It's like your standing over me
With a match and a bottle of kerosene
Never knew you'd bloom into a psycho
Getting ready to set me aflame
I won't forgive and I won't forget
You killed the cause of compassion
You hypocrite you counterfeit
I'm done with this because I can see what you are
Camp Toccoa; October 1942
I swallowed hard as I watched the men jump from a fake airplane door onto the dirt ground in front of them with Sobel continuously screaming his disapproval. Luz nudged me from behind to get my attention. I turned around to face a full-blown smile. It was nearly blinding and my eyebrows pulled downwards. What the hell was there to smile about?
"You'll do fine, Gracie. Just ignore him and remember what you were taught." He said, sensing my nervousness. I sighed and grinned crookedly before faced forward again, realizing it was my turn next. Sobel pressed up behind me, breathing heavily in my ear.
"If you don't get this right, you'll have hell to pay." He said, and then stepped away, "GO, GO, GO!"
Before his words could properly form in my brain, his hand was shoving me forward and I stepped off the platform to land on the dirt ground roughly.
"You just broke both your legs, Private Morris! Report to me directly after this!" Sobel yelled, then turned his attention to the next man. I grit my teeth and lugged myself up, ignoring the slight shock of pain in my left ankle.
The jump was sloppy; it was everything I shouldn't have done. As I trudged to the back of the line, I remembered the feeling of his hand on my back. It wasn't guiding, it wasn't encouraging; no, it was as if he was using all of the strength he could to hurl me into oblivion. My eyes narrowed as I realized what went wrong. It wasn't my own mistake; it was his. He had meant for me to fail, had chosen to push me forward unexpectedly to catch me off-guard and hope for the worst. My fists balled together, and I tried to keep my emotions in check. I would deal with this later.
After the practice jumps, I reported to Sobel's barracks just as he had requested. I knocked on the door twice and reminded myself to keep breathing. Breathe, just breathe.
"Come in!" His voice called, muffled by the thick wooden door. I squared my shoulders before entering the barracks, only to find it void of anyone but him. I mentally sighed. Great, just great. His dark eyes flicked up to mine and sparked with a familiar flame. My eyebrows shot towards each other, and I forced myself to walk forward and snap a salute.
"Reporting as ordered, sir." I said, lowering my hand to stand at attention as he nodded.
"Private Morris, do you realize that not only did you make a fool of yourself today, but a fool of all of Easy Company?" He asked, slowly circling around me. I stared straight ahead at a point on the wall, willing my anger to not reach its boiling point.
"No sir, I was only aware that I made a mistake, as it was my first time putting text to actions." I answered truthfully. Suddenly, Sobel's face was a mere few inches from mine; dark eyes searing holes into my own. I refused to look away and awaited his next volley of words.
"You don't belong here, Private Morris. It's about time you realized this. Easy Company will be the best and the finest in this regiment, and you are the only obstacle we face in achieving that goal. My point was only further proven today by your obvious trouble with accomplishing a task that has been drilled into your head for the past few months. Your excuses are useless in this room, Private." He hissed, gauging my reaction with dark orbs full of fire and resentment. My nails dug into the skin of my palm, and I was only vaguely aware of the fact that blood was starting to drip down onto the floor.
"Sir, regardless of what you think, I do belong here. I've made it through the training, just as every other man has. I was never given a break or unequal treatment. I was notthe only soldier today to make a mistake, as I'm sure you are aware. I fail to understand why I am being singled out." I said, voice a calm monotone. I would not let him win. I would not give him the satisfaction of seeing me break.
His hands snapped up to grip at my shoulders, and I found myself being pressed roughly against the door to the barracks. His fingers twisted around my forearms and I flinched as pain shot through my veins. My eyes flashed dangerously, but his fingers only tightened even more.
"I don't want you here. I will notgive up until you leave this company. I loathe you, Private." He spat out, pressing me harder against the wall. I opened my mouth to speak, but was cut off by a sharp smack to the side of my jaw. My head cracked against the door, and I felt blood drip down the broken skin of my lip.
"If you tell anybody about our little encounter, you will suffer a thousand times worse than you already do. Remember this. You can leave now, Private." He said, backing away slowly. Without thinking, I ripped open the door to the barracks and ran as far from him as I could. Run, run; I refuse to be battered and bruised.
When I finally created enough distance between the two of us, I slumped down on the ground next to a broken down jeep. I leaned against the large, dirt-caked tire and released a shuddering breath I did not realize I was holding. I won't be pushed aside, I will be heard. I rubbed the heels of my hands against my eyes, willing the tears to disappear. I wouldn't let them fall, I wouldn't cry over that man.
