A/N: RoachTr19o5, thank you for the review, darling. I really hope BioWare does more with the Architect. If not, Awakening was basically a waste of time for the story. As for Elena and Pan, I have some things in store that will, hopefully, be interesting to you guys. Sorry for the long break, life and stuff. Ya'll know how things get. This'll be fun!
The lands around Redcliffe village were alive with the sounds of animals. Bears rummaged around in the bushes, goats clomped around, fennec foxes shuffled about. All were getting ready for nightfall. Pan and Elena were setting up their camp while the two Mabari hunted for food.
He sat there trying to start the fire when he heard an unwelcome, but familiar, sound behind him. It was a sort of groaning and gnashing of teeth. There were two shades, a wraith, a Despair demon, and a Terror demon creeping up on the camp. He was their target. Pan dropped the flint and steel, rolled over to his bow and let loose a couple of arrows that embedded themselves in the shades. That took care of them. They and the wraith weren't anything to worry about. The Despair demon worried him the most. It was said that demons were more drawn to those who held their embodiment in their hearts. Hence why Desire demons went for specific people.
Elana came running out of the woods with his two furry kids and readied her daggers. She quickly dispatched the wraith and helped Fauxe and Dragon try to take down the Terror demon. While they were busy with that, Pan braced himself to fight what he feared most. He knew that if he fell into his despair, he would end up destroying himself like he'd almost done when he'd lost Morrigan for the first time. He'd become somewhat of a devil; wherever he went he'd drink up any tavern and he'd whore for days. He'd gone through four girls in one night. After about five months on his path of destruction, Alistair and Zevran had found him somewhere in Antiva, hungover in a whorehouse. Apparently, Zevran had been keeping an eye on him for the last two months on Alistair's orders. Pan hadn't eaten in three days and had been severely dehydrated. The Warden healer said that the only reason he hadn't died was because of the taint's will to go on and spread. After that, Alistair had demanded that Pan stay in Denerim for a while until they were sure that it was ok for Pan to be alone again.
This had started only a couple weeks after Amaranthine had been attacked. Pan blamed himself for not saving more people. If he would've just let Vigil's Keep fall, he could've saved more people… The workers and other Wardens would've died, but no one seemed to care about that. They wanted the people of that rotten city to be saved.
Pan shook the memories from his head and fired some arrows into the demon's chest. The last one missed because it spun away and screeched. An icy stream came his way, but he dove out of the way just in time. He scraped the arrowhead against the flint he'd dropped, causing the wood around the arrow to catch fire. He shot it at the whining thing and hit it right in the face. It cried louder and covered its face again in attempt to put out the fire causing it so much pain. Pan smirked and readied another arrow, but he wasn't quick enough.
The demon spun over and knocked Pan down, placing itself on top of him. Its death cold fingers dug into his shoulders despite the armor he'd been wearing. The Despair demon blew the ice stream into Pan's face. He held his breath as long as he could, but eventually, he had to take a breath. Immediately, he began to have flashbacks of the worst moments of his life.
"Pantheras, my darling, you must go with the Warden. I will defend your father. Find Fergus!" Blood stained his hands. His father was dying and his mother was seconds from breaking down. "No. I need to stay here with you. I can keep them occupied while you two escape!"
Dragon lay on the ground before him. The Broodmother was dead, but he feared that his faithful pup was too. Fauxe whined at Leliana's side. "Dragon… hang in there, buddy. I'll get you fixed up."
"After this, I am leaving. I do not want you to come look for me or the child." Morrigan's face was so grim in that moment that Pan thought his heart would break. He knew he loved her then. Just the thought of her not being around made him sick. What was worse was that she would be carrying his child. He'd spent an entire year trying to become closer to her and trying to wear down the outer shell that made up her always angry façade. He'd managed to do it for a little while. At least while they were alone. "Morrigan, please don't. I'm not sure why you want this child, and I don't care. Don't leave. I lo-"
"Pan, stop. You do not know what you are saying."
