**I wish I could take credit for the BDS, but they aren't mine.**

Chapter 4

I wish I had known that they wanted to go to early mass. It was way too early to be walking along the water to church, but Murphy had his arm slung across my shoulders while Connor held one of my hands so I guess it wasn't all bad. The church they led me to was a gorgeous old building, dark and intimidating. Many people nodded to them as they made their way to a pew, pulling me to sit between them. An older woman glared at me from behind us, crossing herself. I gave her the evil eye and settled down into my seat. I supposed I was a novelty as the woman wasn't the first to pray for my sin. Let the old bastards assume what they might. I was comfortable with my sins. Could they say the same?

At one point during the sermon, Connor put his lips on my ear. "Stay 'ere."

I nodded and watched them make their way behind the pulpit where they knelt at the feet of Jesus, deep in prayer. After long minutes, they leaned forward to kiss the statue where nails had pierced the Lord's flesh. I was in awe. They cursed like sailors, they ate like beasts, they drank like they didn't have a care in the world, but their faith was something to behold.

After the service was finished, each took their turn in the confessional booth. I waited patiently until they were done, glaring back at any who dared to judge me.

"Ready?" Murphy asked, helping me into my coat.

"Yes, please. These good Christian folk are giving me a migraine." My sarcasm carried through the church and a few people had the decency to look ashamed.

The sunlight outside was a welcome change from the dimness we had just left. Each of them took a hand and we started walking with no destination in mine. We came upon the diner where Aileen worked and I insisted we stop in for a bite to eat. Her section was busy, but we didn't mind waiting.

"Well, look what we have 'ere!" she exclaimed, seeing how comfortable I was curled up next to Murphy in the booth. "Not upset you didn't get the girl, Connor?"

What she didn't know was that my feet were in his lap, a fact that he had to make known. "No reason she cain't have both o' us, Aileen."

I thought she was going to have a heart attack right there in front of us, until she started laughing. It wasn't uncommon for her to chuckle, but a full belly laugh came few and far between. "Good Lord in Heaven, Siobhan! I prayed for one decent man to find you, and He blessed you with two!"

I was glad she approved and I let the smile shine on my face. These were my boys and I was going to be proud of it. We gave her our orders and she promised to have coffee to us quickly. Connor grabbed a napkin and drew a tic tac toe board with a pencil he had gotten from Aileen.

"Ye go first," he told me, waiting for my move.

I drew an 'X' in the middle box, and received a kiss on the neck from Murphy. The game was pretty obviously mine to win, but I enjoyed each kiss I got for my turns. I beat Connor four times out of five before our food arrived.

I truly loved pancakes. Aileen knew how I liked them cooked, preferring them just slightly overdone for a crispy edge topped with a mound of strawberries and syrup. If this was Heaven, just kill me now. I inhaled my food and sat back to enjoy my coffee.

I watched the boys eat. It was in moments like this that I saw the tells of being twins. They cut their meat the same way at the same time. They both lit their cigarettes after finishing their coffee with identical Zippo lighters, doing the same wrist flick to close them. The outside world would say it was unnerving. I disagreed. To me, it was almost one soul in two bodies.

I paid our tab and hugged Aileen on our way out. "Have fun with them today, love. I will see you in the morning." Her knowing gaze followed me out of the door.

Murphy picked me up and swung me around. I squealed, gripping him tightly. I was dizzy when he set me down, but Connor was there to steady us.

I made them show me a safer way to get to their place, including how to get to McGinty's on my own. I didn't want to always have to make them come get me if we wanted to go drinking. They weren't thrilled with the idea of me being alone, but didn't really have a choice once I threatened to figure it out on my own if they didn't help me. When we got to their apartment, I told them to find somewhere else to be. It took some persuading, but they finally left.

I sat my messenger bag on one of the chairs pulled out cleaners and sponges along with a pair of rubber gloves. I sighed deeply and really wished I had a better plan for this. I pulled my sleeves up and got to work.

Anything that was dirty got washed. I was thankful that Murphy had done the wash because I had enough on my plate without worrying about that. I even got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed the floor, using an old bucket that I had found.

I have no idea how long it took, but when I stepped back, the space could have considered clean. I had three bags of trash lined up by the door, and new sheets on the mattresses. I had even scrubbed the toilet. It was so gross, I doubted either of them had ever thought to do it. I found a place in the bath area that I could store the cleaning supplies and locked the door behind me as I left. I dragged the trash down the five flights of stairs and tossed them with the other bags on the side of the building.

I watched my surroundings, but I made it to McGinty's with little trouble. I didn't see the boys so I got up to the bar and ordered a pint of Guinness.

"Here ye go, l… l… l… fuck! Ass!" The bartender put my glass in front of me and walked away, muttering to himself.

"Don't take it personally," the man next to me slurred. "It's just 'is condition."

I liked watching the men at the bar. It was clear to me that they all knew each other and interacted often. I had a few glances thrown my way even as they joked around. I was an outsider, but not for long.

"There's me girl!"

"Fuck, ye mean our girl!"

I was pulled off of the stool and into strong arms. I liked that they didn't mind hugging me at the same time but the tug of war stuff was not completely fun on my part. At least they were laughing about it. "Okay, boys. Hands off!"