I pulled my hands away and opened them up, examining the damage I had done to my palms. There were numerous cuts from my nails, and some blood was still dripping down onto my wrists and uniform. I looked away, disgusted, and wiped my hands on my pants. Sobel's words whirled around in my mind. I don't want you here. I loathe you. A giggle bubbled its way through my throat, but I quickly swallowed it back down. He wanted me gone because he hated me. He wanted me gone because he couldn't stand the sight of me. No one can touch me, nothing can stop me.
I closed my eyes and tipped my head to the sky, ignoring the pain pulsing through my arms, through my hands, through my jaw. I'm unbreakable, it's unmistakable.
After a few minutes, I slowly stood up, confident I had a reign over my emotions again. With new determination, I began to walk to the mess hall to join the company, to join my company. Sobel could hate me all he wanted, but I was staying. I was going to be a paratrooper, whether he liked it or not. I tongued the cut on my lip and smiled bitterly. No, nothing was going to break me.
I pushed open the door to the mess hall and found an empty table to sit at. A few moments passed before the table began to fill up.
"Gracie, what the hell are ya doin' sittin' alone? Getting sick of us already, eh?" Gaurnere asked, sliding in beside me. Breathe, just breathe. I nudged his shoulder with my own and laughed.
"Sick of you guys? Never! How could I possibly ever survive without Easy Company?" I joked. Liebgott claimed the spot next to me, bringing a horde of other men.
"Aye, Gracie! Where ya been?" Luz asked, sliding a trey of food in front of me.
"Where else, idiot? Didn't you hear Sobel chewing her out earlier?" Penkala said, smacking Luz in the head playfully.
The shorter man turned to glare and they engaged in an argument of their own. I smiled softly, and then quickly met the eyes of Eugene. His gaze automatically lowered to my lip, and I flinched involuntarily. Unbreakable, it's unmistakable. I briefly grinned at him, and then picked up my fork to stab at the shit they called food on the trey in front of me.
"Yeah, I was with Sobel." I said after a moment, realizing Luz and Penkala had finally stopped bickering and had turned to find out if that's where I had really been.
"Yeah? What'd he have to say?" Tab asked curiously from a little ways down the table.
"Oh, you know. The regular bullshit. Private Morris, you are a disgrace to the company, and it's about time you realized you don't belong. Like usual, he didn't give a two shits about what I had to say, and after he chewed me out, I left." I explained, stuffing a forkful of glob into my mouth. I winched slightly at the taste, but swallowed after a moment, figuring it was better to have something in my stomach rather than nothing.
"Awh, that guys an ass, Gracie. Don't listen to nothin' that skinny bastard has to say, yah hear?" Guarnere said. I turned to him with a smile on my face and was about to say something along the lines of thank you when his face dropped. My smile slowly faded away and those around us quieted down at the look on his face.
"What? What is it Bill?" I asked, worry tightening my chest. His hand shot out to gently grip my chin and I jerked away, startled.
"Look at me, Gracie." He ordered. I looked down at my plate, then at the ceiling, and finally landed my eyes on his. He raised his hand again and brushed his thumb over the cut on my lip and I forced myself to stay still.
"What happened?" He asked softly, eyes tracing over the rest of my face. I know it hurts, I know your bruised, but it's only on the inside.
"What, this? It's nothing really. Must have gotten it when I jumped earlier." I said, trying to brush his concern away. His fingers tightened around my face and my eyes widened in surprise.
"Don't lie. I know you didn't get this from the jump. He did this to you, didn't he?" He said, voice low and dangerous. I quickly pulled my face from his hand and stood up. It's only on the inside.
"I'm fine, Bill. What happens to me is none of your fucking business." I snapped, turning on my heel and rushing out of the mess hall.
Once I made it outside, I abruptly stopped and sunk into a crouch. What was I doing? This wasn't like me. I angrily shook my head and stood back up, prepared to storm back inside. I couldn't act like this around the men. I couldn't act like such a woman.
Before I could will my feet to move, the men from my table burst out of the hall, looking prepared to wage a war. Liebgott was the first to notice I was standing in the middle of the road. He came to a halt in front of me and grabbed my shoulders firmly. I gritted my teeth, trying to ignore the pain that washed through my veins.
"Gracie. Did Sobel hit you?" He asked quietly, searching my eyes with his own.
My mouth opened, and then closed. My eyes darted around, seeking out each face that had gathered around us. What was I supposed to say? If you tell anybody about our little encounter, you will suffer a thousand times worse than you already do. Remember this. Liebgott's grip tightened, and my attention was brought back to his worried face.
