I...I'M ALIVE.

Oh man, I've really done it this time. I'm am SO SORRY I kept you guys waiting so long. And before you storm my doors with torches and pitchforks, I wanna let you know that I will NOT let this fic's updates be prolonged for such a long time anymore. It won't happen again. Seriously. I wrote part of it before, but then suddenly I had a downfall of inspiration and the next thing I knew it, months had passed. Then recently I decided to recount the votes and reread the reviews (I loved reading them...you guys are so funny) and discovered I missed a few things (because counting is SO hard, right? Psh...) so I rewrote some stuff...BTW anyone caught up in Shippuuden? Craaazy stuff...

Anyway, onto the much awaited for chapter of Shippuuden Choice Awards!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

"And we're back!" Jiraiya announced heartily. "Gee, Kakashi! Didn't that intermission seem like it dragged on for such a long time?"

"Why, yes. As a matter of fact, it did," Kakashi nodded while keeping his eye on his smut.

"Oh, so long!" Jiraiya continued, "So long that it felt like…Oh, I don't know…Almost four months—ARGH!" He was silenced mid-sentence by a MYSTERIOUS Webster's Dictionary that came from a MYSTERIOUS direction which conked him on the head. MYSTERIOUSLY.

"A-Anyway…" Jiraiya murmured while rubbing the goose egg throbbing on his skull, "Presenting the next award for Prettiest Kunoichi is Yamanaka Ino, who previously won the award several years ago!"

"Thank you, thank you!" Ino squealed, waving as she walked onstage like she was Miss America. "And what a year that was. I must say, it's quite hard to achieve a balance of style, grace, beauty, intelligence…"

"Here she goes…" Shikamaru groaned.

"Get on with it, you pig!" Sakura hissed.

"What a sore loser," Ino stuck her tongue out. "So, the first nominee for Prettiest Kunoichi is…ME! Thank you! Thank you!"

The audience joined Shikamaru in groaning this time.

"Second nominee is…Forehead Girl."

Sakura twitched. "Ino…" she growled.

"Third is uh…Konan. Who's Konan?" Ino squinted into the crowd in search for this "Konan" who had been nominated in the same wonderful award she had.

"Konan?" the male members of the Akatsuki all stared at Konan.

"What?" was all she had to say.

"I think it's completely plausible," Pein said under his breath.

Suigetsu wrinkled his nose. "That chick looks like a zombie to me."

"For once, I agree with you," Karin said huffily. But everyone knew she was just miffed because she hadn't been nominated. Those voters must be BLIND.

"And last but certainly not least…Hyuuga Hinata!"

"A-Again?" Hinata gasped.

"Geez, Hinata, I keep telling you how hot you are," Kiba sighed. "Oh wait—I mean—that is to say…" he stuttered. "Help me out, Shino!"

"Kiba thinks you're pretty," Shino said monotonously.

"Um, thank you?" Hinata blushed.

Kiba's face was as red as his Inuzuka markings. "Thanks a lot, buddy," he frowned at Shino.

"Anytime." Kiba couldn't tell if Shino was smiling or not behind his collar.

"OUTRAGE!" Lee blurted out, standing on his chair and stomping one foot loudly on the table.

"What's your problem?" Ino frowned. "You know, guys aren't allowed to be nominated."

"That is not it! Tenten deserves to be in the final four! She got all dressed up pretty today for these awards, and I KNOW she deserves this more than anyone!"

"Lee…sit down…now!" Tenten ordered quietly. "You're embarrassing!"

"He's also getting the table cloth dirty," Neji remarked.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Tenten accused.

"He's acting on your expense, not mine."

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Lee!" Gai stood up. "I'm so moved by your passion to stand up for your teammate and friend!"

"Now he's up…"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Must you two waste dialogue with your nonsense every time an award is announced?" Neji sighed.

"HELLO!" Ino screamed into the microphone. "Still up here! Still trying to award this thing to me—I mean, the winner! YOU TWO!" She stabbed a finger towards the embracing duo. "You will SIT DOWN and WATCH and LIKE IT."

"They just don't understand," Gai whispered to Lee as he and his favorite pupil sat down.

