My Beta is the queen of all betas. Period. Okay, now that I got that out of the way, thank you Kristi (tukct81) if it wasn't for you, I would have never been able to write a single word. So to all of you: if you like anything I wrote it is because of this girl right there 3
Thank you everyone who alerted and/or favorited this story. AND virtual stuffed hippos to all of you who reviewed. If you read my previous AN you might be wondering what's with all the hippos. Well, it's a long long story. Hopefully THIS story can be more exciting and hippo-free.
Unless you like hippos, in that case you should tell me. I just got an idea! How about you tell me when you REVIEW. pretty please with cherries on top?
"Something happened. I'm not sure how I should put this but…"
"Jeez! Spill it Car!"
"I think Katherine is trying to turn her part-time-Elena-make-believe job into a full time one"
"WHAT?!"
"I caught Katherine kissing Stefan!" Caroline blurted out. I think she regretted it after, given how quickly she went quiet, but then again so did I. My thoughts went blank. Katherine and Stefan kissed. He cheated on me! How could he? Oh right, he thinks it's me. A scary thought entered my head.
"That's all they did right?" Oh my God, what if he slept with her. I would never forgive myself.
"You care!" Caroline was so enthusiastic about my resurgent feelings that it took her a while to comprehend that I wasn't amused. "Oops sorry. Yeah, that's all it was. I got there just in time though."
"Thank God! Stefan would have never forgiven me if it had gone further." I let out an unnecessary breath as my faint heartbeat started to settle down.
"Yeah sure." Caroline manages to say even though I know she is nervous. "But what are you going to do?"
"What do you mean?" what can I do? Nothing really. She stopped them, which is good. But I don't have time to talk; Damon could walk in any second.
"I mean, how are you going to tell Damon you're leaving. Surely he's going to go all Sherlock Holmes on you when you-"
"Whoa! Hold your horses." I shut her up quickly. How can she possibly think I'm leaving? "I'm not coming back just yet." I explain in a calm manner.
"Ok, now I'm not following. What do you mean you're not coming back. I just told you I walked in on Katherine and Stefan KISSING!" Caroline shouted the last word in her 'only dogs can hear' voice, and I had to check if Damon heard us. Good thing is that he seemed oblivious. Bad thing is that he was flirting with skank number three. Or was that skank number five? Focus! My sub-noxious yells at me. She's no longer in the form of Caroline, which is good, because it means I'm sobering up.
"And you said you stopped them, so all is good" I try to reason with her. What more does Caroline want from me if she already stopped their sexcapades?
"Jeez, Elena! I walked in on them kissing." Caroline exclaims, freaking out a little, or a lot, depending on how one measures Caroline's emotional intensity. Who knows what I'll walk in on next time. What if they go further than that?" Why is she the worried one? I'm the girlfriend, and I'm calm.
"You won't." I reassure her once more. "It's going to be okay; just remind Katherine of our arrangement"
"Oh, I'm sorry how did it not come to me before? All I have to do is talk to Katherine and she'll listen to me. Because we're best friends and we have tea parties" Caroline quips sarcastically. All of a sudden my blood boils, and I am so mad that I think I have smoke coming out of my ears.
"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU MAD? JUST YELL AT HER. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE CARE, YOU GET IT DONE! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DO THIS ONE THING FOR ME, HUH? JUST TELL KATHERINE TO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM OR YOU'LL OUT HER" Ok, now I'm one who's freaking out, with good reason, but still. Caroline is my best friend, and she's worried. I regret my outburst immediately, and not just because my sub-noxious keeps shaking her head at me unimpressed
"Whoa! Elena, just take a deep breath" her voice is low and sooth-y. "I know this is all new to you. You've just got your emotions back and you're going through the whole heightened emotions phase, which is great. I mean you got what you wanted. You'll need time to control your temper and your… uh, outbursts." She tells me as if she's taking to an angry lion that she's trying not to piss off. "but you have all the time in the world for that. I'm just saying, why stay? You feel again. So just come home okay?"
Does she miss me or something? Why is she so desperate to get me back? It's was her stupid, yet successful, plan to come here in the first place "Why do you want me to come home? Stefan can handle himself-"
"HE THINKS IT'S YOU!" She yells again. Jeez! And I'm the one with heightened emotions?
"Then, you protect him." I say with resolution. I believe in Caroline. She can fix this, she has to, because there's no way in Hell I'm going back to not feeling anything again. "You guys have gotten close recently. Occupy him. It's easy like that." Why is she making it so hard?
"Or you know, you can just come back" again with the sarcasm!
"I can't Caroline!" I reply weakly; feeling like it's my first day in school and I'm clinging to my mom's leg asking her to let me stay home and not go. I'm that scared to go back.
"Why not?" Caroline asks desperately. She sighs as she waits for my answer. I'm trying to make myself sound sane. I'm trying to tell her how I feel.
"Because… what if I do get back and then I go numb again? I can't go back to that Caroline." I feel my eyes watering and the first tear I shed in a very long time falls down my cheek.
