I do not own Ore-Imo in any shape or fashion. I am a huge fan of the series and the themes involved. This is my first time writing for an audience so please leave productive comments and reviews after you're done reading.
Side note: I will typically not be using Japanese words in my fics, such as "Oni-chan, nii-san, etc
Kyousuke
Millions of miles away and perfect aim. The sunbeam lances through my curtains and finds my eyeball, giving the distinct impression of it being on fire. I roll over and try to hide my face from the defiler of sleep known as the morning. It is several seconds later that I remember the events that transpired the night before. My sister forced her way into my bed, had me hold her throughout the night so she could feel safe. I take assessment of my bed and find that she's not here. I glance around my room and note that it appears that she had left earlier, that is if it all wasn't a dream. Of course I would have a dream like that, whatever, apparently I love my sister.
I'm in love with my sister….
Dammit. I tried my hardest to hide from it. I ignored all the warning signs I showed, all of the feelings that seemed to take over at the most inopportune times. All the behavioral traits, my self-destructive behavior was all for her sake. I hid behind the fact that we're siblings, but no brother would go as far as I have not to mention as often as I have. I just lay on my bed, starring up at the ceiling, letting the feeling wash over me. I expected to feel ashamed and dirty; after all she is my little sister. But instead I feel an intense longing, and an equal sadness. She already gives me a hard enough time as it is, calling me sis-con, which if she was proven to be right god knows what she would say or do. It was safest to keep these feelings private. Even though I don't personally feel dirty about these feelings I know that they are, I know I should feel ashamed and I don't want Kirino involved in something like that. I want her safe, even from me. I know if I distance myself from her too fast she'll become angry with me and may withdraw. She may confront me and I don't know if I have the strength to lie to her. It's a chance I have to take though. I can't risk ruining her life over something that I can't control.
I finally muster the will power to get out of bed and start my usual morning preparations for school. I head down stairs to get breakfast first as my stomach is beginning to voice its' complaints. I am absently run my hands through my hair and I sloth my way down stairs. I'm no morning person, and my body responds like a lame cow in the middle of the road. I always admired the fact my sister can rocket up in the morning and grace the rest of us lowly mortals with her presence. Even when we didn't speak to each other for all those years her energy and grace intimidated me. I plop into my usual chair a the dining table and look up expecting to see my father, who usually sits across from me reading the paper or munching on whatever mother made that morning. Instead it's Kirino. My brain quickly takes note of the absence of radiant noise. I look around and note that no one else is here.
"Mom and Dad haven't come home yet?" I ask Kirino.
"Not yet, but I had a voice mail on my phone stating that they are alright. Dad is getting worked around due to the damages caused by the storm." She is pointedly not looking at me and is instead looking down at her breakfast meal, which consists of healthy looking oatmeal with dried fruit and a single slice of toast. I'm about to comment on her choice of meal when she pushes it toward me. I'm a little confused at first as to what she is doing so I await an explanation.
"For helping me last night." She says as way of explanation. "It's just instant oatmeal and toast but I don't have any other cooking experience so…" She lets the sentence fall. I understand; I just can't believe it. My adorable little sister actually tried to cook something. For me! My head almost decides to eat itself before I grasp the concept.
"Thank you, Kirino." I take the offered meal; after all, this may be only chance to enjoy a meal like this. I begin to spoon fill the oatmeal into my mouth and relish in the dried apples that were added for extra texture. I do realize it's only instant oatmeal and a single piece of unbuttered toast, but I guess it's the thought that counts. Kirino smiles a little uncertainly and shifts in her seat. She looks a little uncomfortable, like she's nervous. Did I go too far last night brushing her hair? Damn, why did I do that? Oh that's right; I'm in love with her! The thought makes me cough on the tea that was poured for me. I need to stop thinking like that.
"Are you okay? You shouldn't eat so fast you know." Kirino gives me mocking grin and stands up from the table. "Okay, I'll be taking off for school now. Track practice this morning instead of after school." I see that she's already in her track suit she uses for running. I should have noticed earlier but I am trying my hardest not to look directly at her. I mumble an affirmative as she passes me at the table.
