Dear You- Chapter 4: No More Apologies

AN: Guys, this is the end of it. But hey, 4 chapters, 3 days, a short little adventure that I hope you all enjoyed. I have to say the feedback on this was amazing and way more than I could have ever hoped for or imagined. As someone who should be focusing on the books she's actually trying to get published, I have to admit that I can't stop myself from writing FF because you guys are so great.

Logan: After a week of cordial emails, have we graduated to texts? If not, please tell me to bugger off and I will resume emailing.

Rory couldn't help the smile that spread across her face, it was true, they had been emailing every day since they initially broke the ice and now, apparently, they had graduated to texting each other.

Rory: Does texting come with any benefits over email?

Rory immediately realized what she had alluded to in the message, they had kept things light over the emails, but was this getting too close to a line that neither one of them were ready for? They had admitted they still loved each other, admitted they missed each other, but the biggest issue was still there, the empty ring finger supporting the back of her phone as she held it.

Logan read her message and couldn't help but smirk, he knew he was taking a huge risk in texting her instead of how they had been communicating previously but he had to take that jump, he was tired of being polite and only hearing from her when she had time to check her email, it was to restricting and formal for what they had been, and what he hoped they would be in the future. What he hadn't been prepared for, however, was for her to flirt, even if it was a subtle flirt. Just as he was about to respond his phone chimed again.

Rory: Oh god, I just reread that, I didn't mean it like that.

Logan: I was just going to say that it means we're not limited to when you have internet access, but now I'm curious what benefits you think it may have?

He could practically see her in front of him, which considering in this visual she was now sitting across from him in his office while he sat behind his desk. He could see the blush that crept up, the way she hid her face when she got embarrassed or called out. It took every ounce of control for him to not take it a step further. He knew they weren't at that stage, but he had spent the past 4 years flirting with her, ever since he saw her in the hallway outside of her dorm room her sophomore year.

Rory: Wipe that damn smirk off of your face Huntzberger, it's not nearly as cute as you think it is.

Logan: Are you here? Do you know what my face looks like? Because, if you're here show yourself.

Rory: I don't have to be in that room to know you're smirking. I know you babe. I know you very well, remember that.

Logan was taken aback by the small term of endearment, and the flirting undertones to her message, he wanted to tease her and keep up with it, but he knew that if he pushed his luck, he ran the risk of pushing her away, it didn't mean that he couldn't have a little fun.

Logan: Oh, trust me, I remember very well. So, I take it that texting is okay?

Rory: Texting is good, however, one of us has to actually go do work to support us down the road. About to head into a rally, talk to you later Lo.

Rory couldn't believe she had actually alluded to anything in regard to them past some small banter, but it was so easy to fall into that trap of 'them' the comfortableness between them was there and it had never gone away apparently. She realized that she had a few more minutes before the rally started so she quickly sent another message.

Rory: I'm sorry, I don't know if that was inappropriate. I'm sorry.

Logan: No more apologies Ace, they're not needed, now go work, I have very expensive tastes and I'm now liking the thought of being a kept man.

He may have kept it light, but that didn't mean he wasn't on edge at her words, here she was, alluding to their future. It had been what he wanted, what he had hoped for, but now he was scared. Did it mean something, did it have to mean anything? Before he could go down the dark spiral that was analyzing a small text message his computer chimed alerting him to a meeting in 5 minutes, as he gathered his work; he was suddenly very thankful for a meeting for the first time in his life.

RLRLRL

It had been an insane 2 weeks, and it was all culminating in Rory collapsing into her mother's foyer in exhaustion on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. She left her bags in the entryway, barely moving them from the path of the door before she went into the kitchen. She glanced at the clock on the stove and realized she still had 4 hours before she had to leave for her coffee with Logan.

Logan. The man who she missed desperately, she had to stop herself from changing her plane ticket from Hartford to New York, but she knew she had to come home first, if only to shower and freshen up for the evening. Ever since the ice had been fully broken once they had started texting and she had slipped up, flirting and alluding to the long-term with them, things had gone from cordial to fun and flirty. Sometimes they got steamier than she meant for them to, but she couldn't help herself. She couldn't stop herself when it concerned Logan, sometimes to a fault. There was one night where she was alone, with a bottle of wine and she couldn't help herself, she finally broke that final wall and called him.

Flashback

"Well, this is a surprise. How are you?" Logan sounded casual, trying to reign in the fear that she was calling to end all of this, whatever this fun and flirty air between them was. Plus, just hearing her voice was hurting him.

"Logan." She breathed out. He could practically hear the wine in her voice, wine always hit her harder than other drinks for reasons he could never quite understand. "Logan, I miss you. I can't keep pretending that we didn't have this enormous break-up, that we didn't hurt each other." She let a tear slip. "I can't keep playing happy couple with you when I don't know what you want."

"You know what I want Rory. You. I want you. Preferably with a ring on your finger and mine, but I will take you anyway I can have you. If that means that we flirt for the rest of our lives through emails and texts then I'll accept it, but I know I want you."

"Logan, I don't know if I'm ready to get married, I still have months on the trail, and yes, it's exhausting but it's amazing. It's not just an opportunity, it's the opportunity for me and as much as you're the one for me, I can't just pass this up."

"I'm not asking you to give it up, just take me with you."

"Want me to stow you in my carry-on?" She asked with a drunken giggle. "Maybe you can tell Mitchum that you don't want that fancy corner office overlooking Manhattan and you'd rather be on the press trail? I'm sure he can find someone to bump."

