A/N: So I'm watching Free! right now, and I might have a slight (very fucking big) obsession with their eye colors because holy shit every single one of the characters has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Like, I don't know if this is weird (it's definitely weird), but they're all so pretty. And those muscles...why can't they make guys with beautiful rainbow eye colors in real life? *sigh* I don't know if you've noticed, but I tend to describe people a lot by their eyes. Like, windows to the soul and all that.

Anyways, please enjoy and review!

XxX

I no longer made true friends. Instead, I made allies. I laughed with them and joked with them, shared secrets that weren't important and received information in return. I became popular, but never had I made another true friend.

No, I hadn't made another actual friend, but somehow, along the way, I'd gained myself a puppy.

My school naturally was very well off financially. With so many mafia families connected to it, there was a lot of trust and care given to the school to keep children safe. This also meant that there were very large donations made every year. If there was one thing I was thankful for for being born into a mafia family, it was this.

Our school had beautiful practice rooms. Of course, I'd practice on the baby grand at home, but sometimes, I'd imagine Giorgio sitting beside me, engrossed in watching my fingers fly across the keyboard, and I couldn't bear it. So I escaped to the practice rooms on campus.

There were often other students as well. I often saw another kid, around four years younger than me, practicing in a room. He had silver hair (not gray, unlike Superbi's, which I would have teased him about if he weren't hanging around Xanxus every day now) and green eyes, and whenever we bumped into each other, he'd nod to me and I'd nod to him before we went our separate ways. There were also others who played so many other instruments. Sometimes, I collaborated with them. If they needed an accompanist, I'd help out, and if I'd composed a piece that needed a violinist, I'd grab one. It was one of the perks of being well known, I supposed, popular but close to no one.

Then, one day, I'd found the most adorable boy.

Like I mentioned before, I'd never been good with kids. Kids were horrible to get along with, so hard to connect with. This one, though, was, simply put, the cutest boy I'd ever met.

I'd been walking towards a practice room when, from around a corner, a red-haired boy sped across my path and painfully collided with my legs. I hissed at the collision but steadied the boy easily.

"Hey, pay attention to your surroundings!" I'd admonished before I glanced down at baby cheeks, vibrant red hair, and puppy brown eyes. My nonexistent ovaries might have just melted right then and there.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! Antonio, say sorry!" a woman who was clearly chasing the boy scolded, and I immediately waved my hands.

"Oh, no, no, it's no problem at all! I was just a bit surprised," I replied, smiling before kneeling at the small boy who was sniffling. "Hey, my name's Matteo. Antonio, right?"

The little boy looked up with watery eyes, and I swear, they were the most adorable things I'd ever seen. Oh my god, this boy was going to be a lady killer when he grew up. He nodded, and I chuckled softly before ruffling his hair gently. The red strands were pretty soft.

"You've got to be more careful next time. What if I'd been an old lady, hm? You would have hurt me. Don't run in the halls next time, okay?" I asked before glancing up at the woman. "I'm fine, so it's no real worry."

The woman sighed in relief. "That's good. I'm only bringing him here because…" she trailed off before shaking her head. "Well, I won't bore you with the details. My name is Carina Crespo, please call me Carina."

"It is nice to meet you, Carina," I greeted, taking her hand and shaking it. "Is Antonio thinking of coming here?"

"Yes, but he doesn't seem to like it much," she replied glancing down at the small boy. He pouted before shaking his head vehemently.

"No, I like it! I like him," he said, pointing a finger in my direction. I raised my eyebrows and laughed.

"Just because you like me doesn't mean you like the school, Antonio."

"No!" Antonio whined like children were wont to do. "I want to go here. Can't I, nanny?" he pleaded, looking up at the woman with those puppy eyes again. The woman seemed to melt at the force of those weapons, but I couldn't blame her.

"Well, if you're insistent. Do you have time? Can you guide us to the principal's office?" Carina asked, and I nodded before holding out my hand towards the kid.

"How old are you, Antonio?" I asked as he enthusiastically took my hand. My mouth wouldn't stop smiling because somehow, this kid was just the cutest kid to ever cute.

