I woke to the feeling of being overheated. A faint light was seeping in through the curtains of the only window against the far wall. I looked over at the alarm clock standing on the bedside table that separated the two beds. It was twelve o' clock in the afternoon.
I sat up and pulled the covers off of me. There were more here than there had been yesterday. That's odd…Then the memories from yesterday began flooding my mind.
Going to get firewood. Getting lost. Feeling helpless and alone. Seth.
Oh God, Seth!
I jerked my gaze to my left, but the space beside me was empty.
I don't think I would know what to do if he was still here. He kept on saving my life and well… well not being a jerk. And I couldn't handle him not being a jerk because for some reason I just didn't know what I felt when I was around him.
I needed time to think.
He was still keeping secrets from me and I hated him for that, yet he was still always there to save the day.
Speaking of secrets… what Aaron had said before I got myself lost… John Hollands was a mystery and I hated mysteries. I liked everything to be uncomplicated…hence the fact of Seth.
John Hollands had disappeared, but he could still be alive; somewhere in the world. He could…
I was suddenly thrust into someone else's vision again and this time it wasn't Seth's.
The person was looking through bars of a prison cell. It was eerily dark, yet the person could see the three men in business suites that faced his cell.
The man closest to the person I was seeing through stepped forward and said, "Mr. Hollands this is your last chance to tell us where your son is. Seth Hollands has information that we most desperately need to acquire, so we would advise you to speak up now before someone gets hurt."
The man's vision I was looking through began to flicker and before everything went dark, I heard him say, "Leave my son alone!"
I opened my eyes and found myself back in my room in the small cabin.
"It couldn't be true! But it had to be. Seth was the son of John Hollands!" I thought to myself.
"Oh my God…" I whispered into the empty room.
What should I do? I could confront him, but how would he react? Seth had been keeping something from me and now I knew what it was. Mark probably knew too. They were close friends.
Maybe I could talk to him… no he would never betray Seth.
I was still trying to figure out what to do when Lindsey opened the door to our room.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" She said as she came to sit beside me on my bed.
"Hi, okay. A little exhausted, but I should be fine once I'm up and fully awake."
I was actually fully awake and trying to figure out not only Seth, but what was happening to me and why I was having these weird vision things. One thing I did know was that the visions I was having were true and happening.
"I'm so glad you're okay. I was so worried when Aaron and Bryan told us what had happened. Thank God Seth and Mark were able to find you."
I nodded. "Yeah, I still haven't thanked Mark I should go do that. What is everyone doing right now?" I asked as I got out of bed and went to look at my appearance in the mirror above the dresser.
"Actually that's what I came in here to tell you."
My hair wasn't too bad, but I put it into a low ponytail. The rest I couldn't really fix at the moment.
I nodded for Lindsey to continue.
"We were all thinking that we should try and find a way out of here. Well it was really Seth and Mark's idea. You know how Seth was a double agent or something?"
I jerked my gaze to her. I thought he would keep that a secret like everything else that he hid from us. I guess I was wrong.
"You know that he was working for the FBI? I asked her as I leaned up against the dresser to face her, as she sat on the end of my bed.
"Yeah, he told us this morning. You didn't know either?"
I shook my head, "Really? He was a double agent?" I didn't like to lie to her, but I couldn't tell her the truth until I figured everything out.
"Yeah, I was shocked, but there's something about him that's always secretive ya know. That's probably how he got the job."
Yeah he was secretive all right. And it needed to stop. If we were all going to get out of this hell-hole alive then we all had to be on the same page.
"But anyways, so the guys were thinking that we could go searching for the telephone satellites that the people put up all over this area. Mark said that all of them had helped put them up. So they were thinking that if we found one it might work and then be able to help us call for help or radio to someone."
Again with the Seth and Mark duo. They knew a lot and they were keeping it to themselves, but I was up for anything especially if it would help us get out of here.
"That sounds like a good idea. When are we going to go?" I asked as I slipped into my Nike sneakers.
"I was going to come and wake you up and then when you were ready to go we would head out."
I nodded and headed for the door. "Well I'm ready so let's go."
We went to the kitchen and Lindsey handed me a turkey sandwich. "Here we all already ate, but I made one for you."
I was starved! I ate it in about two whole minutes. After I finished my sandwich Lindsey followed me into the living room. All the guys were sitting on the couch and chairs or leaning against the wall.
"Jade! We are so sorry we lost you!" Aaron and Bryan said together as they jumped up from where they sat on the couch and rushed over to me.
"No guys don't be sorry. It wasn't your fault. I'm the one who had suggested going.
Don't blame yourselves. I'm just glad somebody found me in time. Speaking of which," I turned to where Mark leaned against the wall to my right near the front door.
"I want to thank you for finding me."
Mark shoved off the wall, "Don't thank me, Seth was the one who really found you and carried you all the way back to the cabin." Mark looked over to where Seth leaned against the wall to my left.
I turned to him a blush rising to my face. He had carried me all the way back to the cabin? I voiced the same question out loud to him. "You carried me all the way back here?"
