This is the last bit xxx


Vince clung on, not sure why Howard was hugging him, but happy for it. He breathed in Howard's familiar scent and smiled gently against his shoulder. Home.

Both men stepped back and looked at each other, talking in unison

'What happened?'

Vince spoke first, 'Lester's was fine, it was fun actually' he said, Howard smiled and leant back on his bed. He had missed Lester, his stories and company on nights when Vince was gone.

A long time ago he confessed his feelings about Vince to Lester and Lester has listened and then stuck on some Jazz, 'we need it boy, we need it' he had said, sighing quietly, 'Jazz knows the blues'

'But then' Vince continued, 'on the way home yeah'.

Howard stilled, 'what happened?' he said, imagining people hurting Vince and going cold, what if, what if.

'Don't worry' said Vince, going to touch Howard's arm then moving his hand back, 'it was just this guy, he bumped into me and said something, no big deal'.

'What did he say?' asked Howard firmly

Vince felt his eyes fill with tears, at his worst fears being confirmed by a stranger. Howard saw this and moved closer, giving him a tissue.

'He called me a freak, and stupid' Vince said, looking down.

'For just walking into him?' exclaimed Howard, 'don't listen Vince'.

'And' said Vince, 'he called me ugly, the first time I go out, well like without me make-up and that and someone says that'.

Howard felt himself get angry so he tried to calm down, going quiet for a minute.

Vince was never ugly, even at his worst moments he still shines, and when he smiles, well the room lights up.

'Vince' he said softly, 'you are never, ever ugly'.

Vince looked up, 'but Howard' he said, gesturing to his face.

'No' said Howard loudly, 'Vince, you've never needed anything, you look beautiful just as you are' Realising he just said that aloud Howard moved back onto his pillows and looked at a point on the ceiling. Why did you say all that Howard? It was too much.

Vince's heart did a jimmy flip. Howard thinks I am beautiful.

'Really' he said, bravely.

'Yeah' said Howard, 'you just shine Vince, and you don't need make-up or hair stuff, it's just you'.

Howard coughed awkwardly and sat up a bit.

Vince didn't know what to say, he was overwhelmed. I shine.

'So' said Howard, 'I had a shocker too, in the club everyone copied my dancing'. This elicited a smile from Vince, a mocking smile. Howard laughed

'Whoa there, I am a great dancer. I have natural rhythm'.

Vince giggled and Howard knocked his shoulder, Vince fell onto the bed, and Howard's breath caught in his throat at Vince, laughing happily on his bed, his eyes shining, cheeks pink and hair shrew on the sheets. He's just perfect. I think he was made for me.

Vince sat up, laughing at Howard's fake-pout, wanting to kiss him and make it go away. 'So' he said, hiccupping 'what went wrong then lord of the dance?'

Howard frowned, 'Um, Vince, when you go out, does anyone ever come onto you'

Vince went red, 'yeah, but I mean, I don't usually…'

'No, I mean like people force themselves…' Howard trailed off.

'Oh sometimes' said Vince, trying to sound casual.

Howard's brow furrowed 'What' he said, annoyed. How could Vince be so airy about it?

'I mean, I usually get security to get rid, or Leroy sometimes comes with me if I go outside'.

'Sometimes!? But Vince' said Howard, 'why didn't you tell me'

'Because I know you worry anyway' said Vince, honestly.

How did he know…'But Vince, what if something happened?'

'Nothing will happen' said Vince confidently.

'Well next time, I'm coming too' said Howard.

Vince went pink and pleased at this. I didn't realise he cared that much anymore. Howard always makes me feel safe. But, he shouldn't have to do that.

'Okay, what if I promise that everytime I go outside I get someone to come with me' he ventured.

'Promise?' said Howard.

'Promise' said Vince, smiling earnestly. I love it when he gets all protective.

Vince leaned back, joining Howard on the pillows of his bed.

'Howard' he said, quietly, 'do you think we will ever get switched back'

'I don't know little man' said Howard, 'Is it that bad being me' he teased.

'No, no' said Vince hastily, 'I like being you, I just miss being me, my friends, it's just different'

'Yeah' sighed Howard, 'I miss just doing my own thing, I never realised how annoying it could be to have people worship you all the time'.

'It is hard' said Vince, putting on an air of struggle. Howard laughed and poked him. I've always worshipped you anyway.

Vince felt it was time, he could almost feel it.