"Now then," Ino fixed her hair and said, "The winner of this magnificent award is…Hyuuga Hinata!" Inner Ino punched through a wall in rage. "…Congratulations, Hinata! Now…Come up here and claim your award!" she said, attempting to hide her disappointment.

Hinata squeaked as she stood up to accept the award. "W-Wow…"

"Go, Hinata!" Kiba cheered.

"Uh-oh," Naruto leaned towards Sai. "Sakura-chan's gonna be mad…"

"If it's any consolation, I thought all the nominees were severely incorrect," Sai said to Sakura.

Sakura restrained herself from punching Sai clear across the room. After a deep breath, Sakura said, "I'm totally fine with Hinata winning. It's worth it to see the look on Ino's face."

"What's up with that?" Chouji whispered to Shikamaru. "I thought Sakura and Ino were gonna create an alliance against that girl with Sasuke."

"Women are prone to change their minds every five minutes," Shikamaru said wisely. "Just you wait. They'll get back to plotting the downfall of the red-head soon enough."

"How does it feel, Hinata?" Kiba asked as his teammate made it back to her seat without fainting. "You beat out all the other girls here!"

Hinata merely smiled. It was nice having Kiba praise her, but it would be even nicer if…

"Psst Hinata!"

"Na-Naruto-kun!" That was funny. Why didn't she notice his table was so close to hers before?

Naruto grinned and gave her the thumbs-up, which she weakly returned. After he turned his back to her, she flushed even redder, if it was possible. A content smile crossed her face and she happily sighed.

"That's all it takes? A thumbs-up?" Kiba muttered to Shino.

Shino shrugged. "Maybe next time you should give her a high-five instead."

"Ha, ha, ha. Don't try to be funny, Shino."

"Fine," Shino said, offended. He knew deep down that Kiba just didn't understand his comedic genius.

"Now presenting my personal favorite," Ino said, spreading her arms wide, "The Hottest Shinobi Award!"

The fangirly screams could be heard all around the world.

"Settle down, settle down!" Ino ordered. "The Herculean man who will be announcing this year's nominees will be…Uchiha Sasuke-kun!"

Sasuke came out onstage and dodged Ino before she could tackle him. Clearing his throat, he greeted the audience with a wave. "Hi."

"REAL COOL, SASUKE!" Naruto jeered.

BONK!

"Shut up, Naruto!"

Clearly pleased, Sasuke peered down at the list of nominees. "This year's nominees for Hottest Shinobi Award are…" He frowned then looked at Kakashi who was offstage on the right. "Are you serious?" He hissed. "These are the nominees?"

Kakashi shrugged.

"I'm not gonna read these," Sasuke said with disgust. "I'm not even on here, so what's the point?"

A gasp rippled through the females in the audience. Uchiha Sasuke NOT in the list of final nominees? SHOCK.

"What a drama queen," Jiraiya mumbled as he took Sasuke's place onstage. "I'll present this award, then. I'm not bothered that I didn't get nominated for Hottest Shinobi. Much."

Silence.

"Anyway. The nominees for Hottest Shinobi are…Inuzuka Kiba…"

Kiba's ears twitched. "Hell yeah! Didja hear that? I got nominated!" Kiba grinned toothily.

"Kiba?" Sakura said with confusion.

"It's his rugged charm," Ino explained.

"…Uchiha Itachi…"

Sasuke twitched and started reaching for Itachi who was sitting about ten feet away. However, Juugo quickly grabbed his collar and said, "We're not allowed to fight here, remember?"

"So that's Sasuke's brother…" Karin peered at the Akatsuki table and her heart jumped out of her chest.

"Way to stay faithful, Karin," Suigetsu snickered, earning himself a black eye.

"Ever get the feeling you're being watched?" Itachi said absent-mindedly.

Kisame looked over at Sasuke's table and saw Suigetsu grin toothily as he waved. "…Sometimes…"

"…Hyuuga Neji…"

"Looks like we'll be competing for this, my rival!" Lee said, clenching his fist.

"You haven't been nominated," Neji said flatly.

"I will! Who can resist my devilishly good looks and charm?"

Tenten did a spit-take.

"And…Sabaku no Gaara!"

"YAAAAAY GAARA-SAMAAAA!" screeched the Gaara fangirls.