"Please, Gracie, answer me." He said. I let out a sigh and shook my head.
"Can we go back to the barracks? Please?" I asked, deflating a little bit. Without a word, the group shuffled into our barracks and re-gathered around me next to my bed. I plopped down and pressed my palms into my thighs, trying to figure a way out of this.
"So?" Luz said, breaking the silence that had fallen upon us.
I bit my lip, knowing that my stalling wasn't going to work any longer. I had no excuse. They could read me like an open book, just as I could read them. They weren't going to give up. But, if there was one thing they could do, they could keep a secret. I finally looked up and let my eyes trail over their faces.
"He did hit me, bu-"
"Son of a bitch!" The men echoed each other, cutting me off. I quickly stood up and blocked the way to the door.
"Just listen to me for a second!" I cried, planting my feet firmly on the ground. Shifty stood directly in front of me, face grave.
"Move, Gracie." He ordered, leaving no room for argument. My eyes narrowed and I glared at the men gathered in front of me.
"I. Said. Listen. To. Me." I said, trying to straighten myself up to my full height. The men quieted down at the venomous tone in my voice and I pressed myself against the door. "You cannot tell anybody Sobel hit me." Complete chaos reigned as the men started shouting all at once.
"Shut up!" I screamed over them, successfully managing to shut them up again.
"Give us one good reason why we shouldn't tell Sink right now what that dirty bastard did to you." Toye called out from somewhere in the back.
"If you guys tell Sink what Sobel did, I'll be sent back to New York, no questions asked. If word gets out that a soldier, an officer nonetheless, harmed a woman, I'd have no choice but to leave. It wouldn't look good for the army and the media would never let it die down. Sobel wants me gone. The man hates me. But I'm not going anywhere, I'm not letting him fucking win. He can hit me all he wants, but he needs to learn that he can't win against me emotionally or physically. I know you guys are angry…but please, please, for me, you've got to stay quiet about it. I need you guys on my side. I need to stay here, so please just do this one thing for me." I begged, allowing tears to well up in my eyes.
I slumped back against the door, suddenly very exhausted, and watched with hooded eyes as the men slowly eased backwards. Shifty twirled around and grabbed Guarnere by the collar.
"What the fuck? You're just going to back down and let Sobel abuse her? What the hell is wrong with all of you?" He exclaimed, body rigid and ready to spring. Gaurnere glared back at the furious man, but made no move to start a fight.
"What are we supposed to do? We can't tell any of the officers and we can't do anything to Sobel, otherwise she's gone. Is that what you want? You want her to go home after everything she's done? Not only for us, but also for herself? She's worked harder than any of us to achieve a goal she's set for herself. Look at her and tell me she's not a woman determined to win. If anybody can get through this, it will be her. All we can do is watch her and make sure that scum doesn't touch her again. That's all." He said, glancing up to lock eyes with me. Shifty let him go after a few moments, then turned back to me.
"Shifty…" I said slowly, watching as he took a few steps toward me.
At the sound of his name, he closed the distance between us and gathered me into a hug. I automatically stiffened, but eventually wrapped my arms around his shoulders when I realized he was shaking.
"Dammit, Gracie. Dammit." He muttered, stroking my hair. I gently pushed him away and gripped his face in between my hands.
"Listen, I want to shove my boot up his ass just as much as you do, but I promise you I'm okay, and I promise you that I will continue to be okay, as long as you guys stick with me. It took me awhile to accept, but I can't get through this alone. I owe you guys so much, and I know this is hard, but just believe in me." I said quietly, trying to make him understand. Trying to make him see I could get through it.
"All right…if that's what you want, Gracie." He finally conceded, smiling softly at me. I grinned and patted him on the cheek before moving around him to get to my bed.
"Good. Thank you." I said, allowing myself to fall onto the uncomfortable mattress.
I shut my eyes and listened to the sound of the men shuffling around to their own bunks. I suddenly jerked in shock as I felt a cold hand stroke the side of my face. I opened my eyes to come face to face with Eugene. I scrambled up the bed, pressing myself against the headboard.
"Um, hi there, Gene." I said with a nervous smile, wondering why the Cajun man was suddenly kneeling beside my bed. He didn't smile back and followed my retreat up the bed with a serious face.
"Let me see yoh face, Gracie." He said quietly, reaching out a hand. I pressed myself further against the headboard and shook my head quickly.
"There's nothing to see, just a small cut. I'll be fine." I said.
