Part Four. For Better or Worse
Seven days later I'm in one of the sitting rooms, standing at a window, watching in quiet, awed silence as Erik moves a huge metal satellite to face the mansion. That thing is huge, it's the same one Sean was pretty much pushed off a couple of days ago, when he learnt to fly.
The first time around I could only think about how harsh, how cruel Erik was, doing something like that to the teen when he was terrified, when he'd already fallen from the second floor once and almost broke an arm and a leg the first time he tried to learn to fly. Now…now I can see that he did what needed to be done, someone needed to push Sean when he hesitated, and Charles was too kind hearted to be the one to do it. Erik and Charles are so different, almost complete opposites, and yet, that's exactly why they fit each other so perfectly, and why I know that together they can and will change the world.
"Moira!" I hear Raven behind me.
I know what's going on though, while lost watching the two bellow me I had managed to forget for a handful of minutes. Still, that does not stop me from calling to them. I'm sorry to cut their moment short, but they do need to be present for what's coming.
"Charles! Erik!" I yell to them, sticking my head out the window. "The president is about to make his address!"
The two arrive soon enough, along with the rest of the missing members of our group, right in time to hear the president's speech. It's the second time I've heard it, and while I may not remember the exact words I do know the gist of it already: the embargo line, the missiles, Cuba, the Russians, the Americans…and it will all come to a head tomorrow…
"That's where we're gonna find Shaw." Erik announces abruptly.
"How do you know?" Alex inquires.
It's quite obvious his thoughts are more-or-less similar, but he still wants to know what's making Erik reach that conclusion. However, it's not the metal-kinetic who answers him.
"Two super powers facing off, and he wants to start World War III." Charles summarizes in a rather deadpan tone. "He won't leave anything to chance."
"So much for diplomacy." Erik snorts.
"We've known it was going to come to this eventually." I cannot help but point out.
Indeed we had, even before Charles's interrogation of Frost; ever since the tensions between Russians and Americans had begun, it had been obvious just how bad it was probably going to get; we just hadn't known the specifics back then.
"Regardless, the wait has come to an end." Erik shrugs before turning to the younger mutants. "I suggest you all get a good night's sleep."
I wonder if he will be sleeping at all, I'm not quite sure if I will be able to even close my eyes at all…the mere thought of how wrong things might go tomorrow.
I spent the whole week trying, and trying to change things and yet…I just do not know how. I tried talking to Charles, yet I was always so nervous, trying to keep the shields surrounding my past/future memories in place that I kept forgetting most of what I wanted to say to him. And with Erik…every time I so much as tried to approach him he would send me this dark looks, like he doesn't believe I belong there, with them…and maybe I don't, as much as it may pain me to admit, I will never truly be one of them, I know that, I accept it, but I'll be damned if I don't do my best to make sure that, when I finally do have to go, they are in a better place than they were the first time I had to leave them…
Though I still have no idea how the hell I'm going to manage that.
xXx
The next morning, right as we're splitting up to suit-up, and what I shock I get to find out there's a suit for me too this time around, with space for my guns, and an assortment of other weapons, including a short knife in the small of my back; I go after Erik, wanting a word with him.
"What do you want MacTaggert?" He asks, seeing me standing beside his door right as he's about to go into the room.
"Look, I know you do not like me." I tell him right out, as I know he values honesty above all else. "I do not know if it's because I'm a woman, an agent, or a human; it's not like it really matters in the end."
"Then why are you talking to me?" He insists.
"I'm not here to talk about me." I reply. "What's going to be happening in Cuba…Look, I know you want to kill Shaw…"
"If you think you have any chance of changing my mind, I honestly don't know who you think you are and…"
"I know I don't stand a chance of doing that, not when Charles already failed. And really, to be perfectly honest, I do not know if I would try, even if I could."
That surprises him.
"Shaw…" I'm not quite sure how to say what I'm thinking. "I may not know everything he has done, to you, and to others, but I know he's evil, possibly the most evil individual I've ever known…someone like that, he does not deserve to live. I understand that."
"Wish Charles did."
