DISCLAIMER: Characters aren't mine, this isn't about this website. Anything that may seem like a reference to your work isn't intended to be, and anything perceived as an insult to your work is not intended as such; this is all in the spirit of parody.

Chapter Four: Something Stupid and Serious

"JIN JIN! Check it out!" It sounded to all the world like Hwoarang was calling over his best friend. Considering the amount of media attention Celebrity crackpots have received, all the world didn't seem like the best judge of personality. So, it's fortunate that all the world wasn't in the computer lab, and instead a hodge podge of people who knew just how much Hwoarang and Jin hated each other watched for the next installment of the Hwoarang/Jin rivalry.

Update: Jin just ignored him.

"Summary says 'Jin and Hwoarang SLASH!' I'll bet you it's a bloody one, rated M too! Let's see who really comes out on top." Hwoarang's challenge was issued the moment he clicked the link.

Update: Jin still ignored him. The strategy was serving him well so far.

"Um, Hwoarang…" Steve began. He wasn't so sure Hwoarang fully understood what the word "Slash" in a summary usually meant. Hwoarang, however, wasn't interested in being dissuaded. Scrolling past disclaimers – "I do not own Tekken and its characters" – he started reading the first few paragraphs. "Says 'Hwoarang and Jin are going at it again,' sounds like us alright…"

Steve made a loud snorting sound, which may or may not have been him choking on his own tongue. Men and women alike looked over. Waving his hand and hiding his red face, Steve choked to hide a laugh.

"Yaddah yaddah yaddah, 'tangle of limbs…' '…they fall into bed together…'" Hwoarang paused. What he said out loud rang in his ears and settled into his brain. "WHAT?" he shouted.

"What is it?" Others ran up to look over Hwoarang's shoulder. Probably the last thing he would have wanted.

"Given the sex, I'm not sure either of you win," Steve replied. He had to hold a hand over his mouth to hide a bark of laughter.

"What?" Update: Jin couldn't ignore the situation anymore. He came up behind the crowd hovering around the computer.

"The proper question," Lee said, gently tossing his silver hair. "Would be who."

"Then who?" Jin asked.

Lee smiled a little too broadly. "You."

"WHAT?"

"Is there an echo in here?" Lee mused.

"Disgusting…" Hwoarang sat back in his chair, wrinkling his nose as his on-screen character breaking the sound barrier while running all of the bases. "What kind of sick freak would want to do anything like that with him?" He jerked his thumb at Jin.

It seemed like Hwoarang and everyone else in the room had the grace to forget that yesterday, they were teasing someone who just might have wanted to do something like that with him. Jin, satisfied to have one mountain surmounted, wasn't interested in adding that to his current Everest.

Lei, who had been watching this act play out, raised an eyebrow. "It was good enough for you, apparently."

"Jin is a decent enough specimen of man," Lee pointed out.

There were few words sufficient to describe just how awkward that moment was. Jin felt he summed it up well with "thanks, Uncle Lee."

"Wait, Uncle?" Steve interjected on the side.

"His grandfather adopted me and raised me with Jin's father," Lee explained.

"Oh…." Steve raised his eyebrows contemplatively. An image of a mysteriously anger-filled, resentful and hateful Kazuya flashed across his mind like a matinee. That explains a lot about Kazuya, actually…

Paul shook his head, leaning back from the computer screen. Laying a hearty hand on Hwoarang's shoulder, he said "Well, if you're still up for the challenge, I'll be in my room later." It was one of those moments. One of the moments in TV shows when the laugh track rang, or in movies when everyone started laughing before the producers panned it to music. However, there were no producers here to save Hwoarang and Jin's pride by panning to music. The entire room could have combusted in that moment, just from the laughter. Nearly everyone doubled over, gasping for breath and clutching at chairs and shoulders for balance.

Hwoarang dropped his jaw. "Are you propositioning me?" Tossing his hair and crossing his arms, he huffed. "Even if I were gay, I'm not that cheap!"

"A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste." Steve smiled impishly from behind Hwoarang.

More rolls of laughter took the room as tears squirmed from joyous tear ducts. Between gasps, Lei managed to sputter "Hey, Hwoarang, you came out on top!"

"I'm leaving." Hwoarang got to his feet just as the girl group entered the computer lab.

Someone from the back of the room shouted "The proper term is 'coming!'" More waves of laughter. Hwoarang tactfully flipped the bird, while Jin discretely ducked out an exit from the opposite side of the room.

"What just happened?" Asuka asked, assessing the situation.

"S-s-s-slash-!" Paul stammered.

Asuka, Julia, Xiaoyu and Christie knew exactly what they were talking about. No provocation necessary, they joined the large laughter fest. "Did they read it?" Christie managed to squeeze out.