"You won't" Caroline reassures me.
"But what if I do?" I ask Caroline pleading, desperate for hope that I won't go back to having an empty heart
"Then we'll help you" Caroline reassures me. I feel a little better having a friend like her in my life. But that doesn't change the facts; she can't help me. No one can. Except for him, Damon.
"You can't." I voice my thoughts. "You couldn't AND YOU WON'T! We've tried everything remember? I can't go back Caroline. I can't leave after finally feeling again. My life has… actual life in it. I can finally smile and pout and cry and laugh. I can't give all that up for… Stefan. No, I won't give this up"
"Oh stop it with the self-pity party." Caroline replies bitterly. "The truth is you can't give Damon up, not your newfound feelings. He's wrapped around your little finger again and you just can't let him go. You've been miserable ever since he left. It's not that you couldn't feel. It's that you wouldn't unless he was with you." Epiphany time my sub-noxious sings.
"W-Why... why are you being like this?" I hate it when she tries to push my buttons. No, you hate it when she's right. My sub-noxious quips.
"Because my heart breaks every time I see Stefan smile up at you thinking you love him when you don't and it's not even you he's looking at." And that's when Caroline reaches me. A new feeling hits me like a ton of bricks, pity. The patience in Caroline's voice, combined with how much I know she cares for Stefan, makes me re-think coming here. If he finds out he's going to be crushed. Caroline's voice breaks me out from my sympathy phase and right back to anger. "Get your shit together Elena! I've been with you every step of the way; I tried to support you, I even told you to follow after Damon of all people. But now you've crossed the line! You either get back here or you tell Stefan the truth! You have to make a choice!"
I have to make a choice. Boy! Does that sound familiar? "It's not that simple" Yes it is. My subconscious says, declaring she's –once again- on Caroline's side. It's no surprise. I mean they did share one body half an hour ago.
"Yes it is." Caroline voices my sub-noxious' thoughts. Wow! Those two are in sync. "How can you handle Stefan getting hurt like that?"
"How is he getting hurt Caroline?" I ask her defensively. "He has no idea what's going on and that's for the best. What he doesn't know can't hurt him."
"That's the way you and Stefan work, isn't it?" Caroline scoffs. "You just hide stuff from each other. Well guess what Elena, a lie of omission is STILL A LIE!" Why is she yelling at me? It takes two to tango.
"Well, it's not like he never lied to me. Stefan is no saint Caroline" I remind Caroline of the time Stefan hid the fact that there was a cure from me, which led to my own brother being the new ultimate vampire hunter. I bring up all the times Stefan pretended the Ripper was some other entity and not simply a different version of himself. I used to believe that. But now I'm experiencing it, nothing seems as black and white as I thought, just fifty shades of grey. And yes, I read that book too. Hey, it's good to keep myself occupied with something other than sitcoms.
"I never said he was." Caroline breaks me out of my red room of pain nostalgia "And if the situation was reversed, I'd be telling Stefan the same thing; MAKE A FUCKING CHOICE!" She is back to the only-dogs-allowed voice. Fucking great!
"STOP YELLING!"
"YOU STOP YELLING!"
"YOU FIRST!"
"NO, YOU!"
"SAME TIME ON THREE. ONE"
"TWO"
"Three" we say at the same time. No longer yelling.
After a long dramatic pause I break the silence. "I can't go back, not now. I need to make sure I feel-"
"Seriously?" I can practically feel the eye-rolling on the other end and I can tell she's trying to keep her voice down, which must be really hard on her since she's …well, she's Caroline. "Did you just ignore everything I said?" Caroline asks incredulously. She thinks I'm in denial. You ARE in denial. My ever shape shifting subconscious says, imitating the way Damon said the same thing once. Now I'm praying my subconscious doesn't take his shape. I would cross the invisible line between crazy and shit crazy if I started making out with my own subconscious. Ok, I am not as sober as I thought.
"No, I didn't" I remark defensively. "I just… pushed it aside" I admit
"That's the same as ignoring. Get your English straight." She scoffs. And so does my sub-noxious, they are like Bobsey twins. "So you're not coming back?" Caroline asks obviously feeling defeated.
"No" I reply meekly. This is going nowhere. "Look, for whatever reason. I need to stay, I know you don't get it, but I just do" I try to make her understand that I am incapable of leaving now.
"Oh I get it. I know why you're staying. I just hope you allow yourself accept the truth one day too." She sighs. And I yell an inward hallelujah. I think Caroline is finally giving in. "Ok. I'll try to fix this and handle the wicked bitch of the west and you go do whatever you're going to do, okay?"
"Really? Just like that?" did she just agree? I can stay?