"Oh. Thank you for the breakfast Kirino, it's very tasty." I say to her back as she leaves the kitchen. I didn't get a response, but I could feel she heard me. I need to eat quickly and get ready for school myself. I'm at the end of my second year now and need to take my scholastic activities seriously. I don't personally need a glamorous life full of money and power, but I do want to be able to stand on the own feet. I can't keep letting my sister show me up either. I quickly chew up the rest of my meal, wash my dishes, and head back to my room to get dressed. After making sure I have all the items I need for the day I throw back some mouth wash, grab my house key, and head out. I get to the end of my walk way when I hear a greeting from outside my gate.
"Morning!" I turn to take a side glance at the sound of the voice and see Manami. She gives a small wave and stands outside my gate waiting. I finish locking my door and walk down to meet her for our daily walk to school.
"Morning Manami." I say back to her as I quickly arrange my bag over my shoulder. I start walking down the usual road to school and she falls into step beside me. Usually on the way to school we either talk of small things or enjoy each other's company. Manami always had an effect on me. Ever since we were children being near her calmed me and made me feel at peace. It was this initial reaction to her, combined with time and influence that made me relish a simple, normal life. We walk in silence for a time and my mind begins to wander to last night. As it would, I guess. I finally admitted to myself my feelings and I'm not one-hundred percent what to with it. I can't confess to her; she'd kill me, avoid me, ridicule me, tell dad. The last one would end in some bad scenarios. The only thing I can do is shove them into the pit of my stomach and try to distance myself from her. Being too friendly with me now would only serve as either false hope at best or emotional torture at worst. I don't realize me emotions are warring on my face, as Manami begins to give me worrisome glances. I notice but my mind is preoccupied and to be honest, it's not her problem or concern at the moment.
Before my brain could overheat we arrive at the schools gate. I give my upperclassmen a proper greeting and welcome back my peers from the weekend. School should distract me for the day at least, I can make it. The classes are boring as usual, the professor marching down the aisles of chairs preaching history and math as if it were church doctrine. I'm never called on during class, I just kind of blend in. I use the time instead to just gaze at a point fixed directly over the head of my teacher and space out. I know I said I need to take my studies more seriously, but I really can't see how almost any of this can apply to life outside of high school or university. I got the 'A' I needed to on my final exams, I can be smart when I need to be. Most of my classmates were shocked that I, Kyousuke Kousaka, could actually achieve something. It made me happy to have that kind of recognition. Maybe that is what Kirino feels all the time? She gets great grades not only because she studies, but seems to have a drive that forces her to accept nothing but her best. The same with track. I watched her nearly catch up with her junior, Ria, from America. She's not naturally gifted at running, but she trains every day to accomplish her goal. She's also, to my shock, stunningly feminine and, for lack of better words, beautiful. When she gets older and fills out more I'm gonna have to carry a stick to keep them off.
Of course now my thoughts go back to her. Focus! Time to listen to the lecture.
"Izanami and Izanagi were siblings. Of course in Japanese literature it's not odd for these themes to …Yes Kyousuke." The teacher sees me wave my arm from the back. With a lurching I stand to address my professor.
"Sir, may I be excused to the nurse. I'm not feeling well." The teacher looks a tad surprised, but he gives consent and I hurry out of the classroom, not missing the glance from Manami. I stroll down the hall for a moment to catch my breath. Of course I go from thinking about my sister to hearing a story about incest. It's as if some god is playing a cruel joke on me and just won't let the punch-line drop. I feel fine of course, except for the obvious, but I just had to get out for the moment. I lay low in the stairwell for the moment, sitting on the middle step. I hear footsteps approaching from behind. I turn to see Manami, standing with her hands behind her back. She has a look of concern across her face bordering on motherly. Manami, one of my best and longest friends. She's always been there for me, so why would now be any different.
