Wow just want to say REAL sorry about how late this is. You know life? Yeah, he kinda caught up on me unawares. So stuff is happening and thus, it's unlikely I'll have a new chapter up until December. BUT that means that WHEN December comes I should be more productive so...good news and bad news?

And wow it's so cool to see more reviews! KEEP THEM COMING! I CAN TAKE IT, COME ON! GIVE ME YOUR BEST!

As for more specific things, an FYI for you all and mini-spoiler but no, Qiao Gan is not gonna make a physical appearance again in the story as I have it in my head. He might make a flashback return but not a physical one

(And yes, Liu Shan and Qiao Gan resembling each other is not a coincidence you'll find out why when the day comes ;) )

But that means that YES, I DO have an ending for this story planned (maybe 15-20 chapters but could be more) and YES, the ending IS HAPPY! So don't worry guys, there won't be (much) heartbreak. I mean, there WILL be. A little bit. But not at the end where it matters. Like...in the more insignificant areas. You know, for character development? Ah, that old rascal, character development.

Anyhoo, I don't own KOEI, DW or any of these semi-historically based people. Because owning other people is technically illegal. At least, it is where I am.

Chapter 4: The unrequited competitor

It was afternoon, just after lunch, when Liu Shan best likes to nap. Or more precisely, it is one of the few times he is able to nap—the one hour gap he gets between lunch and his next lesson is the only free time he gets today. He enjoys these moments, especially if the day ahead is busy. But for today, he has little. For just one short moment, he just wants to be lazy.

He closes his eyes and he starts to drift off. The melody of the birds starts to fade, the world before him is dark, and everything material fades into nothingness.

"LORD LIU SHAAN!"

The emperor is rudely awakened. But he calms himself from his panic and relaxes and tries, once again, to sleep.

"My lord! Where are you?"

Huh? That's not Xingcai's voice.

"Ah! There you are, my lord." He pretends to be asleep. "My lord?" He gives a slight snore for effect. He gets a groan in response and suddenly he is lifted from the ground. His eyes are now VERY much wide open.

"G-GUAN PING?!" Liu Shan doesn't know what's more surprising. That it's Guan Ping searching for him or that Guan Ping lifted him into his arms like a newly-wed bride. Nevertheless, Liu Shan cannot help but cling to his neck in fear.

"My lord, Xingcai has given me specific instructions today and I shall not fail her."

"P-put me DOWN!" Guan Ping hesitates. "NOW!" Liu Shan shrieks. Guan Ping sighs and he sets the emperor down. Once feet touch land, Liu Shan breathes a loud sigh of relief, a hand on his chest to still his beating heart. "D-don't ever do that again, please."

"I-I am sorry, my lord." He bows, blush tinting his face. "But I thought it would be better to carry you. You might run away."

"W-well as long as you promise not to carry me again, I won't run away." Guan Ping nods hesitantly and starts walking, his eyes not escaping his lord. True to his word, Liu Shan follows obediently. Liu Shan sighs, and turns his head back to the garden, focusing on his little napping spot underneath the tree. It was perfect too, the leaves had covered his face and the wind was soft and it was such a lovely temperature too. No napping today, it seems he thinks as he follows Guan Ping out of the gardens.

"Xingcai was correct, as always." Guan Ping comments in his stride, eyes turned everywhere except the emperor's face. "You were planning on napping in the garden today."

"Not that I managed to succeed in that task." Liu Shan moans. He would question when Xingcai figured out his new napping spot but he shakes it away. There's no way Guan Ping would have found him so quickly for training. He doubts he'll get any answers however from the tall general. "So I'm assuming you're replacing Xingcai today, is that correct?" Guan Ping nods. "What is she busy with? I did not get a message from her."

"Ah yes!" He stops, Liu Shan abruptly slowing into a halt beside him. "I almost forgot to tell you, Xingcai told me to tell you this. I'm to replace Xingcai in her duties today which means training and protecting you, my lord. She told me she's going to be busy today handing out invitations for her betrothal party."

"Be…trothal party?" He laughs nervously.

"My lord."

"I-is Xingcai getting married? I did not know that. When is this party ha—"

"My lord," Guan ping sighs. "She already told me about your courtship lessons."