Lee's smile drastically fell, but he recovered quickly. "Ah…It seems that I am going to be cheering on my teammate…again…"

"Lee…" Tenten said hesitantly.

"No! It is all right!" You'd have to be blind to not notice the waterfalls cascading off his cheeks.

"Lee, you're creating a puddle on the carpet," Neji said.

"Real sensitive, Neji," Tenten frowned.

"What?"

"How come I never get nominated?" Kankuro whined.

"Oh, don't be such a baby," Temari said.

"Aaaaand the winner iiiiis…" Jiraiya did a drum-roll on the podium. "…Hyuuga Neji!"

Neji stood up from his seat regally and strutted onstage. Many females gaped in awe at the being of hotness that is Hyuuga Neji.

"Goddammit, Hyuuga," Kiba and Sasuke mumbled at the same time.

"There are so many good-looking guys in Konoha," Karin swooned. "Er, but none of them are as good-looking as Sasuke."

"Why are you telling me this?" Suigetsu questioned.

"Wow, Neji," Tenten remarked when her teammate sat down. "Two awards.'

"They were no surprise," Neji said smugly.

"Aw, too bad, Gaara," Kankuro said, though secretly he was relieved.

Gaara shrugged.

"Next up is a new addition," Kakashi said, gaining everyone's attention. "The Sexiest Voice Award."

"…He's kidding, right?" someone whispered.

"NO I AM NOT." Kakashi sounded enraged. You'd think that he submitted that award or something.

"Hey, hey," Naruto said to Sakura, "I think I might have a chance to win this one."

"Yeah, sure," Sakura answered.

"What? My voice is totally sexy."

"…Never say that again, Naruto," Sakura cringed.

"So, the nominees are…Hyuuga Neji…"

"You're on a roll, Neji!" Gai exclaimed, striking the Nice Guy Pose.

"Uchiha Sasuke…"

Sasuke let out a small smirk. Perhaps he could redeem himself with this award.

"…Uchiha Itachi…"

Sasuke frowned. He turned around to glare at Itachi, only to find he wasn't there. Just as he was about to wonder where the hell his mortal enemy could be, he heard a flushing sound coming from the "little shinobi's room". He then aimed his glare at the bathroom just as Itachi walked out.

"…What?" Itachi questioned, noticing Sasuke's glare.

"Apparently you have a sexy voice, Itachi-san," Kisame said informatively.

"…All right…"

"And…Inuzuka Kiba!"

"Yahoo!" Kiba cheered.

Shino stared at Kiba, though the Inuzuka didn't notice. Surely he had a sexier voice than Kiba, right? RIGHT?

"The winner is…Hyuuga Neji!"

"Another win for Neji," Lee sighed.

"What's with Neji winning all the shallow awards?" Tenten frowned.

"Goddammit, Hyuuga," Sasuke and Kiba growled again.

"Third strike, Uchiha," Neji smirked as he passed Sasuke. Sasuke shook his fist when he thought Neji wasn't looking. But Neji is always looking.

"I saw that," Neji said matter-of-factly. See?

"No offense, Hinata, but your cousin's really got me down," Kiba grimaced.

"Sorry."

By this time, a lot of fangirls had resigned from their positions as other peoples' fangirls and accepted themselves into the Neji cult. Yeeeeesss.

"WE LOVE YOU, NEJI!"

"I am starting to wonder if my goal of beating Neji is horribly…out of reach!" Lee said dramatically.

"No, don't say that, Lee!" Gai exclaimed. "Do not speak such words! Wherever has your burning flame of youth gone?!"

"I'm afraid destiny has snuffed it out," Lee trembled.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Gai wailed as he dropped to his knees.

Tenten stared at Lee in horror. Did he say…DESTINY? She grabbed him by the shoulders and started shaking him like there was no tomorrow, "Don't say that, Lee! You'll sound just like…" She quieted herself when she noticed Neji walking back.

"What are you guys talking about?" Neji questioned suspiciously.

"…Nothing, really," Tenten said ineffectively. She leaned towards him and whispered, "Lee's upset. Comfort him."

Neji winced. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Encourage him. He'll listen if you talk."