'Howard' he started, feeling his heart-race increase.

'Yes' said Howard, wondering what Vince was going to say. He sounds so serious.

'I have realised, I mean after seeing…I've been horrible to you and I'm sorry'. Vince, feeling overcome turned on his side, facing away from Howard. He continued to speak, feeling his heart ache.

'All the stuff that happened, with me making you…do stuff with Eleanor, and with your jazz record. I don't know why I did all that, it was really spiteful. I can't believe I did it, it doesn't feel like I would now, I don't want to be like that.

'Vince' said Howard, rolling him back over, 'It's okay. We've just drifted apart a bit, and we've both forgotten how to be with each other. I let you be horrible to me, we just pushed it too far'.

Vince sniffed and looked up into Howard's face.

'But Howard, we were going to leave each other, me with the band and you with the acting thing'. Because you kissed me and then you chucked me. I had to get away.

Howard smiled, at Vince's interpretation of his embarrassing advert as 'acting thing'.

'Yeah, but we would have always found each other again'. I would have never let myself lose you, not properly.

Vince breathed out shakily and touched Howard's hand gently. I will always find you.

Howard wanted to lean closer, just a bit closer and kiss him, but he couldn't. We've just started to talk honestly again, everything lately has felt like normal, and I can't ruin it.

Vince moved back, feeling tempted by Howard's dark eyes glowing softly in the dark. I want to so much. I don't know how much longer I can take this. Please let him feel the same.

Vince felt it all rise inside of him, all the confusion, all his feelings.

'I miss the zoo' he said suddenly, feeling like he was going to cry.

'I miss the zoo too' said Howard quietly.

'Everything was just easier wasn't it, we got on better, everything was lighter, softer, less dangerous' said Vince.

'Maybe for you little man' said Howard, 'you weren't branded a liar, strapped to a surgeon's bed, forced to grate your mentor'.

Vince giggled, 'Tommy was mental though Howard, remember his little song?'

Howard frowned, 'he may have become a more eccentric gentleman, yes Vince, but he still had a sense of dignity'

'Even when he said that he was off his tits on cheese?' said Vince, grinning in the dark.

'Yes' said Howard hesitantly. Maybe not so much then.

Vince shut his eyes then, suddenly feeling worn-out. Howard leant over and smiled, 'night then' he said, not wanting to make Vince move to his own room and bed when he was so tired.

And when he's quieter, more peaceful, just Vince. It's not as easy to be Vince as I thought; he must be less naïve than I thought. I shouldn't judge him for living his own life. I know he'll always be there. I know that now. I can just feel it.

Shutting his own eyes and feeling Vince's hand slide into his he felt a shiver.

Vince smiled in the darkness and didn't let go.

I've missed this so much, just being around him. I used to think that I needed to find what was missing, to be the special one, I didn't understand any of my feelings and I just took them out on Howard. I won't do that again, no matter how he feels about me. But I think he loves me now, like he did before. Not in the way I want him too. But it's enough. It has to be.

'Night Howard'

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Outside, the sky had lost its stars. The sweep of black was peppered with looming grey clouds and the sense of something waiting to happen. Maybe rain, maybe a storm – but something.

People, just coming out of the cinema were peering anxiously into the heavens, and some were jogging home to avoid the imminent downpour.

The rain started to fall, slowly at first. Just little slivers of diamond on the pavement, making the surface glow.

Then, as thunder boomed out the rain fell in earnest. Lightning suddenly streaked across the sky, briefly illuminating the surroundings before plunging back into darkness.

Simultaneously, the streetlights clicked off and the cosy orange light from behind the curtains of nearby houses disappeared.

Then the lights came back on, reflected in the sheets on rain.

The next morning was beautiful, the sun streaking through the wispy white clouds. Children were playing outside, giggling and playing with a football. A woman was laughing down a mobile phone and another was admiring her new shoes in a shop window. Inside that shop, up the stairs was the sound of gentle snoring.

Through a dark wooden door lay Vince and Howard, Vince, in his slumber had turned and had snuggled into Howard's neck, his hair gently touching Howard's jaw. Howard was spread out, breathing in and out softly, his leg entwined with Vince's.

After a slam of the front door, both men woke up with a jolt. Vince moaned quietly, wanting to return to sleep and moved back into Howard's chest, not realising where he was.