"…oh." Liu Shan is momentarily silent. "I...didn't realize she told you."

"Yes, she…told me a couple of days ago. When we last sparred."

"Ah…"

Liu Shan felt rather awkward, knowing that Guan Ping knew this. It wasn't that he was on bad terms with the man but it seemed that whenever the two chatted without Xingcai around, it gets awkward and tense between them. It's like an unspoken rivalry, a challenger that lies in his path, but he does not know why he gets this feeling from Guan Ping. As far as he knows, Guan Ping doesn't seem to think of him as any form of competition. He definitely does not feel like inciting a competition from the general beside him. Despite the awkwardness, Liu Shan had a lot of respect for Guan Ping. He was brave, strong. Humble. Likeable. But no matter how good of an opinion Liu Shan had for Guan Ping, only a blade could cut the tension between them big enough for friendship to blossom further. And as of yet, that blade never seemed to arrive.

The two continue walking silently when out of the blue, Guan Ping asks, "So what do…you guys…do in your lessons?" Guan Ping's blush is still present. Liu Shan pretends not to notice.

"Nothing much if I must be honest. A fool like me, I can only do so much. I'm mostly just rewording what I was taught into something useful for Xingcai."

"Ah. Is, um, courting a typical…lesson for nobles?"

Liu Shan would ask why he hadn't had any himself but he reckons he knows the answer already. "Sort of. It's not really a nobleman kind of thing so much as something your parents teach you…I think." He never really had much experience with normal, he has to admit. Especially with parenting. He shudders at the thought of mother unleashing her so-called 'discipline pet'. She's probably the reason why he doesn't like tigers.

"I-I see…" Guan Ping says. "I…guess that makes more sense."

This awkward silence again. Liu Shan hated this silence, more than that time Xingcai made him undergo a so-called marathon only for him to literally collapse from exhaustion halfway through. That was not a fun day. On the barest of margins, if Liu Shan had to choose between endless awkward silence and the marathon, he'd choose the marathon.

"So where are you taking me, Guan Ping? You said you were to train me, am I not correct?"

"Well…yes, but…well the thing is, my lord, I'm just as useless as you are with a rapier." Liu Shan holds back a sharp retort about his purported uselessness. "So I...I don't know, I have to teach you something else. Um…are you…any good with normal swords?"

"I'm not used to most." Liu Shan says. "They're rather...how shall I say this, unsophisticated in my grasp."

"Spears?"

"Almost impaled myself three times."

"Staffs?"

"Kept tripping on them."

"Bows?"

"No real experience. Not unless you also know the Mongolian draw." Why couldn't the Bow princess teach him how to use a bow the normal way?

Guan Ping groans and Liu Shan cannot help but feel embarrassed and ashamed. Like any other person, he never likes admitting his physical faults. He was weak and lanky and although he may be fast, it's not much good in combat apart from running away. Even then, he's too clumsy to run for very long in his heavy coats without tripping.

"Please tell me there's some other weapon I can teach you."

"Depends." His mouth widens into a strained smile. "Y-you wouldn't happen to be able to teach me how to wield a bench, could you?"

"I…n-no?"

"Then no. The only weapon I'm any good at is the rapier, I'm afraid."

The two simultaneously sigh. This was going to be difficult.

"Then what about martial arts? The hand-to-hand combat area should be empty now."

Liu Shan's eyebrows raise. That could work. "Well of course I know some martial arts but…well it's been so long. W-what if the one I was taught is not the same as what you learnt?"

"Well at least the basics are the same. Come on, we're gonna do martial arts then." He slaps a hand on his back and pushes him into a different hallway. He's never been this way before for training.

"Guan Ping," he frowns, confused. "This is not the way to the training grounds."

"I know," he says briskly. "But if you're training with me, we're doing this properly. Just follow me quickly and we'll get some training robes."

"Training robes?" Liu Shan gulps. All too quickly, Guan Ping's face changed from nervousness to hard-steeled determination. He's seen that face on Xingcai all too often. Was this a soldier thing?

"If I am training you, I'll train you as though you are a soldier under my command." Guan Ping pokes Liu Shan on his breast plate. "And neither I, nor the enemy, discriminate."