It was six months after he'd been staying in Denerim with Alistair. His brother, Fergus had come to visit, much to Pan's surprise. He was always busy with governing that he never even sent Pan a letter. Of course, Pan had understood why that day. Fergus did not even say hello to his brother…
"You are a disgrace to the Cousland name! How dare you make a spectacle of yourself and go about drinking and whoring! Do you even know how much trouble this has caused me?!"
Pan winced and opened his mouth to try and apologize, but he didn't get that far.
"Don't you try to make any excuses. The Hero of Ferelden does NOT behave in such a manner. If mother and father were here… Do you think this would've made for a good example for your nephew? And that Apostate whore who you decided to spit a child into is gone. We've no idea what sort of rubbish she will say—"
Pan flew across the room and decked Fergus. He couldn't help himself; he didn't stop until Alistair came running in and pulled him off.
Pan was livid and ready to kill Fergus Cousland, "Don't you sit there and use mother and father against me! I tried to save them. They're not here anymore! I tried to save YOUR family because you weren't there. I didn't make it… For that, I am sorry. I wasn't the one who ordered the attack, damn it! I swear, Fergus, if you EVER talk about Morrigan like that again, I will kill you. I am not your brother. I am no family to you. Forget about me. Ever since the Blight, you've done nothing for me. You haven't shared in my pain or sorrow. You've only been there during my victories to try and gain some glory. Piss on the Cousland name and fuck off, Fergus!"
He could feel the heaviness in his chest. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. Soon, his lungs would fail him and he'd give in to the numbness that wanted him. No matter how much he struggled, Pan couldn't seem to shake the Despair. Elena was yelling for him to hold on. She was still fighting the Terror demon with his mutts. Pan thought that his tiring life full of nonstop fighting was finally at an end. If the Maker willed it, he would gladly go. He might've failed Alistair and the other Wardens, but what else was new? He'd failed so many other people…
This was not to be so. A figure wearing black armor ran out of the trees, sword flashing in the dying light. It was already covered in blood and demon smatterings. Whoever it was made a b-line for Pan and sliced the Despair demon's head off. Something in Pan jarred. He had a weird feeling pulse through his body that wasn't that unfamiliar. He hadn't felt this way since he'd fought the Darkspawn in Amaranthine.
Bloodlust.
The battle was over, so there was no need for fighting, and yet the feeling threatened to overcome him. Pantheras stomped it down to where he could only feel it in the pit of his stomach. It was a dangerous thing to let it take over his mind. He had a wicked temper in the past, but he had learned to keep a tight hold on it thanks to his mother. He took a calming breath and looked over at the figure in the heavy armor. Elena had her daggers at the ready and her eyes on whoever it was.
Pan propped his bow against a rock as a show of good faith. "Thank you for the assistance. I am Warden Commander Pantheras Cousland. May I ask your name?"
He was more than surprised to hear a woman's voice from behind the helmet, "Well met, Hero of Ferelden. I knew that had to be you. I am… well, my name does not matter. For now, you can call me Wrath. To where are you traveling? I might be of some assistance for a while."
Pan bowed his head and looked at Elena to get her to back off. She sheathed her daggers and started checking the dogs for injuries.
"We are heading to Skyhold to meet this 'Herald of Andraste'. I've heard she is the new Inquisitor… Anyone with that kind of authority needs to be checked on," he said honestly.
"The Herald of Andrast- … I thought she was dead. I will go with you then, if you do not mind," Wrath said decisively. Pan nodded in agreement, in spite of the extremely disdainful look on Elena's face.
"There is one thing I have a feeling about, though," he said motioning for Elena to come closer, "Elena and I are going to need a disguise. Everyone knows what the Warden armor looks like. And most folk know my face."
So, they traveled the rest of the way to Skyhold as an elderly man, his elven servant, and their bodyguard.