He stood up from his crouched position and grabbed the sides of my face with his hands. I let out a little squeak at his sudden movement, but stayed stock still as he gently thumbed the cut on my lip. I swallowed back the tiny shock of pain at the unexpected touch and waited until he had thoroughly examined it.
"Eugene." I mumbled after a few moments, catching his attention. "I'm not gonna die or anything."
"I jus' wanted to make sho' you were okay." He said, watching me with his calm, brown eyes. My lips turned up in a smile and I laid my hands over his.
"Thank you, Gene. I'm okay." After a few moments, a smile etched its way onto his face and he slowly stood up to move back to his own bed.
I glanced across from me and noticed that Tab, Grant, Penkala, Malarkey, and Luz had gathered around Gaurnere's bunk. Narrowing my eyes in suspicion, I slowly sidled up to them, poking my head in between Tab's and Grant's shoulders. The group of men jumped in surprise and I arched my eyebrow.
"What are ya guys doing?" I asked casually, locking my eyes with Grant. If anybody couldn't keep his mouth shut, it was him. His eyes frantically caught Gaurnere's and I knew I had him trapped. I wrapped my arm around his wrist and squeezed hard.
"Grant?" I repeated, giving him a firm look.
"I, uh, um. We were just, um…" He trailed off, looking to Gaurnere for help. I let out a sigh and turned to the apparent leader of all of this.
"Well?" I said, tapping my foot. He glared at Grant momentarily before giving me his full attention.
"I figured if we were gonna be protecting you and everything from now on, we might as well come up with a plan." At the look on my face he quickly continued, "Not anything big, just trying to make sure one of us is always with you." I rolled my eyes and took a seat on the bed, crossing my legs underneath me.
"I don't need any of you standing over my shoulder at all times. I appreciate the gesture, I really do, but, for the umpteenth time, I'll be fine." I said, exasperated. These guys are so much different than the ones on the streets. Out there, it was every man and woman for themselves. Even Antonio let me fight my own battles if he knew my whole heart was in it. Malarkey and Luz took a seat next to me, and I almost laughed at the comic image of three grown men squeezed onto one bed.
"You keep saying you'll be fine. You've been saying that for these past few months, but look at you. As much as we hate to say this, you're not fine, Gracie." Malarkey said quietly, focusing his brown eyes on my own. My jaw tightened and I tried to keep calm.
"What do you mean I'm not fine? I'm still here, aren't I?" I said bitterly. Malarkey and Luz exchanged a look and I held back a growl of frustration.
"Sobel has pushed you harder than any of us…we all know this. Yeah, you're still here, and yeah, you managed to get through it all, but that doesn't mean you haven't had any pain. Sometimes, it's better to just admit when you're hurting. You know we're always here for you…" He said slowly, watching my reaction carefully. I mentally recoiled and quickly avoided his gaze. You told me you're fine, you're better off alone.
"I'm okay. Just trust me." I said, standing up to head back to my own bed.
Luz caught my wrist in his hand and turned me around to face him. His soft brown eyes weren't crinkled at the corners and I felt an ache in my heart. I softly smiled and leaned forward to run my hand through his hair.
"Come on, I wasn't raised on the streets of New York for nothing. I learned a lot out there, you know. I've had men twice the size of Sobel give me a beating, I've had knives held to my throat. If there's one thing I am, it's strong. My papa taught me how to love, my mama taught me how to be gentle, and New York taught me how to have heart." I said gently, removing my hand from his soft tresses and squeezing Marlarkey and Tab on their soldiers.
Gaurnere's lips rose in a smile, and I knew I had won them over. I turned away and returned to my bed, sliding quickly underneath the covers. In moments, my eyes had drifted closed and I passed out.
"Holy shit, take a look at that, Gracie." Gaurnere whistled from in front of me. I grabbed a trey and glanced up, following Gaurnere's gaze. Lt Winters was in the middle of the kitchen, eyeing the cooks who were bustling around in puffy hats trying to prepare noodles for the men. I jabbed my elbow into Shifty's ribs, catching his attention as well.
"Mess duty?" I whispered, shuffling forward to have one of the cooks drop a slop of spaghetti onto my plate with something that looked vaguely like red sauce.
"Guess so." Shifty murmured, staring down suspiciously at the food on his plate.
Winters caught my eye and I sent him a small smile. His eyes softened and I sent a silent curse to Sobel, because what other asshole would assign Winters to mess duty? I followed Gaurnere back to our table with a sigh and seated myself between Grant and Liebgott.
"It's okay, it's good." Liebgott said over a forkful of food. I glanced at it distastefully, somehow doubting his opinion. Next to me, Grant dug into his food like it was going to hop off the plate and make a run for it.