Liu Shan suppresses a gulp. Something in his mind was telling him this lesson with Guan Ping wasn't going to end well for his end.

Liu Shan thinks he's been to every part the palace but clearly he was mistaken as Guan Ping leads him deep into the soldiers' camp, through the barracks and the training grounds to a small courtyard. Or at least in its birth it must have been just another courtyard but its proximity to the training grounds and the barracks had led it to become a makeshift dojo, just as Liu Shan earlier had commandeered a courtyard to be his own private training grounds. There was a slight apprehension in his movements as he walked out of the 'dressing room' (really just a large closet) and monitors the makeshift training grounds. If the soldiers were to recognise him, one of the most polarizing and hated figures of the kingdom, he does not know what will happen here even with Guan Ping's protection. Fortunately it is empty to his relief. He sees Guan Ping wave him down and he slowly walks up towards him.

"My lord! It fits you impressively."

"Really?" Liu Shan stares cynically at Guan Ping. The training robes were in fact a pair of dark green pants with a robe-like shirt of a slightly lighter colour, both of which were too big on his frame. The pants were baggy at the end (not like his pants aren't normally anyway, he adds) and the shirt is loose at the front, threatening to display his pectorals should he dare pose in a certain way. In fact the only thing that was preventing him from unveiling himself was the belt holding both the shirt and pants in place.

"Honestly, my lord." Guan Ping smiles genuinely. "If I may say, this kind of clothing suits you better somehow. Makes you look…"

"Normal?" He adds sarcastically.

Guan Ping shakes his head. "I was thinking more along the lines of comfortable. Royal robes don't seem like the easiest to put on."

"They're not the easiest to get out of either, though that could be my own clumsiness." He recalls the first time he tried to put the armoured chest piece on. It didn't end well. "But might I ask, wouldn't it be easier for me to just remove my coat? It'll take up far less time."

"I wouldn't want to dirty your clothes. Better to get these kind of clothing dirty than your robes. Besides which, today I'm pretty sure the both of us are gonna get pretty dirty after this." He stamps his foot on the sand-covered floor.

"Probably," he murmurs, but he's still not completely convinced. "I'm more worried that someone might steal them and try to impersonate me. I left my mianguan there too." He rubs the back of his head, feeling for the tied up knot of hair behind him.

"Your crown should be safe, as are the rest of your clothes. No one's here so no one should go in."

"I suppose…"

"I'm assuming that means you have no further questions. In which case, we'll start, my lord." Guan Ping grabs the dummy arm's length away from him and slides it towards Liu Shan. It wobbles slightly but is otherwise stable. Liu Shan is more concerned over how a man like Guan Ping was able to move what is supposed to be a unmoving dummy.

"I'm going to die from this aren't I," Liu Shan says with a grimace on his face.

"That's if you're lucky." He laughs. "Now come on. Keep up, soldier."

And thus Guan Ping led him on a strict and structured training session, surprising considering the choice to try martial arts was a rather spur of the moment decision. Simple moves were taught, practiced and perfected before moving onto more complex moves. Everything from punches and kicks to counters and throws were done and Liu Shan could see now why Guan Ping desired the change of clothing: the young emperor was thrown onto the ground more times than his own father had purportedly done. That is, more than once.

It was surprising how Guan Ping could change so easily in the span of a second. From the shy, amiable man that Liu Shan knew him to be, it seemed that the mere thought of combat turned him into a leader. He commanded Liu Shan to follow his movements with both precision and force. The precision part, that was easy but it was the matter of strength that failed Liu Shan in his time of need. His punches were weak, his kicks clumsy and lacking in power. It was as he imagined the situation to be. He would fail miserably, just as he always does in front of Xingcai.

He sees Guan Ping trying desperately not to hide the confusion and disappointment in his face but he can see it hidden behind the thin veils, the small creases on his face. Except it's not completely disappointment. He knows the look of disappointment, the tired sigh of Xingcai as she packs up their weapons a sight he has seen time and time again but Guan Ping does not resemble it. Rather, it seemed to be more akin to pity. Liu Shan did not know what to think of it, just that he had to keep pushing on despite the fatigue building in his legs and arms.