My sister calls Manami the "plain girl'. I really don't understand why. True she's not "pretty" in the way that my sister or Ayase are, but she has fine feminine features. Her face still has the roundness of youth, but something about her eyes say that she has the mental capacity of someone much older. I frequently tease her, calling her "grandma" for her speech patterns and eccentrics. I'm also not stupid. I can tell the way she feels for me. I can see the way she looks at me and the way her family almost forcibly glues us together paints a clear picture. I just can't return her feelings. It may be cruel and selfish of me not preemptively reject her, but I can't bring myself to hurt her. She has always treated me like family, something during the feud with Kirino that was dearly appreciated. It's almost as if I view her more as a sister than Kirino.
"Kyo, aren't you going to the nurses' office?" She asks with a touch of concern in her voice. "The teacher allowed me to escort you if you are having trouble." I stare down at me feet at her question. She walks down the stairs and sits beside me. We sit like that for a moment. The other students crammed into their respective classrooms. The two of us, alone, the only two free for the moment. I get Manami a side gaze and angle my head and body upwards, take a deep breath, and decide I need a little advice.
"Kyo," Manami cuts me off before I can speak. "Do you need to ask me something? Maybe it's not your body that hurts?" She has a neutral expression, but her voice carries a touch of emotion I can't place.
"Manami, what would you do if you had two choice and one would hurt you more than the other, but both would hurt someone you cared about almost equally?" I leave the question as vague as possible. I always felt as if Manami could see right through me, she could always guess how I was feeling and sometimes what I was even thinking. I try not to make eye contact and instead angle me head to look away at a fixed point above her knees. She turns her face away from me and looks up in thought, closing her eyes. She stereotypically places her finger under her chin in thought and begins to hum a little. After a few seconds she opens her eyes and looks over at me.
"I think that you need to choose whatever hurts you the least obviously. But without any details how can help?" She smiles softly at me in attempt to cheer me up. I mull that over. The least damaging to me…
The rest of the school day generally passed without incident. Lunch time I avoided and kind of probing questions regarding my strange behavior. I joked with Kohei and, after school, paid a quick trip to the game developer's club room to check in and make sure that Mikagami, Kirinos old fake boyfriend and actual otaku buddy, was fitting in just fine. As I was about to leave and go home, a thought occurred to me. I shouldn't be around my parents and Kirino right now. I can't control my thoughts and emotions right now. I just keep feeling Kirinos honey brown hair in my hands; it's torture. The best thing right now is time apart. My feelings may not fade, but maybe they will. And if nothing else, it will give me time to think.
"Are we working on any games at the moment," I chime in as I take my seat at the middle of the table. Ruri (Kuroneko) used to be in the club with us as well, however, her father was transferred due to his job. She had to transfer high schools but actually lives not that far away. We see her on the weekends and during holidays. I place my school bag under my seat. A sign I'm here for a bit.
"Not at the moment," replies Miura, president of the club. "More like just extended research time." He gives me his usual grin and motions to his laptop. "Care to try to beat my score?"
I'm actually terrible at games. I am always on the losing side of fighter and the eroge my sister gives me to play are just point, click, and repeat. I still always find the bad routes first. But at the moment I really don't want to go home and face Kirino again. Not until I can at least muster the courage. I mentally sigh and chide myself, but I end up taking the laptop and playing the game.
It's nighttime before I return home. I give the customary greeting as I cross the threshold and arrange my shoes in the corner of the hardwood section of the floor. I hear my mother's voice coming from the living room and I can smell dinner being cooked. I decide it best to put my things away in my room before I go greet my mother. I head upstairs and enter my room with a somber attitude. I throw my bag unto the foot of my bed and decided to put on something a little more comfortable. After changing into a t-shirt and pair of shorts I shuffle back downstairs, sparing a glance toward my sisters' door, looking to see the light shine underneath it. It was dark so she must be in the living room as her shoes where at the entryway.
