"He's back now," said Ethan. "And I'm suspended for a week, so I'll be able to look after you."
"Brilliant!" said Cal happily. "I love it when Nibbles looks after me." His face became serious. He took Ethan's hand in his. "And we can talk, Ethan. We can talk about how you really want to spend the rest of your life."