Disclaimer – Isn't mine.

Chapter 4 – Really

The meal went very well. It had really only been about twenty minutes since the potions master had left the hall and there was still plenty of talking and eating going on. As long as Harry was sitting his leg gave him little trouble, but eventually he began to tire and shift causing him to gasp harshly. Severus could see his hands beginning to shake and gave him a concerned look.

'Do you want to go?' he murmured.

Harry looked at the still full hall and shook his head. 'No.'

Severus groaned inwardly, knowing exactly why Harry wouldn't leave. 'Don't be ridiculous. They saw you arrive. It won't make any difference if you leave now.'

'No.' Harry hissed in his direction.

'Harry. Don't be silly.' Snape said imploringly.

Harry turned a stony gaze on the older man. 'Do not treat me like a child, Severus.' He said coldly. 'I will sit here until the hall is empty and if you don't like it then you leave. I have nothing further to say about it.'

Severus swallowed as Harry turned his eyes back on the hall, sitting stiffly as his gaze swept the tables full of students.

Eventually Albus called for the prefects to take the students back to their dormitories and all but Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape left the hall. Harry, ignoring the three who were talking quietly by the door trying to make it look as if they weren't watching, took several deep breaths and pushed himself up out of his seat. His knuckles turned white as he grasped the table and his cane, the wave of nausea that always accompanied great pain came hurtling through him. His vision blurred and his face dotted with sweat. Slowly and evenly he breathed in and out waiting for the initial burst to subside. With a wave of his hand he pushed the chair behind him out of the way and hobbled slowly down off the platform.

'Are you okay, Harry?' Minerva asked gently as he joined them.

Harry rolled his eyes. He was getting sick of being asked that question. 'Oh, I'm just brilliant.' He said sarcastically.

'You know, sarcasm does not become you.' Severus told him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

'Who says I'm being sarcastic?' Harry drawled.

Severus sighed. 'I'm just concerned, Harry.' He said softly.

'We all are.' Dumbledore added.

Harry scowled. 'Well, just stop asking me if I'm alright for Merlin's sake. Does it look like I'm bloody alright to you? I can't believe you would ask such an inane question anyway.' He grumbled as he shook Severus' hand off his shoulder and limped out of the hall. Severus sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose.

'Give him time, Severus.' Albus said gently.

'It's just so difficult, Albus. I want to help him but he won't really let me.' Severus said sadly. 'I don't know what to do. One minute he's fine and the next he hates everything and everybody.'

'He's bitter Severus.' Minerva said gently and Dumbledore nodded in agreement. 'He's sacrificed so much and he can't get it back.'

The potions master looked between the two elderly professors in front of him. 'You don't think he'd…' Severus trailed off.

Albus shook his head. 'No, Harry is a fighter. I don't believe he would do something so extreme.'

'I would depend on how needed he thought he was.' Minerva countered.

Severus looked at her curiously. 'Pardon?'

'You heard him in Albus' office the day he arrived. If he thinks his job is finished he may decide a half-life is a life not worth living.' She said simply.

Severus gaped at her. 'What?'

Minerva rolled her eyes impatiently. 'For an intelligent man, Severus, you do seem to be having a fair bit of trouble grasping this. Harry's job was Voldemort, from the moment his parents died. He knew it. We knew it. For Merlin's sake, the whole wizarding world knew it. That task is now complete and because of it he can no longer be an Auror or play Quidditch or do anything else he used to. His road to recovery from here will be extremely long and excruciatingly painful, and in the meantime he lives with the fact that his work is now done and he is no longer needed.'

Snape's mouth was opening and closing like a fish as he looked between the older witch and wizard. 'That's why you made him promise to come back and teach.' He said as comprehension dawned on him. 'You knew he would have trouble adjusting and you knew he would need to feel needed.'

Dumbledore nodded. 'Yes.' He said softly. 'My guilt regarding Harry and his life can never be assuaged but I will do my utmost to make the rest of his life as easy as possible. It is the least I can do.' Severus was slightly disturbed to see such sorrow in the normally cheerful blue eyes.