I was right, as I enter the living room I see my sister sitting on the couch facing the TV, her phone to her face carrying on a conversation. I also see my mother humming a little to herself in the kitchen, stirring something in a pot on the stove. Ah, good. I need a real meal tonight. My stir fry wasn't terrible or anything but I have my reservations about cooking days in a row. I toss a glance at Kirino as I pass her heading into the kitchen. She's still got her school uniform on as it would be a bother for her to change. She's swinging one foot back and forth as she happily converses with whoever is on the other line. Most likely Ayase, but considering their conversation yesterday I would bet not. Ruri? I catch a snippet to confirm or deny…
"I know right…yeah…no. What do you think idiot?" Ah, Ruri it is. She doesn't show that side of herself to anyone but me and her. Ruri is probably her closest friend, even if she sometimes denies it. When Ruri transferred schools we didn't know where she was going or if she was coming back. Kirino had taken charge and lead us on a hunt for her. It took all day but we eventually found her. It took a lot of discussion but it did lead to Ruri and Kirino forming an even stronger bond. It also lead to Kirino confessing that she was jealous of the other women surrounding me and didn't want me to be with anyone else. It raised a lot of flags with me and is one of the reasons my feelings began to surface. It seems she didn't mean it in any romantic context and more of the fact that we finally spend time with each other. But secretly, I hoped of course. And back to thinking things I shouldn't. I walk into the kitchen, greeting my mother and opening the fridge to get my tea.
"Oh, Kyousuke. Try to keep the noise down tonight. Your father is sleeping early today. The station put him through the ringer last night." She smiles at me. "I'm making a stew for dinner. It'll be ready in about half an hour." She goes back to stirring the stew, but seems to glance at me from the corner of her eye. I shrug it off after acknowledging what my mother said. I make start making my way back out of the living to head up stairs when my sister closes her phone and leaps up off the couch.
"Hey," she exclaims leaping off the couch, her face pinched in annoyance. "What are you doing?"
"Heading upstairs?" I know it shouldn't be a question, but all of sudden I'm not sure what I'm doing.
"Why did you stay out so late?" My sister asks brusquely. I notice, out of the corner of my eye, our mother turn to face us with a curious expression. Her face was blank. Not the usual smug look she had when drama took place. I couldn't place that facial expression, not without looking directly at her. I need to pull back. I can't stay the same way with her anymore. If I do then I'll just hurt more. The memory of last night is fresh in my mind; I brush it off and steel myself.
"I had things to do." I reply a little harsher than I mean to. I begin to walk away again. I can actually hear Kirino deflate behind me. I want to apologize. She was just worried about me. I've never really been late coming home before. She was probably calling Ruri to see if I had been there. After she heard me come in they had most likely changed the subject. I'm smarter than I pretend to be. My sister would never forgive me if she found out about how I feel. This is for the best. I head upstairs and lay out my homework. It proves to be nothing but a distraction, but it needs to be done and I can't stand to think right now. I methodically move through my homework starting with math and ending with my literature class. I needed to read a chapter in my text book. I just stared at it, willing the information to be absorbed through osmosis. But I lost and ended up starting to read it. I soon realized that I was just reading the same sentence repeatedly. I shut my book in surrender and sit-up, rubbing my temples. I have a headache from staring at the pages of the book for the past twenty minutes to no real productive result. I decide to peek out my door down the hallway. My sisters' door is closed and the light is on under it. Habitually I begin to walk down to her door. I stop myself just before I knock, my hand raised. I can't keep doing this to myself. I have to pull back. I head back to my room, close my door and lay face down on my bed, drowning my face into my pillow. My day had done nothing but stress me. My brain hurt from me resisting the thoughts that bombarded me. I know Kirino is most likely pissed at me, or at eh very least sad I want with her today, but I must persevere. After all, I love my little sister.
I wake up the next morning and repeat. At first I think Kirino would confront me. She doesn't though; instead she begins to act aloof. She begins to ignore me again. I do notice mom has stopped watching us as much now, but the ache is still there. The hours I spend every day quickly start to turn into days. I spend as much time as I can with the game club. We aren't working on any projects at the moment but they seem glad to have me there.