His admittance surprises me, but I do not let it show, I know I need to make a point soon, before he loses interest in our conversation.
"Well, Charles is a pacifist, and I understand that as well. Though I'm more of the 'Wish for Peace, Prepare for War', philosophy."
"Does this talk have a point?"
"Yes. I know you're going to kill Shaw, no matter what, no matter who. We both also know Charles, despite his misgivings, will probably do all he can to help you. I just want you to consider how much you're willing to lose, to sacrifice, to get your revenge…"
"I'm not afraid to die…"
"Oh, I know that. It's not your life I'm worried about, but Charles's."
"What are you talking about now woman?"
"Whatever Charles does to help you, it'll be mental, have you considered the price he will have to pay, whatever it is he ends up doing to help you?"
Silence is my answer, and I hope he's actually considering my words; while I may not know exactly what happened the first time around, concerning Shaw; Charles's screams still echo in my memory and I know that, whatever it is that happened, it cannot have been good.
"I know you do not care about me, or even about yourself…but I hope you care about Charles."
"You know…" He begins, stopping when he reconsiders what he was beginning to say.
"I do." I nod.
I may not admit to all I know, but it's obvious to him that I do know something, it seems to surprise him, my knowledge and probably my lack of negative reaction to him. To be honest, I do not know if it is because I'm never been one to abide by standards (whether it is in genders, who one should love, do or anything else), the fact that I'm so used to working with those most would reject anyway, that in the future such a relationship was accepted (at least for the most part), or just that I'm such a great believer that love is love, no matter who it is from or to…
"Moira…" He calls suddenly
His use of my first name surprises me, enough to call my absolute attention.
"I do not think any less of you, not really." He tells me unexpectedly. "I'm no misogynist, and I certainly would not dishonor my mother by thinking less of you for being a woman. I would be a liar if I said anything concerning the human or Agent parts, but you must know as well as I the likelihood of the government, of the humans as a whole, turning against us, you just…seem to be an exception to the rule, on both cases."
I nod seriously, accepting the compliment in the spirit it is being made.
"You know, last night I told Charles he was being naïve, believing the government won't turn against us because they're all like you…I meant it."
"Thank you." I nod again.
"He says I think humans are all like Shaw…"
I want to point out that Shaw isn't really human, something we've known at least since the attack on the Compound, but that's not really important right now, so I choose not to go there, instead, I focus on another detail, hoping I'm not going too far.
"I do not know about being like Shaw." I say softly. "Though I do know there is good, and evil, in all, humans and mutants alike. While there is a chance there will be humans like Shaw, who will go against u…against you; I also believe there will be others who will accept you, like I do."
"Maybe, maybe not, I'm not sure I'm willing to take that risk."
I sigh, even though I was already expecting an answer like that, I hadn't been able to keep myself from hoping…
"Now, if that is all…" He declared, moving to enter his room, finally.
"Just one more thing." This time I'm really throwing caution to the wind, but after the absolutely unbelievable conversation we've already had, I cannot help but want to try to push one last time. "Whatever you do today…please, do not turn into Shaw…"
"What do you care who I turn into?" He almost snaps at me.
"Whether you would believe it or not, I consider you my friend, Erik." I assure him. "And I know Charles does as well."
Erik just grumbles, muttering something in German under his breath, I cannot understand what.
"Just think, if you end up turning into Shaw then, whether he lives or dies in the end, he wins. I don't think you will want that…" I insist softly one last time. "I sure know we don't."
He grunts once more, saying not a word before practically stalking into his room, closing his door with a loud bang. I just sigh, praying to all saints, angels and spirits I did not somehow end up making things worse; that somehow, by some kind of miracle, I might have helped, if just a little bit, make things a better…
xXx
The first part of the mission goes very much like it did the first time around, what with us all twirling around crazily in Hank's experimental plane, Charles controlling someone in the Russian fleet to take down the ship about to cross the embargo line, Hank having to make us spin some more to avoid the unexpected missile, Sean turning himself into a human sonar when none of the blackbird's machines can detect Shaw's submarine, Erik displaying his newfound control and level of power by pulling said submarine out of the water, and then all of us crash-landing on the thrice-damned beach in Cuba. Oh…and let's not forget Erik and Charles nearly getting themselves killed in the process due to not being strapped in as we crash-land…
Yep, exactly as the first time around.