'Your guilt?' he questioned. 'The debacle that was, and is, Harry's life is the fault of the Dark Lord and no one else.'

'No Severus. There are many things I did and said that, at the time, I thought were best for Harry. He was a tool, a weapon if you will, that had to be moulded and then wielded in a particular way. I did that, mostly at Harry's expense and I will do anything to make it up to him.' Dumbledore said solemnly. Severus stared intently into the tired blue eyes. 'Look after him Severus. Be there for him; even when he pushes you away. He does need you, as much as he would like to believe otherwise.'

'I know he does Albus, but it is so hard. I want to help him but I've never felt more useless in my entire life. Every time I look at him I see him, beaten and bloody, insisting on going to face that bastard. I wish I'd made him take that Portkey. I wish I'd been stronger, but I wanted Voldemort dead as much as Harry and now I can't forgive myself for letting him go.' Severus leaned back against the wall as his sorrow and guilt washed over him.

Albus stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. 'You need to sort out your feelings, my boy. You need to work out if you are restarting this relationship with Harry because you truly love him or because you feel guilty. He deserves at least that.'

Severus nodded, pushing his hair back off his face. 'You're right.' He said with a sigh. 'I should be getting down to the common room. The prefects will have kept the other students up in anticipation of my usual dialogue on the pitfalls of letting down the House of Slytherin.'

Minerva snickered. 'I too must see my house. Goodnight Severus, Albus.' With a nod the elderly witch disappeared out the door.

'Think on it Severus.' Albus said softly as he too disappeared out the door.

'I will.' Snape murmured as he walked slowly down to the dungeons.

Harry shot up in bed, crying out as pain once again rooted itself deep in his leg. The images of his nightmare faded as he fumbled for a vial on his bedside table.

'Bloody hell.' He growled as he closed his hand around the tube of glass and pulled the stopper out, downing it quickly. He wiped his mouth with his pyjama sleeve and lay back his breathing heavy and laboured. He glanced at the clock beside his bed and groaned. Four am, breakfast was still three hours away. He felt bad about his angry and bitter words. Sometimes he just spoke without thinking. He just wished everyone would stop fussing over him, asking if he was alright. You'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind to know that he wasn't.

Harry hated pity, he hated concern. In fact, he hated anyone worrying about him whatsoever. He had grown up without it and he didn't need it. Well, up until now he hadn't anyway. He could still remember with clarity the look on the faces of the Healers at St Mungo's as they told him they had done everything they could. They had pitied him and Harry had hated it. He had checked himself out that very next morning.

Realising he wasn't going to be able to sleep he summoned a book, conjuring a candle and had both hovering in front of him as he read. The minutes tick by interminably but eventually Harry banished the book and lit the torches throughout the room to begin what, a month ago took less than fifteen minutes, and now took an hour.

He slowly levered himself up and out of bed, limping through to the bathroom. He sat down on the edge of the tub, breathing heavily through his nose as he shed his clothes and slipped into the bath which had filled with steaming hot water at a flick of his wrist. He sighed and set the washcloth and soap to cleaning him. At times like this he thanked Merlin for magic which allowed him to sit very still as the cloth gently cleaned him. Of course, if it wasn't for magic, he wouldn't be in this position in the first place, the voice in his head would often tell him.

That task complete, he hauled himself out of the bath once again and summoned a towel. He had tried levitating himself but found it extremely difficult. His wandless magic just too strong to enable the gentle lifting and placing of his own body. After he had almost killed himself numerous times he gave up and had to do it the hard way.

Thirty minutes later he was finally dressed and he limped slowly down to the great hall. Thankfully it was empty of everyone and he breathed a sigh as he collapsed into his seat.

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Severus walked towards the great hall with slight trepidation the next morning. He had spent most of the night peering intently into several cauldrons he had set up in his private lab. Chopping, measuring and stirring, as he searched his soul for his true feelings. He had told Harry he loved him yesterday and he was sure he did but his admission of guilt to the headmaster the night before had startled him. He hadn't realised he also felt that way and he was going to make sure of his feelings before he saw the green eyed man this morning.

