Maura was still in a happy shock when Aric, Felix and Corso came to haul the gifts to her apartment. Aric was worried about her but she seemed happy, he had no idea of the news she'd just gotten. She grabbed his arm and pulled him into the hallway, and seconds later the whole party heard his joyous shout, and then everyone erupted in cheers and laughter, hugging the happy parents. Magdalane found Felix, a huge smile on both their faces as they hugged. "One day, my love, one day," Felix told her. She just buried her head in his chest and held on tight.
Once the baby things had been put away, Aric made Maura rest while he put together a list of all the things they might need for two infants, and started looking on the holonet for real estate. He wanted his children to have a home, where they could play and explore and just be kids. He kept coming back to Dantooine, but didn't know if it was because of the property or the fact that Miriah and Corso had their home base there. He bookmarked the listing, then went to check on his wife. She was sleeping soundly, and he just stood there, smiling at her. She looked so serene, so at peace. He decided to join her, and when he gathered her to him she woke enough to kiss his nose, and after only a few minutes they were both sleeping soundly, Aric's hand on their growing children.
On board Magdalane's ship, things were decidedly not as serene. Mags was pacing, unsure how to broach this with Felix. She knew she'd have to talk to him sometime about it, but had been putting it off. Felix had gone to shower and was just coming back to the lounge when he saw her scowl. That's unlike her, he thought. Puzzled, he pulled her to sit on the couch.
"What's bothering you, Mags? I'm not force sensitive, but I'd have to be a moron not to see that something is on your mind. Is it Maura? She was so happy."
"No, well, yeah, kinda," she replied. "Felix, we've never discussed kids in our future, and we need to because I'm not sure I want to have any."
Felix was taken off guard, and waited a bit before he replied, "No, we haven't , and that's fine if that's what you really want, but can I ask why?" She seems torn about it, he thought.
"Force sensitive children are taken from their homes as young children, and sent to begin their training on Tython. Don't you see the problem here? If our child is force sensitive, we would have to give it up. I couldn't do that, Felix, not for anything. I could never send our child away and have the limited contact with him or her that I had with my family growing up," she sobbed, giving way to the tears she'd been holding back. He just held her, rocking with her, stroking her hair, until she calmed.
"It's okay, Mags, " he smiled into her hair, "it's not an 'all or nothing' thing, you know. We can always move to Tython, if that's what you wanted. It's not as if you don't have access to the temple there."
"My family lived on Tython, and I got to see them once a week, at most. I saw Maura stuggle to take care of herself and Miriah, and them both ache for my mother, who was never around. They would both cry so hard when I had to go back, it became almost painful to go home," she sniffed. She stood up suddenly, a look of alarm on her face, "Oh no, what if one of Maura's babies is force sensitive?"
"Hey, hey, what is it you always tell me? Don't borrow trouble." He tried to pull her back to sit but she turned her back and began to pace again, so he stood and went to her, stopping her in her tracks. "So you would have no one in your family have the pleasure of children, just in case one of them might be force sensitive? You told me once, that you wouldn't know who you were without the force ever present. "
She looked at her feet, and said softly, "I want your children, I want to be the mother mine was not, and I'm so afraid."
"Shhh," he soothed her, "we can have all you want, and we'll work through whatever is thrown our way. We'll love them all, force sensitive or not. We have to get through this wedding ordeal first."
She punched his arm, "Ordeal indeed. I warned you when you proposed. Jedi weddings are elaborate because they happen so seldom. At least we have everything approved."
"Well then, first things first," he grinned. "We can always practice." He led to their quarters, and locked the door.
Miriah was tired, after the excitement of the past couple of days and the exercise last night. She grinned, thinking about the night before. She wandered around the kitchen area, wondering what she might like to cook, when she heard a thump come from their quarters. When she went down the hall to investigate, she saw Corso dragging a crate filled with his favorite weapons, a pack on his shoulder and grim expression on his face. "I can't do it, Miriah, I can't be with you. I've seen your family, and now I know we can't ever have one. How can you be a mom, love your kids when you never got that?"
"What do you mean, you're leaving me?" she cried. "I'm not them, Corso, they're not me. Don't do this!" He just shook his head and looked past her to the door…..
She woke up shaking and sick, Corso softly snoring beside her. It was just a dream, she thought, just a nightmare. She started to get up, but remembered her promise to Corso, that if she woke up in the middle of the night, she would at least stay in bed to rest. She hugged her knees, hot tears streaming down her face, trying hard to make no sounds that might wake him. After the tears had slowed, she snuggled up to her sleeping husband, putting her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest. He startled her by grabbing her hand, kissing her palm, then placing her hand over his heart, holding it there with his own much larger, slightly calloused hand. She lay there feeling his heartbeat, so steady and strong. Just like him, she thought. He whispered to her then, "Same nightmare?" She nodded against his shoulder, using all her control to not cry again. "Mmmm sweetheart, feel my heart? You're there, you'll always be there, and I'll never choose to leave you." He rolled toward her then, and pulled her close, running his hand up her back slowly, into her silky hair, cupping the back of her head, and tilted her face up to him. He kissed away the tear tracks before claiming her mouth, and it turned out to awhile before either of them thought of sleep again.