Pan and company shuffled into the main hall of Skyhold a week later. There were nobles gossiping, eating, and doing other nonsense he hated. There was a Dwarf telling stories to some of the children of the soldiers and pilgrims. Chantry sisters and priests were discussing the Chant of Light or quoting some part of it. An Inquisition agent quickly walked up to Pan's group and bowed his head in greeting.
"Welcome to Skyhold, travelers. May I ask what business you have here?" he said politely.
Pan smiled brightly and stood a little taller, not leaning on his makeshift cane so much, "Good afternoon, serah. I am here to meet this Herald of Andraste, of course. And… to see an old friend of mine. I would very much like to speak with Leliana when she gets the chance. I know being Spymaster is a demanding job."
Pan watched as the man shuffled towards a door and hurried past a gilded desk that lay behind it. No doubt, they would all be confused and perhaps a little annoyed. That is, until they knew who was calling. Pan hoped this Inquisitor was a reasonable person. Based on what little he'd heard, the stories were mixed. Though, he was more apt to believe the peasantry then the nobles, and the folks around Ferelden seemed to like her a great deal. He was trying not to laugh, which earned a glare from Elena, as Leliana and the other leaders of the Inquisition appeared in the main hall.
Much to his surprise, the Herald of Andraste was a scrap of a woman. He had known she was an Elf, but not that she was so… small. Pan swore that if he tried, he could probably break her in half! She was a pretty little thing though; short silver hair that curled right by her chin, red eyes that held fire to rival the breath of an archdemon, and soft tanned skin. He inwardly scolded himself and turned his gaze to Leliana.
"Welcome to Skyhold. I offer you food and drink, and rest if you so need it. I am Inquisitor Mina Lavellan. May I ask who you are and what I can do for you?" the Herald greeted them.
Pan liked making somewhat dramatic entrances, so… he took off his hood and grinned at the shocked Leliana. No one else would notice that her eyes widened ever so lightly and her lips twitched upwards just so. Almost a smile. She had changed so much in the years they had been apart. Then again, so had they all. He heard the gasps, but chose to ignore them. The people behind him did not interest him in the slightest. Taking a few steps forward, he put his fist over his heart and bowed his head, "Forgive me for coming unannounced. I did not want to make a fuss," he said to his old friend. He had caught the look on the Inquisitor's face; she had no idea who he was. It was strange, but a pleasant surprise. Maybe the Dalish had not passed his story on.
"Lady Inquisitor, I apologize to you as well. Warden Commander Pantheras Cousland at your service. To my left is my fellow Warden, Elena. To my right is a fellow traveler… I do not know her name, but she shared camp with us a week and fought off demons with us. She is a friend so far as I'm concerned," he added.
The little Elf seemed a bit stunned and awkward. It was rather cute. "Er… Welcome Warden Commander, Warden Elena, and honorable knight," Mina and Leliana walked down to them. The stupid nobles would see this as a personal greeting and a show of support by the Hero.
Pantheras held his smile and asked Mina quietly, "Might I have a moment of your time? If you wish your advisors to join us, that would be fine. I couldn't help but spy the Champion of Kirkwall among your companions as well. He might want to hear what I have to say as well." He wanted nothing more than to get away from prying eyes and their idiotic wagging tongues.
"Of course. Join us in the War room. We were just discussing something," Mina said tilting her head.
Pan and Elena followed the group back to wherever it was they were holding their meeting. He had noticed 'Wrath' was not following behind them. Probably for the best. He had some delicate things to ask about, and the less people who knew, the better. That and, he didn't actually know who Wrath was. It unnerved him.
They stopped in a huge room with ornate windows and a strange looking table made from a tree. It held a detailed map of Thedas along with different markers. It was their war room. He had interrupted something important, apparently. He was good at that.
