I do not own

LOST STEP2

Monique's POV

I do NOT own the rights to Fiddler on the Roof

Authoress note: Sutherlin is a real town, the people I name -as far as I know - are not.

Day 6

Over the years people have criticized us for being with each other based only on my age, but they did not seem to understand that good, or bad, mentally I was years ahead of myself; at the very least I felt older than my physical age. The decision to stay was not taken lightly. I knew Motel wasn't likely to change his attitude towards me, nor was I naïve enough to think I could talk openly of what I'd seen in Tevye's eyes, so, instead I focused on teaching Miriam and doing my chores while I weighed my options. Finally, I decided staying wouldn't be bad as long as I went to town more and intermingled with other people -Tevye's family accepted me going into town without question.

"Hi, Monique." Tom, a young man far closer to my age than that of Tevye waved to me from the train station.

"Nice to see you still have your legs." He laughed as I referred to a logging accident that could have easily cost him the ability to walk.

Dinner, dances, and town socials were often attended with Tom by my side; even Gene - a 'neighbor' down the road. But after all was said and done I find myself leaving Tevye's place less and less. I told myself it was my obligations to the children, to my job, and such. Sometimes the truth is hard to face - no matter how mature one is.

I don't know when things changed -other than the one look I'd acknowledged Chava's father had held in his eye- but my steps became lighter anytime I had to work in the barn, or help him with the sheep. But it wasn't like I avoided my other obligations, or that I no longer had friends coming over so Motel had no reason to suggest it was his father-n-law who was the cause of my whistling so much.

In fact, even though my trips to town were less regular - my visitors were quite frequent. The guests didn't come around the barn though -not while I was working, nor were they there when Tevye would stand and say, or sing, the Sabbath prayer. My eyes gluing themselves on him during those times did not raise suspicion with Motel as all of us had our eyes on the man. It helped that my curtains were down - so to speak. No, my whistling, and light steps were attributed to nothing more than me getting more comfortable with my surroundings and Oregon in general.

Someday you may very well know how I felt. Chava's words were whispering in the back of my mind. Don 't get me wrong, your first husband was a nice guy, but you two lacked something, admit it. Her words had infuriated me at the time, but she was right. Brandon hadn't been a vicious man by any means, but -as much as I hate to admit it- had he lived we'd probably have - emotionally -drifted apart. He was far too carefree for my taste. It just wasn't something I had wanted to admit at the time. I think his death, along with our children's, that sobered -and matured - me in ways nothing else could have.

When those words began to peck in the corners of my brain's ear I pushed them off stag -until one fall day in the barn.

The day started out normal enough. Breakfast, milking the cows and back down to get the older children off to school and such. No, it wasn't until noon that things between Tevye and I took a visible turn. The sheep meant for their own table were not ever docked, but the ones headed to market for their neighbors were. But it wasn't the docking I helped with at that particular moment it was the gathering of the wool he'd gotten off the older sheep.

"Da da da…" Tevye began to hum after I'd piled yet another coat of wool onto a growing pile in the corner of the barn. He put up the shears and began t dance as he hummed. I watched fascinated with how well the man moved. The desire to dance jumped into my own being and I did my best to mimic what he was doing.

"Come …" He stuck out his hand, "…let me show you how it's done."

There are those that say he never should have stuck out his hand, nor should I have taken it. But he did and I did that is all there is to it. He led me in the dance and , yes, I let the curtains over my eyes fly up. Did he see it? Of course, the man may not have been the richest one around money-wise, but he was no idiot. Tevye said nothing only continued to hum as we danced. When we were done I saw his own curtains fly up and he lifted a hand to the side of my face.

Did he want to kiss me with his hand on my face? Yes, it was written clearly in his eyes. Did I want him to? Only an idiot would think otherwise, but he didn't. Why? Because of the footsteps we both heard coming towards the barn. When the door opened and Motel stepped inside he found me piling wool and Tevye with another sheep in hand and the shearers in his other.

I don't remember what they talked about, or how long, I just remember Tevye spouting off with 'The good book says…' and I lost it - probably due to nerves over the kiss that surely would have come had not Motel entered the picture.

"It says no such thing!" My raised voice got both men's attention. "I've read your Torah inside, outside and probably even upside down. It says nothing of the sort. And for the record, I'm tired of hearing you spout stuff when you don't even crack open the book!" With that I stormed out the door leaving two mouths to be picked up from the floor.

