BUTTERS' LETTER

It was close to dinner time on July 20th and Butters was currently riding in the backseat of the Broflovski's car with Kyle sitting next to him. They had just come from the Marsh's house and picked up all items Stan had left them in his will. Said will reading took place earlier in the late morning and only now did they finish up what Stan wished for them to do. The trunk of the car was filled with many boxes of Stan's old things, all that he had given Kyle. In the middle seat of the car was an opened box with a stuffed owl and DVDs, things Stan wanted Butters to have. Butters looked over to Kyle at that moment and noticed he was looking out the window, probably not taking in the scenery at all.

"Kind- kinda hard to imagine, all the things Stan left for us huh?" the blond boy asked.

Kyle ignored this. Butters sighed and looked out his own window. They were now driving down Krofton Road and Butters' house soon came into view. Butters unbuckled himself, opened the door, and grabbed hold of his box.

"Thanks for driving me around today Mr. and Mrs. Broflovski," he said and walked up the driveway of his house. He opened it and set the box down as soon as he shut the door.

"Butters! Where on earth have you been?" his mother asked coming forward.

"I was at Stan's will-readin' like I said," Butters frowned.

"You told us that was at 10:30! It is now 5:40. What took you so long? Your father needed you home hours ago to clean up the attic!"

"Stan left me some stuff so I had to pick it up."

Linda Stotch's eyes spotted the box on the floor. "Your father isn't going to like this young man."

"Butters! There you are. Where the hell have you been?" Steven Stotch came into view, hands on hips. Butters quickly retold his dad what he was doing the whole day.

"Look at you! You think you can just walk in late without calling and bring home a box of useless junk at the same time?" Steven pointed.

"It's- it's not useless Dad! It's- it's stuff Stan wanted me to have," Butters tried to put on a brave face.

His parents were still glaring at him.

"Well put it in your room and have it stay there. We don't need a mess anywhere else," Linda finally said.

Frowning, Butters walked upstairs with the box heavy with items. He gladly closed his door and placed the box on his bed. He lifted the owl from the pile and a small smile spread on his lips; good ol' Wubzy the Owl. He was a small round owl, blue in color. He had big goggly eyes and his gold beak formed into a smile. The feathers of the toy had a pretty pattern stitched into the cloth-like fabric. Stan had owned the owl since he was six and it was one of his most cherished stuffed animals, he never allowed anyone to play with him, especially Butters. From preschool to second grade Stan hardly ever invited Butters over. It wasn't as if he ever hated him, he just had too much fun with his other friends. He would invite him to his birthday parties and showed signs of friendship now and again but it wasn't until third grade did they really open up. And even then it wasn't much. By the time fourth grade rolled around Butters had finally come into the boys' inner circle. So he was played the fool a lot, used as a pawn. But he did still share many happy memories with the boy in the red poof ball hat.

"I treated you horribly and I know it," Stan had told him only weeks ago. "I'm sorry."

Butters could only count how many times he stayed over at Stan's, just the two of them, on two hands the whole time he'd known him. But they always had a fun time. They would always watch Animal Planet together and Butters himself knew one of Stan's secrets. He had uncovered it one rare playdate when they were ten. Stan had invited Butters over one day and the two were in the basement looking for something new to do.

Butters found a chest. "What's in here?"

Stan frowned. "Don't know. You can open it if you want."

Inside were a pile of old clothes and dress-up items. Butters smiled and took out a purple boa. "Why don't we play with these?"

"What? Hell no, that's gay. I think these are my sister's old play clothes."

"Looks like there's a lil' police hat here"- the blond boy took hold of a child's sheriff hat.

"That stuff's old, just put it away"- Stan was blushing.

They kept looking around when something else caught Butters' eye. He took down a box. "Wow, you own a Colorwonder Glowdome?"

"I- what? No I don't." again with the flushed face.

Butters didn't stop, he noticed a whole shelf full of all sorts of Crayola-brand products. Special paper, pens, pencils, boxes of felt, string, feathers, google eyes, pipe cleaners…

"Do you like doin' art projects Stan?"

"I do not. This is all old stuff."

Butters looked at him seriously. "It's okay if you do, I do too."

"Well I know you do, you're gay like that," Stan crossed his arms.

Butters was smiling. "Want to use some of this stuff? The Glowdome looks pretty new to me. I never got one for my birthday."