It was an hour when they stopped for their first and only break. Liu Shan had earlier queried as to why this lesson with Guan Ping was so much longer but he knew the answer: it had to be Xingcai's doing. Collapsing under the shade of the sole tree in the barren courtyard, Guan Ping stands in front of him, the faint remnants of care reemerging on his expression.

"You're tired already?" He asks, more confused than confronting.

"I-I'm rather…weak," Liu Shan breathes in between heavy, raspy breaths. "I don't…think I…want to throw up so bad…as I do now."

He puts a hand to his throat, parched and dry. He should have brought a water canteen or something but he suppose he was getting used to training with Xingcai; she always filled a canteen for him. Sometimes if the training was difficult, it was an incentive for him, a reward for his hard effort and sometimes that bit of water paid off. But more often than not, he was more concerned about not collapsing from exhaustion rather than dying of thirst.

As if reading his mind, Guan Ping produces a canteen of his own from his side.

"You want some?"

Liu Shan nods wordlessly and graciously accepts it. He drinks but despite the desire to empty the canteen in one swoop he is conservative and compromises, emptying a fifth of its contents. Liu Shan hands the canteen back, simultaneously wiping his mouth from any excess moisture.

"Are you better now, my lord?"

"I'm OK." He says breathily. "But if you don't mind, I think I need a minute."

"Take your time, my lord. The second half will be intense but it will only take half an hour."

Liu Shan nods once again, using the brief amount of time to catch his breath. He was tired. Beyond tired, in fact—fatigued seemed a much better word to use. He would love to run away right now. Run away and find some place to hide and be at peace and not be bothered at all by people.

"By the way, my lord," Liu Shan's ears perk slightly as he looks up to the general. "How are you finding the lesson so far?"

"It's…different. Not something that I'm used to," he admits.

"Xingcai taught you differently, huh?"

"Yeah, it's…I'm not saying you are a bad teacher, Guan Ping, but I suppose it's because I've been having Xingcai train me for so long. Maybe because I know you two train together sometimes that I was expecting…worse."

Guan Ping blinks once. "Worse?"

Liu Shan nods. He couldn't help but compare the two. Xingcai and Guan Ping, they had this symbiosis that he envied, the way they could co-ordinate in battle. Sometimes he would watch and observe their occasional training together, the force of Guan Ping matched expertly with the precision and grace of Xingcai. For she is graceful, he thinks. Guan Ping's attacks are strong but choppy but Xingcai's flow like a beautiful dance. In a way it matched their teaching methods. Guan Ping taught him a crash course, a one-off session but impactful. Xingcai was always about proper technique, the slow development of not just skill but body and mind.

Liu Shan slowly rises himself to a stand. He's thinking about Xingcai again, as he always does, but recently the thoughts make him feel more and more depressed. He knows why, he just doesn't want to acknowledge them, especially not in front of Guan Ping.

"Let's get the rest of this lesson done with, Guan Ping," his gaze is low, avoiding eye contact. "The sooner the better, right?"

"I don't know, I think you should rest a bit more before we go onto the final thing for today."

"Why? What is it that we are doing?"

"Well I was hoping a little 'sparring game' might be a good finish. The first person to land a hit on the other wins. Have you done it before?"

Liu Shan has in fact done something similar before, except it was with his rapier against Xingcai's shield. She never used a sword and instead relied purely on her free hand and her legs to try and land the hit. It was always humiliating whenever she won (which was always) and the few victories that he got with her were only because she got distracted by something. None of his victories, he thought, were fair victories.

"Not with hand-to-hand combat," Liu Shan murmurs. Then, louder, "Will it even work? Y-You're not going to…hit me hard, right?"

Guan Ping laughs nervously. "Of course not. It'll be the lightest punch you've ever felt."

Considering how the Guan siblings 'family brawls' usually ended up, Liu Shan had no reason to believe Guan Ping and subconsciously stepped back.

"My lord?"

Liu Shan took a step further. "Forgive me for being…cautious—hehe—b-but I'd rather not get hurt badly. I-is there anything else we can do?"