"And how!"

It was a good five minutes before people started to stop laughing. Hwoarang made his way back into the room, and he avoided all lewd eye contact that people were trying to make with him. "What part of fiction don't you people understand?"

"You know what I want to know," Steve said suddenly. Once he caught everyone's attention, he said "why are all the slashes of men?"

There was a moment when everyone deeply contemplated the societal implications that a lack of girl on girl fan fiction meant. Not much of any profoundness could be substantiated.

"Jin and Hwoarang have an… interesting relationship. Us girls don't have real rivalries." Julia leaned in, scrolling up and down the stories just to be sure. "I mean, look at Christie and I, we have nothing in common."

"Hey Christie, why did you join this tournament?" Hwoarang asked suddenly.

Christie tucked her arms over the crossed fabric of her shiny silver shirt. "Well, I joined the fourth tournament to find a very close friend who had disappeared."

Reflecting back on Tournament Three when Julia came to find Michelle, Julia said "weird, me too."

"Then I came to the fifth tournament to try and fund a scientific research to get surgery that could cure my grandfather…" Christie continued.

Julia dropped her jaw. "I came to fund scientific research to save and reforest my hometown!"

Christie stared at Julia, dumbstruck. "Wait, you're a family-oriented karate activist with a hot tan and short shorts?"

"YES!" Julia grinned, embracing Christie as they both said "I thought I was the only one!"

They laughed, and Christie flipped her sun-kissed hair from her shoulders. "I thought you were a nerd!"

"I thought you were a whore!"

"Hey-!" Christie dropped her hands to her hips. "I pride myself in my integrity!" Several guys in the room may have objected, but they were too mystified by her bare waist to voice any objections.

"I pride myself in my personality, but hey, here we are." Julia shrugged with a slight smile.

Asuka watched the two bonding with a slight huff. "Well, don't I feel a part of the clan."

"It's okay, Asuka." Xiaoyu sweetly set a hand on her shoulder. "You and I can start a 'cute Asian girl' clan, and they won't be invited to our clubhouse meetings."

"Can I join?" Steve asked.

Xiaoyu scanned him over. "After a lot of cosmetic work…"

"Guys, stop being so stupid, this is supposed to be serious!" Hwoarang threw his hands back as he sat down in front of the computer.

"Stop being so serious, this is supposed to be stupid," Asuka shot back.

Hwoarang sighed. Fair enough, he couldn't argue with that. "Still, there are entire websites dedicated to me getting it on with the one man in the world I absolutely loathe." Leaning forward and burying his hair in his hands in frustration, he muttered about fifty choice expletives. "I'll never live it down."

Xiaoyu set a hand on Hwoarang's shoulder. "Don't worry. I understand."

"Yeah, um, sorry about that," Steve murmured, sweeping his hands through his hair.

Julia tactlessly pushed Hwoarang's rolling chair out of the way, leaning over the keyboard as her fingers flew over the keys. Curiously, Christie came to look over her shoulder. Julia typed in a few words in the search engine, and her eyes went wide.

"Wow," Christie said.

"Why is everything about Jin?" Julia asked herself. Two hundred and fifty five thousand websites came up with his name; and that was including quotations.

"It wasn't always like that," a voice from the back piped up. The younger generation, still huddled by the computer, turned around to see Wang, Baek, Paul, Law, Lee, and Lei nodding in agreement. Ganryu floated nearby near Anna and Nina.. Raven raised a mute eyebrow from his corner of the room, in between the two groups.

"Why do I have the feeling some old people wisdom is going to be imparted on us?" Steve muttered.

"It's okay, I have earbuds!" Just as Hwoarang almost had them in, though, Baek smacked him on the back of the head, popping them back out.

"Ah, I love new technology," Baek grinned at Hwoarang. Hwoarang rolled his eyes, resigned, and sat back in his rolling chair. The rest of the youngsters braced themselves for a back-in-my-day lecture.

"I love the young pups and their rivalries…" Wang smiled, crossing his arms with all the mysterious of his decades hiding in the wrinkles on his face.

Once again, the older members of the tournament shared nostalgic looks. "I remember when the big rivalry was Paul and Kazuya," Law said, bopping Paul's shoulder.

"It was always you and that Baek douche." Paul punched Law, and Law flew into Lee and another computer. Paul didn't notice, however, he was busy taking Baek's stare down. "No 'fense"

Baek sighed, waving his hand. "None taken, I was a younger man."

"Wait, you had a rivalry?"Hwoarang tried to imagine how in the world his dishonest, temperamental, slightly aggressive teacher could possibly have – on deeper consideration, it began to make a lot more sense to Hwoarang.

