Lunch period, Takao realizes dejectedly, absolutely blows when you're all alone.
In theory, Takao had an hour and a half lunch break. That kind of time was useless when he could just finish his lunch in ten minutes or less, however. Normally, he'd have spent the rest of the time talking with his friends or starting a food fight (Takao is famous for starting the biggest food fights in the history of his middle school) but as it stands, right now Takao is terribly, horribly, totally alone. And, well, it sucks. There is nothing to do when you're alone in school. Oh, sure, Takao could read or do some more work or something, but he's just spent the last few hours working already, he's not about to start doing it again. Everyone has a limit to how productive they can be before they need to take a break. Otherwise they would hang themselves in the middle of a classroom with Tao looking at them; ooh-ing and saying something stupid like 'It looks like the wings of our young butterfly choked him with butter'.
...Okay, maybe that last option can only happen to Takao. But still. The point stands: Takao is bored. Takao is bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. Worse than bored; Takao was bored and alone.
"Uuuurgh," Takao moans aloud, letting himself flop down on the cafeteria table face first. Table, meet Takao's squished face. Takao's squished face, meet table. "Being bored sucks. Summer school sucks. Tao sucks. Gramps sucks. Kai sucks a lot. Everything in my entire life suuuuuuuucks!"
Takao finishes this with a yell, lifting himself up from the table (who would be quite glad to see him go if tables could be glad) and throwing his arms in the air to emphasize his point. Now, normally this over-dramatic acting would serve to raise at least a few eyebrows from the people around him. Normally, however, there were actually people around him so that they could raise their eyebrows. There were none right at this moment. In fact, the cafeteria was completely empty save for Takao.
And the dead cricket at the end of Takao's table. ...
Ew.
"You're gonna hafta bring some home sourced grub," Takao mumbles in a perfect replication of his grandfather's so-called 'hip accent' (perfect replication being attained through years of practice and even more years of being subjected to it, much to Takao's regret). "Yeah, homie, them cafeteria ladies ain't working for nooo slacker student, ya dig?"
Takao resists the urge to bang his head on the table solely because of the giant bruise on his forehead from banging it against the wall this morning. It throbs rhythmically with his pounding headache.
"Everyone has the summer off but meeeeeee," Takao whines aloud. Again. If the walls had ears, they would sorely regret them. "Even the stinking janitor has off. ... Or, well, if he doesn't, he's doing a lousy job keeping this place clean. Just how long as this cricket been here?"
Now this was going into a territory Takao definitely did not want to think about.
"Aah, but how will Pinocchio become a real boy if he does not have his conscience nearby, hmmm?" A voice drawls from behind him, and Takao leaps off the bench with a yell, taking a defensive position. Or tries to, as he fell off the bench in his hurry and is now half-sprawled on the floor, eyes squeezed shut.
"You came to me first Kai you can't kill me!" Takao screams.
"Unfortunately, young bumblebee, you must be this tall to ride that roller coaster," the voice responds, and Takao opens his eyes at the realization that no, Kai does not sound like a drunken old man. He also doesn't speak in weird metaphors with connotations that would probably make even Max blush.
"How do you do that?!" Takao questions, turning back to look at the closed cafeteria doors. He should have heard the man come in, but apparently everything surrounding Tao is illogical, including the laws of physics. "It's like you're a ninja or something. If ninjas came in pocket-size and drank more alcohol than they killed people, anyway..."
Tao ignores him, either on purpose or because the man is just that drunk, Takao doesn't know. "Hmhmhmm, I heard your cries of woe, and came to the rescue! Now, you seem to have found companionship on this dreary Thursday."
"It's Monday," Takao corrects him, "and that's a dead cricket."
"You must not judge by appearances! Even the grouchiest of exteriors can hide a gooey marshmallow center of friendship," Tao tells him seriously. Takao stares at him like he's a little strange, and, well, Tao is more than a little strange, to be perfectly honest.
"It's a dead cricket," he repeats, completely deadpan.
"Is it? Or is it simply pretending to be dead, to hide all its emotional wounds? Are you simply too ignorant to see the cricket for what it truly is?"
Takao is really not sure they are talking about the cricket anymore. What he is certain of, however, is that Tao just insulted his intelligence. This coming from a guy who shows up drunk at nine in the morning, Takao thinks sourly. ... Wait, if he was drunk three hours ago, how is he still drunk now?
Takao is suddenly glad he rejected Tao's offer of tea earlier.
"Look, a dead cricket's a dead cricket," Takao tries to reason with the man, lifting his arms up in defense and realizing he is still sprawled on the floor. So much for dignity. "There's really nothing else to it."