"My lord, if I may, what better way to learn how to fight than to be in a fight?" He crosses his arms. "I won't hurt you if that's what you are concerned about."

Liu Shan hesitated for a second before replying, "Perhaps something else can be done, hmm? I mean," Liu Shan's eyes shifted left and right before centering on the training dummy. "We could maybe just work on some other techniques?"

Guan Ping let out another disappointed sigh. "Xingcai is not going to like this, my lord."

Liu Shan knows this but the coward in him is wary. He makes no pretense of ever liking the training but with Xingcai, he knows there is no escape no matter how much he tries. Guan Ping however, he might be able to push a little. Be free and not have to face either injury or the man's giant fists.

"She doesn't need to know, Guan Ping," he says, putting on the best smile he has. "We can both use the time for something more productive."

Liu Shan expected a reply, for Guan Ping to relent but instead Guan Ping was silent for a second.

"…you know, lord Liu Shan? I don't understand why you want to learn how to fight if you don't want to commit." He mutters angrily. "What would Lord Liu Bei think?"

This was definitely not what Liu Shan expected. In this battle of minds where Liu Shan thought he had the upper hand, so quickly did that upper hand disappear. Worse of all, it was a question he wasn't prepared to answer. He simply stood there, avoiding the judging gaze of the general.

The general is taken aback. "L-Lord Liu Shan, I…" Guan Ping frowns sorrowfully. "That was out of line. Implying the two of you—"

"It's OK, Guan Ping," a small cheerless smile slowly grew. "You have every right to say that. I'm just being a fool. An idiot. We'll do it your way."

"My lord?" His eyes widened. "A-are you sure? Look, we can do something else. This fight is not something to do if you are not committed. You could actually get hurt if you don't try."

For a second he sees the genuine concern on Guan Ping's face and Liu Shan thinks that if he said that he does not want to fight, Guan Ping will find something else for the two of them to do. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. Liu Shan can't bring himself to refuse. He sees in his mind's eye a path with Xingcai at the end, watching his every move. Guan Ping is working on Xingcai's instructions, he knows, no doubt she is watching him in a way. She'll probably be getting feedback from Guan Ping also.

No, he's being an idiot again. Xingcai will probably say something about 'duty' to him, that he can be strong if only he believes but deep down he knows he isn't. And as for father? Well, he knew all too late that the late lord Liu Bei was harsh with him for a reason. But still, he doesn't like being the idiot. He doesn't like disappointing people. And he has to suck it up. For a couple more minutes.

Liu Shan sucks a deep breath in and releases it, like a cloud of mist escaped his lungs. "Let's do it, Guan Ping. I'm…" His pulse quickens. "I'm ready."

Guan Ping seems hesitant to speak, words caught in his throat. And then, "If that is what you wish, my lord."

They make the short distance to the grounds where they quickly get into a battle stance. With the exception of the gravel crunching under their feet, Liu Shan doesn't hear anything. They lock eyes, black to opal, as their bodies circled one another. Pulses quickened and for a second, Liu Shan was worried that it was so loud in this stillness that Guan Ping could hear it. The thought is quickly dismissed. It's a battle, he thinks, and he at least must fulfill his duty for Xingcai.

The atmosphere suddenly changes, time slows and Liu Shan sees Guan Ping make his move. As the punch flies slowly in the air, Liu Shan cannot help but think that he saw Guan Yu's shadow, mimicking Guan Ping's movements.

"Look, I'm sorry, my lord." Guan Ping bows. "I didn't mean it."

"I know you don't mean it, Guan Ping, don't worry. It's just a small wound."

Guan Ping frowns. "My lord, half of your shoulder is purple."

Liu Shan pulls the too-loose shirt closer to his body. "It'll go away tomorrow, I'm sure of it."

"A-again, I'm so sorry. It must hurt so much."

Liu Shan uses his free hand to rub against his wounded shoulder and he winces. It hurts a little, he thinks, but he thinks the swelling has gone down. "We got caught up in the moment, Guan Ping. It's neither of our faults."

The two of them are walking down the hallway towards Liu Shan's chambers. Despite protest, Liu Shan insisted on changing there even if it meant that he had to walk in 'peasant clothing'. In his arms are his royal robes, Guan Ping carrying the heavier ornamentals in one arm. He insisted on carrying something at least. Probably so he doesn't feel useless, Liu Shan thinks, but if the situation was reversed, he'd probably offer the same.