"I'm ten!" the boy chirped, and how the hell was this kid ten? He looked six! Or seven! Or maybe even four!

I hummed and glanced at Carina.

"Antonio was raised in an orphanage," she explained. "We had a couple, a small mafia family that donated to our orphanage every so often. They were nice, but a dying famiglia to be honest. No heirs, not many relatives, just an old couple and the few subordinates they had. They died last week, and in their wills they donated their funds to our orphanage, enough that we could send a couple of our children to school. Maybe it was to keep it from other hands, but we were all very grateful. So here Antonio is."

I smiled. It was nice to know that, even in this world, there were those who cared for something seemingly insignificant, like an orphanage.

"That was very nice of them," I agreed as Antonio swung his hand in mine. "If he comes here, I will be sure to take care of him."

"Yes, I know," Carina replied warmly, glancing at our hands. Her eyes crinkled. "He's quite adorable, isn't he?"

"Very," I agreed.

And it was thus that I found myself a tail, a boy four years younger than me who followed me everywhere, and I found myself someone to care for for once. Not someone to care for me, like Giorgio, but someone to care for. And maybe that's what I needed, I mused. Not a friend, nor a caretaker, but some I felt responsible for.

XxX

"Matt!"

I turned to find Toni ("Call me Toni, everybody else does!") racing towards me. With a slight stagger back and a grunt, I caught a flying armful of energetic boy. I laughed as I set him down, and cooing arose from some of my peers.

"I didn't know you had a little brother, Fava," a classmate of mine, a child of a smaller famiglia, commented. "What's your name, kid?"

"Antonio!" Toni chirped, arms around my waist and blinking wide eyes up at my classmates. "We're not blood related, but Matt's my best big brother!"

There was nobody who could oppose the cuteness.

Well, except for Superbi. For some reason, he had started disappearing more and more lately, before vanishing for a whole week. Now, he was back, and a snarl was firmly in his place.

"Take the brat elsewhere, Fava," he spat, and I recoiled, astonished. I knew that he'd been drawing away, but to become toxic…what exactly was going on with Xanxus and his group?

"It's after class, Squalo," I bristled angrily. If he was going to pretend that our friendship didn't exist (but did it really?), then fine. I didn't need temperamental, mercurial allies like him. I needed someone I could depend on, that Giorgio could depend on. "Last time I checked, you usually didn't care, seeing as how you were always away with Xanxus. Why stay behind now?"

Superbi – no, Squalo, because Superbi was for when I'd wanted friends, and he'd been there for me – Squalo stiffened, and his eyes narrowed before he bared his teeth hostilely and left the room.

It was later that I finally found out the reason for Squalo's aggressive behavior.

Treason, I'd heard whispers of. Of how Xanxus had rebelled against the Vongola boss, had tried to seize power only to fail. He was not imprisoned in a block of ice, never to be melted unless through extreme power. Many called it the Cradle Affair. Betrayal.

I stopped interacting with Squalo afterwards. My constant companion was sweet Toni, who saw me as his elder brother figure. I vowed that I would never abandon him like I had been left behind. If he wanted to leave me, fine, I'd accept that, but I wouldn't leave him first.

XxX

I finally saw Giorgio not long after. He'd been injured in the Cradle Affair, a part of his arm burnt from flames, peeling and warped.

It hurt, finding out from a maid of all people. And it wasn't even the maid who'd told me. I'd overheard whispers.

So Giorgio was cut off from me now? He didn't care to tell me anything now? Even his own injuries, his own life?

I excuse my actions that day to anger, grief, all-encompassing fiery rage. Because so many years, he was my anchor, my life, but now, what was I to him? Was I nothing now?

That day, I visited the Vongola mansion. I met Enrico briefly, but he only nodded to me and gave me directions to the room Giorgio was resting in. It wasn't Enrico's fault that Giorgio was growing further from me (well, it really was, but nobody was responsible for the distance between me and my brother but Giorgio and myself). It was also my fault, for letting this distance grow bigger, but Giorgio, my own brother, not even letting me know that he'd been hurt so badly…!

