A/N - Hi Guys! Thanks so much for your great reviews! Leave me some more?
I also have an idea for a story that would kind of be a flip of this one. Thinking I'm going to finish this one first and then move on to that, we'll see.

And as always, all ownership belongs to Ryan Murphy & Co. I own Liam.

Chapter 4

Finn, I don't know...well I do know. I know you can see me.
I'm HUGE.
Your son, is HUGE.
I'm 32 weeks, today actually, and YOUR son is measuring just over 18 inches long and is estimated to be close to five pounds. Do you understand how uncomfortable this is? According to all the books I've read, that your mother has so kindly sent me, YOUR son shouldn't be that long until a few weeks from now and well...it should be a few weeks before he measures over 5 pounds. I feel like I'm going to explode Finn, you don't even know. You'll be proud to know, that it looks like his also, how could I put this without being crude...all boy? I know if you were here you'd get a kick out of that.
My stomach is tight and so itchy. Quinn lectured me on the benefits of cocoa butter but it still doesn't help how uncomfortable I feel.
Have I mentioned lately how your son also enjoys using my insides as a punching bag? As I'm talking to you he's currently beating the shit out of my kidneys with what I can only assume is his fist. I can feel his back curving along the curve of my bump, which while extremely weird, is so cool at the same time.

I miss you Finn. I miss cuddling with you, I miss you telling me how beautiful I am to you, how sexy I am because in this moment, I need to hear that more than anything. I mean, Kurt and Blaine always tell me I look fantastic but it's just not the same in the least. It's just weird hearing it from them, cause well, they just don't understand. They've been so great, but I'm sure I haven't been the easiest person to be around the last two weeks. My hormones are raging Finn, and by raging I mean RAGING. I cannot wait for Liam to come, because I cannot handle being so out of control of my own emotions for much longer.

My dads are flying in to New York in a little under a month. I'm looking forward to them being here but at the same time, I'm...I'm ...it makes me sad. Them arriving, means it's almost time for Liam to arrive which just means it's been THAT long since I felt your arms around me.

This was supposed to everything we ever dreamed of Finn. This was supposed to be our happy ending. Instead, I feel like I'm living in a gigantic nightmare, one of those mind altering ones that make you believe so easily that the reality of the dream is real. Only it is real. Liam is the one thing anchoring me reality, keeping me from throwing myself into the worst depression of my life. I need to be present, I need to be here. And I strongly believe that Liam's what is saving me Finn. I honestly don't know how I'd be holding it together if I didn't feel all the kidney shots, all the time.

*

I need a hug Finn. I'm feeling so out of sorts, and no one is answering their phones. Kurt and Blaine are at work, Quinn's phone went right to voice mail and let's face it, Santana doesn't understand. I can't talk to my Dad's about this, their men and just try to placate me. I called your Mom's, but Burt told me she was out running errands. And as much I love Burt, because I do not just because of the man he was to you - he understands even less than my father's.

I went to the doctor today and your son has just gotten, well - bigger. At 38 weeks pregnant now, apparently Liam is measuring at over 20 inches long and close to 8.5 pounds. Dr. Boyer tried to reassure me that it was just an estimation, but he doesn't know how it feels. I can feel this baby and I can just tell he's huge. And the closer I get to his due date, the more terrified this makes me. And I could tell by the look on his face that Dr. Boyer is concerned too. I'm a small woman Finn, I know you know this. I can almost hear the snicker in your voice. It's what you always loved about me, or so you would always tell me. You loved how well I fit at your side, how small my hands were when you'd clutch them over our heads when we made love...I'm getting sidetracked. I'm a small woman Finn, and our son is huge. I'm terrified about bringing him into the world. I know labor hurts, I know it sucks and it's supposed to be painful and there's drugs to overcome the pain...but I'm just scared that he's...too big for me to safely deliver. I didn't need him to bring it up because I already just knew, but Dr. Boyer brought it up at the appointment today about the option of having a c-section.
And Finn, the thought of having major surgery to bring our son into the world terrifies me even more than the fact that it might hurt more than I ever imagined to do it the other way. I just...can I turn back time now? Please? Go back to when he was merely a bunch of cells metastasizing in me, turn back time so that I could stop you from going out on that rainy night for a lousy amount of money that we didn't really need. I would trade all the money in the world, all of our belongings - anything really to have you back here. The only thing I wouldn't trade is Liam. If I get you back, I still want Liam. I need Liam now.

Hang on Finn, there's someone at the door.
I struggle to stand up on my own but manage. I've learned not to sit too far back, or too far away from something that will help me stand up. I'm not expecting anyone, but guests seem to migrate to our apartment often now Finn. The only ones who have a key are Kurt and Blaine, because they're the closest and I want them to have access in an emergency situation. But nonetheless, there's someone at the door.

But I'm also scared. Watch out for me?
I open the door and sigh in relief when I see your mother standing there, a huge suitcase behind her and a big smile on her face. She wasn't supposed to be here for another week, coming in a week before my father's to help me get ready. The tears rush to my eyes so fast that I'm sure you can see them in HD from your vantage point Finn.

I've never been more relieved to see your Mother. Mainly, because in the slightest of ways she reminds me of you. You know, I didn't notice until after you were gone that you have your mother's eyes. And your mother's heart. You were your Mother's son.

I wrapped my arms around her the moment she stepped forward and immediately Liam started to kick at my ribs so hard that I had to wince. His feet at the only things he can move now. He's stretched me to the absolute capacity and there's just no more space.

"Carol" I whispered, my voice thick and heavy with emotion.
"It's going to be okay" She whispered, looking at me. I know what she's talking about. She's talking about everything. God, I need you Finn.