The fight ended rather abruptly for the both of them. For so many minutes, the two were able to block or divert each other's moves, Guan Ping being on the offensive most of the time. Liu Shan was just surprised then as he is now that he was fast enough to counter Guan Ping's moves but perhaps in the heat of the moment it got to him and Guan Ping, seeing this opportunity, gave a palm strike to the chest near his heart.

It wasn't the strike that caused the bruising but Liu Shan's subsequent falling onto his exposed shoulder onto hard, hard gravel. And after lying there, wondering whether or not he should pretend to feint unconsciousness, he decides against it and stand. The victor was Guan Ping and the two bowed, signaling the formal end of the fight.

In the present, Liu Shan looks around the hallways and is both surprised and relieved there is no one around to see him in his present state. He doesn't want to have to explain why he's injured or why he's wearing clothing beneath his rank.

"Lord Liu Shan?"

"Yes?" Did he miss something in the conversation?

"I never got to ask but—well I only just remembered, you see, and I can forget sometimes," he gives a nervous chuckle. "B-but! W-where did you learn how to fight like that?"

Liu Shan laughs, bringing the clothing bundle closer to his body. "My mother taught me. You could say she was my first trainer."

"Lady Sun Shangxiang? Not Lord Liu Bei?"

"Trust me, father insisted but my mother wanted me to learn 'proper' techniques. And she wasn't a bad teacher either. I was just always clumsy so I could never learn them properly."

"Did she tell you what martial art she taught you?"

"I don't know," he admits. "Although she did say she learnt it from the bodyguard of a Mongolian diplomat."

Guan Ping's eyes are wide. "Really?! I-is it true?!"

"If you know her reputation, I'm sure you know that it's plausible." Liu Shan laughs again. "What about you? Did Uncle Guan teach you?"

Guan Ping nods. "My father taught me so much," he says with a whimsical smile. "Told me all that I need to know to become the best man I could. To be strong and brave and never back down." He adds a sad sigh. "I just wish I was as strong as him. I don't think I could ever reach his heights."

"I'm sure all sons have that problem, Guan Ping. I'm weak too. So very very incapable of combat." He stares ahead.

He wish he could say it was in his mind, these doubts about himself, but he knew very well that many people thought the same about him. How he is weaker, stupider than Liu Bei. Inferior in every way to the late lord. He does not want to dwell on it, which is why he is relieved when Guan Ping does not reply. A silent signal that neither wants to reminisce about the horrid past.

"…you know, my lord? I think I know what you lack. What you should improve on. For training."

He turns his head to the man. This was interesting. "What is it?"

"Well it's…I mean, it's only a guess because we only had this one lesson…" his voice trails off and then he shakes his head. "Let me ask you a question first: what do you fight for? In battle, what's the first thing that pop into your mind?"

"Hmm, I never really thought about that. I guess…surviving?" He's never really been in a proper fight—outside of ten minutes ago that is. How long have they been walking for anyway?

"I thought so." He mumbles. Liu Shan stares, confused. "My father used to teach me this. He said he saw a lot of soldiers, capable soldiers, not rise in rank or die early in the middle of their first battle. And you know why? Father said that it's not just the techniques that a man knows but what their goal is when they fight. Decent soldiers think about surviving, he said, but strong soldiers think about winning."

He never heard of this before. "Winning?"

"Yeah. Surviving a battle does not mean winning. Winning a battle does not mean surviving. But if you want to make an impact on the battle," he puts a fist to his heart. "You have to believe you can win. For your loved ones, for fame, glory. You need something to motivate you so that you believe you must win. That you can win."

"And what motivates you?"

"Bettering myself." He turns to face ahead of himself. "Becoming stronger. So that I can live up to the name of the Guan clan." He smiles before adding in a mumble, "I don't think I live up to it yet."

"I'm sure you do, Guan Ping," he stares ahead. "It's me who doesn't live up to his name." A sad smile appears on his face. "Heh, this makes me ever so curious as to what Xingcai thinks. I can't help but imagine her thinking about 'duty'." She loved saying that word, she thought.

