Through the Stylists' Eyes

Disclaimer: The Hunger Games Trilogy and its world belong to Suzanne Collins. I own nothing. I write for fun. Unfortunately, no money is being made. :)

So sorry it took me this long to update… I'm a teacher and there were too many tests and papers to grade… Well, finally, it's here

Thanks Hannah for being my Beta, you're the best!

Happy reading. Read and review please. :)

CINNA

College was… bearable… nothing I couldn't have learned by myself; the only good thing it brought was Portia. I never felt like I needed anyone in my life… I got used to being alone… I even thought relationships of any kind would only get in the way. I had an objective; after all… an idea which already consumed my whole life… and it was a very simple thing: help the rebellion.

As years went by, however, we became inseparable. It was too late by the time I realized how close we had become… I never wanted that, but then… I couldn't see myself without her by my side… she was the only one who could see through my lies… but I was determined to spare her… I never wanted to involve her in something so serious… so life-threatening… 'cause I knew, right from the start, that there was a very good chance I wouldn't live to see if all the effort had been worth it… I knew I was betting my life on it, but I couldn't make myself ask her to do the same… so when she started pressing me… for the first time in my life, I didn't know what to do… I knew she'd be a great asset for the cause… that most likely she'd want to be part of it, but that was what I was afraid of…. involving Portia in the war… the mere thought terrified me… so I did everything I could to hide the truth from her and I also took precautions for her safety, even demanded that, in cause our plan worked out, when the time came, she would be one of the first to be taken to District Thirteen… Plutarch promised me he would do everything within his power to ensure her safety.

Things would have been easier if it had been another person, but Portia was too stubborn for her own good, she just couldn't let it go, and the more time that passed, the harder it was to look into her eyes… eyes that were getting hurt… eyes that eventually started showing the betrayal she felt for my omission… I hated it… Portia was the one thing that held me together… her presence was what made things real when I got too lost in my job, in the cause… it was only when I looked into her eyes that I found myself… that I felt the reassurance I needed… that I knew I was doing the right thing… but, I was always too proud to let her know this… she never understood when I told her she was my rock, my constancy… I needed her by my side… I needed her to remind me there were still good things in this world worth fighting for… without her, I wasn't sure I would be able to do what was right…

Therefore, that night, after another useless "lecture" about District Twelve, when she asked me to take a walk with her in the gardens of the stylists' building, I knew I couldn't lie to her anymore, so I let my heart make the decision of telling her the truth…well, part of it, at least, 'cause she'd hate me if she knew everything. Sometimes, I hated myself for what I was going to do… but the relief of telling her the truth ended as soon as it came… when I looked into her eyes… those eyes which would tell me anything… those eyes which always gave me strength… those eyes, for the first time, didn't give me answers… it was like she had locked herself in her own world and she took the only key with her…

The weeks that followed were the worst of my life… we were always together and suddenly I felt I was losing my best friend… it was then that I realized how important she was to me… I knew she had become an essential part of my life, but nothing could have prepared me for how lost I was without her… so I promised myself that I'd never let it happen again… so, when she chose District Twelve, I knew she had made her decision, but I also knew she could never know the whole truth… only parts of it… 'cause, even though I knew that, as long as Portia had time to process the information, she was strong enough to handle anything thrown at her… I couldn't watch her be like that again… losing a part of herself every time she learned the awful choices that were required for the success of the plan… I just couldn't do it…

When I also asked for District Twelve, I told her I was instructed to get it because we had to make the poorest district shine to give people hope and it was the truth, but what I didn't tell her was that the objective was to make our tributes, either one of them or both, sparkle enough that they could become symbols for the rebellion… the plan was to make them unforgettable enough that even if they died in the arena (which would almost be a given when one analyses District Twelve's history), they would prove that even the weakest can shine, even in death you can make a difference… martyrs… I know it's awful… help those kids so they can die and become a symbol of something they don't even understand… that's why I didn't tell Portia… what good would it bring?

On the day after the Choosing Ceremony, we started working. As usual, we worked perfectly together… Portia was great at developing new technologies… when I told her to come up with synthetic fire, I knew she'd get it, but when she showed up with something which looked and felt a little too real, I must confess I was afraid it was going to fail and burn our tributes… so we had our first argument… it was not that I didn't trust her… I trusted her with my life… I was merely worried… I didn't want to watch those kids have an even more unnecessary and premature death… but I trusted her judgment and, as usual, being the good person she was, she forgave me for not trusting her without a second thought… that was Portia… she couldn't hold grudges…

And that was how we spent our days. We worked a lot, but we successfully got all of our designs approved.