Day 7

The scene in the barn was the turning point for Tevye as far as the Torah went. He began taking turns in the reading of it. His reading was slow and labored, but nonetheless the man did it. Many times I'd find myself helping him at night with any difficult words he came across. Things began - quietly- to pick themselves up between us. He'd steal a peck on the check, or forehead while I was in the barn. A brushing of his hand against mine as I walked by, and a voice which hummed soft love songs as he did his chores -ones only done when I was present and Motel was nowhere in sight.

"Stupid calf!" I growled at Copper who refuse to budge, "I'm going to turn you into roast beef." I threatened a few other things and heard Tevye laugh as he came around the barn.

"Think she'll listen to you?" His eyes did not stop laughing.

"She'd be better off listening to me, she's already ignored her mother." I kept pulling at the calf's rope trying to get her to budge.

"Yes, she has." Tevye spoke and I found him between myself and the calf, "Maybe, she'd be better off listening to those around her." His mouth was talking about the calf, his eyes were not. Before I could say anything I found his hand on the back of my neck and his mouth on mine.

It wasn't the quick peck either. The calf could have wandered off and I'd not have known , or someone could have walked up and I'd not have heard. Tevye was the only one I was aware of. When he lifted his head he whispered again, "maybe, she should." With that he turned back around the corner.

I could say it was all him. I could claim there had been no return kiss, but it all would be a lie. He may have started it, but trust me I gave it back. The calf must have gotten bored of standing -or disgusted at the mushiness she'd seen because she nudged me trying to get to the pasture. I let her go with a 'good riddance' you ornery cow'. Lifting my hand to my mouth I closed my eyes and sighed - I could still feel his lips on mine.

Nothing happened due to the fact Miriam and Ruth began to complain of aches and pains as their fever rose. The chills that hit them, along with sore throats made me groan. It was influenza I just knew it. Sure enough when the doctor came out he quarantined the sick ones in their rooms while Tzeitel and I took turns nursing them. Miriam wasn't too bad, sure she was uncomfortable, but it was Ruth that scared me the most.

"She has to live." I gave her more medicine as I listened to her cough worsen. No one could get me to leave her side - except Tevye.

"You can't do anymore than what you're doing. You need rest , you're getting ill yourself." He coaxed me into my bed and had Tzeitel take over.

Tevye -when he wasn't doing his chores - sat by my bed making sure I didn't attempt to get out as my own body took on a chill. I thought I heard words like what right does she have to be here, she needs to go back to Montana and such. It was always Motel who was griping and Tevye and Tzeitel telling him to cork it. Finally, the fever broke and I found myself helping around the house once more. Only I was sickened when Ruth relapsed and we ended up burying her on top of the hill behind the ranch house.

The wind had turned chilly and fall was moving out when Tevye fell ill. It was my turn to sit by his side, give him medicine and -at times pretend to be Goldie. I had to - nothing could convince him at first his wife was actually passed on. I'd already talked to Tzeitel by then and found out her mother had passed away on the ship they'd sailed on.

We could have taken another boat - one with a better reputation- but Motel insisted Captain Morgan's boat was safe enough. She then confessed when her father had his chance of getting all that land and big home he'd always wanted she'd used a guilt trip on Motel to get him to move out west. I was wrong to do it, he belongs back east, but we can't bring ourselves to leave Poppa. By this time the two had ironed that part out and had even smoothed out the effects his lie about Chava had caused, but this? No one dealt well with Tevye falling ill especially not me.

"You can't die. I've already buried a husband, two children, a father, and your granddaughter. I can't see you go six feet under yet." Tears began to flow, ones that should have been shed long before then. Tzeitel and Motel had heard the words about my family and figured the tears were really meant for them -not Tevye. That thinking was partially correct - I did need to shed those tears, but it wasn't just for them I cried, however, I was too emotionally drained to tell them otherwise and I let my tears wet his blanket as I lay my head on his chest.

I don't know how long I lay there before Tzeitel convinced me to lay down on the couch in the front room. Motel -for once- said no critical remark and asked me about my family. Why I opened up to him about BJ I'll never know, but I did. I poured anything I felt for Tevye onto my son. It wasn't that I didn't ache for my boy and I as telling Motel the truth about him, but I was no idiot either. I wanted Tevye to live for reasons you couldn't have gotten me to confess to anyone but Chava's father that night.