The Battle Over A Fruit
Author: Dragon's Dance
Beta: dr53
Hello Hello! My beloved Beta has been bugging me about this, so I've made revisions and posted it to the world!
Oh and remember… the events in this story would never happen! And don't try to carry out any of the scenes in this story… You may just kill yourself~
Back to Itachi and Sasori
Kiui was horrified as her husband and Sasori started fighting brutally. She would wince every time Itachi was hit, but Kaminari sat there and cheered on the fight while eating popcorn and drinking soda.
Itachi was pushed back by one of Sasori's puppets, and he was starting to pant heavily. His fingers searched for a kunai and when he found it, he couldn't hear Sasori. So he started walking around the clearing, searching with his arms for something wooden. When his arms felt the texture of wood, Itachi started brutally slashing the thing until he believed it to be dead.
"I'm over here you dunce…" Sasori's monotone voice called out to him from the other side of the clearing. Oh lord Kaminari couldn't get enough of this! She was rolling on the grass laughing her ass off.
Itachi growled at Kaminari's annoying laugh and chewed out, "I knew that you damn toy; I was just practicing what I will do to you!" (Tehe…. Ok moving on)
Kaminari continued to watch the two criminals fight, both of them tiring out equally. As she munched on her popcorn, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She peeled her eyes away from the fight to see a man with chin length, coal black hair and blood red eyes; identical to hers.
She smirked and chuckled, "It's been a long time since I've seen you, hasn't it?"
He smirked right back, "Too long sis."
"Come join me Kameron." She patted the ground next to her and offered her popcorn, returning her attention to the fight. Kameron made himself comfortable and shoved a fistful of popcorn into his mouth.
The fight was really getting heated as Sasori continuously tried to poison Itachi; Kameron chewed on some more popcorn and said, "What's going on here?"
Kaminari rolled her eyes and explained the situation to him, "OK, so the guy with the long black hair, Itachi, is fighting the guy with the red hair, Sasori, all because of that girl over there," Kaminari pointed to where Kiui supposedly was.
Kameron glanced in the direction Kaminari pointed and saw nothing but a tree. He looked at her weird and said, "I really think that Suna sun got to you… There's only a tree over there sis."
"What?" She demanded and searched the clearing not believing her brother, but alas… the beloved Kiui was nowhere to be found.
"Humph, just leave me alone with S-Class criminals… why I outta-HEY!" Kaminari humped then cried out when she realized that she was out of popcorn.
Meanwhile
When Kaminari pulled out her popcorn, Kiui saw Hidan roaming the woods in a bored manner. Kiui decided to chase after Hidan and talk to him, since she was bored of the fight.
"Hey Hidan! Hey wait up!" Kiui cried out as she sprinted to catch up to him.
Hidan paused annoyed at the voice calling out to him. He turned around saying, "What the fu-OOOF!"
Kiui had trucked him unintentionally, and ended up laying on him in an awkward position. Kiui rubbed her head and groaned, "Ugh… I probably should've slowed down… I'm such a ditz."
"Yeah, and I'd appreciate it if you'd get the fuck off of me bitch." Hidan groaned underneath her. For a woman, she sure did have a lot of power.
"Oh I'm sorry Hidan-san! Here let me help you up!" She apologized and offered her hand after she had leapt to her feet.
"I don't need your help bitch, and why were you following me anyways?" Hidan demanded as he gathered himself.
Kiui scoffed and retorted, "For your information asshole, I actually wanted to learn about Jashin, but since you don't seem to like me; I'll just leave!"
She was about to storm off, but Hidan gripped her forearm to stop her, "Hold on! You want to learn about Jashin?"
"Yeah, I already said that… The religion seems intriguing, and I was actually considering becoming Jashin," Kiui trailed off and started to wonder into the depths of her thought, not even hearing Hidan excitedly talk to her.
"Fuck yeah I'll teach ya! Oh this is amazing Jashin-sama, you'll get another worshiper! Hey girl." Hidan brought Kiui back from her train of thought.
"Hmm, what?" Kiui asked.
"I need to know your name, girl." Hidan deadpanned.
"Oh yeah! Gomenasai! My name is Kiui, Hidan-san!" Kiui said respectfully and bowed at the waist.
Hidan waved off her apology and beckoned her to follow him saying, "Yeah yeah, whatever. And quit calling me Hidan-san, Hidan will do."