That day Butters had discovered Stan did art projects all the time, he loved it actually. But the guys weren't really into that kind of stuff and after constantly saying art was lame, Stan pretended to feel the same way. And he did hate art, at least when it was mandatory in school. He loved having free reign in the comfort of his own home. The two boys had taken out all of Stan's Crayola products and used them for hours that afternoon. One of Butters' favorite memories. And he kept his promise; he never did tell anyone Stan loved to color. That there made Butters feel connected to him somewhat.

"Thanks a lot for everything buddy," Butters said quietly as he looked into the box. He had taken the majority of Stan's Animal Planet and other animal-related DVDs and movies. A select few were too important to family. But now he could smile in knowing he had the full collection of Planet Earth, something he had wanted for years. He sighed as he took off the nice jacket he had worn to Stan's will reading that morning. He may not have been best friends with Stan but in a way he felt Stan was his best friend. They got along great and had a lot in common. He was a nice guy and Butters missed him terribly already. He felt like no one would be there for him through this terrible time in his life. He knew his parents were out of the picture.

"People die all the time," his father tried telling him days after he found out the news Stan had passed.

"But-but he was real sick. We- we all thought he would make it," Butters had cried.

"That's the thing, he was very sick. Stan was a very sick little boy so it shouldn't be as big a surprise he did…die," Steven spoke.

"But we thought he would make it!"

"We know you're upset right now son but we don't want it to run your life," Linda had said. "If you catch yourself now you won't fall into a depression later on."

Were they really thinking he'd be over his death three days after it had happened?

"Don't think about it too much honey. It was just his time to go," Linda rubbed her son's back.

"He- he was such a good friend. He actually liked me and I knew he wasn't fakin' like other kids do. He went through so much earlier this year, I kinda thought by July, all that bad stuff would be over and he'd get better again. And now he's gone…"

His one true friend was gone. Kyle was kind to him too but he didn't share a lot with him. Stan was something special. He liked everyone. He even liked Eric Cartman!

"And you liked me…" Butters signed. He didn't think he'd ever feel as alone and misunderstood now. He was truly in for a rough time in eight grade and high school now…

But no, he had to do what he came up here to do (beside get away from his parents). He took out what was poking at his leg in his pants pocket, an envelope with L. Butters written in blue sharpie. Stan's lawyer had passed it to him and it was from Stan. It had to be a letter or something. He wanted to know what Stan had wanted to tell him so gathering some tissue ready since he was sure he was going to need it, he opened it.

Butters was on the title line. It was a letter all right, one page, front-to-back. He was sure Stan would want him to read it as soon as he could so he began.

Hey dude. Are you surprised you got your own letter too? Well you are one of my good friends and hang with us. Anyway, if you are reading this that means I have unfortunately gone on…

I just wanted to take this time to tell you I did really like having you for a friend.

A small smile spread on Butters' face. "R-really Stan?"

Yeah you were lame but in the end, I had fun with you around. You're that 'go with the flow' kind of guy and every group needs one. You were an open, honest, reliable person.

"Aww, geez thanks Stan…"

I could always count on you in some way or another. I loved when we went to the park and played with our cars and trucks in the sand. I also really loved that you were really into Legos like me.

Butters smiled as he recalled these things, each a connection to the friend he had just lost. Someone who was making him feel needed.

That made us 'click' Butters so that was cool. Also, even better, you were/are a big fan of animals like me. That meant a lot to me dude. Sure you couldn't help me on some occasions but others, you were all for it. Remember rescuing those two birds when we were 8? None of the other guys wanted any part of it.

Butters shifted in his seat. "I remember Stan…"

Or Mrs. Cleverman giving us each $20 for finding her lost cat? Again, the others said 'fuck that' but since only you and I helped search for Mr. Bubbles we shared $40! The look on the guys' faces. Oh, and you were a big help when we decided to save all those veal cows when we were 8. In short, you've done a lot for me Butters and I'm glad.

Butters sniffed and blew his nose. He didn't take to praise very often, it felt a little weird to be told of all the wonderful things he had done in under twenty minutes when he didn't get that attention from his parents in one week.

I wanted to apologize though for how we've treated you over the years. The teasing and backstabbing. The blaming and shoving you away. I can't speak on behalf of the others but I'm sorry. I'm sorry if you felt used Butters. You didn't deserve it because you are a good kid and a good friend.

The twelve-year-old blond boy let out a sob then. No one, no one apologized to him ever. He was made to think everything was his fault in some way even when he couldn't remember having anything to do with it. He didn't want to believe Stan's words because again, he wasn't used to them. All he was used to was being told one fantastic thing only to have it turn out to be something horrible the next minute. How could he trust these sloppy words on this paper were true and that Stan wasn't just pulling another trick? That Eric wouldn't come up to him first chance and go 'Ha! I knew you'd fall for that letter!' Butters wanted to believe with all his heart these words were honest and sincere. Stan was a good kid; he wouldn't pull his leg, not now.