"There seems to be no hope in convincing you" Caroline admits defeat and continues, "Little tip, if you have a friend who is very stubborn by nature. Make sure she doesn't turn into a vampire cause she'll get even more stubborn which you never thought was possible"
"Ha. Ha. You're not funny" She is a little, but I can't tell her that. "Thank you. I know you care about Stefan-"
"I care about you too and I am just an amazing friend. I know, I know. And you're in awe of my selfless actions" Caroline says proudly. And just like that the only common trait between Damon and Caroline rears its HUGE ugly head.
"Ok, I'm going to leave you and your big head alone. I gotta go."
"You're not funny either." She quips "Figure it out Elena" She reminds me and hangs up. I let out an unneeded breath and feel thankful that that went well. Kind of. I make my way back to Damon, and I let out another breath when I see he's not with skank . . . what number is she again?
Caroline's POV
"Hmmf. So that didn't go as planned" Jeremy states the obvious. "So you're just gonna let her stay?"
"What can I do? I try to explain to the young naive boy. "You know how she is when she sets her mind on something. Did I make a mistake sending her there?"
"No. I just think you should've let me take to her."
"Are you kidding me? Elena would've vamp sped all the way from California to kill me right here if she knew I squealed. And I just bought those new shoes" I gesture to my black and pink Alexander McQueen master pieces. "I can't afford having any blood on them."
Jeremy rolls his eyes at me. How dare he? "I just think… why can't we just tell Stefan? We all know she'll want to be with Damon eventually. I might be tired of my sister's little love triangle, but if Damon can make her smile and pull her out of her misery, then so be it. I can't face another day with her being the way she was. I've never seen Elena so …"
"Dead?" I finish for him. He nods. "Well, that's what I said to. I mean, I love Stefan, but them being together isn't going to help anyone. It just delays the inevitable. I know it. You know it. Everyone in Mystic Falls knows it. Hell, I think even Stefan knows somewhere deep down that Elena loves Damon. If only she knew it too."
"It's not just that she makes Damon a better person, but he changes her too. He challenges her" Jeremy is quiet and staring at … the couch? No idea why, since it's not even a pretty couch. "He surprises her," Jeremy continues. Damn that kid is insightful! "He makes her question her life, beliefs. Damon's either the best thing for her, or the worst."
I stare at him in surprise. "When did you get so… wise?" I ask, before realizing that's not the main question I should be asking. "And when did you get so invested in your sister's love life?"
"Oh. Those are not my words." Jeremy explains. "I'm just repeating what Rose wanted me to say." He gestures to the middle couch of Elena's living room. So I guess Rose is sitting there. "She has been following me all week trying to convince me how right Damon is for Elena. They have –apparently- a lot of free time on their hands on the other side. So she, Jenna and Alaric just talk about which Salvatore they 'ship' Elena with" He shrugs and air quotes the word ship. Wow he doesn't even know what it means. He should get on tumblr more.
"Oh my God. Really? Ask them if anyone ships Chitch."
"Umm. It's just Rose right now. And she doesn't know what Chitch is. What is that?"
"Seriously?" I can't believe this! "They have time to make speeches about Elena's love life and no one even notices how my boyfriend CHEATED on me?" Why don't they follow me around?
"Ok" he backs off as if I'm crazy. What's up with him? "I have to go… uh. To baseball practice." He leaves me just like that, in the middle of my sadness. My problems aren't important even to ghosts. Shit. I'm not insecure little Caroline. I try to remember Stefan's encouraging words. And I get off my ship-haze to focus on the task at hand. I pull out my phone and I dial the number I should have called from the beginning. He answers on the second ring.
"Barbie" He acknowledges.
"Asshole" I acknowledge back.
"Ok, now that we've expressed how much we miss each other. What do you want?" The arrogant pansy vampire quips.
"Is E- Katherine with you?"
"Huh" he takes a brief pause before he continues. "No, she's not. Why?" he asks in a clipped tone.
"Are you sure, because I'm going to tell you something very crucial and confidential?" I keep my voice low incase anyone can hear our secret conversation.
"Yes, I'm sure" he lowers his voice "agent 007. What's the mission?" he asks sarcastically.
"Shut up." I feign annoyance. Damon thinks he's so funny. Which everyone –secretly- knows anyway, but it's not like anyone would tell him that. Damon has a big enough ego problem as it is. No need to add it. "This is important."
"What is it? Did you get a new pair of shoes?" Damon asks flippantly. Why can't he take me seriously?
"YES! As a matter of fact I did." Finally someone appreciates my exquisite sense of fashion "They are so pretty. I mean Tyler would regret what he did if he only saw me-"
"Enough with the teen drama, Barbie" He interrupts me abruptly. How rude of him.
"Fine listen, Damon" aka vampire gigolo, I mutter to myself. "There's something you should know. Katherine is not… ok are you sitting down for this? This is big." I take a dramatic pause to prepare him for the truth. "Katherine is really Elena" I say slow enough to ensure Damon comprehends what I'm telling him, and then I shut up and wait for a 'WHAT' or a WTF of an inhale or exhale but that's not what I get.
"I know" He replies nonchalantly, which surprises me even further. "What else?"