"Moira? Moira are you alright?"
I blink a couple of times, shaking my head slightly to remind myself where I am and why it's very important that I focus. I'm hanging upside down, which isn't really that surprising, what does is Charles standing right in front of me, worried.
"Yeah, yeah I'm alright." I hurry to reassure him.
With his help I'm able to undo the straps of my seat and half turn to land on a half-crouch, I'm so very thankful for my recent training (the first time around I hit my leg even with Charles's help).
Once the shock passes the rest of the members of our team release themselves from their places, taking looks out before turning to Charles and Erik in turn, waiting to see who will issue orders. In the end, it's Charles who does.
"I read the teleporter's mind." He informs us. "Shaw's storing all the power of the sub. He's turning himself into some kind of nuclear bomb."
"We've got no time." I declare, almost not noticing that I am actually speaking. "The radar is going out of control."
"This is what we're going to do." Charles states, going completely into leader-mode. "Moira, get the radio to work, tell them to take both fleets and leave immediately."
"I'm going in." Erik doesn't wait to be given a task.
"Beast, Havok, back him up." Charles nods, knowing already it was coming. "Erik, I can guide you through once you're in but I need you to shut down whatever it is that's blocking me." He sighs before adding. "Then we just have to get to Shaw and hope that we can stop him…"
I blink a bit at the last part, had Charles really been that insecure of his own powers back when? It just seems so strange…and I can tell all the spinning and crash-landing have left me a bit worse for wear, and my shields, for Charles suddenly throws a look my way that shows he's heard something in my mind…Shit! Now's so not the time!
"Good luck." He calls in Erik's direction, though with an eye still on me. "Raven stop."
"I'm going to help." Raven spits in an almost petulant tone.
"We don't have time for this." Charles finally turns to look at her. "I need you here Raven. If I'm going to do this, I'll have to be fully focused in what's happening inside that sub, and not my own surroundings. I need to know that if anything happens here, if anything comes through that entrance, it'll be taken care of."
It's a much more elaborate order than he gave her the first time around, but it somehow seems to calm Raven down. I wonder briefly what's made him be so detailed now…until the look his throws at me confirms that, yes, he's read something in my mind; which means that if we weren't in the middle of this mess right now I would be screwed already, as it is, I'm quite sure I'll be more that screwed when all is said and done.
*Can I trust you Moira?* His voice in my mind surprises me more than it should, it's obvious he doesn't want to call attention to us, to his own suspicions.
*I swear to you…* I try to convey as much honesty as I can in a few words.
*You've been lying to us all this time.* He points out almost coldly.
*If there's something I've never lied about is that I'm on your side. And this is not about humans or mutants or whatever, I'm on your side Charles…I promise.*
*You're still hiding things from me, behind that mental shield of yours.*
*Yes.* What's the point of trying to deny that? *And I swear I will tell you everything once this is over, but you really do not need the distraction now. Please, Erik needs you, he needs you to be there for him a 100%, and you cannot do that if you're focusing on me.*
*We will be having a serious talk once this is all over.* That's not a suggestion, it's an order.
*Yes.* I concede submissively.
*Get the radio.* He reminds me.
Soon enough his attention is back to Erik and I'm working hard to make the radio work, I know the chances of what I'm going to do working, but I cannot not try…I just hope his knowledge of my shields won't end up distracting Charles too much. It's just what we need, really, for things to go to hell, to end up possibly worse than the first time around, Because of me! I could never forgive myself if that happened.
"Hello!" I begin screaming into the radio the moment it's on, forgetting what I'm supposed to say for a few seconds.
"Moira, calm down." Charles tells me, in a softer voice than I could have expected from him after what's just been revealed. "Focus."
"Yes, sorry." I nod, before turning back to the radio, speaking more calmly. "Fleet Commander, this is Delta, Seven, Alpha, Zero. We believe Shaw is trying to detonate some kind of bomb. Pull back from the beach…I repeat, there is a threat of bomb, pull back!"