"Mmm," Guan Ping murmurs in half-hearted agreement. Liu Shan turns, sees the frown on the man's face appear for a second, and just as quickly turns his head forward. He thinks he must've touched a soft spot. That, or he's gotten bored with the conversation.

As they walk, a pair of servants walk by and Liu Shan tenses instantaneously. He suppose he should have expected it but he didn't want people to see him like this. The emperor in normal clothing?, they'd think, how presposterous. Two pairs of eyes turn to him and he gives a faint nod of acknowledgement but they carry on their way. Liu Shan breathes a sigh. To his relief, they seemed more concerned about the clothing he was holding in his arms rather than he himself. It's probably a silly thing to think, that they'd recognise him. It's not like his face is plastered in every room in the castle and it's certainly unlikely that every single servant knows what he looks like. Perhaps it's because of how he's dressed. In a weird way, it's more comforting to be mistaken for a servant rather than being seen as an emperor in peasant clothing.

"You know, about Xingcai, my lord. Her marriage. What do you feel about it?"

He blinks twice, the question taking time to process in his mind. "I…honestly don't know at this moment. It's a surprise but, well, she is Xingcai. And she's strong in both body and mind. If anyone can decide on a whim to find a suitor in a month's time, it's her." A small smile spreads on his face.

"So that means you're going, right? As a suitor?"

Liu Shan stops and turns his head sharply to Guan Ping. "What are you talking about?"

Guan Ping immediately gets flustered. "Y-you didn't get an invitation?"

His eyes are wide. "N-no!" He turns his head away in embarrassment. "W-what is this about invitations? Isn't both she and her mother delivering them as we speak right now? A-aren't the invitations for suitors only?"

"Well yes, but I got mine in the morning. She told me herself that she delivered the ones to her closer friends first." Guan Ping pouted slightly, avoiding eye contact. "…I was under the impression you'd be the first to get such an invitation."

Liu Shan frowns slightly. "Well you would be incorrect here. I didn't get anything this morning. Not from Xingcai nor her mother." He adds, with a sigh, "You don't need to be jealous of me. I'm not planning on courting Xingcai in the near or distant future. If you wish to pursue Xingcai, you have my blessing."

"I…w-what—n-no I—" Guan Ping continues to stammer. Liu Shan finds it humourous how many expressions Guan Ping was going through—surprise, shame, bashful, horrified—all in a second's time, as though his mind couldn't figure out which face would best describe his emotions. Finally, he slaps himself lightly on the face. It stops the stammering but it doesn't hide the wavering emotions in his throat. "…it's not…that obvious…is it?"

The only response Liu Shan gives is a laugh as he continues walking, forcing the general to restart his legs, scampering to reach the side of his lord once more.

They say no more until they reach the entrance of his chambers. Two bodyguards flank the entrance, eyes ever vigilant, and when they see the emperor, a look of confusion permeates their expressions but regardless, they gives a silent nod as they allow the pair to enter. Liu Shan gives a small nod of his own as he enters his chambers. To both their surprise, in the middle of the entrance stands Xingcai. She hears their footsteps and she turns to see them and she gives a small bow in greetings.

"Xingcai!" Liu Shan bows quickly, Guan Ping following suit behind him. Almost immediately after bowing, however, Liu Shan tries to tug (unsuccessfully) the shirt back into its rightful place. He doesn't want her to see the bruise on his shoulder. "I-I-I was not expecting you to be here today."

"N-Neither did I, Xingcai." Guan Ping adds.

"I finished my round earlier than I expected. Giving the invitations out was easier than I expected it to be." She turns to Guan Ping. "You did tell my lord why I was absent today, right?"

"O-of course! I told him everything!"

She raises an eyebrow up. "Everything?"

Guan Ping gulps.

Liu Shan cuts into the conversation and says, "So wait, Xingcai. Does this mean you wish to continue the remainder of your duties for today?" She nods. "You don't need to do that. You only have a few hours left of the day before your shift is over."

"This is the least I can do for abandoning my duties without giving you ample warning, my lord. Besides which," Her eyes gaze downwards. "I'd rather like to hear why you are wearing such clothing."

