It was a long Christmas day for Brittany, too much had happened the day before and her mind was still racing. She had made her choice, Sam was it, he was safe and most of all, he caused her no pain. But now Santana was back in town, and all those feelings that had been locked up were now pounding at her heart, trying to break in.
Brittany had made her mind up to give Santana a few days before she reached out to her, not only to let Santana process it all but to give herself time to think of what she was going to say. It surprised Brittany when she received a text message the night after Christmas:
Hi. Can you come meet me? Choir room, 30mins. San.
Oh god, Brittany thought. She wasn't ready, what was she going to say? And the choir room? It was just past 8pm and it was summer break?
She dressed hesitantly, still trying to think of what to say but coming up blank. She decided to walk as McKinley was only a couple of streets away from her house, plus she could use the walk to clear her head.
When she reached the door to the school she didn't know what to do, it was so dark. She lightly pushed on the door and was surprised when it opened. She walked down the halls, passed the darkened classrooms and rounded the corner to where the choir room was located. Brittany could see a light was on inside, this was it she thought. She took a deep breath and stepped inside the door.
Sitting at the back of the room amongst the empty chairs was the Hispanic beauty. Santana's hair was hanging lightly on her shoulders which was how Brittany liked it, she wore a tight black dress and boots, she looked beautiful.
Santana made her way down the chairs to stand in front of Brittany.
"Thanks for coming" She said letting a half smile creep into the corners of her mouth.
"Of course, I wanted to talk to you anyways". Brittany looked around the empty choir room, "How did you get in here?" she furrowed her eyebrows.
Santana chuckled. "I had a key cut for this place in sophomore year".
Brittany laughed, something she hadn't done in two days and it felt nice, it felt especially nice to be able to laugh with Santana again. She walked over to the piano, and with a little jump she sat herself on it. Brittany began to kick her legs nervously and recognising this Santana began to speak.
"So your dating Sam" Santana said this as a statement not a question. She walked over and pulled a chair over closer to Brittany. She sat down and stared up at the blue eyed girl on the piano. "How did that happen?
Brittany twisted her mouth. "I don't know really. After you….." Brittany hesitated, "left….Sam became a good friend for me, someone I could talk to….at first it was mostly about you".
Santana squirmed in her chair but quickly settled herself, no matter how painful it was, she needed to hear it.
"And then one day Sam told me how he felt and I don't know, I guess it was nice to have that….someone that cared about me….someone who wanted to be with me".
Santana bit her lip, was she supposed to take that as an attack? That Santana didn't care about her? She let Brittany continue.
"Sam is a good guy, he cares about me, and I care about him". Brittany said trying to justify herself but not knowing why she had to.
After a moment of silence Santana spoke. "Trouty mouth is a good guy, I know that….I mean I dated him to remember" Santana raised her eyebrows. "But then again" Santana said slightly smirking, "A lot of girls in the glee club think he's a good guy….Me, Quinn, Mercedes" Santana trailed of in a laugh.
Brittany rolled her eyes. "Don't make fun of him Santana!"
"I'm not" Santana said shaking her head, "But the fact is Britt, he goes through the girls in glee club faster than Finn 'tubs' Hudson goes through jars of peanut butter". She laughed at herself.
Brittany frowned, "Its different okay, we really care about each other".
"Yeah, just like he 'cared' about all the others". Santana now said with a sting in her words.
"What do you care Santana! Really? What's it to you anyway?" Brittany threw her arms up. "You said date other people. YOU said that Santana" Brittany raised her voice now frustrated.
Santana stiffened up; she had never heard Brittany yell like this before. Getting defensive she furrowed her eyebrows. "I know I did okay. But saying you could date other people and the reality of it….it's different okay….I just didn't expect you'd move on so quick…." Santana stood up and paced to the back of the room "I guess you just didn't feel the same about me as I did about you" Santana mumbled.
"What?" Brittany protested hearing Santana's remark under her breath. She jumped to her feet in disgust. "What did you just say to me?"
Santana turned around to see the anger she had caused.
"How could you say that to me Santana! How dare you? You leftme! You broke up with ME!"
Santana stood, glued to the floor not able to get a word in. she let Brittany go on.
"When you said we should see other people, you broke my heart Santana! You gave up on us, you gave up on me!"
A tear tried to escape Brittany's eye before she angrily wiped it away with the back of her hand.
"I loved you Santana, more than I have loved anyone in this world….more than I probably ever will. When you left, you broke my heart into a million pieces and all I've been trying to do since is put it back together and if Sam helps me do that than, damn it San, that's what it takes!".
Brittany took a breath. She felt like the weight of the last couple months had been released from her chest.
"Brittany" Santana began. "I did what I thought was best for you. I was never here, what sort of relationship was that? I couldn't hurt you like that Britt….I had to let you go, but that does mean I ever stopped caring about you….it doesn't mean I stopped loving you". Santana searched Brittany's blue eyes for a response, but one didn't come.
"How about instead of deciding what is best for me, you just ask me?" Brittany turned her back to Santana and paced.
"I'm sorry okay, I didn't know what to do….I just thought…you know" Santana sighed looking for the right words. "Britt, it's like they say, if you love someone, let them go".
Brittany didn't move, she stood facing her back to Santana when she said "NO". Brittany spun around, tears running down her pale cheeks. She looked Santana straight in the eyes. "No Santana, if you love someone, don't let them go".
Santana was speechless, seeing the tears pouring out of Brittany's eyes broke her heart. "Britt, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry". She stepped towards Brittany, trying to take her in her arms.
Brittany stepped back, putting a hand up to Santana, motioning for her to stop. The two girls stood staring at each other in silence.
"Santana" Brittany choked out in a tired voice. "What do you want from me?"
Santana ached to hold Brittany. Her eyes welled up, "Britt….all I want is you". She hesitated, she didn't want to say too much but she had to put it all on the table. "I made a mistake. I didn't fight for us when I should have. I want you back, I want us to be like we were baby. I miss you so much and I love you, I always have and I always will Britt". Santana stepped forward and was surprised when Brittany didn't retreat. She put one arm around her slender waist and with the other hand she brushed Brittany's hair behind her ear.
Brittany melted into the soft touch of Santana's skin against her face. It was so familiar and warm.
Santana looked deep into Brittany's eyes. "I love you so much Brittany, I'm so sorry I hurt you". Santana smiled into her eyes, "This room is where we fell in love baby". She said brushing Brittany's cheek.
A tear rolled down Brittany's face. She went numb. Brittany looked deeply into Santana's dark beautiful eyes and just wished for a moment that nothing had gone wrong and they were still happy and in love. Her heart broke as the words left her lips, "and this is the room where we end Santana".
Brittany stepped back until she was standing in the choir room doorway facing the woman she loved.
Santana couldn't stop the tears escaping her eyes. She shook her head in confusion, it couldn't be over, not really….there had to be a way…..something she could say. She opened her mouth but no words came out, she was too numb, too broken, what could she say to make Brittany stay?
Brittany took one last look and walked away.