Sunday morning rolls around. I woke up early that morning, having eventually fallen asleep early to avoid seeing Kirino again. She is no longer ignoring me. Well, she is but instead of getting the usual disinterested atmosphere I get this oppressive feeling that she wants to talk to me but doesn't know what to say. I don't ignore her per say, I just refuse to go about her daily life with her. If she talks to me I respond, if she asks a question I answer. I no longer volunteer to watch anime with her, or even play eroge with her any more. It has been almost a week since the night she slept in my bed, and when I close my eyes, I can feel her there with me. I can smell her hair and feel her warmth against my chest. If anything, her absence in my life makes me even more realize how I think of her.
I get up with these thoughts on my mind and start dressing myself. I choose a white collared short sleeve shirt under a black long sleeve. I fold the white collar over the black, giving it an illusion of depth, something Kirino taught me for our pretend date. I slip on a pair of dark jeans and look in my bedroom mirror and arrange my dark, shaggy hair into a resemblance of order. Kirino was lucky to inherit moms' lighter complexion. Her hair had been a normal shade of brown during her youth. After she began modeling she started to dye it the color it is now. I tend to take after dad with my black hair and a default scowling complexion.
There was a plan since the week before last for the Otaku Girls Unite fan club (AKA: Kirino, Ruri, Saori, and myself) to meet for our usual shopping in Akihabara. I exit my room and proceed to knock on Kirinos' door. There's a scuffle of feet on carpet and the door cracks open. Kirino is a wearing a one piece pink dress with a black under gown that peeks from underneath the dress. The dress had embroidery around the stomach of it that lead into tendrils that spread up the straps and joined around the neck. I really need to stop noticing all of these little details. It can't be a good sign. She looks up at me and her face flushes for a second before she backs up and closes the door on me. The hell?
"Kirino?" I ask knocking again. "Are you about ready?"
"Stupid, I'm on the way. Just go downstairs." I hear from the other side of the door. She looked ready. What is she doing? Whatever. I head down stairs and walk into the living room. Mom's sitting at the kitchen table, a magazine spread in front of her. A cup of what I assume is tea is sitting next to her on the table. She looks up when I enter the room and her expression softens.
"Mom, Kirino and I are about to head out to meet with the others." We don't really need to let our parents know whenever we do something, but with the growing feelings in my gut I believe I should try to alleviate any suspicions up front. My mom seems be savvy to some degree on the way I feel for my sister and that thought terrifies me.
"Then take care out there." She gives me a smile and takes a sip of her beverage. I retreat back to the landing and wait for Kirino. A few seconds later she comes down wordlessly.
"I told mom we were headin out." She says nothing back as she slips her sandles on her feet and steps out of the house. I shake my head and follow suit. We begin to wordlessly walk down the street to the train station. We are meeting with the other Akihabara in the same maid café that we all originaly met at. From there who knows. Kirino leads the way on our march, I follow silently behind. I'm not sure what to say to her. I can't get a read from her. The trip to the station was uneventful and quite frankly awkward. I want to ask her if she even wants me to come along, but I'm afraid of her answer. The train ride was even worse. But a half an hour later we are in Akihabara and her attitude take a shift. The innocent smile comes out and it's like she's in a candy shop. We had time before the meet, maybe she would like to visit a manga shop?
"Hey, Kirino, we have time-"
"No." Was all she said? Her first words to me in an hour were no? I inwardly grimace, I know she's pissed at me now. I had suspected of course.
"Are you sure you don-"
"Why are you here?" she turns and looks at me. She has a fierce scowl and I feel impending violence. "You've been ignoring me for the past week and now you feel you can just talk to me like you know me?" She turns in a huff and starts to walk away. The sad thing is that she is right. All I can do is shrug and follow behind her. I try to not outwardly show how it hurts me, but on the inside I can wallow in it. It's best she dislike me a little now, and we maintain some semblance as siblings, than she find out about me and hate me forever. We once again wordlessly make our way down to the café that we are meeting the others at.