"But the cricket still has a heart that beats, like you and I, does it not?"
Takao takes a minute to properly digest that comment. As it does not sound any less stupid after a minute, he resists the urge to hang himself right then and there.
"... No, it doesn't," Takao answers, as calmly and unpatronizingly as possible considering the circumstances (read: not very), "because it's dead."
Tao sighs and shakes his head. "Aaah, to be young and foolish again, not seeing the true worth of a dead cricket..."
"Dead cricket, you are my only friend," Takao mumbles as Tao starts a rant about the value of life and death and how being dead does not change life and bla...bla...bla, it all sounds the same to his ears. He looks towards the ceiling with a pained expression. "You're the only sane one in this place."
Why did all the old people he knew have to be crazy? Maybe there was something in the prune juice.
"My young student Rei was quite like you, long ago... Of course Rei was six or so back then, but that may just be slow development on your part, Rei was always the quick student after all..."
Why did he not let Kai kill him when he had the chance? Why??
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
It takes a while, but Takao manages to get away from Tao through use of sheer cunning and desperation. ... Mostly desperation, as pointing behind Tao and saying: 'Look! Flying beavers!' and running away like the devil himself is after him does not actually take a lot of cunning. Hey, whatever works. Still, Takao was pretty surprised when Tao turned away, considering that, though Takao has never seen a beaver in his life, he's pretty sure they don't fly. He'll have to ask the Chief when the boy was back from computer camp. Maybe their flat tails are actually aerodynamic...?
Regardless, Takao is now safe. Unless Tao decides to stalk him, dead cricket in hand. . . But he has a foolproof plan for that: hide. This is why Takao is now heading to the roof of the school. This might seem an obvious hiding place to some, but Takao learned last year that, through a design flaw of some kind, the door that leads to the roof locks from the outside. It's a pretty huge design flaw, all things considered; if a suicidal middle-schooler suddenly decides to jump off the roof, the time it would take to force the door open would probably be enough so the kid would have already undergone his jump. But since that scenario has yet to happen, the school has never bothered changing the lock. Besides, even if there was a suicide attempt from the roof, it's pretty unlikely anyone would die from a three stories-high jump. All this makes the roof the perfect hiding place from bullies or, in Takao's case, from crazy teachers that really freak him out.
It also has a nice view of the river, which is always a bonus.
Takao steps unto the roof, locking the door behind him, and takes a breath of the fresh summer breeze. It's not that hot out, which just makes it all the more annoying that Takao has summer school. He sighs dejectedly at the thought, looking around the roof mournfully.
That's when he notices the other presence on the roof.
Sitting on the very edge of the roof is none other than Kai, one leg dangling and the other pulled back, one arm resting against it casually. In his other hand, Kai is holding an apple, and Takao stares as he raises it slowly and takes the tiniest possible bite out of it, the wind playing with his scarf and making it billow dramatically.
The guy shows off even when he is alone, Takao thinks desperately, and resists the urge to throw himself off the roof. He also tries not to think about how he would never be able to look that cool even when trying, because the reason Kai is that cool is that he probably exchanged any humanity in him for the ability to look cool no matter the circumstance. It just makes sense.
Takao, partly because he is tired of observing Kai chew and partly because he has been having suicidal urges all day, approaches and calls out: "If you're contemplating jumping off, you should find a taller building."
Kai's body apparently has the ability to tense faster than lightning, because one second he seems completely relaxed and contemplative and the next he seems ready for a fight. Kai swivels his head around to glare at Takao, the hand holding the apple turned white as he grabs hold of the roof so the swiveling does not actually make him fall off. Takao takes a step back and rubs the back of his head with a nervous laugh. And again, Kai proves to have no sense of humour whatsoever. Geesh.
"That's rich, coming from the suicidal idiot." Kai says, and though his entire body is screaming I will murder you in your sleep, there's no inflection in his voice. "Or did you forget that I told you to leave me alone? If you don't think I'm serious, I can demonstrate."
Really can't take a joke. Ooookay then. "Uh, you know what, I think I'll pass. I kind of like my vital organs in my body."
"I wouldn't kill you," Kai deadpans. "You said it yourself; the fall from the roof isn't high enough for that."
... Wow, that almost sounded like a joke. Takao stares at Kai, bewildered. A really morbid joke, but still. Maybe the guy isn't that bad. If you ignore the extremely violent personality, that is. And the fact that he's pretty much a jerk. Those are pretty hard things to ignore, though.
