Akatsuki Crack Theatre
Deidara had decided he would have to play dirty. It was quite plain that Sasori no longer really cared about blackmail, but Deidara wanted to come out on top. He needed Sasori to lose to himself; he needed it not only to prove he was better, but to prove his style of life (and, as art is a part of life) and his art was better.
So, there Deidara was, searching through Sasori's underwear drawer. This particular area was one that Deidara had sworn to never become acquainted with (not precisely, but he definitely did want to be searching through the puppet master's underwear), but yet, there he was, swallowing his pride in order to find what he needed.
Deidara wasn't actually looking for underwear—it's just that, whenever someone had to hide something, a good deal of the time, they'd put that particular item in their underwear drawer. Deidara had been expecting to find some sort of magazine, or some sort of picture that would incriminate Sasori. However, what he found was much, much more interesting.
Deidara held the skimpy underwear in between the very tips of his two forefingers. In his hands lay not a pair of briefs, or a pair of boxers, but a thong. What Sasori had been doing with a thong, Deidara could only wonder... and then run away from such thoughts, because such thoughts led him into thinking about Sasori in a thong. Ew.
Deidara pulled out a camera and took a quick snapshot of the thong in Sasori's drawer. He also backed up and took a picture of the entire wall and Sasori's dresser, with the thong in view, so that there was irrefutable proof that it was indeed Sasori's room.
He was about to make a clean getaway, when Sasori stopped him at his door. "What were you doing in my room?" apparently he hadn't been there long, for he didn't realize that Deidara knew about his little secret.
"Do you have a thing for red, un?" Deidara asked, for red was the color of the thong.
"... Red?" Sasori replied unintelligently, for he did not know what Deidara was talking about.
"Yes, un. Red. Like your thong, yeah," Deidara pointed out. Sasori nearly did a double take when Deidara said this, but Sasori kept his calm and simply glare at him.
"You have no proof. I'll hide it by the time you start telling people."
Deidara held up his camera.
"You have no proof it's my room. Itachi, Zetsu, Kisame, and I all have the same dresser."
"I took a picture of the wall, too, un. You're the only one with wallpaper, yeah. And the thong is still in view, un."
"I had to use it for a mission." Which was true—Sasori did need the thong for a mission. He needed to set up one of his puppets as a prostitute, and the only way to keep the illusion complete was for the puppet to wear the right underclothes as well.
"Why do you still have it, then, un?"
"Everyone's gone. By the time they come back, I'll have something on you. Now get out of my room," Sasori ordered. Deidara smirked and walked out—after all, at the moment, he felt that he had won.
----
Sasori, like Deidara, was prepared to play dirty. Many times before, when people asked Deidara about his hair, Deidara would reply that it came out like that. He would say that, yes, he shampooed it (like you were supposed to), and then that was it. He even said he only towel-dried it, and that he didn't make any effort to make his hair so... perfect.
Sasori knew from the beginning that that was a lie—it just wasn't possible. Kisame's hair was what you got if you didn't do anything to it—Deidara's hair, however, was a thing of perfection.
And so, Sasori took the security tape from the camera during a time Deidara was in the bathroom. Sasori found that, not only did Deidara condition his hair; he used a blow drier on it and brushed the different parts of his hair one hundred times. He would then even pose in front of the mirror, always trying different hairstyles, though he always stuck with his usual ponytail.
"Deidara," Sasori greeted.
"The other's are coming back this afternoon, yeah. Our time off, headquarter-sitting is over, un."
"Oh? Good. I can tell them about you... let's see..." Sasori pulled out a list. "Shampooing, conditioning, blow-drying, brushing thousands of times, styling, playing with, and paying way too much attention to your hair," Sasori read off the list emotionlessly, as if it didn't matter to him. However, Sasori knew he had pretty much nailed Deidara.
"... You have no proof, yeah."
"Videotape," Sasori replied with a smirk.
"... YOU'VE BEEN SPYING ON ME! YOU SAW MY NO-NO'S!" Deidara yelled at Sasori.
"Relax..." Sasori sighed. "I only looked at the tape after you were wearing your towel..."
"Oh, un. Well, damn, yeah..." Deidara sighed.
'I'll get you back for this, un, you bastard, yeah...' Deidara thought to himself.
"I heard that," Sasori glared.
"Un?" Deidara snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Sasori again.
"You said it aloud and I heard it," Sasori explained.
"Oh." Deidara paused, looked back up at Sasori, stuck his tongue out, and stalked off, all the while cursing Sasori for all of eternity to himself.