I only half hear Charles as he directs Erik through the sub, to turn off the nuclear reactor, and other things like that; I don't know why he's speaking out loud, but at least it helps me have some idea of what's going on, even as I keep moving through frequencies, repeating the same statement over and over, hoping somehow someone will hear me and actually listen to what's being said. I don't hold much hope for it, but still, it's better than just sitting here, doing nothing. The wait for something to happen is driving me crazy, and then…
"Erik? Erik?" I hear Charles call, his anxiety mounting by the second. "He's gone."
"What?" For a second I have a hard time processing what he just said, until it dawns on me.
"He's gone into the void." He elaborates. "I can't communicate with him there."
For a moment there is silence, Raven is on the other side of the wreckage, keeping an eye on the battle between the rest of our team and Shaw's followers; and suddenly Charles's head snaps back in my direction, as he seems to realize something.
"You know something of what's going on." It's not a question.
"I do." What's the point of lying right now?
"Where is Erik?" He almost demands of me.
"I do not know…" I admit quietly.
*Moira!* His scream practically reverberates in my mind.
It's a miracle that he's not already tearing at my shield, forcing me to submit to him, to reveal everything I know. Yes, I know he's not the kind to force himself on others, but this being Erik… it still surprises me that he can be so restrained.
*I cannot tell you how I know what I know, the explanation is too complicated and we don't have the time.* I project at him as best I can. *I can tell you Erik's with Shaw, which you already know, that'll you be hearing him again soon. Even what little I know, there's a lot I do not understand, I never did. I'm afraid there's very little I can do at this point.*
*You talk as if you've done something before…*
*I've tried…*
Right then his connection with Erik reasserts itself, it's obvious in the way his eyes light up even before he begins talking, out loud, once again.
"He's back!" He exclaims. "Erik, whatever you're doing, keep doing it. It's starting to work." Silence for a few seconds and then he speaks again. "It's working! I'm starting to see him but I can't yet touch his mind."
"It's because of the helmet he's wearing." I cannot help but tell him.
In an instant Charles is before me, eyes boring into mine, silently demanding any and all information I might have that may be of help.
"He wears a helmet, and that's what's blocking you." I clarify. "I do not know why, or how."
"And you cannot, or will not, explain how you know that either." He guesses.
"Not right now." I nod. "Once this is all over, I'll tell you, show you even, all you want."
He nods, it's obvious he doesn't like it, but there are more important things at stake here.
"Charles." I call to him, quietly but very seriously, I don't dare use mind-speech, as I do not want to distract him from Erik. "I know you have no reason to trust me, but I just want you to consider something. We both know Erik's going to kill Shaw…"
"Maybe, maybe not." Charles interrupts. "He has it in him to be the better man."
"I don't really like sounding like him, but he already is." I correct Charles. "Or he will be, once he realizes that this is all about more than revenge. Once he begins acting more for the future than for the past, for protecting rather than revenge."
It's obvious that the telepath just does not know how to reply to that.
"Charles, just think about it, you've seen what Shaw's capable of, I know you have!" I decide to stop holding back, what's the point when he already knows I'm hiding something? "Do you really want that kind of man…no, not man, that kind of monster anywhere around Erik, around your children?"
I wonder if he picks up on the double entendre of the last past of my statement, though honestly I didn't until the words had already left my mouth. In the end, I know Shaw will be killed, needs to be killed, I just don't want Charles to suffer over it as much as he did the first time around.
I hear my friend let out a sound that seems like a mix of a gasp and a groan. I am about to ask him if he's okay, when I remember how he didn't want me distracting him the first time around, so I stay quiet. Finally giving up on the radio and hovering beside him, praying to all the saints and the angels that I won't have to watch him fall apart for a second time.
"Oh God…" He gasps in obvious exhaustion. "I can only hold this man for so long…"
Those words, more than anything else, bring my mind crashing straight to one of the two most painful part of my memories of this day.