Howard however knew exactly where he was and he was frozen. Torn between wanting to put his arm around Vince's shoulder, bringing him closer to him; and to squealing like a little girl. He compromised with sitting up and emitting a small squeak.

Vince opened his eyes. Oh.

'Sorry Howard' he said yawning, 'I get cold at night'. I've never slept so well. I want to go back to sleep.

'It's okay Vince' said Howard, lowering his voice. 'I forget you get cold at night, I should get you that spare blanket'. Or make you stay here every night.

Vince smiled against Howard's collarbone, making no attempt to move. Howard awkwardly moved his arm around and sort of touched Vince's shoulder, but then moved his hand back.

Vince looked up, kissed Howard's cheek softly and put his hand back around his shoulder; burrowing his head back in Howard's neck as he felt his cheeks blush. Don't Vince. Stop it.

Howard felt his heart race and flip, both at the same time. He tried to stop smiling, but he couldn't, his cheek burned where Vince had kissed it. So soft.

Vince's phone bleeped, and he, with a regretful sigh, moved his head to pick it up from the floor. It was a text from Leroy, he replied on instinct, only pausing when it sent.

'Wait, Howard' he exclaimed, sitting up and nearly hitting Howard.

'My phone, that was Leroy, he texted me, not you'.

Howard's eyes widened in surprise. 'Really, are we…back then?'

Vince nodded, 'I think so', pausing to cover Howard's ears and smiling he yelled 'BOLLO'

They heard a slow plod down the hallway and Bollo stuck his head round the door, 'Yes Vince'.

'Um Bollo' started Vince, 'do you like me?'

Bollo moved forwards, 'Yes, Vince is precious to Bollo'

Vince grinned angelically, 'Thanks Bollo, I just wanted to check'

Bollo nodded, unfazed and shut the door behind him.

'Yay' said Howard, sarcastically, 'he dislikes me again'.

'No' said Vince, 'he's only joking with you, don't take it personally'

'How can I not?' said Howard.

'Well I like you' said Vince. I really, really like you.

'Thanks' said Howard quietly.

They fell silent for a minute, feeling unsure of themselves. The switch had changed everything back, but yet everything had remained between them.

Howard felt himself go cold; he missed Vince being beside him. Enough was enough. He cleared his throat.

'Vince…you know when we were on the roof…' Please say you still remember.

'Yes' said Vince softly. I can't forget it.

'And when I said that when I crossed the physical boundary it would be forever…' said Howard, feeling embarrassed. What am I doing?

'Yeah, then we kissed'

Howard paused, his face looking conflicted. Then he reached out and held Vince's hand.

'Well, I meant it. I still mean it'

Vince felt like the world had stopped. Everything, cars, people, even the clouds. Everything is about this moment, Howard telling me…wait a minute, what was he saying, really?

'You mean' started Vince.

Howard squeezed Vince's hand and leant closer. Seeing Vince's eyelashes flutter closed he spoke, speaking out into the silence.

'Vince, I want you, forever'

Then, as he saw Vince's mouth curl into a grin he kissed him. A sweet, simple kiss. Not like the clutching and motionless kiss of the roof, not like Vince's drunken kisses with strangers; this was about them, for them.

Vince opened his eyes and gazed at Howard, feeling a lump in his throat as he sat back.

'Oh Howard' he breathed out, moving forward to rest his head on Howard's chest, feeling overwhelmed. He calmed himself, after kissing Howard's neck and looked up.

Howard felt like this was all a dream, but he prayed it wasn't. Vince had never looked more beautiful, his blue eyes shining, his hair all mused around his face and his pink mouth all rosy.

Vince leaned closer to Howard, kissing along his jaw and smiling cheekily as he felt Howard's breath hitch.

'I want you too' he whispered against the skin.

'Forever?' questioned Howard, laying back on the pillows and sighing as Vince continued down his neck to his collarbone.

'Forever' agreed Vince, undoing the shirt buttons and looking up at Howard through his fringe.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hours later, as the sun set in a haze of pink and orange Vince stirred, moving onto his side and stretching languorously.

'Ouch' said Howard as Vince kicked him.

'Accident' murmured Vince, kissing him hello softly.

'A likely story little man, you just wanted me awake. I need to sleep' said Howard.

'You should need to' said Vince with a big, cheeky smile; sitting up and looking about for a shirt. Finding a white one he stuck it on and looked at Howard's back, pressing a kiss to it.

