Past and Present
"Moving right along!" Hawk announced as Escanor and King struggled to get Ban upright again. "Meliodas, since we're halfway through, why don't you go next?"
Meliodas shrugged and looked at Elizabeth, who had paused from clearing the last round to look at him curiously. "Uh, why don't you stay too?" he said, patting his lap. The princess hesitated for a moment before balancing herself delicately on the Captain's knee. "You'll be interested in this I'm sure."
He pulled out a huge book that seemed overstuffed with papers and pictures and items that fell out from between the pages. "This is my scrapbook," he explained, laying it reverently on the table. "Inside I've keep detailed records on all the Elizabeths that I have met over the years, so I could remember them all."
"There are so many!" Elizabeth exclaimed. Hesitantly she reached out and opened the cover, the pages fanning out softly. The others scoot closer to look as she picks up a picture and examines it closely. "Is this..?"
"Yup!" Meliodas exclaimed, giving her breast a reassuring pinch. "That's the first you. The one that started it all." He sighed and pressed his cheek against her face as they gazed at the paper together. "You were so beautiful, even then."
"Let us see!" Diane squealed, the others murmuring in agreement. With a sweet smile Elizabeth traced a loving hand down the front of the paper, gently teaching her fingertips with a sigh of adoration, before turning it over so the others could see.
They all gasped, and then frowned in confusion. It was just a crudely drawn stick figure with two huge ovals where the chest would have been. "What the hell?" Ban said, the bizarre picture snapping him out of his stupor.
"Yeah, sorry," Meliodas said with a lopsided grin. "I took art lessons at the same demon academy that taught me to cook. I guess I'm not that great."
"But listen to what he wrote," Elizabeth said with a bit of a sniffle. "'Elizabeth was the most beautiful, intelligent, amazing, smart, funny, kind, healthy, loving, sparkly, iridescent, magical, soft, special person I have ever met or ever will meet, ever. There will never, ever, ever, ever be another one like her. I would bet one million gold coins that I will never meet another like her."
Elizabeth gave Meliodas a teary smile and he grinned back at her. "I guess I was wrong," he said adoringly, and they nuzzled each other sickeningly.
"Let's see what else is in here," Merlin said hurriedly, pulling the large volume closer so she could spin it around and leaf through it. "Captain," she commented, "You have the handwriting of a serial killer."
"Do I?" he laughed. "Yeah, I learned penmanship there too."
"What does this mean?" the mage asked, her finger settling on a line on a page. "Eliza, 268. Big hands, small butt."
Meliodas nods. "That was 268 years after the Holy War. That one went by Eliza. Big hands. Small ass."
"That's… that's all you had to say about her?" Elizabeth asked in confusion.
"You gotta understand," Meliodas said. " At that point I had been through dozens of you. It was getting hard to come up with new things to say."
Merlin continued reading random pages, and at each one, Elizabeth would grow a bit redder. "Bettina, 1092. Crooked teeth but made excellent sandwiches. Lissette, 1377. Run over by a pack of wilds dogs before first date. Betsy, 1818. Great at archery, even better at BJs. Ella, 2289. Screamer. Babette, 2510. Adorable, bad breath. Liesl, 2774. Legs for days, allergic to cats."
The mage paused, just shaking her head, and Meliodas sighed at all the happy memories. His hands roamed over Elizabeth's hips, but she had her arms folded, her back straight with annoyance. "I can't believe you loved all these women, and they are reduced to just- just notes in a ratty scrapbook!" she snapped, pushing his hands away.
Meliodas gave her an odd look. "Hey, how many guys do you see even keeping a book like this? Every single one of you will now live on forever, because I wrote it down."
Elizabeth huffed. "Well, I suppose…"
"Hey!" Diane said suddenly. "Let's see what he wrote about our Elizabeth!"
The others agreed enthusiastically, and Meliodas hopped up, dropping the princess into a heap on the floor. "No, you really shouldn't."
But Ban used his Snatch ability just as Meliodas reached across the table to take back the book, and the tome went flying over his head and into the Fox Sin's hand. "Let's see," he said happily, and King floated over his shoulder to look.
"Ah, here we are," Ban said. "Elizabeth, 2997. Absolutely gorgeous, dumb as a box of bricks."
"What?!" Elizabeth screeched, scrambling to her feet and whirling on Meliodas.
The Captain put his hands up in defense. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth! I wrote that the first day we met, before I even got to know you! I was going to change it, obviously."
"I'm… I'm dumb?" she wailed. "As dumb as a box of bricks?"
Meliodas scoffed. "That's not what it says!" He yanked the book back from a laughing Ban, and read, "See? It says a box of smart bricks. You're like a box of smart bricks." He snapped the book shut with a grin.
Fuming, Elizabeth picked up all of the glasses on the table and dumped them all at once over Meliodas' head. Then she snatched the scrapbook and stomped over to the fireplace, unceremoniously flinging it into the flames. "There!" she shouted at him, flipping him off as she stormed back into the kitchen. "That's from all of us!"
The kitchen door shut with such a slam the entire tavern shook, grease dripping from the ceiling and onto the patrons. "Sorry about your book, Captain," Escanor said as they resumed their seats.
Meliodas shrugged. "It's fine. I still have all the Polaroids."