"Giorgio!" I roared as I slammed open the door to find him, surprised, in the middle of eating lunch.

"Matteo? What's up?"

"Don't 'what's up' me! You, why didn't you tell me you were hurt?" I snapped. He frowned.

"Why would I have to tell you?"

And that, that right there, that burned at already open and festering wounds. The vocal confirmation that I wasn't needed anymore, that people had moved on without me, that people didn't even think about me anymore hurt. Squalo, Dino, even my own brother, they all had things happening, but did Squalo tell me that he was hurting after Xanxus was trapped in ice? No. Did Dino ever confide in me the pressures of becoming a mafia boss? No. Did Giorgio ever tell me about getting hurt? No.

I let out the frustration out, and vitriol spilled out of my mouth.

"Because it might have escaped your notice lately, and you might have been too busy guarding your precious Enrico to notice, but I'm your fucking brother, you ungrateful bastard! I don't know what's been wrong with you these past years, but I expected you to at least keep in touch, you know? Because I've tried, but you don't notice, you never notice because your job is too important, you're needed to keep Enrico happy, because apparently all you are is a bodyguard. What happened to me being the first, huh? What happened to being a good brother, because you promised before, but looks like you're not a man of your word. And for what, Giorgio? For what? For a spoiled mafia heir who can't cover his own ass?!"

I was shrieking at the end of it, coming so close that my hands gripped the bedsheets.

Slap.

My head was turned as a sting echoed across my cheek. A hand rose to my face, burning red from the slap. I turned to look at Giorgio, seething.

He was a cold mask. Ice settled over his face, and when he spoke, I heard no affection, nothing of my brother. Just…cold. Void. Like death.

"Well, little brother, it might have escaped your notice lately, but the world is bigger than you and our silly promises from when we were young. You haven't matured at all, have you? Still a whiny, insecure little boy, always looking for others to care for you. Well, grow up. I have a duty now, Matteo, and I won't hear you badmouthing Enrico," Giorgio said, deadly and quiet. I could see a mafioso in this man. I could see what the Vongola had done to my brother. "Get out."

And wow, telling someone who was mentally older than him to grow up? How…

"Funny," I laughed, baring my teeth in a mockery of a smile. "How funny, big brother, that you forget the bonds of family so easily. I expected more from you."

"And I expected more from my family, but I was wrong. I said get out."

"I'm going, I'm going," I replied, turning my back on him. "I thought I meant more to you than that, you know? But apparently I was wrong. Don't worry, big brother, I've learned."

I've learned how merciless this world is. Be useful, or be left behind.

And I left the room. Enrico was hovering outside, worried. I was surprised to see that the worry was not for his bodyguard, his Paladin, but instead, for me.

"He didn't mean it, Matteo," he said, laying a hand on me to make me listen. I paused. "He's been under a lot of stress lately. I've been telling him to take it easy, but he won't. I'll talk to him, okay?"

I smiled humorously.

"It wasn't just this argument, sir," I said before gently moving away from him. It wasn't Enrico I was mad at, not specifically. Perhaps some of my anger was directed at him, but a larger portion directed at the Vongola and its silly traditions, a part at my brother, and the largest portion of all, at me for being weak. "It's been building for years now, ever since he left. It's high time this happened. Thank you, though."

I was about to leave it at that, but something, sentimentality perhaps, stopped me.

"Can you promise me you'll protect him? I know that he's your bodyguard, but…"

"I'll do my best," Enrico vowed, and I nodded before leaving.

Because even if my brother didn't need me anymore, I still loved him. I loved him so much, and although his goals had changed from loyalty to the family to loyalty to the famiglia, I was loyal to only him and my allies. Even if they left me, I wouldn't leave them.

XxX

Years passed in this manner. Toni, with his smile and laughter, kept me company as I practiced and poured my feelings out into the piano. I composed simple duets for him and me, and I played aching, sorrowful songs when he was gone. We grew closer, practically blood brothers, though I still saw him as a small puppy. Still the runt of the class, to be protected.