"Dis ain't spaghetti, dis is army noodles with ketchup." I heard Perconte announce from somewhere down the table. I stabbed my fork into the mushy noodles, silently agreeing.
"Gracie, are you gonna eat that or just glare at it?" Shifty asked, eyeing up my food. I bit my lip in thought.
"I think I'll just glare at it for now, thanks for asking." I quipped.
A hand reached out from behind me to grab my plate. I slapped it away and turned around to see Malarkey, face covered in sauce. I burst into laughter and grabbed my plate to give to him.
"God, Marlark, what are you doing? Making sweet love to the spaghetti?" I joked, watching as he greedily began to pile forkfuls of my noodles into his mouth. His eyes shifted up to glare at me and I stifled my laughter. I reached back to steal Liebgott's napkins, who was too engrossed in his own spaghetti to notice.
"C'mere for a sec." I said, leaning forward and capturing the redhead's chin in my hand.
He frowned, deeply bothered by the fact that he had been separated from his spaghetti. I raised my other hand and dabbed the sauce off of his face, then let go when I was satisfied. A blush the color of his hair set fire over his cheeks and I bit my lip to hold in my laughter. Men were so predictable.
Before he could indulge himself in the spaghetti to cover up his embarrassment, the doors to the mess hall burst open, revealing the devil himself. I let out a groan of annoyance as a loud whistle pierced the air, capturing the attention of the men.
"Orders changed, get up!" Sobel shouted, pacing forward as we all jumped up from our seats.
"Easy Company is running Currahee! Move, move! Three miles up, three miles down! Hi-ho Siiiiiilver!" He announced, watching as we rushed out of the mess hall to change into our PT uniforms.
I quickly tore off my uniform and pulled on the blue shorts that I detested oh so very much. The men were deadly silent around me as we jogged the path to Currahee.
"I can't believe this douchebag." I muttered to Eugene. He pursed his lips in response, face pale and angry.
Halfway up the mountain, men were vomiting left and right. A few had collapsed and had to be carried away on a stretcher. Those who dropped were never going to come back, and I couldn't help but feel a fierce rage build up in my stomach at the thought. It wasn't fair to them-not after how far they had come, how hard they had worked. This was a dirty, rotten trick and Sobel deserved to have his limbs ripped off.
Somewhere in front of me, Hoobler hacked up the food he had previously eaten, but managed to stay on his feet. Sobel rushed up to him, face contorted in an ugly scowl.
"You're a washout, Private Hoobler! You should pack up those ears and go home!" He shouted, running past to Smokey when he noticed the man was also vomiting. I grit my teeth in anger and ran up beside Hoobler, rubbing his back as he angrily wiped his arm across his mouth.
"I fucking hate him." He hissed, wincing at the taste in his mouth. My lips pulled down in a frown and I watched as the skinny bastard harassed Smokey.
"Looks like Gordon's done! Aren't you, Gordon? You finished? You do not deserve to get your wings!" He yelled over Smokey's hacking.
My chest constricted and I wanted nothing more than to shove a knife in the man's mouth just to shut him up. I gave Hoobler one last pat on the back and then ran up beside Smokey, holding him up by his arms as he released the rest of his stomach's contents.
"Shh, it's all right. You'll get through this, just keep moving your legs. That's right, keep going. You can do it." I encouraged, pulling him forward. In the distance, I could hear Sobel begin to rip into Bull. I wrapped my arm around Smokey's ribs and navigated us through the men. Luz turned around to catch my eye, and I gave him a quick nod. A moment after he began singing.
"We fall upon the risers, we fall upon the grass, we never land upon our feet, we always hit our ass! Hidey, Hidey, Christ almighty, who the hell are we? Zim-Zam, Goddamn, we're the airborne infantry!" The rest of the company joined in soon after, and I internally cheered at the priceless look on Sobel's face. I sent Luz a grateful look before joining in on the chorus.
We fall upon the risers
We fall upon the grass
We never land upon our feet
We always hit our ass
Hidey, hidey, Christ almighty
Who the hell are we?
Zim-zam, goddamn
We're the airborne infantry!
A/N: oh god im literally the worst, this was supposed to be posted much, MUCH earlier, but i got wrapped up in college and depression again sooo. I recently just moved back home for the summer and I finally remembered that I never posted a new chapter earlier like I said I would. Herpp. Anyways, thanks for the reviews thus far, guys! I appreciate the compliments as well as the critique :) Just really hoping I can keep up with this because my muse changes literally week to week and writer's block is a very real, stressful thing x) Anywho, hope you guys enjoy this one as well. Have a wonderful weekend!