As always, I don't own anything. I'm just a fan writing some fiction. Please enjoy!
Chapter 4
Revenge at Bethlehem. Lina and her friends thought the Christmas story came right out of the FBI files. At least they chose the right villain- it was Herod they wanted to gang up on and not the baby Jesus. Unfortunately, the baby Jesus quit the pageant anyway. It was supposed to be Eugene Slocum, but Mrs. Slocum said that she wasn't going to let Lina Inverse get her grubby hands on him. So they didn't have a baby Jesus, and that bothered Filia. She kept trying to scratch up a baby… even at the last rehearsal.
When Val and Odilia walked into the fellowship hall on the Wednesday before Christmas, they found Martina sitting by herself scribbling in her diary like she had always been during practice. As the practices had progressed, Martina had spent more and more time filling up the pages with writing. However, she never let anyone see what it was- Val had asked several times and been denied. Odilia, however, had little respect for other people's wishes.
"Hey, Martina?" Odilia piped up. "What do you keep writing in that book?"
Martina glared at the girl and scooted away. "It's like a diary." she muttered.
Odilia grabbed the book and began flipping through the pages. Martina reached for it, but Odilia was too fast.
"It is not. It's all about Lina and her friends. Naga curses and swears all the time… Gourry talks about stupid things… Miss-" She stopped abruptly. Her mouth fell open and she turned to Val, pointing to the page. He leaned down and read the entry.
"Miss Ul Copt called Mary pregnant?" he hissed. Martina averted her gaze to avoid his glare, but even though she couldn't see it, she could feel it. Val took the book from Odilia and flipped some more pages, reading the highlights. "…Pokota drinks communion wine? It isn't wine, Martina, it's grape juice."
"I don't care what it is- he drinks it!" Martina growled, snatching the book back from him. "I've seen him three times with his mouth all purple. And they steal too- if you shake the birthday bank, it doesn't make a sound because Lina stole all the pennies out of it. And every time you go into the ladies' room, the whole air is blue, and Naga is sitting there- in the wise man costume- smoking cigarettes!"
"And you wrote all this down? What for?" Val demanded.
"For my father." Martina shot back. "And Reverend Goodwin, and the Church Arts Council, and… and… anybody else who wants to know what happened when the whole Christmas pageant turns out to be a big mess!"
Other children had begun filing in during the conversation, and Filia finally joined them, calling for everyone to settle down. Martina saw Zangulus across the room and stormed over to where he was sitting, perching on the bench next to him and melting on his shoulder with tears in her eyes as though Val and Odilia had hurt her fragile feelings. Zangulus shot the two of them an 'I'm-watching-you' gesture, which Odilia returned but Val shrugged off.
"Alright, everyone, let's get settled down!" Filia was waving her hands and was about to start directing, but she stopped as she was approached by a woman in an apron. "Oh, Maria, what are you doing here?"
"Don't worry, I'm not here to spy for my husband or anything." Mrs. Nisery chuckled, waving the spatula she was holding around. "I just wanted to let you know that the rest of the arts council and I will be over there in the kitchen to make the applesauce cakes for Christmas eve- we'll try not to bother you." She paused and scanned the crowd of children with the pensive frown of an art critic who wasn't pleased with what she saw. "I suppose this is your… dress rehearsal?"
Filia glanced at the kids sadly. "Well, it's supposed to be." Before Maria could leave, Filia grabbed her by the arm and pulled her to the side. "Maria, I heard that your sister had a baby a few months ago… a little girl?"
"Oh, yes." Maria replied with a smile. "She's ten weeks old, and she's just precious-"
"W-well, how would it be if I called your sister and asked if we could maybe borrow the baby f-"
"Filia, NO!" Mrs. Nisery jumped back in horror, her voice loud enough to grab the attention of all the kids. "I mean, I could make up some lie and tell you that the baby's sick or cranky or something, but the truth is that she's perfectly healthy and happy and beautiful, and we all want her to stay that way. So we're certainly not going to hand her over to Lina Inverse. Sorry, Filia."
Maria stormed out of the fellowship hall in a huff, and Filia was left standing awkwardly by herself. One of the little sheep girls walked up and tugged on Filia's dress.
"Miss Ul Copt, you can use my little brother for the baby Jesus."
The offer came as a surprise to Filia. "Beverly! I didn't know you had a new baby brother."
Beverly shook her head. "No, he's not new. He's three years old. But he's double-jointed, so he could probably scrunch up."
"Thanks, but, uh… no." Filia shook her head, shooing Beverly back toward the other sheep. "I'm sure that we can-"
"I'll get us a baby."
The whole room turned quiet and all eyes focused on Zelgadis.
"And, um…" Filia began nervously. "…how will you do that, Zelgadis?"
"There's always a bunch in strollers in the mall. I can grab one of those."
The seriousness in the boy's voice sent a chill down Filia's spine. He wasn't joking.