They took a giant step back and crossed themselves, grinning. "Sorry lass." Connor was serious with his apology. Hell, he was almost always serious.

Murphy grabbed me and kissed me thoroughly, ignoring the whistles and cat calls. It was all I could do the hold on and enjoy the ride. He returned me to an upright position where I found his brother walking away. I slid out of Murphy's arms and followed him to a dark corner of the bar where he was pouting.

"Don't be like that," I said quietly, standing in front of him and putting my hand on his neck.

He seemed surprised. "Thought ye preferred 'im."

I closed the distance between us, closer than we had even gotten in bed. He let me take control of the kiss and I made sure to leave him breathless. Even I was shaky when I pulled back. He searched my eyes for some sort of confirmation.

"I'm still getting used to this, Connor. That doesn't mean I prefer one of you to the other."

This seemed to please him extensively. He pulled me to him again, more forceful than before. He seemed to be claiming some part of me with his lips, tongue, and teeth. I'm sure I looked completely ravished when he was done.

"Mine," he whispered.

"And mine." Murphy's voice was low behind me.

My breath caught in my throat. If ever there was a time when they could have a reason to fight, this would be it. I knew they were talking even if I couldn't hear them. Murphy turned me around and pushed me gently backwards into his brother whose hands were waiting for my hips. He captured my lips, softer than I expected. He wasn't angry, I realized. He just wanted to claim me as much as Connor.

His hands went to my waist and into my hair. Connor's lips were on my neck and shoulder, leaving marks I had no doubt, but I was enjoying every moment of it. Murphy's grip was intense and I hoped to God he was leaving bruises. I wanted marks from both of them all over me.

Giving me a break, they both stopped and moved so that they were each at one of my ears. "Ours," they demanded.

I could only nod. I had no words left. They had stolen them away, much like my heart. I leaned into Connor and pulled Murphy to me, our foreheads touching.

"No fighting over me." Eventually my mind caught up with my emotions and I was able to form a coherent thought.

I felt Connor's smile against my hair and I could see the one mirrored on Murphy. "This ain't fighting, lass," the man in front of me replied. "Both o' us are wantin' to be with ye for the first time. Cain't blame us for bein' a bit jealous."

So that's what this was. It was the train wreck that I could see coming and didn't know how to stop it. My choice could ruin all of this. How could I choose between them? Didn't they know they were two halves to something I didn't want to miss any piece of?

"Ye mean that?"

Damn. I really needed to filter my brain to my mouth. Saying things out loud was going to get me in more trouble than I already was.

"And if I say yes? Would you both be willing to share me completely?" I swear my heart stopped beating as I waited for a response.

"Ne'er did that before." Murphy was looking at me, but it wasn't me who he was talking to.

"Wouldn't mind it, if it were up ta me." The look on their faces was powerful.

"Would only make sense, though. If she's goin' ta stay wit us."

They were waiting on me. They were okay with this. Now I had to be. "Then I'm not choosing between you. It's both of you, or it's neither."

I was crushed between them, fear gone. This was moving so fast, but I wasn't scared. I was determined to take pleasure in this life where I could find it. I was done being ashamed of the choices I was making and I would be damned before I would ever be ashamed of the men who had their hands on me.

"Hey fuck ass! Get me a beer!"

I turned to the abrasive voice that penetrated the bubble that the three of us were in. Murphy ran over to the man and threw his arm around his neck, pounding his back hard. Connor and I walked over more slowly, holding hands.

"Siobhan, this is Rocco!" Murphy yelled over the noise.

Rocco shook my offered hand. It was apparent that he knew who I was by the wink he sent me. Connor was talking in my ear so I could hear him.

"Best man we know, sides our da. Works for the Italians, running errands. Funny guy, tells the best jokes. Another night and we'll set the two of ye up to meet properly."

That sounded good to me. I was able to enjoy the crowd for a bit longer before I was missing home. I inclined my head to the door and the twins said their goodbyes.

The sun was going down over the city, the chill in the air threatening snow. February was hit or miss for any precipitation, but it felt like we were in for a storm. We got home as the first flakes fell. We hung our coats in the hall closet, and I turned the thermostat up. I noticed them pulling their rosaries out from under their shirts, looking unsure where to put them.

"Last couple o' nights, we just kept 'em wit our clothes," Connor said, putting his on the island in the kitchen next to the fruit bowl.

Something about that just didn't sit right. They needed a place that was more… secure? No, permanent. I wanted some sort of reassurance they weren't going to leave. I thought back to their apartment and the two nails hung on the wall.

"Give me a minute, guys, okay?"

I didn't wait for either of them to respond. I bolted back to the bedroom and closed the door. I had two small pieces of art hanging on the side wall of my clothes closet. I pulled them down and stashed them in a bedside table drawer. I ran back out to the kitchen and picked up the crosses. I motioned for them to follow me. I hung up each rosary, instinctively knowing that Connor's was the shorter of the two and it belonged on the left, just like where he slept and where he usually sat. I stepped back and admired my ingenious thinking.

"Thank ye, Siobhan," Murphy murmerd, kissing my neck.

I found Connor's hand reaching for mine, which then squeezed with no words. I could tell they were happy though. "Something inside of me knows that you belong here with me. I want this to be a place for you, too." I was wrapped into a hug that felt like home. "Come on. I'll make you two dinner."