In all truth he did feel guilty, he should have insisted Harry return to Hogwarts that night but some part of him didn't stop the green eyed man. He wanted Voldemort dead so he could stop living a lie, so that he could be free and he knew Harry was his only chance. So he had let the young man go, go and do what no other could, and thankfully, he had triumphed. Severus hated to think how he would feel if Harry had died that day. The mere sight of him the next, pale almost to the point of death, lying in the hospital bed at St Mungo's unmoving, a term he never thought possible in regard to the Boy-Who-Lived, had sent the normally austere potions master into a deep depression. He had spent five days at the man's bedside until he had woken and then slipped out when the plethora of Healers had all come running at the news the Boy-Who-Lived had once again.

The doors were right in front of him and he took several deep breaths before opening them. The chatter of hundreds of students hit him instantly and his face morphed into its usual scowl as he stalked up to the head table. He swept around the corner, his robes billowing menacingly as he glared around the room before sitting.

'Good morning, Sev.' Harry whispered softly from his left. Snape looked sideways and his expression softened.

'Are you.' He stopped and swallowed. 'Good morning Harry.' He said sheepishly. Harry smiled, reaching over to squeeze his hand under the table. No words were needed as green and black eyes looked at each other intently, the buzz of conversations around the hall a distant sound. They both realised that last night had been a turning point. Green eyes were questioning, making sure this was what the potions master really wanted: as if he knew of Snape's crisis of conscience last night. Severus squeezed Harry's hand in reply. The light that once again lit Harry's eyes almost took Severus' breath away.

They sat side by side murmuring softly, Severus coating a slice of toast liberally with butter and jam before placing it on Harry's plate as the younger wizard added milk and sugar to the potions master's tea.

'What classes do you have today?' Severus asked quietly as he sprinkled salt on Harry's eggs before doing the same with his own.

'All of the second years and fifth year Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors.' Harry replied equally as softly as he peeled a banana and broke it in half, taking a bite from one half and placing the other on Severus' plate. 'What about you?' He added as they quickly and automatically fell into a morning routine that had been so comforting over three years before, neither man noticing as others began watching the interaction with interest.

Severus groaned softly. 'An entire day filled with Slytherins and Gryffindors.' He grumbled, swiping Harry's pumpkin juice and taking a large sip.

'Hey.' Harry growled, grabbing his goblet back. 'Drink your own.'

'It's empty.' Severus smirked.

Harry rolled his eyes. 'Oh for Merlin's sake, are you are wizard or not.' He scolded, leaning over and waving his hand over the empty goblet. 'I thought you liked the Slytherins anyway.'

'I do.' Snape lifted the plate of bacon, rooting around until he found three crispy pieces which he placed on Harry's plate. 'Just not when they are in close proximity to those dunderheads from your old house.' Harry snorted. 'It is not conducive to a harmonious day.' The potions master added.

'You don't have to be so mean you know, Tom is dead.' Harry said sternly.

Snape let out a very un-Snape like snort. 'I'm not mean, I'm malicious. And Tom has nothing to do with it.'

'Oh really.' Harry drawled snatching the still uneaten portion of banana off the other man's plate and smirking at him. 'Sadistic bastard.' He muttered.

The corners of Snape's mouth twitched and his eyes sparkled. 'Indeed.' He murmured quietly. A soft cough interrupted their playful banter and they both looked up to see Dumbledore and Minerva struggling not to laugh and most of the hall looking at them in horror.

'Oh bollocks.' Harry sighed.

'It doesn't matter Harry.' Severus said quietly laying a hand on his arm. 'As you stated previously, Tom is dead. I no longer need to keep up such a facade.' Harry looked at him, brow raised.

'I thought you said Tom had nothing to do with it.' He said dryly.

Snape's mouth twitched again. 'I lied.' He said softly, his dark eyes shining brightly.

Harry's eyes widened at the meaning. 'Really?' he whispered incredulously.

Snape smiled, actually smiled, right there in the middle of the great hall with hundreds of students watching. He reached up and tenderly caressed Harry's cheek before closing the distance between them and kissing him chastely on the lips, completely oblivious to the explosion of noise that broke out around the hall. 'Really.' He whispered, still smiling.

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