...
I'm bored. Don't judge me. I got all my homework done early.
Constructive criticism in appreciated.
Today had been a long day at the office for the sand man.
The bureaucrats were exhausting, his siblings were obnoxious, and he'd slept in late and forgotten to eat his morning cake.
Of course, this was the prime time for an assassination attempt by rogue ninja, no?
No.
Unknown to most people (including his teacher, advisers, and his siblings), he'd stockpiled pies, too. They were booby-trapped all around his room, very accurately and precisely - especially around his desk, bed, window, and door.
So, he wasn't worried when he fell asleep at his desk. When the would-be assassins opened the window, it gave ample time for the pie to go SPLAT in their faces. The first nin was shocked and fell off the ledge. Distracted by his teammate, the next nin made the mistake of not ducking the seltzer bottle triggered by pressure on a certain part of the window sill. It was meant to go in their neck, but he tried jumping, causing it to land on that part of the anatomy. Gaara woke up at the cry and killed them both.
Attempt one: failed.
Gaara was tired. He stripped of his clothes and lay down in bed, pulling the covers over him, careful not to trigger any of the traps.
The would-be assassins tried again. They came in through the window again - this time avoiding the seltzer bottle and pie -, and crept towards the Kazekage's sleeping form. He, unfortunately, stepped on a pressure sensor hidden by a discarded sock. A pie came to go splat in his face, blocking the vision for when the second seltzer bottle came to meet his anatomy. He'd managed to not scream, but the scent of pie, this time, was what woke up the redhead. Not bothering that the filling and cream was on the face of his enemy, he took the fork that lay on his bedside table and scraped the sweet substance from the rogue nin's face, then licked the sweet filling, crust, and whipped cream from his fork as his sand encased the rogue nin. Gaara commanded (without looking) that his sand squish the other man to death.
Attempt two: failed.
Alright, so Blue Revenge had already lost three men in the attempt to assassinate the Kazekage. This one needed to count.
The fourth man entered through the window, avoiding all of the previous obstacles. Gaara had fallen asleep with a fork in his hands at his desk, a slice of cake half-eaten in front of his nose.
The assassin aimed wrong and cut the cake in half. Gaara woke up at the clinking of cutlery against porcelain. He knew that sound...
"KANKURO, YOU BETTER NOT BE TRYING TO STEAL MY BELOVED CAKE AGAIN!" Gaara screeched, his sand stopping the stranger's hand in its place, holding the knife an inch away from Gaara's nose. His resolve hardened and his sand crept up the man's arm into his clothes. He squished the man with a furious cry of "NO STRANGER IS GONNA STEAL MY CAKE FROM ME! NO ONE WILL! NOT MY BROTHER, NOT A STRANGER, NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO EAT ME CAKE BUT ME!"
(Temari woke up the next day to have Kankuro hiding under her blankets, quivering in fear.)
Attempt number three on Gaara's life: failed.
Three strikes, you're out. Blue Revenge would try someone easier to assassinate, like the Third Hokage.
Yes, Sarutobi-sama is dead. Still easier to kill.
Prompts are welcome.