"What?" she screeched. "What makes you think you can just take a baby?!"
Zelgadis didn't flinch. "My grandfather says that sometimes small evils are necessary for the greater good."
"Greater good? This is- oh, nevermind!" Filia groaned, shaking her head. "We'll just use the doll."
"That's alright. A doll is better anyway." Lina said, waving the doll around triumphantly. "A doll can't bite you."
"And, um, Lina…" Filia began again, staring at the- er, they looked almost like Christmas-tree ornaments- that had suddenly appeared on her ears today at practice. "…you know that Mary didn't wear earrings."
"I have to wear these." Lina responded indignantly. "I just got them pierced and if I don't keep something in them, they'll grow together."
"Well, they won't grow together in an hour-and-a-half. What did the doctor tell you?"
"…what doctor?"
"Who pierced your ears?"
"Amelia."
The whole fellowship hall turned to look in horror at the little girl. Martina leaned over to Zangulus and whispered "I'll bet she did it with an ice pick. I'll bet Lina's ears turn green and fall off."
"It's okay." Filia assured her before Lina could attack Martina. "We'll just find you something smaller to wear. But, is this your costume? Is this what you're going to wear?" She sighed and turned to the other children who were equally as far from in-costume as they could get. "You were all supposed to be in costume today."
There was an immediate surge of explanations from the group.
"I can't find my halo!" "Melissa stole my robe." "My wings got all bent." "No, I didn't!" "Hey, watch it!"
"I don't have any white sheets." one angel blurted out. "Can I wear sheets with dinosaurs on them?"
"N-no," Filia stammered. "you should really try to-"
Zangulus stood up, actually raising his hand before he spoke. "I don't have a costume. I've never been a shepherd before."
"You have to wear your father's bathrobe." Clark responded. "That's what I have to do."
"He hasn't got a bathrobe."
"What does he hang around the house in?"
"…his underwear."
An outburst of laughter followed. Sylphiel tugged on Filia's arm. "Are we going through the whole thing?"
"Yes, we're going through the whole thing." Filia nodded. "But I want us to do just the entrances first, so if everyone could go off-stage and get into their positions, and we'll go from there. Sylphiel, can you give us the first few lines?"
Sylphiel nodded, waiting until everyone had gone offstage and then turning in her script to the first page.
"Alright, music- angels." Filia called. The angel choir, Val and Martina included, walked onto the stage in single-file, singing O Little Town of Bethlehem. It was obvious that they hadn't decided on a key to begin with, and multiple people were singing it in multiple keys, while some were a little behind or ahead of the group, and others were singing a different song entirely, their defiant chorus of Do You Hear What I Hear? clashing with the rhythm.
Filia groaned and cut them off. "Sylphiel, continue."
"…shepherds, keeping watch over their flocks by night."
"Music- shepherds."
The shepherds and sheep shuffled onstage to a muffled chorus of While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night. Filia cued Sylphiel again, and the girl kept reading. "…and an Angel of the Lord ap-"
"IN A RAGING FLAME OF JUSTICE-"
"No, Amelia." Filia intervened and grabbed hold of the girl.
"-A RIGHTEOUS JUSTICE, A BURNING JUSTICE-"
"No, Amelia. Sylphiel, keep going."
"…and a multitude of the heavenly host…"
"Music- baby angels. Okay, looks good... Music- wise men."
As Pokota, Naga, and Zelgadis scrambled up the steps and onto the stage, Lina stood up and began waving the doll around with a haughty grin- much to Filia's horror. Before Filia could drop Amelia and get to Lina, the girl began yelling.
"I've got this baby here, I've named Him Jesus, don't touch Him-"
Saying not to touch the baby was like an invitation for Naga and Pokota to grab it. Pokota grabbed an arm while Naga grabbed the head, pulling against Lina's grip on the leg. Zelgadis glanced at the commotion and stepped away from the group, placing his headphones back over his ears. Gourry gasped and chastised the others for hurting the baby, but no one was listening to him. Likewise, no one was listening to Filia, but that didn't stop her from yelling anyway.
"Lina, stop- Naga, Pokota, please- Mary doesn't say anything- no one says anything- Mary and Joseph- no, NO, Mary and Joseph just MAKE A NICE PICTURE FOR US TO LOOK AT WHILE WE THINKABOUTCHRISTMASANDWHATITREALLYMEANS-"
There was a loud popping noise as the doll's head separated from its body. Naga stared in horror at the baby head in her hand and Lina looked just as distraught at the headless doll she and Pokota had a grip on. Amelia started to cry, and everyone could hear Gourry murmur "…you killed Jesus…"
Filia heaved a deep breath. "Put. The doll. Back."
There was a pause and Naga gently placed the head back in the manger. Lina, however, was not so gentle. She wrenched the body out of Pokota's hand and dumped it into the manger like she was dunking a basketball.