Seth caught my eye and was about to say something out loud when Mark cut in like he usually did, "Yeah, thank God you're not fat."
Lindsey slapped his arm. "Mark, you don't have to be so blunt!"
Mark feigned, holding his arm, like Lindsey had actually hit him hard, when in reality she had barely touched him.
I chuckled and so did everyone else.
I turned back to Seth and held his gaze, "Well thank you for finding me, then carrying me all the way back here, and… and for everything else."
I had a perfect picture in my mind of Seth stripping down to his boxers and wrapping his arms around me. I began to blush even redder.
He gave a knowing smile, but I didn't look away.
"It was no problem. My pleasure to help out." Could he get anymore to the point without actually saying it?
"So Lindsey told me what you guys had in mind for a plan. So we should get going."
Everyone stood up and Mark handed a walkie talkie to Seth and then to Bryan.
"So we're pairing up to go look for them. Bryan and Aaron already know the area to the east. So they're going to head that way. So the rest of us just have to pair up." Mark said as we headed out the door onto the front yard.
"Okay. Umm Lindsey and I can…" Seth cut me off scoughing at us.
"No way. You two don't know the area at all. You already got lost once, I'm…I mean we don't want to go through that again. One of you will go with Mark and the other will go with me." He was going to say something else, but caught himself at the last second.
His voice held a note of defiance in it.
"Oh well, I guess I'll go with Mark then. If that's okay with you Jade?" I hid my anger for Lindsey ditching me to go with Mark.
"Yeah go ahead." With that everyone took off except for Seth and me.
I didn't want to just stand there and wait for it to get awkward so I started walking in a random direction heading straight in front of me.
"Jade wait!" Seth yelled after me.
I turned around not wanting to talk to him, afraid of what he would say about anything. About last night.
"What!?" I said it a little louder than I had meant it to be.
He stopped a few feet behind me. "You're going the wrong way." He said it in a low voice, emphasizing my yell.
"Oh, umm so which way are we supposed to be going?" I asked getting more embarrassed by the minute.
"This way." He pointed to our left. There was a small path that could barely fit one person through it before trees began poking your eye out. I let him walk ahead of me because I didn't have a clue where I was going, an example of just a second ago.
We were both silent as we trudged along. It must have been at least an hour before I was sick of the silence.
"So do you know where we're going?"
Seth answered my question without looking back.
"In a way, yeah. We're heading north. Right now we are about five miles from the house we all used to live in. Mark and I helped install one of the telephone satellites not far from it. So I'm hoping we're heading towards it."
He was gambling that it was there. Well he better be good at counting his cards because if he wasn't….
This was probably the only time I would get to talk to Seth alone. I wasn't going to confront him directly about his secrets, but I wanted to see what he said when I mentioned his father John Hollands.
"So I was talking with Aaron the day before, before I got… well you know, and he told me some gossip he heard when you guys were back in training camp. Gossip about John Hollands. Do you know anything about him?"
If I hadn't been looking down to not trip over every root in the entire forest I would have missed the slight falter in his steps, but I was and Seth definitely knew something.
"Not really. Just the rumors that some of the guys said back at the house."
He was lying straight to my face. Okay well not to my face, but you know what I mean.
"Oh, yeah Aaron said that John Hollands son was in the one-year program. Did you ever meet him?"
He kept right on walking not saying anything for a few minutes. Then he finally spoke up.
"I probably have, but it's not like I asked right out if the guy was John Hollands son. He's probably long gone by now. The helicopters probably took him back to the states."
Yeah that's what should have happened and then Seth would be safe, but no he had to come back and save me.
Why didn't he just leave me? I'm not worth much and he barely knows me.
I was still glad Tess was safe, although she was scared out of her mind without me. She's never been alone. Hopefully she was okay.
"Do you know what they did with all the kids who were taken back to the states?" I tried to hide the worry from my voice, but it didn't work.
Seth looked back and saw my face. He kept walking, but gave me a hopeful smile.
"They were taken back to their families. They were going to try and help them get back to a normal life. I'm sure Tess is fine."
How could she be fine? We didn't have a family to go back to. One foster home after another. Never being able to call them home. Tess and I had always been our own family and now we were torn apart.
"But Tess doesn't have a family to go back to. We're orphans Seth. We have been since we were three." I said on a breathless note, the air gone from being afraid Tess wasn't okay.
He stopped and came to stand in front of me.
"Jade listen to me your sister is going to be okay. Just remind yourself that at least she's not here. You would want her to be home with foster care parents than here right? I know how you both feel…" I cut him off and pushed passed him before he could see the tears forming in my eyes.
I couldn't cry. That was the one rule that I made myself abide by. You cry, you die.
Not literally, but if I did cry I would die inside because of everything that had happened in my life.
"Seth don't. Let's just keep going. The sooner we find that telephone satellite the sooner I get to go home and pretend like none of this ever happened."
The truth was I would never forget what happened. I would never forget this place. And I would never ever forget Seth.