I could see Portia was very glad for everything we had done. Anyone could see she was in a very good mood when we started watching the Reapings, but I knew it wouldn't last… how could she-how could anyone--be happy watching kids being picked or, worse, volunteering for their death? I could only sit by her side and watch her heart breaking for each tribute… I watched as one by one the names were called… one by one they mounted the stage… I watched as some volunteered like the ones from districts One and Two… I watched as some not so willing volunteered like the girl from District Four, whose hand trembled as she raised it to volunteer, and the boy who couldn't stop looking at the younger boy whose name had been picked… I watched as some were dragged to the stage by the Peacekeepers… others screamed… but mostly they were strangely resigned, their eyes surely gave away their panic but they calmly mounted the stage… for me those were the worst, the resignation those kids feel just broke my heart… and then District Twelve's Reaping finally came, I was already stressed…. Would another twelve-year-old be picked? Or even better, would they try to run away like the boy from District Seven? The only thing I was certain of was that whoever was reaped would be sent to their death 'cause with District Twelve's history, one could bet they would most likely die in the bloodbath… I was prepared for that… my job was to make them sparkle enough so that they would become our phoenix and be reborn as the face or faces of the rebellion…

It was Portia's sigh which made me focus again, in time to watch an older girl volunteering for a younger one… you could feel her desperation even from afar… I was mesmerized by the girl… her determination to save her sister… her proud face… but if you really paid attention you could see she was terrified yet if you weren't really focusing on her eyes, she successfully managed to pass it by boredom… I knew then that we had gotten our symbol… the face of the rebellion… she was more than we could have hoped for… and maybe she could win and it would be perfect… too perfect… how could she win? Even though she didn't look totally unprepared nor starved like the previous tributes, she still looked too fragile when one considered the tributes from the Career districts… still, it's possible… pretty difficult, improbable even, but possible... the more I looked at her, the more I knew I'd do everything I could to at least give her a chance…

When I decided to share my thoughts to Portia, I saw the same determination I felt in her eyes and for a silly moment I believed we were on the same page… I couldn't have been more wrong… I had been so lost in my thoughts that I missed the boy's reaping, but the moment I saw him shaking hands with the girl I knew... I knew Portia would do anything for that boy… they were too alike… their eyes were like a lake with no shadows, glass clear… you could see inside their very souls and all you were able to see was the goodness within … you could clearly see he was a good person, it was in his eyes, his posture, even in the way he moved… but what really surprised me was that you also could see a person in love… and the worst thing was that I felt like I was looking into Portia's eyes, the only difference was that while his were blue, hers were hazel… so how could I not help him too? I was completely lost…

"So, what do you think?" Portia asked me in a way too casual voice.

"Think of… what exactly? The Reaping? Our tributes?" I asked her carefully.

"Our tributes… wanna bet which one is going to last longer? Or better yet, wanna pick which one we are going to be betting on?" she said sarcastically.

With those words I realized what she was doing… she was testing me… testing how far I'd go for the rebellion… testing how much I was willing to lose… simply testing… I should've been offended but I couldn't, 'cause she intuitively knew I wasn't up to any good, she knew I had picked the girl and thought I'd forget the boy… and I should… we would have more of a chance if we focused our efforts on one… but what she didn't know was that I knew I couldn't just leave the boy aside, he would always remind me of Portia… still, I'd focus on the girl… unknowingly, she had already become the spark when she volunteered for her sister out of love instead of glory… her own district blessed her decision by not clapping… by volunteering, she became the symbol we longed for… I know it's not right to decide a person's life for them… it's one of the things I always hated about the Capitol… but without a face how could people relate? How could people have any hope?

And it was with this renewed certainty that I finally replied:

"Bet? What are you talking about?"

"I know you're betting on the girl, and that's okay… you're her stylist after all… just make sure you understand how much your bet can affect both of their lives…"

"Of course…"

"'Cause I know this bet of yours is for a good cause… but know that I'll be watching you… and once they come to the Capitol I want you to treat Peeta the same way you'll treat the girl," she said with an intensity that I never heard before. "I need to get changed, I'm meeting Peeta's prep team in ten minutes, tell me later how their farewells went, will you?" With that she left.

After they broadcast the Reapings, it's time for their farewells on the train station. Peeta was the first to come; he had obviously been crying and interestingly enough did not seem to care about trying to cover it up; I'd guess it was his way to show us that nothing would change who he was, he'd die as he lived, being an honest, good person… but I could be wrong… then she appeared, looking almost bored… and this was the confirmation I needed… she was the one. Even though Portia's words made me realize I must give Peeta the same opportunities as the girl, it was Katniss who was the one who would start the awaited rebellion…

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