We find our seats after being lead in arrange the table for the others to join us. We are about twenty minutes early and I have no idea what to do to make the time pass. Our silence is thick, so I take the time to access the situation. Kirino is not looking at me and she seems to be fidgeting with her hands. She has an annoyed pout on her face, her eyes cast downward. I can feel the movement as she shakes her leg beneath the table up and down. She reaches up and brushes some of the hair from her eyes, her face turned just in time to lock eyes with me. Damn, she saw me looking. I quickly look away and pointedly start studying the drapes at the window next to us.
"Is there something you want to say?" I hear Kirino say at me.
"…not really…" I answer back, now it's my turn to fidget. I can sense the armor Kirino used to wear being assembled.
"Really? Any reason you've been avoiding me lately? Or not helping me as much?" Damn she's direct. She can sometimes be very reserved but now, apparently, was not one of those times. I can at least look at her right? Reassure her you are fine and just have been busy.
"It's hard is all." WHAT! Mouth, what the fu-
"What is?" She seems a little taken aback. I guess she expected me to dodge the question. I sigh and collect me thoughts.
"Weren't we becoming too close? Rent you worried about what people might say? About your friends?" I fiddle with my fingers on the table. I'm nervous of course. I have to steer the conversation away from where it's heading. And I know how. I mentally prepare myself for what I'm about to say and the consequences. I look up and see Kirino looking a little flustered, and sad.
"Not really. I enjoyed it." She whispers down. My prepared statements fly out at my head at seeing my little sister vulnerable. I just want to protect her, hold her, and kiss her. Oh-god what was that last one? I have to end this. Now.
"This is for the best Kirino." I say solemnly. I stand and look at her confused face. Her lips slightly opened. She knows what I was about to do, but won't stop me. My precious little sister. I would go anywhere for you, you only have to ask. If there was sign that she felt the way, that she treasured me like I her, maybe things would be different. I walk to the exit of the café and walk out the door. I have to put distance between us. If I don't then one day I will act on my feelings. My thoughts no longer dance, they trample my mind and heart and I don't think I can go on like this.
I arrive in our neighborhood an hour later. I took my time getting home, seemingly in a fog. I'm not sure if I did the right thing or not. Just leaving her there? Saori and Ruri would be there not long after I left. That would give Kirino the comfort she needed. I can be a normal brother now. There when needed, not when not. Then why do feel so empty now? I'm on our street when a voice calls out to me. It's takes a second to register the sound.
"Kyo?" I turn to the voice and realize I'm in front of Manamis' house. I must have come here out if habit. Whenever I was in trouble I always came here for help or advice. I walk over to the gate of her house and face her. Her expression completely changes seeing me. She runs over with a worried expression. "Are you okay Kyo? Why are you crying?" Huh? What is she saying? I reach up and feel my eyes. They're wet. When did I start this? Dammit. I wipe my face real quick and step through her gate and into her arms. I really need a hug right now. She hugs me for a time. I follow her to her back porch and sit underneath the overhang, letting the wind calm my nerves.
"Kyo?" I hear again. I make a grunt to let her know I hear her. "Are you okay?" I actually take the question serious. I'm really not. There is a hole in me now.
"I took your advice Manami. This is for the best." I start choking up. Oh-god, how manly. I'm nothing but a coward.
This sentence seems to make Manami go ridged however. She studies my face for a minute. I have no idea what she's looking for but I hide nothing on my face. She continues for a moment before she stands up and walks over to me.
"Kyo, can you wait here a moment. I need to get some tea for us." Huh?
"Why?" I ask wiping my face again.
"It's time I told you everything about me. About Kirino, and about us."
AN: Thank you for reading this far everyone. I am really into this story now will be trying to update it almost every day if I can. I have plenty of time at the moment so I'm really trying to make this story as tidy as I can. I greatly appreciate those who have left reviews for me as well. Please review my work if you can. It only takes a moment and any and all input is appreciated.