Sorry for the long delay for this chapter, here's chapter 4.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, if I do they wouldn't be in this stupid mess Shonda got them into.
May 2007
"Addison."
The sound of her sobs was the only reply.
"Addison."
Bailey sighed heavily. Her sight followed the team of doctors rolling Derek's gurney inside the ER and landed back on the woman slumped against her on the cold asphalt. "Let's get you inside, too, Addison."
A nurse nearby helped her to guide the attending into the nearest staff lounge.
"Addison," she called softly once the nurse left the room. "Addis—"
Addison took a few shaky breaths, "It hurts…it hurts…."
Bailey wrapped her arms around the other woman's trembling shoulders; it pained her to see Addison like this. The red head pulled away and wiped her face on the sleeves of her scrubs top, "I can't watch him…I can't…I can't—"
"Addison, you're just upset," she tried to calm her friend and it seemed to work for a moment as her breathing fell into a regular rhythm. But suddenly her shoulders stiffened and her breathing took a rapid pace once again.
"I can't be here…I can't wait here…I lost him…."
"They are working on him, Addis—"
"No, Miranda, you don't understand. I already lost him. Even if…." Addison swallowed, "Even if he made it, they're not going to call on the ex-wife…. I can't be here, what's left for me here, Miranda?
"Alright, alright…." Miranda Bailey had already had a lot for one night, and she certainly had run out of wit to deal with a frantic ex-wife. "Do you want to go home? Is that what you want? Why don't I and Callie take you home, okay?"
Addison shook her head firmly, "No, Miranda, I can't…. I can't be here." Then she looked up, and in those blue eyes of her, Miranda Bailey saw a heartbreaking despair and hopelessness that made her finally understood. For all Addison knew, she'd lose him if he didn't make it, and she'd lose him even if he did. She had not been an important fixture in Derek's life and to hope for him to come back to her if he were to wake up was as farfetched as a child's wish for the moon.
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The last several hours had been a blur to her.
Addison's screaming Derek's name.
Hospital staff's rushing to his side.
Her frantic effort to distract Derek.
And finally, Addison's taking over her place by Derek's side.
It wasn't fair that she, Meredith Grey, didn't knew his childhood memories. She had only known him for less than a year, but her—Addison—had been his wife for eleven years.
She felt angry and defeated as she watched Derek relaxed under his ex-wife's voice and eventually opened his blue eyes. He looked at Addison, and continued to look at Addison and Addison only. He didn't notice his own girlfriend holding his hand.
It became too much for her that she had to leave his side. She stood nearby, watching Derek and Addison for how long she didn't know. She had stopped crying by then, but someone beside her had not.
Mark.
Mark Sloan, all six foot tall, hunky and chiseled McSteamy, shedding tears at the sight in front of them.
When she started to cry again, his arm circled around her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. It wasn't flirtatious, he wasn't taking advantage of her as he had tried many times before, but he simply understood how she felt to stand at the sideline. He, too, knew what it felt like when you weren't enough for the ones you loved.
"Hey." Alex's voice brought her back to the reality of sitting on a gurney, back to the cold wall, in a secluded corner or the hallway. He handed her a cup of coffee as he sat next to her, "Here."
"Thanks," she said softly.
"Any news?"
She shook her head, "Olivia brought in more blood. A lot more blood…."
"Oh….."
"Yeah…."
It gave her a tiny bit of comfort when he took her hand on his lap and held it there.
XXXXXX
Adele Webber felt uneasy as she heard Addison's voice mail for the 10th time as she walked through the halls of Seattle Grace Hospital, checking every non-patient room on the way. Addison Shepherd hadn't picked up her phone, and anyone that Adele asked had not seen or known of the surgeon's whereabouts. Adele had checked every floor when she didn't find Addison in the doctors' lounge where a nurse said she was.
She arrived where she had started, the main nurse's station. "Anyone's seen her?" she asked the same nurse she had asked earlier.
"No, Mam," the nurse answered sadly.
Adele nodded, "Thank you. I'll…I'll look again. If you hear anything…."
"I'll let her know you were looking," the nurse gave a small smile.
"Thanks. I'll be in Richard's office."
She considered calling Richard in the OR, but decided not to. He called earlier to fill her in and asked her to be with Addison, it would only add to his worry if he were to know that Addison was nowhere to be found.
"Hi, Patricia," she greeted her husband's secretary at her desk.