I admit, it has been fun and there were good times blaming you, but in general I feel bad thinking about it now. We were both two little kids in preschool but even by then we treated you poorly. I'm sorry dude. But we have gotten closer over the years. Thank-you so much for visiting me in the hospital so often. Really made me think of you as a friend.

"Friend…" Butters sighed.

I was actually quite surprised by all the single visits. But you simply stood there with a smile and said 'I wanted to see how you were doin' Stan' with that infamous smile of yours. So genuine. So honest. I loved it. I loved knowing how much you cared about me (without sounding too gay).

Butters giggled.

Kyle and everyone usually wanted something from me or to update me on things back home. All you wanted from me was to hear I was doing okay. So thanks for the honesty Butters. Again, there's one in every group and you are a part of our group dude.

Butters heart swelled at the words.

How can you not be? I also liked how calm you always were. Nothing bothered you, and I'm the kind of guy who doesn't deal well with annoying people. So thank-you for being rational. I better close now though. I just wanted to thank you for everything and just for being you. Don't let Cartman or others discourage you dude. Stand for what you believe in like I did. For me okay? There is a great future for a bright, happy kid such as yourself Butters. Just reach for it! Don't forget to keep in touch with everyone to keep my legacy alive. And joining any animal rights groups wouldn't hurt either. I'm going to miss your smile and easy-going attitude and bright bright hair! :-) Thanks for being a true friend man.

your friend,

Stan

May 28th, 2013

Next to this were the words GOOD LUCK WITH LIFE BUTTERS!

Butters sat on his bed in silence for the good part of an hour, thinking about everything that had just happened. It was kind of spooky knowing Stan had written this only two months ago, when he knew he was going to die. That part still haunted him. According to Shelley, Stan knew he was probably going to go sometime this year. To know you may die at any time… Butters didn't think he'd be able to handle such information if he were in his once spirited friend's shoes.

Friend. Stan had called him his friend. He had a place in the foursome after all. He wasn't just some kid to blame or play mind tricks with. He actually truly cared about him and liked having him as a friend. Butters never felt more wanted and appreciated in all his life. His life wasn't as horrible as he liked to think it was.

He jumped when his door suddenly flew open and his mother stood there, hands on her hips.

"Butters are you deaf? Dinner has been ready for an hour!"

"So-sorry Mom, I wasn't really in the mood to eat…"

Linda frowned. "Well you need to. We keep telling you, the more you stay in your room and lament the sicker you're going to get. And no way will your father want to take you to the hospital for something you could have prevented in the first place."

Butters just looked down.

"And what are you going to do with that junk your friend left? If you plan on placing them in the DVD tower you know you're going to have to re-alphabetize it if you add in those new ones."

"I know Mom," Butters said flatly.

"And you still need to help clean up the attic!"

"Damn-damnit Mom will you just leave me be right now?" the words had escaped before he even realized they had. Linda Stotch stood there, mouth open in a silent 'O'. "Now- now can't you see I just lost a good friend of mine? If not my best friend? I know I don't really get close to other kids in school but Stan was different. He actually did like havin' me around and we shared interests! And now he's dead and gone and you won't just let me grieve on my own about it. Well- well I've had it- I'm going to be sad for as long as I want and nothing you or Dad say will change it." Butters felt the heat in his face rise like he never felt it burn before. He was going to be in double Dutch trouble now and he knew it.

Finally-

"Butters, just wait until your father finds out how you just disrespected me! Consider yourself grounded mister! For a very long time!" with that she slammed the door behind her.

Butters could feel his body turn to liquid as he melted onto his bed. For some odd reason he didn't seem that upset he did what he just did. It was something that felt long-overdue actually. Sure he had only read Stan's letter an hour ago but a part of him already felt influenced by his words. He could stand up for himself if he really wanted. It's what his friend had asked and would have wanted to see done. Maybe, just maybe Butters had just made the first step for the rest of his future. One that consisted of him doing what he wanted and not caring what others thought. It was a long shot, but that glimmer of hope was enough to form a smile on the boy's face as he waited for his parents to storm into his bedroom yet again.

That was a nice one to write. It wasn't very long but for some reason took a little while to produce. Hope you liked, stick around for the next one. Review please! Thanks a ton.

lots of love: Rose, January 18, 2012