Leliana about knocked him over with a hug. It was great to see her again. "You should have sent a letter, Pan! Or at least announced that you were coming! I could have waited for you, or sent some of my agents to escort you!" she fussed. Pan held her shoulders and looked at her with a mischievous smile.
"Leli, you know exactly why I couldn't do that. If I did, she would have found out somehow and left. I need to meet my son," he said. That, and he wanted to see if he could surprise the 'all knowing, all seeing' spymaster of the Inquisition. She would never let him out of her sight again after this. Or so she thought. He always found a way to surprise her. Like the shoes with the blue ribbons all those years ago…
The Inquisitor chimed in, "Leliana, you never told me how flipping huge he was! He looks like a fucking Viking!"
Pan had no idea what a Viking was, but he couldn't help but laugh at this tiny little thing cursing. It was hilarious! She did not act Dalish or like one of the city Elves he had met. He wondered where exactly she was from. And the way she looked all embarrassed was too much! He was going to buy this woman a drink if he could help it.
"What is a Viking?" he asked after he got his laughter under control.
"Uh… well… it's a race of people that are known for their skill in battle. They're ginormous, and have a style to the likeness of yourself. It's uh… It's a long story," she stammered.
Pantheras nodded and looked at their maps. He still didn't know what it was, but he was going to make it a point to ask later on if he could.
"Heh. Maker's foot! It seems as if you were already planning something at Adamant Fortress anyway."
"What do you mean, Pan?" asked Leliana. He could feel the warmth of her close to his side. It was like the old times. He could always depend on her to be where he needed her, and solve just about any problem he was having.
"It would seem that the Wardens are all hearing the Calling at the same time. All of my Wardens from Vigil's Keep have gone missing, save for Elena and myself. King Alistair remains unaffected thus far. Warden Stroud, I assume you have heard this?"
Stroud nodded.
"Elena has told me that she has the strong urge to go to Adamant Fortress. I, myself, have heard clear instructions telling me to head there and seek out Clarel, the Warden Commander of Orlais. As far as I had known, this is not at all how the Calling is supposed to work. I'll not go into the details, but we need to get into that fortress as soon as possible. I fear for all of the Wardens out there," Pan explained.
The blonde man Pan assumed was Commander Cullen spoke up, "It has been decided then. We will begin making preparations to attack Adamant. We'll need detailed information, siege equipment at the ready, and our soldiers ready for battle."
"Not only is Adamant going to be hard to crack, but we're fighting many skilled people. Plus demons. This is going to be a hard won battle," Hawke added gravely.
Pantheras studied the Champion for a moment. He had met a Bethany Hawke a couple of times during his travels. She was a skilled mage and a lovely young woman. The last he had heard, she was traveling towards the Nahashin Marshes to deal with a few Darkspawn that had somehow tunneled up to the surface.
"Champion Hawke, I wanted you to know that I've met your sister, Bethany. She has a kind heart and is a wonderful Warden. I sincerely hope she is not at Adamant," Pan said. He noticed the Lady Inquisitor place a hand on the Champion's shoulder comfortingly. The closeness of how they were standing and the way she looked at him suggested they were together. A shame, since she was absolutely adorable. He wouldn't ordinarily use that term, but she was like a feisty little kitten trying to be scary.
"Thank you, Warden Commander… If she is, I will save her. I will not fight my little sister," he said in a tone the Warden could empathize with. He had pledged to save many that were important to him, only to fail. He hoped that Hawke did not fare the same.
"Inquisitor, are you well?" asked Cullen all of a sudden, voice thick with worry.
Mina looked up and smiled weakly, "Sure thing, Commander. I think I'm just worn out from the—"
She ran over to an empty flower vase and puked. "Ugh… I'm s-sorry everyone. I don't know where that came from. I f-feel…" She paused again to wretch some more. Pan looked over at Leliana who shrugged. Their ambassador, Josephine called off the rest of the meeting, saying that they would continue after Mina felt better.