"Alright," Takao says, crossing his arms, "I get it! You don't like me."
"Wow, that took a while for you to understand," Kai interrupts, and Takao glares at him, huffing in annoyance.
"Whatever. What I meant to say before I was interrupted was, I dunno why you don't, but face it, pal, we're stuck together for the rest of this summer torture, and if we spent all of it trying to murder each other-- or, uuuh, you trying to murder me and me annoying you by principle-- it'll suck. More than it does already, anyway..."
Kai, who must be magic for not having a crick in his neck after all this time, scoffs. "Your point being?"
"Truce!" Takao exclaims, and Kai raises a dubious eyebrow, as if he was unaware that it would turn into a mini-war had it gone on. Takao knows it would, however. He's watched a lot of teen movies. "I'm not saying we have to be friends or anything, just, you know, decent human beings. Acquaintances. Something that doesn't revolve in murder and me being stuck with a dead cricket as my sole companion against Tao's insanity. Don't ask," Takao adds at Kai's raised eyebrow. "So... what do you say?" Takao finishes lamely, and sincerely hopes this works. His 'living' status depends on it.
Tao might make him want to kill himself, but being brutally murdered is still not on the top ten of Takao's list of 'ways to go'. Also, he doesn't want to apologize to his ancestors forever when he dies for having lead a terribly uninteresting life and never having finished middle school. His grandfather is bad enough; he really doesn't want to know what the rest of the family would do.
Kai doesn't answer, instead turning back to look at the scenery. The wind blows his scarf around again. It's a very swishy scarf, Takao notices, and amuses himself by watching it flutter every which way. Swiiish. Swishswish. Swiiish.
Kai might end up suffering from heatstroke because of it, but man, that scarf is kind of awesome.
"I don't speak silence," Takao mumbles with a pout, "It's a simple yes or no question, c'mon."
Kai stands up suddenly, chucking his barely-eaten apple off the roof as he does. Takao weeps inside for the loss of perfectly good food, though he is distracted by the bang the apple makes as it lands. Apparently, Kai managed to chuck his apple into a garbage can three stories below.
... Well, that was vaguely badass, even if random.
"Whatever," Kai speaks up suddenly, and Takao blinks in bewilderment as Kai suddenly walks past him and swiftly unlocks the door, stepping inside the school before Takao can manage a proper response.
That routine is starting to get old, really.
"... Was that a yes or a no?" Takao wonders aloud and groans, raising his arms skyward as he yells out in frustration. "Aaaargh, what is it with people these days?! Can no one express themselves normally anymore??!"
The bell rings, signaling the end of lunch.
"... I'll take that as a no," Takao deadpans.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
The rest of the day passes much like the beginning of it; Kai and Takao working on each side of the room, silent, while Tao seems to get drunker and drunker. Or so it looks like it to Takao, because their teacher giggles and blushes more and more as time goes on, reading a magazine and sipping his so-called 'tea'.
When the bell rings to signal the end of the day, Takao feels like he has never been more relieved in his entire life. If this is what his entire summer will be like, he's ready to throw in the towel already. He'd rather become a hobo or perform harakiri then suffer two months of pure silence and awkwardness. Uuurgh. Still, Takao doesn't seem nearly as glad to be out of here as Kai, who seems to have the ability to know the exact moment the bell will ring so that he can make dramatic exits. Takao is by now convinced Kai is not human.
Now, Takao is walking home rather slowly, because he just knows his grandfather will have a gazillion and one chores to do, further proving his theory that this summer will be a complete and utter drag. Takao crosses his arms behind his head with a sigh, staring at the sky.
"Even if I didn't have summer school," Takao muses aloud, "What would I do without the Chief and Max here? Sure, I have other acquaintances, but it just wouldn't be the same... Maybe I should count myself lucky I have something to do all day...."
Takao stops walking for a second as he pauses. He shakes his head wildly, flailing his hands around.
"Uuurgh! What am I saying! Anything's better than school!" Takao screams out, ignoring the passer-bys throwing him weird looks.
Takao decides that, if such horrible, horrible thoughts are entering his head, he definitely needs a break. Luckily for him, there's a perfect place to clear his mind that's right on the way home. The riverbank. Nothing more calming than letting your feet dip in the water on a hot summer day. Hmhmmmm. Sure, it's not that hot out, but it would still be refreshing. Takao grins happily as he starts to walk again, determined to fully enjoy the few hours of freedom he has left of his day. He walks a bit faster when he can see the river from further away, a skip in his steps.