"Erik please, be the better man…Erik there will be no turning back! No…." He's moaning, practically crying, and I do not know why.
"Charles…" I call, I want to help, but do not know how…
"Don't do this Erik!" He yells to the empty air before him, hitting the side of the plane in a mix of fury and helplessness, and then he's begging. "No…please Erik, no…please Erik…"
What follows is the most blood-curling, heart-stopping soul-tearing scream I've heard in my whole life. There's just so much despair, like the world is ending somehow…and maybe, in a way, it is. And there's nothing I can do, nothing but watch my best friend, the best man I've ever know, fall into pieces in front of me…
"Erik please, you are the better man…"
Those words, so similar yet so different from the ones in my memories are enough to pull me abruptly, almost painfully, from them.
Then Charles is muttering something under his breath, something I know I'm not meant to hear, so I do not even try. Then he's moaning, pressing a fist against his temple, and I wait for him to begin pleading and screaming, only he doesn't; instead he's gasping, there are tears falling silently down his eyes, and yet he's smiling, it's a small smile, but it is there, I can see it.
It is in that moment that I notice the look he's directing at me, I know what it means. He's seen my memory, he's seen it, but he does not understand.
"I promise I will explain, later." I assure him quietly, still more than a bit confused myself. "When this is all over."
"Shaw is dead." Charles answers my unasked question. "I…I tried to incapacitate him, managed to do it in fact but then…" he shakes his head and sighs. "Erik had to kill him. He…there really was no other way."
I nod, I may not know all the details, but I always knew Shaw had to be killed, he's just too much of a threat alive… And it's good to see Charles is at least beginning to accept that same thing.
"You will be explaining things Moira." Charles states in the most serious tone I've ever heard from him. "To both Erik and I."
"I promise." I nod. "Now we need to get out. As much as I may hate to say this, it really isn't over just yet…"
It's obvious Charles doesn't quite understand what I'm talking about. To be honest, I'm praying to all deities in existence that it might be different this time. That the fact that not everyone died that night in the attack to the CIA might make the government more merciful, though the more realistic, the more experienced part of me knows there's no way such a thing will happen. Their decision was made long ago, probably since the very first moment they came in contact with a mutant…from the very first moment they met Charles…when I brought him to their attention… Oh Lord…what a way to realize this is my fault!
I'm interrupted from my rather egocentric, somewhat self-loathing line of thought by Erik's emergence through a hole on the sub, right across from the stretch of beach that separates the wrecks of each of our transports. The metal-kinetic lets Shaw's corpse drop unceremoniously on the sand and I only half notice the blood that's coming from his nose and…where's the blood that should be in his forehead? The point that marks where Erik killed him?
Charles turns to look at me and I can make out how he discreetly shakes his head in my direction before making a somewhat vague motion to his chest…it takes me a few seconds to get it, but soon enough I do. So Erik didn't kill Shaw the same way this time? Why? What happened that made things different? Was Charles's slight change in wording really that pivotal? Or something else? Maybe whatever Charles was mumbling afterwards? Are things really changing?
"It's time for this senseless fighting to stop!" I hear Erik call loudly.
It's somewhat different from the speech he used the first time around, though still quite strong, and compelling (I can admit to that, even if I'm not a mutant).
"Shaw has been stopped, a senseless war has been averted, and how are we rewarded? By the humans turning against us all." The German says harshly. "I feel their guns moving in the water. Their metal, targeting us. Americans, Soviets, humans. United in their fear of the unknown." He snorts. "It's how it was always going to turn out, mutants versus humans." He turns to his friend. "Go ahead Charles, tell me I'm wrong."
I feel my heart plummet as I see Charles's eyes widening, the look of utter betrayal on his face (a look I had hoped I wouldn't have to see this time around). Charles turns to me but I cannot look at him, instead turning to look at my feet.
*Moira…* I hear his voice, almost pleading inside my mind.
It hurts, to have to tell him this, even though, deep down, he already knows it.
"It's useless Charles." I say softly, painfully. "I've tried establishing communication ever since we crashed. The radio is working, they're just not answering…they do not care."