We took up swordsmanship together. Well, I took up swordsmanship. One thing I'd learned from PE was that, while good for long range, I would have a problem with short range fighters. After trial and error, I'd managed to create my own weapon, my own style of fighting.

After consulting several weapon makers as well as the academy's gym teacher, I designed a prototype of a unique weapon: a bow with blades attached. I could dismantle the bow so that the string was safely attached to one side, and the bow broke into two pieces at the handle. I'd end up with two halves of a bow, two short swords with the blades. Double swords, I'd once joked when my brother asked me which weapon I wished to learn. Now, I wasn't joking. If I wanted to get stronger, I'd have to learn how to cover my weaknesses, and the first step was to learn how to fight close-range.

I learned how to use these double swords. I learned to swiftly take my bow apart into two pieces and engage an enemy rushing at me and to put my short swords together to make a bow again. I learned to twist and turn my body, to be swift (because no matter how I trained, I wasn't built for strength but rather for speed) and to make that one critical slice that could end a man's life. I could hit moving targets accurately with an arrow and dash in to slice at a man's tendons with my blades.

"You'd make a good assassin," my gym teacher once commented after watching me spar against another student. I'd quirked a cold grin.

"Maybe," I hummed, expertly putting my bow together.

Toni, on the other hand, decided that he wanted to learn how to swing around a greatsword.

Small little Toni use a weapon as wide as he was? The very idea was laughable.

"Toni, I really think you should choose another weapon to focus on. Hey, why don't you try guns? You know, sniping people from above!" I'd asked.

"No! I'm going to grow up strong and learn the greatsword, and I'm going to protect you," he replied, and how could I say no to that?

(He reminded me so much of myself, and sometimes it was hard to deny him.)

So the years passed, slowly, with minimal contact with my brother and occasional glances with Squalo. Dino was perhaps the only one who greeted me often enough to still be considered a friend. Toni stayed with me, and sometimes he'd creep into our house and spend the night with me, when the nights were cold and the orphanage colder, and sometimes we'd spend the night just talking. He'd talk about his dreams ("I'll always protect you, Matt!") and his hobbies ("That gelato was so good. Can we go again sometime?"). Sometimes, when he was asleep, I'd just talk to him about anything and everything. I'd tell him about my past life, about Superbi and Dino, about Giorgio. I'd hug him close and refuse to let him go.

Only because I had nothing else to grab onto.

XxX

I graduated from the school easily with high marks when I was eighteen. Dino immediately disappeared to become the true tenth boss of the Chiavarone famiglia, and Squalo disappeared into the Varia. As I contemplated the employment opportunities ahead (should I work or go to college again?), Toni entered high school. I was just as surprised as anyone else when Toni grew to become a rather handsome young man, taller than I was by far and broader across the shoulders than any of his classmates. The changes were abrupt, absurd, and utterly unexpected. I internally cried at the loss of my puppy.

"See, I told you I could use a greatsword," he boasted when he easily hefted the giant hunk of metal onto his shoulder, and I grimaced at the sheer inelegance of the thing.

"Right, I always believed you," I soothed.

Toni was strong and skilled with his preferred weapon. He kept his hair cropped while mine was longer, reaching my shoulder blades but always kept up in a messy bun or ponytail. But as large and intimidating as he looked, he was still a puppy in the end.

"You know, mafioso don't really us greatswords. Too big to swing and conspicuous," I'd reasoned, but if Toni was one thing, he was stubborn.

"Well, I'll be the meat shield, and you'll be the carry! I'll tank everything and you'll be the dps," he'd replied as if he hadn't heard a word I said. He'd also obviously been playing too many video games. 'Meat shield' and 'carry' indeed.

When the day came that his new school year began, he clung to me like a limpet and howled, completely blind to the fact that he was a grown ass teen, taller than I was and infinitely more intimidating. The sight was probably humorous to any outsiders' perspective: a giant, red headed teen glomping an older but smaller man.

"Matt, don't leave meeeee," he whined. "Don't leave me alone!"

I sighed. Perhaps I'd coddled him too much. "Toni, go make friends your age. Go to school, kid."