Neji rolled his eyes. "Lee, these awards aren't over. No one can predict the final outcome. You may even win more awards than…" Neji visibly twitched, "…me?"

"You really think so, Neji?" Lee sniffed.

Neji sighed and closed his eyes. "Yeah."

"RAPTURE!" Lee screamed. "My youthful flame has been revived, Gai-sensei!"

"MAGNIFICENT!"

"You did a good thing today, Neji," Tenten said, patting him on the back.

"Tenten."

"Oops. The hair. Sorry." She withdrew her hand carefully.

"Hm…" Sai hummed thoughtfully.

"What is it, Sai?" Yamato asked.

"Well…I was under the impression that Sasuke-kun would win many of these awards but…" Sai explained, "But he hasn't. Oh well."

"What'd you say?!" Sasuke frowned, glaring at Sai.

Sai merely shrugged.

"I don't see you winning anything," Sasuke retorted. It was obvious his "replacement" had based himself all on the original, anyway. He should be WORSHIPPING the ground Sasuke walked on.

"Announcing the nominees for the next award is Konoha's Maito Gai!" Jiraiya introduced.

Gai appeared onstage in a burst of multicolored smoke in his very familiar opening pose. "Good evening, everybodaaay! How're ya'll doin' tonight? This next award is for the ninja with the craziest face! Now, And trust me, I've seen a variety of crazy faces in my time." He laughed heartily. "Aaaand the nominees aaaare…Haruno Sakura!"

Ino attempted to suppress her laughter, but sadly failed.

Sakura bit her lip and clutched the sides of the table, ripping the tablecloth with her fingernails and putting a dent in the wood. The males of Team 7 inched away.

"…Zetsu!"

"What's wrong with my face?! I see nothing wrong," Zetsu murmured.

"…Yamato!"

"…What?" Yamato mumbled eerily. "Is my face all that crazy? Is it?" He stared at Team 7, making Naruto and Sakura flinch.

"N-Not at all, taicho," Sakura said nervously.

"And…Hidan!"

Hidan let out a string of swear words that were strategically beeped out for those watching on television.

"Hey, hey, this is a family show!" Gai scolded. "Well, mostly. ANYWAY. Let's move on to the winner, shall we? The lucky receiver of this fabulous award is…Mr. Zetsu!"

Zetsu frowned as he stalked up to the stage. He grabbed the award from Gai, and said into the microphone, "Just because my face is two colors does not mean it's any crazier than your ugly mugs! But thanks for the 'honor'. Tch…Some honor this is. Let me remind you that even Itachi hasn't won anything. Hm…"

"Hey…" Gai whispered to Kakashi who was hiding behind the curtain, "When're we gonna get this loon off the stage?"

"It sounds so funny when you're the one saying it," Kakashi chuckled.

"That's enough, Zetsu," Pein called once he grew tired of Zetsu's rambling. "Off the stage with you."

"Hey, Itachi," Sasuke hissed.

"What's this?" Itachi said, surprised, "You want to tell me something, little brother?" Perhaps he's finally realized I was telling the truth before…Perhaps he's finally realized that I really do care about his well-being…

"Yeah. It's odd how you weren't chosen for this award considering…" Sasuke snickered.

Itachi frowned. "Foolish little brother."

Poor Itachi. Honestly, I'm sure that if I let Craziest Face Award come out in the NEXT chapter, I'm pretty certain Itachi would've won. XD And you guys must be trying to get on my good side or something, giving Neji all these awards. lol Not that I'm complaining. And sorry if KibaHina repulses you, but I like adding hints here or there. Anyway, here's the line-up for the next awards! BTW, keep suggesting awards that you wanna see! If I didn't get to your award, it must be because...I'm a forgetful bum who needs reminders (sweatdrop). Next up are the...ROMANTIC AWARDS. BWAHAHAHAHA.

Best Pairing (GirlxBoy)

Most Likely to Become a Couple (Don't think of it as your FAVORITE pairing. Think of it as one that Kishimoto-sama would consider putting in himself.)

Best Crack Pairing (For kicks)

Ladies' Man Award

And...for Sweet Misfortune 119...Best Yaoi Couple!

Hopefully I still have some voters out there who didn't mind the wait (much)! Thanks for reading, and vote with care!

-HM