"They've abandoned us, abandoned you here…" Erik states, and I can almost swear there's a hint of compassion in his voice.
"I'm just one person…" I mutter bitterly.
"And we're not even that." Erik finishes for me.
I flinch, as much as I do not want to. It hurts, even though a part of me had known all along this time was coming. It hurts…not the fact that I'm being put on the same level as the rest of them, because as far as I'm concerned that's an honor…no, the fact that they can so easily…dispose of us all, like we're nothing…like we're not human.
I can sense Charles suddenly in the back of my mind, trying to comfort me after what he's obviously perceived in my mind.
*It's okay Charles…* I project to his mind.
*No, it's not.* He replies.
*Ok, it's not.* I agree with a sad smile and a long sigh. *Don't take me wrong, I think it's an honor to be considered as part of this group. I just…I cannot believe someone…people I have had the greatest respect for, can care so little for the lives of others. Not just mine, but yours as well… It's not fair…*
He doesn't reply, it's okay, I wasn't really expecting him to.
The ships fire, I follow them with my eyes, waiting for the moment when they will stop, and they do, just like the first time. And just like the first time, they ever so slowly spin around, pointing in the opposite direction.
Only they don't move, not immediately at least. And as I turn to the side I finally notice something I cannot believe I overlooked at first: Erik is not wearing the helmet, not at all. And in that moment he and Charles are standing, face to face, looking at each other with an intensity that makes it obvious they're having a conversation the rest of us aren't privy to; even as the metal kinetic continues holding the missiles in the air.
Eventually it comes, the moment I've been waiting for, as the missiles begin to move, in the direction they came from. Slower than before, but they're still moving. I do not understand why Charles isn't trying to stop him, why he isn't even saying a word to him; it's just not like him!
I'm not fully aware of myself even as I grab my gun, taking off the safe and beginning to raise it; it's until I begin to aim, that I realize what exactly I am doing, and I'm completely horrified.
For an excruciatingly long second Erik turns to look straight at me, eyebrow raised, waiting for me to make up my mind. I can almost hear his voice asking the question I'm asking myself:
Will you be like the rest of them? Fearing us, attacking us for no good reason? Will you really fire that gun and prove me right?
I close my eyes tightly, before putting the safe back on and letting the gun drop from between my fingers. I'm not doing this, no, no way. I'm not making the same mistake again!
"You haven't answered my question yet Charles." Erik calls, and it seems like the continuation of some long conversation.
No one else is moving, especially not the children, seemingly completely staggered by the stand-off between us. And I…I can only close my eyes, and wait for whatever may come next.
"Yes Erik, I trust you." Charles answers after what seems like forever.
The missiles shoot across the air, coming closer and closer to the ships, we all watch with baited breath and…a handful of feet before reaching their target, they all explode in sequence.
I let out a gasp, then take a deep breath, only now realizing I stopped breathing at some point. It takes me a few seconds but I realize what he's done. He's sent a warning: do not mess with us. Not sure how effective it'll be, but at least no one's dead, that's certainly an improvement considering the many awful ways things could have gone today.
Sean, Hank, Alex and Raven begin celebrating then, once the risk has passed they can finally enjoy their victory, even as Shaw's former followers keep sending doubtful looks our way.
I have not the slightest idea what we're supposed to do next. At this point in time, I'm so full of relief: that Shaw was stopped, that there was no War, that I didn't fire that gun, that Charles hasn't lost his legs…that Erik is still here…I can hardly keep control of all my emotions, all my thoughts, and a quick look from Charles in my direction shows that I may be letting more than a few flashes through. Well…it's not like he won't be finding all the truth soon enough anyway, while I'll be forgetting everything…Yep, soon everything will be made right, specially all that never was the first time around.
Next update will not be in this fic. Since this is written in Moira's point of view (and we're only missing one chapter, just so you know). Instead, next week the update will be the first chapter of the second part of this series: "Amity", chapter is called "Trust" and is pretty much Cuba from Charles's point of view (hope it goes well). You'll get the chance to find out what really went on in that beach this time around that Moira wasn't privy to.
See ya there!