"But I only want you," he pouted, and his puppy eyes were still killer. I shook him off regardless.

(I was right, by the way. He was a total lady killer. He was too oblivious to notice anyone's affections, though.)

I'd decided, after some contemplation, to just go to college. I was aimless, and additional education never hurt anybody. I'd learn more about the world, maybe brush up on my English and French, take private lessons with some professors, take classes that I'd never taken before.

I'd figure out everything later, I decided. No use stressing about everything. My goals, to protect my brother, still hadn't changed, and at college, I'd make more connections, learn more, train more. Knowledge was power in this world, and I was going to amass as much as I could.

XxX

The age twenty must have had one hell of a grudge against me. It was, after all, the age I had been when I'd died in my previous life, and it was the year I was when I received the news that would change my life irrevocably.

I stared at my father, a stern man with piercing brown eyes and hair.

"I…what?"

My father clenched his fists, and he narrowed his eyes.

"Enrico recently passed away, along with his two brothers. Giorgio also died in the incident."

A simple assassination, he explained. Some random hitman had been hired to kill Enrico, and in the process had killed Giorgio as well.

"Who?" I asked. Distantly, I heard him explaining that the assassin had been caught and executed, but there were to clues as to who had hired him.

"It's your responsibility, as the last son, to take up the mantle of Paladin and protect the Vongola famiglia heir," my father said tonelessly as if his own son's death was only a rather unfortunate hitch in his plan for life.

"How can you be so emotionless?" I asked, still numb, still trying to process the information. Because my brother was gone, deaddeaddead, and my anchor gone along with it. With my anchor went my dreams, and what was I supposed to do now I knew we had our differences but I loved him don't die don't leave me behind you bastard…!

"He failed his duty," my father said, and I wanted to throw myself at him. I wanted to scratch this man's face, to stab him in his heart and demand why he didn't care?! "And frankly, I don't think you'll fill in his shoes well enough, but you're the only one left."

"I don't care if I'm the only one left!" I screamed. He narrowed his eyes in disgust at my emotional outburst. "He's dead! And because of the Vongola, my flesh brother is dead!"

"And so will you be if you don't cease this at once," my father replied sharply. "I understand that this is a shock, but the Fava family has always served the Vongola. To speak badly of them is treason, and you will be executed. I will do it myself if you take a toe out of line, do you understand?"

"Then do it," I snarled, beyond hysterical at this point. "Kill me, I don't care, you'll be left without an heir, won't you? You'll be left with no sons or daughters and nobody to protect your precious Vongola family."

"Then you also don't care if I kill that little redheaded friend of yours?"

And I froze. My father smiled, utterly merciless, sharp as my blades and as piercing as my arrows.

"Should you force me to go this far, I will kill the orphan. However, if you cooperate and agree to protect the next Vongola heir, I will let him live. I've been too lax on you, and now I regret my mistake. You will begin training this week and shall do so for the next two years, after which you will be sent to protect Vongola. You will be pulled out of college, and you shall focus all of your attentions on your studies and training. Do I make myself clear?"

I bowed my head. Toni, the one who love me unconditionally. Toni, who had no obligations other than me. Toni, who I vowed to protect.

I yielded.

"Yes sir," I replied quietly and he nodded, pleased. He reached into his desk and pulled out something.

It was a black bracelet.

"A sign that you are now loyal to the Vongola. Every Paladin, since the first generation, has worn this with pride and honor. Although you are still untrained, you'll be wearing this, to remind you where exactly your loyalties lie," he said, fingering the bracelet. He pulled up his own sleeve and showed me a similar black bracelet. He held it out expectantly.

I hesitated. This…this simple thing wouldn't determine my loyalty, I decided. Such a small trinket, I could just take off one day and throw away. I strode forwards and took the bracelet.

Upon closer inspection, it was fragile, extremely so. It was metal of the purest black, nearly blue in the light. It was made of tiny chains, interwoven into a delicate and, if I were to be honest, very beautiful piece of work.

I looked up to see my father watching me closely. I unclasped the bracelet to slip onto my wrist.

"You accept your responsibilities, then?"

