A/N: OMGGGGG. We haven't updated in like 19 years! Sorry bout that! But here's our update now, YEEeE! Please review! Love, Alissyn and Lilly
(Mitchel is in a hospital bed at the hospital. A nurse is talking to him about the results of his test, but he is too busy playing with his bellybutton.)
Nurse: Ukkay, so there are two options for the sex of your baby: a boy, or a girl. Got that?
Mitchel (snaps back to reality): Wait, what? My babies are having sex?
Nurse: NO; you silly octopus! I meant that the sex of your baby could be a boy or a girl! Do you know who the father is?
Mitchel: Me….
Nurse: Oh, right, you're a boy. Who's the mother?
Mitchel: I'm not quite sure, actually… (strokes his beard)
Nurse: (taps her pen on her clipboard) Well, who have you had sexual intercourse with in the past two seconds?
Mitchel: Miley, Starbucks, Emily, Julie, Paul…
Nurse: (interrupts him) Wait, isn't Paul a boy?
Mitchel: Yeah… What's your point?
Nurse: Uh… is that all, or is there more?
Mitchel: my grandma, Nick Jonas, Taylor, you, myself, Pearl, Ilana, Anna, Blaire, Shaina, Francine, Clayton, Jorie, Antidisestablishmentarians, a frog… yeah, I think that's it.
(Starbucks enters the room, holding hands with Taylor.)
Starbucks: (in a deep, manly voice) Hey hottie.
Mitchel: He-eyyy!
Starbucks: (frowns) I wasn't talking to YOU. (gives a deep passionate kiss to the nurse) Hey honey-buns.
Nurse: … Who are you?
Starbucks: The name's bucks. Star bucks.
Nurse: Uh…. Can I ask you to leave the premises, Mr. Bucks?
Taylor: Wait, Star, I thought you were with me!
Nurse: Oh, in that case, both of you need to leave the premises. We're kind of busy trying to figure out if Mitchel's baby is a boy or a girl.
(Starbucks and Taylor disappear)
Nurse: Well, that was convenient.
Mitchel: Just tell me if my freaking baby is a BOY or a GIRL!!
Nurse: YOU'RE PREGNANT??
Mitchel: Yeah, just Hold On.
Nurse: Huh?
Mitchel: This is an SOS.
Nurse: Are you trying to give me a hint on who is the mother?
Mitchel: I don't know… have you been to the Year 3000?
Nurse: Yeah, I was there yesterday. Why?
Mitchel: Oh, well, because I'm wondering if you're the Kids of the Future.
Nurse: Okay, I'm done playing this game! I figured out who the mother is!
Mitchel: Pshh, It's About Time.
Nick: (calling from the hallway) Honey, I'm hooooooome!
Mitchel: (blushing madly) There he is!!
Miley: Are you saying that Nick Jonas is the father of Mitchel's baby?
Nurse: No, he's the mother.
Nick: (to Miley) Where did you come from?
Miley: NICK JONASSS!!!!! I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES!!!
(Mitchel feels an unusual sensation, then screams)
Mitchel: AHHHHH! MY WATER JUST BROKE!!!!!!!
Nurse: (panics) OH NO, WHAT DO WE DO??!?!?!?!?! (hyperventilating)
Nick: WHAT?! You're the nurse here!
Nurse: (rips off her mask to reveal that she's Johnny Depp) NO, I'm actually JOHNNY DEPP!!
Miley: (faints)
(Baby randomly pops out of Mitchel's butt.)
Nick: Awwe, it has my double chin!
Mitchel: Aw, it has my vagina!
Nurse: That's a penis.
Mitchel: Oh. So it's a guy?
Nick: I think it's a mixture.
Mitchel: CE QUI? CHIEZ COMMENT A FAIT CECI SE PRODUISENT Je NE PEUT PAS MÊME LE CROIRE! ÇA ALORS J'ai voulu Une POMME DE TERRE De BUTÉE TORIQUE De FILLE De GARÇON De FREAKING!
Johnny Depp: Oy vey.
(Paul falls from the ceiling.)
Paul: (rubbing his head) Ouch. That was painful. So, what are you going to name the baby?
Nick: How did YOU know that we had a baby?
Paul: I read it in the newspaper.
Nick: Oh.
Mitchel: Let's name it Nickel!
Nick: Quarter?
Paul: DOLLAR!
Mitchel: No, like, it's a mixture between Nick and Mitchel. Get it?
Nick: OKAY!
(Julie and Emily enter the room)
Julie: (peering at Nickel) Aw, she's so cute. What's her name?
Nick: (angrily) HIS name is Nickel.
Mitchel: IT'S AN IT!
Emily: I thought this was a Loliver…?
Julie: Why would you think that?
(Miley wakes up suddenly)
Miley: PAULYFACE! YOU CAME!
Paul: I did?
Miley: YEAH! You became a member of MileyWorld! Now you get to get presales to all of my concerts! STOP EMBERASSING ME, DADDY!
Paul: …………
Nickel: Bonjour.
Nick: AWWE, my baby said his/her first words!!
Nickel: No shit, fartface.
Mitchel: THAT'S MY BABY! (hits Nickel on the back happily)
Emily: You guys inspire me! I'm going to have a baby with Starbucks and experience the miracle of birth!
Mitchel: COPYCATTER!!!!
Julie: OOH! OOH! Have it with me, Emily!!
Emily: Okay!
(They both jump into the closet)
Nick: There is no closet in here.
(They both reappear)
Julie: (snorts) I knew that.
Miley: (holds her boobs) What size cup do you think I wear?
Paul: D!
Nick: Like, A?
Miley: (scowls) I'm Z, guys!
Mitchel: (proudly) I'm 36B!
Nick: THAT'S HOTT!
Emily: Are you Paris Hilton?
Nick: No, I'm London Tipton!
Emily: OMGGGGG I HEART YOU LONDON.
Nick: Fo shizzle.
Miley: You're so cute when you say Fo Shizzle!
Nick: Aw, shucks…
Julie: (does the Soulja Boy dance) WATCH ME CRANK THAT SOULJA BOY!
Paul: Stop.
Julie: (points at him) YOUUUUUU!!
Mitchel: (feeling his stomach) Oh crap, I think I'm pregnant again.
Nick: YOU'RE KIDDING ME!
Mitchel: I need some birth control.
Nickel: You're tellin' me.
Mitchel: (whacks him with a poptart) BAD.
Social Worker: I'm sorry, I think we may have to remove your child from your possession because you're abusing him… her… it.
Mitchel: But… but….
Social Worker: (grabs Nickel from Mitchel's hands)
Nickel: (kicks the Social Worker in the nuts and he collapses)
Mitchel: (beams) That's my it!