Kiui followed him and listened intently as he started a lecture about the devil she was preparing to worship for, Jashin.
Back to Kaminari
Kameron nudged Kaminari and said lowly, "I think it's time to stop this, they look ready to collapse."
Kaminari shrugged and nodded a bit, "Yeah I guess… I've been ready to stop since I ran out of popcorn."
Kameron shook his head as Kaminari disappeared into the trees and pulled out her senbon. She began to form a plan in her head, 'OK, so for Itachi I can throw two of my senbon in the pressure points in between his shoulder blades and paralyze his arms until I remove the senbon. I'm not sure about Sasori, but the same technique should work… Or I could do my favorite."
Kaminari grinned wickedly and quietly packed her senbon away. She waited until they were lunging at each other to land in between them and squeeze the pressure point in between the neck and shoulder joints, bringing the men to their knees while they gripped her wrists.
"I'm tired of watching grown men fight like bratty children, plus I ran out of popcorn. And because you two were so engrossed in your fight, you failed to notice Kiui leave! And as fun as this is, I'm done with it! Now act your age and talk it out!" Kaminari lectured with a even voice, giving one last, painful pinch before she released them.
They fell on the ground gasping. Itachi recovered first and stood up, "I only want to know why you left with Kiui."
Sasori stood up and brushed the dirt off of his pants, "I was high Itachi; I don't even remember leaving the house with Kiui. She's the one that dragged me off."
"If you didn't leave with her willingly, then why did you fight me," Itachi asked.
"I was simply bored, you dunce," Sasori deadpanned.
Itachi glared at Sasori before he turned of Kaminari and demanded, "You're her best friend, now tell me why did she leave me?"
Kaminari crossed her arms and leaned on her right leg, "Well first off you made toilet soup, sec-"
"I didn't mean to make the damn soup!" Itachi exploded
"Don't interrupt me you damn weasel with fag lines!" Kaminari shouted back, shaking her fist.
Kaminari took a deep breath through her noise and sighed, "As I was saying, second of all you came home with some random ginger that sounded like Kiui…"
Itachi furrowed his brow and said slowly, "So, that wasn't Kiui?"
Kaminari raised an eyebrow, "Uh yeah! That's why you're in this mess… plus the soup."
Itachi rubbed his forehead, muttering profanities at the world. Sasori decided to leave as well as Kameron; leaving Kaminari with a distraught Itachi. Kaminari sighed and said, "Listen Weasel, I may not be the wisest woman alive, but I know that Kiui will come back in a day or two… Just give her some space and she'll work things out okay? That's what I do and it always works… Trust me."
Itachi shook his head and started to sulk back to his home with a emo rain cloud over his head. Kaminari would've felt bad, if he hadn't walked into another tree.
And Now With Kiui
Hidan and Kiui had really hit it off when she started asking questions about Jashin, becoming more and more intrigued by it. Hidan was enjoying himself when he talked to Kiui about Jashin and joked with her. Most girls were annoyed or insulted by his swearing, but Kiui just seemed to bounce it back to him. She wasn't bad.
Hidan smirked at Kiui and asked, "Do you want to get something to eat bitch?"
Kiui smirked right back and said mockingly, "Why I would asshole!"
They laughed again and walked to the nearest town to get some food.
~~~~~~~~~~~~A MONTH LATER with Itachi~~~~~~~~~~~
Kiui still hadn't returned and Itachi was slipping more and more into depression. He wouldn't come out of his dimly lit room and would hide under the covers if Kaminari or Ryuu came in to give him something. Kaminari had to request an extension to her time in Konoha because she feared for Ryuu.
Currently Kaminari was sitting Indian-style on the couch, her cheek rested in her hand as she recalled the day Itachi started falling apart.
Flashback Mode
Itachi had ran off through the estate, with a frantic Kaminari following him, and he came to the house Sasuke lived in. Kaminari was peering quizzically at Itachi as he knocked on Sasuke's door.
When Sasuke answered it Itachi dramatically collapsed onto his knees and started bawling about Kiui leaving him, how he was devastated and needed his little brother's support now. Sasuke sweat dropped and exasperatedly looked down at his older brother, then to Kaminari.
Kaminari rubbed her head sheepishly and said, "Eh heh, may I come in and explain why Itachi's bawling on your porch?"