I glanced upwards as my agile fingers worked at the clasp again to close over my wrist.

"I do, father."

For Toni, not for you, and definitely not for the Vongola.

The bracelet snapped shut.

"Then you are dismissed."

XxX

"So you're leaving me?" Toni wailed, arms around my shoulders and face buried in my neck. I sighed, petting his hair.

"I have to, Toni. I'm sorry," I replied, pulling him tighter to my chest. I closed my eyes. "I'm so, so sorry. I wanted to stay by your side, always. You know I love you, right? That if I had a choice, I'd stay with you."

These words were as much for me as they were for him. To remind myself that I had obligations outside of the Vongola. That I had a brother I could not abandon.

There was sniffling, and tears dried on my collar. I rubbed gentle circles on his back, soothing and shushing the boy. "I'm…well, I'll still be at home, right? You can come visit sometimes, but I might be busy. I'll try to keep you company as much as possible, okay?"

There was a furious head shake, and I tilted my head to avoid red hair from flying into my mouth.

"Look, you'll still have so many friends, right? You've got two more years of schooling, there's bound to be someone who's your friend," I said, trying to please him. I felt so guilty for doing the same thing, the exact same goddamn thing that my brother (my brother my heart my anchor) had done to me. "I'll…I'll make it up to you. Someday, I'll make it up to you."

He hesitated. "You promise?"

I hated making promises. I hated them because I never knew if I would keep them. But here, I resolved to do so. I wouldn't let my little brother, not by blood but by bond, suffer as I did.

"I promise."

He let go and rubbed at his eyes, still teary. I smiled weakly.

"I'll send you texts when I'm free, okay? And I'll set an alarm every week so I won't forget. 'Text the puppy' it'll say. How about that?"

He huffed, but I could see the beginnings of a smile creeping onto his face.

"Fine. But I want gelato at least once every two weeks. And you have to tutor me, and spar me, and play with me, alright?"

I sighed.

XxX

I lay in bed, arms pillowed behind my head, staring at my window where the moonlight shone through.

It'd been a rough couple of months. I texted Toni when I could, kept him updated whenever I had a chance, but with only occasional meetings with my father and my personal instructors in the way of bodyguarding, it was rather lonesome.

Giorgio…

Even if we had had our differences, I still loved him. I still wanted to help him, to protect him as he had vowed to protect the Vongola. He was what held me as my mind teetered on the edge of insanity when I was less than a year old, and he was what kept me hanging on. To lose someone like that so suddenly...it was like the floor falling out from underneath my feet.

And the Vongola…for so long, our family had centered around the Vongola. A mafia family, an organization of shady dealings and power. A famiglia that expected others to protect them, as if they were given the right to play with others' lives and use them as weapons and shields. A dangerous family.

A loathing I'd never felt before rose, like bubbling lava. It was an intense feeling I'd never felt before, a hatred so intense I was at first bewildered myself.

I hated them. I hated them.

They had taken Giorgio from me, first body, then mind, and lastly, when Giorgio could offer nothing else, his very soul. They'd trampled on my anchor and made a fool out of him. And he had died for them. For a spoiled heir who could not protect himself.

And here I was, in the same position. Bullshit.

I wouldn't protect this next heir. Oh yes, I'd maybe play at protecting, play at being a Paladin for this new heir, but no way, no fucking way would I give my life away. I would find the first opportunity to get rid of him, throw him to the first assassin who came his way, and I'd be free. Maybe there'd be another heir, but so what? I'd toss him to the wolves too. If my family were the ones who were always the Paladins, and if they didn't want me, well, father had better find a woman and produce a new son or daughter. Too fucking bad because I wasn't going to follow their plans blindly.

I definitely wasn't going to stand at their side like a loyal guard dog, trained to growl at enemies.

I hated them. I hated my family. I hated the mafia system. And I hated, absolutely loathed, the Vongola. For it was only Vongola who held to tradition, only Vongola who kept steadfastly to such outdated ways.

I'll avenge you, brother.

XxX

A/N: Thus ends the first part.

Sincerely yours,

haplessgrapefrut