Author's note: I'm currently on my winter break at university, so I get much writing done :D
While Santana and I are heading towards Ashley's, I sense some kind of tension in the car.
"I wonder whether there'll be any cute boys out there," Santana is the one to break the silence. She couldn't have picked a more inconvenient topic.
"Really, Santana? Are men everything that you think about?" I start to get angry and grasp the wheel firmly.
"Jeez, you seem to get mad every time I mention them. You act as my jealous boyfriend or something."
"Don't flatter yourself," that's all I manage to spit out before we arrive at the party.
As we step out of the car, Ashley and a bunch of strangers come greet us. I put on a fake smile and mentally prepare myself to pretend that this night is going to be fun and awesome.
The party seems to be a success for the majority of people. There's booze everywhere and loud music seems to be the key component of this get-together. I look around and try to grasp the meaning of it; why am I even here. It seems as if I'm in my 1st year all over again.
This was the time when I finally got a chance to experience what it feels like to be with a girl. After endless kissing with random men at these types of parties, I decided that something was missing. Yes, I did enjoy the scent of masculine perfume that you could catch while dancing to the loud music. Yes, I liked being lifted off the ground by strong arms but somehow it did not satisfy me completely. I suppose I might even consider such partying to be dull, since it generated no excitement for me whatsoever.
That was also the time when I consumed alcohol in not so moderate amounts and, finally, plucked up the courage to kiss a girl. It never made sense to me why people would even want to kiss, let alone gain pleasure out of it. I should clarify that this was before I had the experience of kissing lips that belonged to a sexy girl. It was so different on so many levels that the moment our kiss ended, I knew for certain that I don't want this sensation to go away. Ever.
I shudder when I feel hands wrap my waist.
"Heyyy youuu, what's up?" Santana whispers into my ear. I can smell alcohol on her breath.
"Just thinking. Having fun?" I miserably attempt to make small talk.
"Yesss, this party rocks! C'mon, let's go see what our friends are up to!" Santana goes on to drag me to the table.
I sit down and, for once, I'm having a good time. The group gets a chance to talk; we discuss that Leo has to win an Oscar this year, we remember how Jennifer Lawrence fell multiple times and repeatedly listen to Natalie Portman's devilish laugh during her acceptance speech.
Then, I am introduced with Jasper, a man who is currently working with Ashley.
"Britts, Jasper is single! You should tap that right this minute while there's an opportunity," Ashley whispers into my ear.
And something clicks. I become instantly furious, a kind of even drunkenly aggressive, and I feel the need to shout out for everyone, once and for all.
"I'm gay," I say in a surprisingly calm manner.
"What?" Ashley seems to have missed my claim.
"I. Am. Gay," I try to say as slowly and clearly as possible.
I avert my gaze to Santana who has her mouth wide open. I can't decipher what her expression means exactly but it doesn't look promising. Well, there's no going back now.
"Well, then. Why didn't you say so?! Forget Jasper, I'll introduce you to my friend, Emily!" Ashley shouts and everyone bursts out laughing. So do I.
"You should have said something earlier, we understand. It's 21st century, woman!" James says laughing. I feel pretty much happy with the outcome; everyone seems to be understanding and does not give a damn about who I like. Except for Santana. I haven't got a clue what she is thinking right now! I see her take two shots at a time and move towards the way out. I decide to follow her.
"Hey, you okay? I mean… regarding the bomb that I've just dropped," I manage to utter.
"Yeah, um, I just needed some fresh air," she responds.
There's an awkward pause, since none of us think of anything else to say.
"I think I want to go home. I don't feel well. Can you take me home?" Santana asks.
"Of course. Let's go find the car," I say and selfishly wish that she is sick because of having too much alcohol rather than the thought of me being gay.
I drive in utter silence and pray for Santana to say something positive. Or say anything, to be honest. My prayers must have been answered.
"I do appreciate that you told everyone you're gay. But weren't you supposed to tell me first? I thought I was your best friend," she starts the conversation.
Could Santana be upset just because I didn't tell her first? This would make everything so much easier.
"I was afraid. Just because you're my best friend, it doesn't mean that you would be completely accepting. I know many cases when friendships were destroyed by such circumstances," I say honestly. "In fact, I don't know whether you accept me the way I am now."
"I do. I'm just overwhelmed, that's it," Santana says with a sigh. "We'll remain best friends no matter what, right?" Her question takes me aback.
"I promise," I state truthfully and hope for the best.