Sasuke stepped aside to let her in and said, "You don't really have another choice."
And they left him to wallow in despair on Sasuke's porch while Kaminari explained briefly to Sasuke what happened over some coffee.
Sasuke raised an eyebrow and said with disbelief, "So you expect me to believe that Kiui pretty much left Itachi over toilet soup?"
She sipped her coffee and shrugged, "Pretty much, yeah."
"Hn, about time that fruit head left him," Sasuke commented while he cleared away the dishes.
"Hey! Only I can insult Kiui! Oh and thanks for the coffee Sasuke-chan!" Kaminari called over her shoulder as she collected the still weeping Itachi and took him home.
Sasuke rubbed his temple and said to himself, "I really need an Aspirin…"
Present
Kaminari sighed and rubbed her eye. She got up to prepare Itachi's lunch, when Ryuu barreled down the stairs and yelled that he was going to hang out with his friends. Kaminari lazily blinked and carried the tray up to Itachi.
Using her shoulder to open the door, she walked in and said softly, "Hey Itachi. I brought you your favorite!"
But the lump under the covers didn't even move as she placed the hot dish on the night stand. Kaminari sighed and sat on the edge of the bed and attempted to talk to him, "Yo Itachi… Do you want to talk about her?"
He didn't come out or even move when she asked that. Kaminari's eye twitched once and she sighed, "Listen Itachi, I can't stay here forever and take care of you; and you can't hide under those damn covers forever. But since you seem determined to rot away under there, I'll let you.
'Though there's one price to staying under there. I have to return to Suna in 2 days, and I refuse to let Ryuu be around this pathetic excuse of a shinobi. I conversed with Tsunade-sama and she agreed to send Ryuu to live with his Godfather unless you improve soon. You can come out now and tell me that I'm wrong and that you'll get better, or you can loose the only thing that connects you to Kiui."
Itachi didn't twitch once during the entire lecture. Kaminari got fed up and leapt to her feet, shouting at Itachi, "Fine then! Stay under there and rot away! If you aren't strong enough to move on from a damn fruit head, then I'm glad Kiui left you! I'm done Itachi, Sayonara!"
Kaminari stormed out of the house and left to tell Tsunade-sama that she was leaving early to take Ryuu to his Godfather. Tsunade-sama nodded and wished her a safe journey back to Suna. Kaminari bowed respectfully and left to gather Ryuu.
But Kaminari didn't know that Itachi had tears rolling down his cheeks the entire time she lectured him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~Another month later with Kaminari in Suna~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a Saturday morning, when the sun decided to be cruel and wake Kaminari from the blissful dream she was having. Stretching with a sigh, Kaminari snuck out of bed, so she wouldn't wake up Gaara from his precious sleep. She softly stroked his hair lovingly as he stirred in his sleep.
Kaminari put on her robe and silently walked to the kitchen to prepare the coffee they both drank in the morning. While it was brewing, she went into the dry air outside and got the mail.
Kaminari was walking to the island in the kitchen with the mail in her hand, when two arms trapped her to the island, and familiar rust red hair tickled her neck. She smiled when he asked her, "What were you doing koi?"
She turned around and put the mail in front of her mouth just as he was going to kiss her, "Getting the mail."
Gaara growled as she flitted around the kitchen, making their coffee and breakfast, but ended up picking up the mail and looking through it while he sat down at the island.
"There's one for you here koi. It's from Kiui," Gaara offhandedly said as she place their cups on the island. Kaminari's eyes widened dramatically as she accepted the letter from Gaara.
"What? It can't be, she disappeared 2 months ago!" she cried.
She tore open the letter and hurriedly scanned the very formal letter. Her eyes widened by the minute and by the end of it, her jaw was slack and she was in denial at what the letter said.
Gaara watched her reactions and questioned, "Well what does it say? Don't just stand there, you'll collect flies"
Kaminari snapped her mouth shut and shouted, "Kiui's getting married to that damn Jashin worshiper, Hidan!"
FIN
So how was it? Terrible? Amazing? Full of shit with the Hidan and Kiui part? TELL ME! Oh and if you don't believe me about the pressure point on the neck hurting like fuck, find it and squeeze it for about 30 seconds… It. Hurts.
Most definitely there will be a sequel barreling your way!