Which scared the hell out of me because everything was screwed up. He acted like the sweetest guy, joking one minute and then the next the annoying jerk and mysterious guy.
"You'll never forget." I heard him whisper under his breath. I let it go as I continued to walk through the dense forest.
*****
She knew. She damn well knew and she was keeping it from me. Seth said to himself as they continued to walk through the vacant woods.
Jade walked in front of me unaware that I was trying to figure out how much she knew.
She just wanted to go home and back to what? To Tess? Her only family was Tess and she definitely didn't like foster care parents that much Seth knew.
How was he going to tell her that he was John Hollands son, the son of the man who came up with the idea that had destroyed so many kids lives?
I had to live with the thought of being an orphan to a father who was the man most hated by everyone, well if everyone knew what he had done.
I had to live with that guilt every frickin' day and Jade just shut him out like he didn't know what it felt like to be an orphan to not be loved by anyone.
At least she had Tess. I had no one and it sucked… a lot.
I wanted to confide in someone and had thought about telling Jade everything, the only person, for some reason, that I thought I could tell and not get beaten up or the feeling of rejection.
Then again Jade probably could beat me up….
For once in my life I wanted someone to believe in me that I wanted to make everything right. That someone would believe that I could change everything and make it better.
That I wasn't my father.
And I thought Jade was that person. But at the moment she kept on throwing me out.
Doing anything to show no emotion towards me.
The night I had held her in my arms, she felt so right there. And now I didn't know what was going through her head.
If she knew, then she was probably about ready to high tail it out of here. Get as far away from me as possible.
The crack of thunder over my head brought me back to reality as I realized how dark it had gotten.
Jade suddenly stopped as rain began pouring down in sheets all around us.
We needed to get to cover and soon.
I grabbed Jade's hand and we took off running.
*****
The one thing that scared me the most, since I was a child, was thunder storms. For some reason the loud noise scared the crap out of me. And at the moment that was what Seth and I were running through.
I also hated them because it was during a thunder storm when my life had changed forever.
I could barely see two steps in front of me; luckily Seth had grabbed my hand so I wouldn't get lost again.
The feel of his hand against mine sent warm shivers up my arm.
I felt safe with him near me. I didn't know how he could see through the rain, but he kept on running as if he knew where he was going.
Tree branches slapped at me. Roots continually tripped me, while Seth looked like he was gliding.
I looked like a complete clutst compared to him, not that I should be thinking about that at the moment.
Another loud bang as clouds collided made me run even faster almost even with Seth even though there was barely room for one of us.
We turned to our left and all of a sudden we were standing before a small inlet of rocks. It looked like a small cave. As big as a small dorm room.
We rushed into it and the sound of the rain was muffled, but the thunder continued to be loud as ever.
The ground was the same type of rock as the sides and roof. At least it was dry. Seth let go of my hand. I was reluctant to let him go. The thunder wasn't going to stop anytime soon.
Memories of my childhood right before my parents died flashed through my mind.
A flash of lightning pierced light through the room.
I woke to the sound of a car door closing.
I got out of my bed and walked to the window that looked out onto our street.
Two people were talking to each other.
"Mommy and Daddy," I thought to myself.
Another bolt of lightning came down in the distance; light was thrown all around us.
Slamming of the car doors.
"Mommy and Daddy are leaving." I thought to myself.
"Why are they leaving, don't they love us?"
The car started.
The car sped down the road.
At that moment I knew they were never coming back.
A crack of thunder vibrated through the entire house cracking my heart in two as I watched my parents leave…
Forever.
"Jade?… Jade?"" I was jolted back to the present as I heard Seth's voice calling my name.
I turned away from him hoping he wouldn't notice the anguish on my face.
He came around to face me. And put his hands on either side of my face, forcing me to look at him.
His eyes were filled with worry. For me? Or for the storm outside?
They were as green as emeralds sparkling in the light. And all I wanted to do was to be consumed into them so I wouldn't have to think about anything. To get away from the sadness and heart wrenching pain of feeling alone.
"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked barely a whisper. I tried to step out of his embrace and started backing up as he followed my steps.
All of a sudden my back hit the cave wall. I was trapped.
"Don't shut me out Jade. Not this time. Let me in." As the words were uttered past his lips a crack of thunder filled the air and tears started streaming down my face.
"You don't know Seth. You don't know what I had to go through my entire life! You don't know what it feels like to be alone in the world as it crumbles around you. "
"You don't know…" The last was barely loud enough for him to hear.
I was breathing fast unable to calm down, as the memories of the life I had loved all came crashing down on me.
I was about to collapse to the ground when Seth wrapped his arms around me.
I threw myself into his embrace. Unable to hold the tears back, that were already flowing down my face.
"I do know Jade. You just never listened. You need to let go."
I shook my head still nestled against his chest. "I can't let go."
He picked me up and then sat down against the cave wall with me in his lap.
"Yes you can, you just need someone to catch you when you fall."
I drifted off to sleep in Seth's arms.
Hoping, praying that tomorrow he would still be there to catch me.