"I don't get to say anything?!" Lina fumed. "Some angel tells me what to name my baby? I would've named him… Enrico!"
"Oh, what a terrible thing to say." Martina huffed.
"What angel was that?" Gourry asked, glancing around the stage. "There's angels all over the place. Was that Amelia?"
"No." Filia muttered through clenched teeth. "Amelia is the Angel of the Lord who brings the Good News to the shepherds."
"Y-yeah." Amelia sniffled. "Unto you a child is born-"
"Unto me!" Lina interrupted. "Not them, me. I'm the one who had the baby-"
"It just means that Jesus belongs to all of us!" Filia snapped. "Unto all of us a child is born."
Lina was not impressed. "Why didn't they let Mary name her own baby? What'd the angel do, just walk up and say 'name Him Jesus?"
"Yes." Filia sighed in exasperation.
From across the room, they could hear Martina clear her throat.
"I know what the angel said. He said, His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Almighty God, Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace."
Lina rolled her eyes. "He'd never make it out of the first grade if he had to write all that."
Lina's comment seemed to open the floodgates. It was as though every child had a problem at once- some were asking to use the bathroom, others had problems with their costumes, others still had been told their parents needed them for some reason or another, and Filia was trying to deal with it all as Sylphiel berated her for instructions.
"M-Miss Ul Copt… should I go back? Should I start over? Should I-"
"Five minutes, Sylphiel. Give me five minutes. FIVE MINUTES, EVERYONE."
The five minutes turned into fifteen minutes.
Naga, angry and looking for a break, spent the entire time smoking cigarettes in the ladies' room. Unfortunately, Mrs. Nisery just so happened to have run out of paper towels in the kitchen and had come to grab a few from the restroom at the wrong moment. Seeing all the smoke and fearing for the safety of everyone in the building, she immediately called the fire department.
And they came right away.
The firefighters cleared everyone out of the building and ran a fire hose all through the church, looking for a fire to put out. Of course, the only fire they found was in the kitchen- all the applesauce cake burned up. The arts council members were mad about that. All the kids were terrified, Maria Nisery was humiliated, and Filia was MAD.
Maria Nisery was sitting on the bench in the church courtyard with a blanket around her shoulders and a look of embarrassment and shame on her face. Filia, meanwhile, was pacing back and forth, her seething rage the only thing keeping her warm in the night air. The firefighters had been very nice to Maria about the whole deal, assuring her that everything was fine and it was always better to be safe than sorry, but Filia was not going to give her such a break.
"Why on earth would you call the fire department over a little smoke?!"
"I-it was a lot of smoke." Maria responded timidly. "The whole ladies' room was full of thick smoke-"
"It couldn't have been! You just got excited like you and your husband always do- and now look! We have children crying in the streets, Lina and her pals playing jump rope with the fire hose and climbing all over the trucks and half the neighborhood-" Filia had to take a deep breath before continuing. "-so, so… didn't you know it was just cigarette smoke?"
"No." Maria replied, shaking her head and pulling the blanket more tightly around her. "I didn't know it was just cigarette smoke. I didn't expect to find cigarette smoke in the ladies' room of the church, okay?"
Filia was silent for a moment before turning and walking back inside.
It was easier than staying and admitting that Maria had a point.
"I've been on the phone all day, and I can't make heads or tails of it."
Thursday afternoon, Filia received a concerned call from Xellos, who'd been out of town on a business trip the past several days and hadn't been around for the big commotion. He was always one to stay on top of the latest gossip, so it was no wonder that he'd have spoken to everyone about it, but Filia was surprised that he hadn't visited her to talk about it in-person. She'd felt her heart sink when she picked up the phone and heard his clear, cold voice saying 'we need to talk.' Xellos had a habit of avoiding face-to-face conflict. When he broke up with Filia, it was always over the phone, and it always started just like that.
"Some people say they set fire to the fellowship hall. Some people say they set fire to the kitchen." Xellos continued. "Martina's father says that all they talk about is food and underwear-"
"That was just Zangulus talking about underwear, and it was his father's underwear." Filia interrupted. "And the only fire was in the kitchen where the applesauce cake burned up."
There was a silence.
"The whole church is in an uproar. Filia… don't you think it would be best if we cancelled the pageant?"
Filia ground her teeth. "I'll bet that was Pestis Nisery's idea!"
"We could blame it on the fire. It makes a great excuse."
"And that was probably Maria's idea."
"It's just that… well… everyone thinks it's going to be a… a…"
"A what?!" Filia shouted into the receiver. "A disaster? Well, they're wrong! This is going to be the best Christmas Pageant we've ever had!"
"But Filia." Xellos insisted. "I don't think anyone is going to go see it."
"Then you don't have to go."
She hung up the phone, feeling a sense of finality in it. Xellos would be happy to stay home and eat his ice cream. The show would go on, even if she was the only one there.