Disclaimer: Who owns Harry Potter? Er, me? No. J K Rowling? Yes.
A Change of Identity
Chapter 4: A Different Kind of Boggart
History of Magic and Astronomy quickly became Harry's favourite subjects due to the fact that there was absolutely no need to use a wand in them. So far Herbology was alright but Harry knew that eventually they would need to use magic to help with the care of some of the plants. Transfiguration and Potions were easily his least liked classes. Professor Snape didn't take points from him, obviously out of regard for Slytherin's standing in the House Cup. But he regularly sneered at Harry's inability to even light the fire under the cauldron for himself. And as for the potions themselves... well, after a few lessons whichever unfortunate student who had drawn the short straw and had to partner Harry would do all the stirring himself and relegate Harry to chopping ingredients and maybe adding them at a stretch. If Harry had anything to do with stirring then the potion would just be a horrible mess.
Professor Potter was equally scathing about Harry's total inability in Transfiguration. Every lesson he would either take a point or two from him or give him extra homework Harry didn't know which of his "fathers" he hated the most. In the end he decided there wasn't anything to choose between them. Though what he really couldn't stand was the fact that a tiny bit of him wanted Professor Snape to come and tell him that the recent revelations didn't matter and he was still his son in everything that mattered. Some hope. Harry knew it wasn't going to happen. He also knew that even if it did he could never again feel the same unconditional love as he had when they had thought they were father and son. His formerly perfect life was over for ever.
In Charms Professor Flitwick treated him sympathetically, trying in vain to help him perform the simple spells. But beyond giving him an occasional extra reading assignment for homework the tiny teacher refrained from harassing him.
Four weeks into term Professor Lupin announced that the next Defence lesson would be a practical one. They had been spending the time so far learning about various dark creatures. It was time they came face to face with one.
'Now,' said Professor Lupin. 'I know that at this stage in your education you are not capable of defeating a Boggart. However, it is not impossible that you may come across one as you poke around the castle as some students do. So next class you will each have the opportunity to stand in front of one. This will confirm what your greatest fear is. Then if you come across that fear unexpectedly in the castle, especially after opening a drawer or cupboard you should realise that it is in fact only a Boggart. Knowing this should help calm your fears enough for you to get away and find someone who can deal with it. So, for homework, I want each of you to think very hard and be able to tell me what you think the Boggart will turn into for you before you take your turn in front of it. I don't want any of you to try facing it having no idea of what is coming.'
That was all very well, but no matter how hard he tried, Harry could not think of anything he was particularly frightened of. He thought of dragons, vampires, banshees, the lot. But whatever he thought of, he couldn't seem to muster any fear for it. When he was younger he'd been terrified of beetles for some reason, but the thought of them didn't bother him at all now. In the end he gave up and arrived for the lesson none the wiser.
Professor Lupin went round the class asking each person what they thought their Boggart would be. As expected, there was a collection of vampires, werewolves, skeletons, and in one case, an elephant. When Harry's turn came he just shrugged. Professor Lupin's eyes narrowed.
'Are you telling me you are unprepared for this class, Harry?' he asked, a slightly steely tone to his voice. Harry just shrugged again, thinking it would sound stupid to say that nothing frightened him. He didn't think that the unease he felt around Professor Lupin counted and anyway, the man himself didn't frighten him. It was the feeling he got around him that did.
'Very well,' said Lupin when it was clear that Harry was going to give no further response. 'You will not face the Boggart this lesson. And I will expect you in my office at seven this evening for detention. When I give homework I expect it to be done, however trivial it may seem to be.'
The professor moved on and completed his questioning of the class before returning to the front and lifting up an old suitcase from under his desk.
'Right,' he said. 'Before I open the suitcase I am going to surround it with an invisible shield which will contain the Boggart but still enable it to sense you. When your name is called you will come out to the front, stand in front of the Boggart and when it has changed into your fear you will return to your seat.'
It went smoothly enough, the Boggart changing in turn to the students' fears as they stood in front of it in turn. Due to the knowledge that there was a shield around it most of the class stayed calm although a couple of the girls screamed when they saw their fears take shape.
As Harry made his way to Professor Lupin's office that evening he reflected on the irony of the fact that it was the teacher who was usually nicest to him who had given him his first detention. He would have expected that honour to have gone to his ex father or to Professor Potter. No doubt it wouldn't be long before one of them found some flimsy excuse to make him do hours of cleaning for Mr Filch the caretaker. Arriving at the office door, he knocked and entered. Professor Lupin was sitting at his desk with the suitcase containing the Boggart in front of him. Harry closed the door and started to approach the desk but before he had taken two steps Professor Lupin drew his wand and opened the suitcase.
As far as Harry could see there was nothing there. But he was suddenly assaulted with an enormous amount of that feeling which caused him unease whenever he was in Lupin's presence. He backed away but the feeling followed him. In seconds Harry was baked up against the door of the office feeling more terrified than he had ever felt before. After about thirty seconds the feeling subsided and Harry saw his teacher struggling to put something large, white and round into the suitcase. Although he knew he shouldn't, Harry quickly opened the door and ran, anxious to get as far away from the room as possible.
Professor Lupin was stunned. His intention had been to confront Harry with his fear and then to sit down and discuss it with him and to discover why he'd been unable to decide what his fear was in time for the lesson. He hadn't particularly wanted to sound so harsh to the boy in class earlier but he knew what Slytherins were like. If he had appeared to let Harry off with not being prepared then there would soon be a spate of homework not being done. He wished now that he had at least warned Harry that he was going to release the Boggart and perhaps asked him if he'd thought any more about what his fear was. He also wished that he'd had the presence of mind to lock the door to prevent Harry's escape but he had been put off by the peculiar form of the boy's Boggart.
When he had released the Boggart, Professor Lupin had been confused to see nothing at all. Then he had felt the most wonderful feeling. By the time he had realised exactly what that feeling was, Harry had opened the door and it was too late to stop him from leaving. The man sat with his head in his hands, wondering what to do. He knew all about Harry of course. Everyone did thanks to the Sorting Hat's grand announcement at the start of term. And more than anything, he wanted to be a part of Harry's life as he would have been if the boy had been raised by James, one of his closest friends whom he loved as a brother. But Harry had been stolen away and Remus Lupin was deprived of the chance to be almost an uncle to him. Now he wanted to take up the position but here were great obstacles to overcome.
One was the fact that James was completely rejecting the poor boy. The other was the Boggart. Because what Harry feared was a prerequisite for any sort of relationship. And Harry had been hurt so badly that he would not want to take the risk of anyone ever treating him like that again. But the only way Harry would find happiness would be to take that risk. In other words, to find happiness, Harry would have to be braver than one could possibly imagine.