"Oh, there you are, Adele. Nurse Tyler told me you're here and—"
"Yes, have you seen Addison?"
"That's something I want to tell you."
She let out a relief breath, "Is she in his office?"
Patricia frowned, "She was."
"She was?"
"She asked me to let her in his office, but she was already gone when I checked back."
Patricia unlocked the door to Richard's office, "I'll keep an eye out for her and any news about Dr. Shepherd. I'll let you know."
"Thank you, Patricia."
Adele had just sat down on her husband's chair when something caught her eyes. She picked up the manila envelope and studied the handwriting on the front. It took her a second to realize why the writing had seemed so familiar.
After carefully opening the envelope, she scanned the several sheets of papers that were inside. Her heart beat faster as her eyes moved across the first page, and she placed a hand over her heart once she got to the bottom of the letter.
"Oh, Addison…."
XXXX
I guess you don't need it
I guess you don't want me to repeat it
But everything I have to give I'll give to you
It's not like we planned it
You tried to stay, but you could not stand it
To see me shut down slow as though it was an easy thing to do
XXXX
Derek was finally cleared to be moved out of the ICU that day and looked around his new room, filled with 'Get Well Soon' balloons and flowers and cards, and he remembered those who visited him: the slew of nurses and doctors from interns to attendings. Meredith came to sit by his side and told him about her day. Mark was by his side when he woke up, he could had sworn Mark had cried based on the red of his eyes. Richard and Adele stopped by whenever they could, especially Adele who kept his mother company. His mother had flown in at her earliest opportunity, followed soon by the rest of his sisters.
Addison had called, his mother told him, though strangely enough Addison was the only one he hadn't seen. His weak condition prevented him from talking and moving, so he could only wait for Addison to show up, but she never did and no one had mentioned anything about her.
He remembered everything about Addison since the accident: her voice, her cries, her terrified eyes, the warmth of her body against his on that cold night, and her pleading him not to die. Perhaps she was busy, he reasoned, or perhaps she was scared to see him like this….
His thought was interrupted as his mother entered the room.
"Hi…Mom," he choked out.
Ruth Shepherd smiled, "Hey."
He parted his lips slightly when she offered the straw. The cool water felt so good on his throat.
"Mom?"
Ruth put the cup back on the nearby table, "Do you need anything else, dear?"
"Addie…" he whispered.
He noticed the change of emotion on his mother's face, and he felt ill. "Mom…?"
"I need…uh, your sisters, they…."
He grabbed her hand as she offered excuses, "Where's…Addie?"
She stared at him for a long time before she spoke again.
"Derek…." She looked down at his hand that was holding on hers, "Addie isn't here. I'm so sorry…she already left when I got here."
He didn't understand, "Left…?"
His head snapped toward the door, hoping his mother was wrong and it was Addison who came, instead it was Bailey.
"Addison," he said firmly, directed at Bailey. "Where's she?"
The question definitely threw off the usually composed Miranda Bailey and she fumbled with her words until she caught eyes with Ruth Shepherd. Approaching his bed slowly, Bailey only offered a simple 'I don't know.'
"I don't believe you," he retorted.
Bailey sat on the bed, "Her resignation letters on Richard's desk were the only thing she left behind. Nobody knew where she went."
He closed his eyes, "That can't…be true…. Addie won't leave like that."
His throat tightened and his heart beat faster as he shouted orders to call Naomi and Sam in L.A. because that was where Addison went last week and to call their friends in New York. His mother's worried voice called his name but he dismissed it.
Bailey must have pushed a dose of sedative in he thought, when he felt his heartbeat slowing into a steady pace. The two women watched him with sadness as he continued to plead for them find her.
When he was calm enough, Bailey put a hand on his shoulder and looked him straight in the eyes, "I don't think she wanted to be found."
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So if you have noticed, we are back to the that night right after they got Derek out, and then to the day Derek realized that Addison had left. I noticed a lot of "I want to know what happened in between the two years" in the reviews and I may have disappoint you here by not going back somewhere in between those 2 years, but all that is to know about the 2 years were in the previous chapters and this one (and next one), that Addison had left Seattle for London and adopted Nicholas along the way and that Derek became Chief and has a limp, and of course it is obvious that they missed each other and are quite miserable without the other (duh!).
Anyway, I'm determined to make the next chapter up sooner than this one. You know the drill, review por favor!