"Oh, I forgot your wittiness expands when you've been drinking, but you know that's not what I meant. Just take me with you, in any way you can." He let what he said sink in for a minute before he tried again. "Please Ace. I know I walked away, I know I said, 'what's the point' but the point is that I miss you, I miss us, and I'll take anything I can get, I just want to be yours again. Listen, let's continue how we have been, let's see if we can do this. Read the letters your mom must still have, and we can talk that Wednesday."

He had stayed on the phone with her for the next 2 hours, and they talked about everything but the big question on both of their minds. So much had been said in letters that haven't been seen by the other person and they both knew that until those letters were seen there couldn't be the idea of moving forward. She made her way over to her bags and pulled out the journal that she had been continuously writing in, even though she was now able to talk to Logan she knew that she would be able to write things down that would be hard to say to him. She took quick pictures of each entry, making sure they were able to read and without thinking she hit send with a simple message. I'll read yours if you read mine, if I can find yours. See you in 6 hours Huntzberger.

She procrastinated as much as she could, but she knew that she had to do it, she had to snoop and find where her mother had hidden those notes, it was wrong, but she knew she couldn't just come out and ask her mom. She took a shower, styled her hair and got dressed before she finally ventured out of her mom's master bathroom and to the desk that was in the corner of her mom's room. The irony of this moment wasn't fully lost on her, this is where Lorelai had hidden the character reference for Luke from Christopher, and sure enough, nestled in one of the drawers was 5 letters from Logan, each opened and combed through. Somehow the feeling of guilt for going through her mom's desk wasn't as nagging as it once was, not as she sat here and saw Logan's words had already been read by someone else but her.

She was in the middle of her 3rd reread of the letters, trying to absorb every word, every emotion, every truth that he had said, when she heard the door close. "Rory! You home kid?"

Rory sat there with tears rolling down her face, effectively ruining all of the make-up she had carefully applied just earlier, when Lorelai walked into the room and saw what Rory was holding, she stopped. "Rory, I can explain." But Rory held up her hand to stop her.

"I know you had your reasons, I don't understand them, I don't know if I respect them, but I know you had them. I know you heard the tears, the hurt that Logan had inflicted, and I get why you wanted to save me from that. But mom, you knew he missed me, you knew he was hurting like I was. Why did you keep this from me?"

"Because, you sounded like you were doing better!"

"Because I had started writing to him! Not to him necessarily because I didn't have his address, but I started writing letters to him just like he did for me! Were you ever going to show me these?" The guilty look in her mom's eyes said it all. "God, mom! I get that you saw me hurt but I had a right to know. We are not Noah and Allie, you are not some rich Southern Belle, you had no right to hide these from me, especially after reading them. If you hid them unopened and planned on showing me when I got home, then fine, I get that. But you weren't! Why?"

"Because I knew he would leave again, Rory! And he did! The letters stopped, 3 weeks ago the letters stopped because he couldn't handle it again. He walked away again."

"He didn't walk away, mom! He started emailing me, we've been talking again, I've been happier again. You could have told me, you could have told me that he wrote, clued me in a little bit. But you didn't. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go."

"Rory, come on, don't leave, not like this."

"Mom, I love you. I know that you did what you did because you honestly felt it was the best move for me. I'm hurt, and upset, but I get it. But I'll tell you this right now, Logan and I are working our way back to each other. It's what I want, it's what he wants and those are the only two opinions I care about in regard to this relationship. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a coffee date in New York." With that Rory gathered the letters and ran downstairs to her car, suddenly renewed with the energy of seeing him again, and hopefully putting all of this heartbreak to rest.

RLRLRL

Logan admittedly wasn't prepared for the onslaught of journal entries he received but it didn't stop him from reading them over and over again. He constantly discovered a new emotion hidden within the letters or himself with each reread. He could hear her heartbreak, feel the pain that he had felt for so many months was mirrored in her. He looked as some of the letters matched his, showing that at least on some level they were still connected, still on the same wave length. But it didn't stop him from feeling terrible, from feeling like he had screwed things up so terribly by a gesture that was supposed to symbolize forever.

He had to wonder if she ever found his letters, if they hit her like hers had hit him. If she was regretting the meeting, if she was going to stand him up, which he so rightfully deserved. It wasn't until he realized he only had 30 minutes until they were set to meet that he realized she had never texted him to cancel, but she had also never said anything else either. His phone had been eerily quiet the whole day. As if his world knew he would be useless to the working world, or any other world that didn't involve her and this one single coffee date. As he grabbed his coat, he hurried into the cold New York air, passing many people who were heading out of town on the way to visit family. He couldn't help but stop for a minute as he reached the entrance to the coffee shop, not ready to face his fate in case it was a bad one. He glanced down at his watch and saw that he had 5 minutes before she should be here. He pushed open the door and sat down at the table closest to the door.

Three minutes later he saw her fighting against the wind as walked down the sidewalk, he watched as she took a few calming breaths like he had before she took the last few steps and pushed open the door. When he saw her, he felt his whole body shift back to normal, and when her eyes met his he felt the words tumble out before he could think.

"I'm sorry, I really am Ace. I don't know if you found the letters, or what you're thinking but everything I said in them, I meant. Everything I've said over the past few weeks, I've meant, please believe me. Please, just don't give up on us—" His rant was cut off as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. It was the exact kiss she always pictured they would have if they ever made it to this point. It was sweet, and kind, and loving and the minute it started tears sprang to her eyes again. When Logan pulled away, he went to start talking again before Rory stopped him.

"Logan, shh, no more apologies." And with that she kissed him again. The two were so lost in each other they didn't notice Colin and Finn in the background sharing a 'cheers' with two coffees.