Scratching the back of his neck, Baek smiled sheepishly. "I may or may not have completely destroyed this man's dojo, honor, and dignity."

"I wouldn't go THAT far." Law massaged his shoulder, giving Baek a foul look.

"Marshall China? Really?" Baek argued, raising an eyebrow as Law collected himself.

Wang waved his hands in between the two as they locked eyes and passed daggers. "Obsolete, obsolete!" Once he had everyone's attention, he returned to his crossed-arms stance. "Jinpachi and I watched with such interest those boys' path into evil…"

"Who, Jin and Hwoarang?" Julia asked. She hopped onto the desk, tucking her legs under her arms.

Hwoarang raised an eyebrow at her. "Thanks."

Wang wrinkled his brow. "No, Heihachi and Kazuya. I was training this young one when Jin came around." He motioned dismissively to Xiaoyu, who smiled and waved with mock shyness.

"I thought he might turn out alright," Lei said while shaking his head. Reminiscently, he added "I mean, his mother…"

Baek smirked. "Talk about the center of the love triangle!"

"Hey!" Anna cocked her hip and ran her hands sensually through her hair.

Asuka felt a completely different kind of offended. "Ew."

"Why, back in my day-" Wang began.

"Alright, peace out," Steve said, waving his fingers. The old-people weapon was drawn out, and there was no way they were going to be sitting through a lecture that would drag them uphill both ways with a warm potato in their hands. The rest of the under-twenty-fives high-tailed it, high fiving each other as they made it into the hallway.

"The arrogance of youth," Wang started to say to Anna. He realized quickly that Anna and Nina had followed the exodus, and so his gaze fell on the rest of the older fighters.

"It's okay," Lei said. "One day, there will be new arrogant youth to ignore them, and we'll be old enough to be considered sage."

Jin looked up as the others flew into the lobby. He made no motion to get up, but called to Hwoarang as he passed "have they stopped asking for numbers?"

"Sorry, center-of-the-universe, you'll be on the gossip table for quite some time!" Hwoarang grinned evilly as he passed, and Jin simply dropped his head down with a slight shake to return to ignoring the world of irritants.

"Welcome to the right side!" Julia grinned to their new arrivals.

"Welcome to the bright side," Xiaoyu added with a smile.

"Really, I just wanted to be out of that room." Nina planted her palms on her hips, trying to look anywhere in the lobby save the group of overly-enthusiastic young adults.

"You're welcome to join us as we continue exploring this…" Julia paused, searching for the proper word to use in this context.

"…interesting new world," Christie finished.

That beautifully dramatic, perfect ending to a potentially odd conversation was cut short by Hwoarang. "Excuse me, Mary Kate and Ashley, but the finishing of each other's sentences is just a little too 'Parent Trap' for me," Hwoarang said, holding his hand to an invisible migraine.

"Whatever." Julia whipped up a "talk-to-the-hand" palm. "I've had enough of people poking through other peoples' fantasies about me, and I have to train for a tournament that's starting in under a week."

"I have, like a butt-ton of training to do," Xiaoyu agreed.

"That's a lot of butt," Steve pointed out.

Hwoarang quaked with a hefty shudder. "I really don't want to think about butts right now..."

Several people were tempted to bring out the awkward turtle, but the lingering suspicion that an entire awkward aquarium wouldn't alleviate the weird feeling in the room stopped them.

"...Right, I say we split and reconvene tomorrow afternoon for some more 'research.'"

Nina listened to the chorus of agreement. The popularity of the situation provided an interesting perspective that she couldn't ignore if she wanted to discover more about potential targets. If there was one thing a person could count on, it was that the contenders in the King of the Iron Fist Tournament would be getting in trouble, and fast. Smoothly, she said. "I'll be there."

"Me too," Anna grinned.

Nina could have shot her in the face. Fortunately, she was confident there would be more opportunities for that later.

Xiaoyu paused by the door of her hotel room. It was ajar. They couldn't stay ajar without someone stopping it.

What would a girl in a Wes Craven movie do? she mused.

Any decent horror movie heroine would creep closer, taking uncomfortable glances around. Then, slipping inside she would inevitably be met with her untimely and violent death. Then the last thing she wanted to be was a horror movie heroine.

She whirled around and tore down the hallway, right into a wall. A hairy wall. A very hairy wall. A sweet scent tickled her last waking thought before she passed out was: thanks a lot, Wes Craven.

A/N A fond thanks to those who have reviewed thus far, another thanks to those who have read and haven't reviewed, and I hope this chapter satisfied! Next chapter? One shots, as well as some covert character development. :-)