He stops in shock when he sees the riverbank, however. Because, to prove to Takao that his life is officially screwed beyond belief, Kai Hiwatari is standing on the edge of the river, scarf billowing in the wind (again, Takao thinks exasperatedly).
Could Takao's luck suck any more than it already does? Honestly...
Takao considers going down and trying to talk to Kai again for a while. After all, it doesn't hurt to just try, right? ... Then again, Kai might think Takao is stalking him or something. How often is the excuse 'oh, I was just passing by' actually true? From what Takao knows, it's practically never.
Argh, what has he got to lose anyway? It's not like the guy will kill him if he says hello. Still, it never hurts to be cautious, and Takao decides to not go down the hill just yet. It's perfectly safe up here, after all.
"Oi, Kai!" Takao calls out, and Kai wrenches his gaze away from the river to glare at him. Or maybe he's just blinded by the sun, considering from that angle the sun is pretty up high. Takao really hopes it's the sun. "Fancy meeting you here, huh?"
Kai doesn't answer, simply continues to stare at him until Takao gets nervous and adds, quickly: "So, uh... come here often?"
Mentally, Takao facepalms. That was so uncool. Besides, it's the riverbank. Everyone comes to the riverbank; just different parts of it. In fact, the only thing that makes this part of it different than any other is the bridge right next to it.
"Every day," Kai answers, and it takes a while for Takao to realize that, yes, Kai did continue the conversation. Takao pinches himself to make sure he isn't dreaming before daring to answer. He also considers the idea that this is a hallucination of Kai, but that's just silly. Why would he have a hallucination about Kai of all people?
"This particular spot?" Takao asks, and manages to convince himself it is not a stupid question, damn it. "Because I've never seen you here before, and my house is this way..."
Takao trails off with a shrug awkwardly. Kai's head turns towards the river a little for a second and he shrugs back. They have a kinship in shrugs if nothing else, Takao comforts himself. He'll take that answer as a yes, though it's probably more a 'whatever' or a 'you are too stupid to exist' in Kaiese. Maybe Takao will learn how to speak that mysterious language composed of jerks of shoulders and grunts one day.
"Do you live around here?" Takao tries again, and admits that the fact he is up on the hill and Kai is down the hill makes this a rather awkward angle to have a conversation at. Meh, safety first.
"No," Kai tells him bluntly.
Having a conversation with this guy is impossible in general, Takao decides with a huff. There's no way he can watch the river with Kai here, though, and so Takao resigns himself to the idea of going back home.
"I guess I'll head back home now," Takao says, scratching the back of his neck.
"You do that," Kai dismisses him, turning back to stare at the river. Takao sticks out his tongue at the other boy. What a jerk.
"I'll see you tomorrow!" Takao calls before starting to cross the bridge.
He doesn't turn back, and so he doesn't notice the intrigued look Kai sends him as he watches him walk away. When Takao is long gone, Kai turns to glare at the river, but his thoughts are on the boy heading back home.
"Kinomiya Takao," Kai muses aloud, "Just what do you want?"
At the same moment, Takao wonders: Just what's up with that guy?
For both boys, there is no answer. Not yet.
SPEAKING OF THINGS THAT WOULD NOT WRITE THEMSELVES this chapteeeeeeeeer.
I have multiple excuse for this having taken forever to write; first it would not write itself (I had the biggest writer's block in the universe). Also, real life decided to explode in my face. As did my laptop! So yeah. SORRY ABOUT THAT. And now for the normal author's notes!
This is the last introductory chapter! I am so happy guys. Also, you may have noticed, but Tao is kind of my plot device to make Takao do things. Alas. I have honestly no idea what is in this chapter anymore except DEAD CRICKETS and other obvious Disney references. Uuuh. Well. There is Takao and Kai meeting properly! sort of. As always! If you have a question, I'll be happy to answer, and next chapter is Rei-Rei's~ and sortakinda parallel with the Asian Tournament in season 1. ALSO YES TAKAO DID FORGET THAT TAO MENTIONED REI. TAKAO IS KIND OF DUMB LIKE THAT. There might be foreshadowing in this??? But it is very slight. Also, notice how Kai is not used to people actively interacting with him in a sort-of-fearless way. Yeaaah that's. Pretty much it. This is what writing the author's note at four am gets me. FOREVER REMINDERS: Your Own Personal Hell is part one of a (theoritically) three parter series. Every second or third chapter of this fic is summer school, because both stories run ~parallel~ of each other. Also 99% of this fic is a huge parody. So yeah.
Hope you enjoyed it!
-Zia