As Howard shifted and made a noise of happiness Vince grinned and stood up, looking to shut the window.

'Ooh' he breathed, looking out at the shimmery colours. Howard turned over to look and saw Vince, with the golden rays lighting up his face.

'Ouch' said Vince as a pillow hit him. 'What was that for?'

'You're too beautiful' grumbled Howard.

'Really?' said Vince, 'even in your shirt and with scruffy hair'.

'Especially' answered Howard. 'You are gorgeous. I could watch you all day'.

Vince shivered with delight and moved to sit back on the bed, gently touching Howard's hair. 'I love your hair' he said, playing with the strands.

Howard spoke without thinking.

'I love you'

Vince's hand froze, then he spoke, 'what did you say Howard?'

'Um' said Howard, frantically thinking of what to say. Bookmarks, Eels…god.

'Did you say that you loved me?' answered Vince, lying down on the bed and facing Howard, making him look at him.

'Maybe' said Howard, smiling a little.

'I hope you did' said Vince, earnestly. 'Cause I love you'.

Howard felt like laughing, crying or singing. Maybe all three at once.

'I did say it' he said.

Vince laughed and rolled onto his back, 'I can't believe it! Why didn't you tell me?!'

'Me!' laughed Howard, holding Vince's waist, 'Why didn't you!'

'You always called a futuristic prostitute!'

'You called me a freak!'

'You told me I was whoring it about'

'Only because I was jealous'

'Really?'

'Yeah. I am sorry though'.

Vince kissed Howard then, feeling his head swim with happiness as Howard cupped his cheek.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A month later and Vince was sitting on the couch, with his feet tucked underneath him, feeling the peace wash over him as he felt Howard's stroke his hair.

'Are you my boyfriend now then?' he asked shyly, feeling very young.

Howard looked surprised, 'I guess I am, what does that mean though'

Vince though, 'well that you like me, and we're dating'.

Howard agreed, 'yeah, but it's more than that, I love you Vince, I really do, and we haven't dated at all'.

Vince frowned, 'Yeah, but we've sort of gone on dates…arctic expeditions…holidays to the lake…the forest...'

'I would hardly call having to rescue me from Old Gregg a date Vince' said Howard wryly.

Vince smiled, 'we were together, and we've gone out since then haven't we? So what are we then?'

Howard suddenly felt everything click into place.

'Well' he said, feeling butterflies of excitement. 'Maybe we are past that'

Vince didn't understand, past what?

Howard steadied himself and looked at Vince.

'Maybe you would…consider...marrying me?'

Vince's mouth fell open. He waited for the panic, the fears he used to have about waking up to the same person every day. He thought about waking up to Howard. He smiled.

Vince turned around slowly; his hair falling from Howard's outstretched hand. Howard looked nervous, he was shaking a little but he gaze was honest.

Howard means it.

'Really?' he said, feeling shaky himself.

Howard nodded. Please let him say yes.

Vince thought carefully. He thought about holidays, and birthdays and anniversaries. He thought of everything they had, but better. He thought of making a proper commitment, to everyone they knew, but mostly to themselves.

He thought of Howard's Jazzercise class, they would be so happy, he thought of going grocery shopping together, bickering over the washing-up, crimping late at night, Satsuma fights.

To be always around Howard who looked after him, and always had. Vince thought of not being alone anymore, making love to someone who he trusted and adored, not waking up to find a note. To feeling secure, and safe and wanted.

Howard's heartbeat raced, what if Vince said no? Howard wanted it all with Vince. Howard wanted to go to sleep holding Vince, to be able to be himself and to be open and honest about whom he loved. Everything wouldn't be sunshine all the time, but it would be okay.

He wanted to invite Lester to the wedding, to delight in Vince's childlike enthusiasm for everything, to bathe in his sparkle and good fortune and to trust in Vince's confident that everything would turn out okay.

Howard thought about slow dancing to quiet Jazz, laughing at Vince's attempts at cooking, sitting quietly and watching TV together. Making daisy chains in the park, introducing Vince to his parents, seeing everything he had ever wanted reflected in Vince's eyes when they had slept together.

Howard thought about that night on the roof, telling Vince that once he crossed the physical barrier it would be forever. He had waited for that person to come, and it had taken him time to realise that they were already there.

Vince looked up and kissed Howard. Will I marry you?

'Yes'.