Liu Shan gives a chuckle. "In due time, Xingcai. But regardless, I must change. Wait for me here, if you don't' mind." He begins to walk off but stops, and turns to Guan Ping. "You don't mind Xingcai replacing you for today, right? I don't want to inconvenience you, Guan Ping."

Guan Ping shakes his head profusely. "No no, my lord. She's your bodyguard. I'll take my leave soon, do not worry."

Liu Shan smiles, and turns on his foot, passing through the entrance and into the main foyer. He ignores the temptation to slam the screen shut, instead closing it softly. He turns his head to his bedroom, where his clothes are kept and thinks about changing but instead he goes to his desk.

On the desk is a letter, stark white on bold black ink. It is intricate writing but he only needs to look at the first character to know what it is. Any smile he has on his face disappears.

He holds the paper up into the slits of light that the windows allow but he does not read it. He just looks at it as a whole being, not focusing on the individual characters. He knows that if he reads it, it's going to ruin his mood. His eyes turn to the fireplace beside him, and the gears in his mind click. This will do, he thinks to himself. This will do.

He scrunches it up, grips it tightly. And, just before one of his maids sees him in the room, he lights the fireplace and throws the scroll into the flames. It burns quickly, leaving an ashy, wooden smell in the air. It fills him up with something he knows has been empty for a while now and he knows the effect is temporary. But for now, he is at peace. A pitiful, almost callous smile forms as the flames dance in front of him.

"My lord?" The maid calls from the foyer.

"Could you put out this fire for me?" He asks, knowing very well that it will be done.

It's a quick change into his clothing, one part due to the help of his servants and another part being that he forgot to pick up the accessories from Guan Ping and decided to get simpler, much easier to put on ones instead. When he reemerges at the entrance, Xingcai is alone. She gives a courteous smile as he enters.

"You took your time," she says.

"Well I would have taken longer. With how Guan Ping's training went, I think I should have to visit the baths some time soon."

She chuckles politely. "I am to assume it went well, Lord Liu Shan? I should hope you learnt something from today."

He thinks back to what Guan Ping says, about purpose. The will to fight. Liu Shan knows he doesn't have it, not yet, but he cannot help but wonder what will drive him to fight? He knows he needs it, somewhere deep down inside him, and not just for combat. Perhaps it's an allegory for his rule. Up until now, Zhuge Liang is the one who is handing the war side of the kingdom and it won't be soon until Liu Shan will have to take over. Will he have it in him? To incite people to fight for him? His cause? All he knows for sure is that he won't be able to as his current self.

He doesn't realize that his gaze has drifted to the floor but almost immediately, he springs it to Xingcai. He wonders what she fights for, what makes her stick to her duty so readily and easily. It's not as clear cut as saying that "she must". It's an enigmatic thought, he has. But as always, whenever his thoughts go to Xingcai, he can't help but smile. Her presence does that to him.

"…I think I did, Xingcai." She gives a soft smile. On a whim, he adds, "but if I must be honest, I think I prefer you as my trainer over Guan Ping."

"Why?" She scoffs. "Is it because I'm easier?"

"Not at all." DEFINITELY harder, he thinks. "I said this to Guan Ping but…I think I've gotten used to having you around, Xingcai."

And there it appears, like the first twinkle of the stars, the beautiful smile that is Xingcai. It's rare, fleeting, but when he finds it, this sparkling gem from amongst the course sand, he can't help but appreaciate its beauty. A spark courses through his body, the smallest shiver runs down his spine. It's too beautiful. So beautiful that he hates it. He hates it with a passion.

"Let's go, Xingcai." He says, leading her out into the castle hallways.

He hates her beautiful, beautiful smile. Because every single time it reminds him that he loves her. And there is no way she will love him back.

He turns his head back briefly to the fireplace but at Xingcai's call of concern, he whips his head away. Far away from his vision, the last remnants of the scroll lie on the fireplace, black as coal, and the inky letters, Lady Zhang Xingcai cordially invites you to become a potential suitor for her betrothal are gone. The black stains of the ink match too closely the charcoal colour of the wood and the darkness that is Liu Shan's heart.